Monday, February 28, 2011
One of the great things about technology is that it gives us just that many more ways of expressing our love to our wives. Now, I realize that most men don’t use it that way, but that doesn’t mean that the wise amongst us (in other words those who want to be romantic) can’t use it that way. Unfortunately, many women see their husband’s interest in the computer and the Internet as competition; almost as if it were a mistress. Well, we’re just ahead of the rest of them.
We’ve already sent e-cards to our wives through the web, we’ve bought gifts for them on the web, and we’ve e-mailed them our love. So, what’s left? How about announcing our love of our wives to the whole world? Or, at least let’s announce it to as much of the world as we can reach.
Do you facebook? Recently, I heard that the “population” of facebook had hit 500,000,000 people. That’s more people than the United States, Canada and Mexico put together, with a little room left over for several Central American countries.
You know, I’ve seen all kinds of things posted on facebook; much of it has been funny, some has been disgusting, a few things have been really interesting, and then there are the things that have just been weird. But, you know, I’ve never seen anyone post a “status” saying that they loved their wife. I wonder why. Are we embarrassed to tell our friends that we love our wives, or are we just not thinking about it?
Your mission today is to cause an earthquake on facebook. How are you going to do it? Simple, by posting your love for your wife on your wall. Let everyone know that you love your wife, and then challenge them to do the same. Let’s see how many people we can get to post their love; who knows, maybe we can start a new facebook fad.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
There are many ways of saying “I Love You” some verbal and others not. Through this blog, I’ve shared many different ways of sharing your love for your wife; some which are just for the moment and others that create a lasting reminder; even some that have required creating new habits or ways of expression.
Well, today we’re going to do one of those lasting reminders. Actually, the idea is to leave a reminder of your love in all the common places that your wife goes, so that she’ll see it all the time.
All you need to do this one is a computer, a printer and a little time. Do you see that heart up there? Well, the idea is to plaster that heart where your wife will see it regularly. So, right click on the heart, and save it to your computer. Then go into whatever program you have that allows you to print graphics. If you have a publishing program, like Microsoft Publisher, that would be best; you can even use a word processing program, like Microsoft Word if you don’t have anything better to use.
Paste the heart onto a page as many times as it will fit. If you want to, you can make the heart a little smaller to get it to fit; but don’t make it too small; you want her to be able to read the words. Print as many pages as you think you can use, and cut out the hearts.
Now that you’re armed with a collection of hearts, grab some tape and go around the house, sticking them in places where your wife will see. You want them in places where they’ll look natural, not the middle of some wall. You also want them in places where they can stay, without being in the way of other things. In other words, if you’re going to put it on her vanity mirror, do it in the corner, not in the middle. Here’s some ideas of where to put them:
- On her vanity mirror
- On the bathroom mirror
- On the window above the kitchen sink
- On the refrigerator door
- On the door to her clothes closet
- On her jewelry box
- On the frame of her computer monitor (if she has her own computer)
- On the frame of the television set (if you have a television in your bedroom)
- On the coat closet door
- If you can, or if you can find a conspirator to help you, on her desk at work
- On the washing machine control panel
- On the dashboard of her car
- While you’re at it, if she’s got a book or magazine she’s reading, you may as well put one on the cover
The more good places you can find to put your little heart messages, the better. You want her to be able to see that constant reminder of your love. Granted, after a while, they’ll become part of the scenery and not seem so obvious to her. When that happens, do the same thing with a picture of a rose, sticking it so that it partially overlaps the heart, but not the words. That’ll make your romantic act a double whammy.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Memories can be extremely romantic, especially memories about your time dating together, your wedding or special times you’ve had together. Now, I realize that as guys, we’re not all that big on sitting around thinking about yesteryear; we’re all about what’s going on today and planning for tomorrow. But, that doesn’t mean that memories about yesterday aren’t worthwhile; especially if they can bring romantic feelings to life in the two of you.
Everybody has somewhere in the house that they keep special stuff from their past. Photo albums, old high-school yearbooks, the stuffed animal you won at the fair, the kids stroller, some piece of something you bought at a tourist trap while on vacation. All of these things have memories connected to them, that’s why we save them.
It seems like the attic is the “classic” place to store those things; but maybe you’ve got another place to store them. Wherever it is, I’m sure you’ve got one. So, let’s take a little trip down memory lane and remember when…
You’ve got two hands, so you need to use both of them. In one hand, grab something for the two of you to drink. Even better, grab the drink and some sort of snack; cheese cubes on toothpicks comes to mind, and you don’t have to be a master chef to make it. In the other hand grab your wife’s hand. Don’t tell her where you’re going, just lead her to that place where you store all those old dusty memories.
Once you get there, tell her you’re going on a trip down memory lane. Wipe the dust off a few things, dig them out of boxes, and talk about the memories that those things invoke in you. Have fun, be silly. Put on that old cowboy hat and pretend you’re a cowboy. Grab the ukulele with the broken string and sing a song.
Take some time together, enjoy your drink, and eat your snack while you remember yesteryear. Maybe you can replay something from your courtship and end it as you did back then… with a kiss.
Friday, February 25, 2011
At the end of yesterday’s post I suggested using one of the ways of saying “I love you” in another language as your secret code for telling your wife that you love her in public. Today, I want to share what one of my readers responded to that.
This reader, who is a woman, told me that her she and her husband have a secret gesture that they use for saying “I love you.” The advantage of this over my secret words is that as long as you can see each other, you can do it; you don’t have to be able to talk to each other. In fact, she gave me two examples of her husband using their secret sign to tell her that he loves her, in places that you wouldn’t expect.
It seems that this man is a lawyer. Once when they were in court, and he was cross-examining a witness, he made their secret sign to his wife. Hmmm, it looks to me like he was thinking of his wife more than he was the witness. I guess that blows away the guys who try and say that they can’t stop what they’re doing to express their love to their wife.
Other times, he has made the secret sign to his wife while singing in the church choir. Don’t worry, the Bible tells us that God is love; so I’m sure he wasn’t offended by this.
So, all you’ve got to do is come up with your own secret sign. Make it something that you can do, without people thinking you’ve lost all your marbles (maybe just lost a few); something that’s unusual enough that your wife will realize you’ve done it intentionally, but simple enough that it doesn’t attract attention from others. C’mon, put that imagination to work, you can come up with something.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Laughter can be a great part of romance. Not laughter from some stupid joke, although there’s nothing wrong with a joke, it’s just not romantic. No, the type of laughter I’m talking about is the laughter that comes from spontaneous acts, or being silly, or something funny happening in your life. The point is that it has to be something you’ve shared together.
Let’s put a little silliness into our daily act of saying those three important words, “I love you.” “How’s that?” you might ask. Simple, we’ll just do it in a way that makes her question what we’re saying, by saying it in another language.
Now, this is going to take a little rehearsing to get right. Here’s a list of how to say “I love you” in several different languages. Print it out and take a little time practicing how to say it. Now, I realize you’re not a linguist, and probably have no idea how to pronounce those languages, and I really don’t have a way of helping you with that. On the other hand, your wife probably doesn’t have any idea how to pronounce those languages either, so she shouldn’t pick up on your errors. Then again, if she does realize you’re butchering the language, that’ll add to the silliness.
Here’s the list:
· Je t'aime (French)
· Te amo (Spanish)
· Σ 'αγαπώ (it’s Greek to me… oh, forget that one, I can’t read Greek)
· Ma armastan sind (Estonian)
· Szeretlek (Hungarian)
· Es tevi mīlu (Latvian)
· Jeg elsker deg (Norwegian)
· Mahal kita (Tagalog)
Okay, that should be enough. Although it would be more effective if you memorized the list, it might be a little rough. So, to make things a little bit easier, just print the list out and take it with you.
Here’s what you do. Walk up to your wife, and tell her you love her in one of those languages. When she responds with something really brilliant, like “huh?” tell her the same thing in another language. Keep going like this until you run out of languages, or break down laughing, whichever comes first.
Hey, maybe you can pick one of those to be your secret code phrase to be able to say “I love you” in public, without anyone knowing what you’re talking about. That’ll make it a special way to say “I love you.”
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Have you ever been walking through the mall or on vacation somewhere or maybe even just walking through town and seen an elderly couple walking down the way, holding hands? We all look at that, think to ourselves, “Isn’t that precious?” and go on our way. You know, it’s really not all that common a thing to see, which is probably why we all notice it.
How is it that these couples are still holding hands after 30, 40 or even 50 years of marriage? More importantly, why aren’t the rest of us doing it too? What have they got going for them that the rest of us don’t?
Really, more than anything, holding hands while you are walking is just forming the habit of doing it. Like so many other expressions of love and tenderness, we gradually take them for granted. Maybe it was the necessity of keeping track of the kids, or pushing the stroller, or just plain the business of life that started us downhill; but somewhere along the line, holding hands just became too difficult.
Too difficult? Now c’mon, holding hands isn’t all that difficult. What is difficult is making the effort to do so, while everything else is trying to keep us apart. You see, holding hands, like many other things in life, is just a habit that we need to form.
Learn to walk hand in hand again; if nothing else, it will help you feel closer together; and isn’t that what we’re trying to do?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but kissing, not sex is one of the most intimate acts a couple can undertake. I know, I know, like I told you, it sounds a little crazy. Let me back up that statement with something. Prostitutes, who are accustomed to allowing men to do whatever they want with their bodies, typically won’t kiss those same men. Why? Because kissing is too intimate for them to handle. They can more or less ignore a man who’s using their body, but not one who’s kissing them.
Did you know that the lips are the most sensitive part of the human body? That’s why babies put everything in their mouths. So, kissing stimulates the nerves, and the emotions, even more than sex does. Kissing builds intimacy, while sex utilizes that intimacy.
Another great thing about kissing is that it can be done in public. Nobody’s going to think badly of you if you kiss your wife in public; in fact, they’ll probably think very highly of you for doing so. On the other hand… well, we’ll just avoid going there. Let’s just say that most people don’t want to watch you making out with your wife in their living room.
Okay, so we’ve established that kissing is important, so what? Well, the reason I’m bringing this up is that most couples don’t kiss enough. I’m not talking about kissing when they’re making love, although that is definitely important, I’m talking about kissing throughout the day. It’s those kisses, or maybe I should say, the ongoing habit of kissing, that is one of the important ingredients for building intimacy in your marriage relationship.
While any moment is a great one to kiss, there are a few times in a day, which are very important moments to make sure you form the habit of kissing:
- When you first wake up in the morning. Okay, I know all about morning breath; go brush your teeth, then kiss her.
- When you leave the house. That doesn’t just mean when you leave to go to work, it means every time you walk out the door.
- When you come home. A hug and a kiss when you come home from work are extremely important; not only for your marriage, but to help you switch from “work mode” to “home mode.” Just like the kisses before you leave, don’t just limit yourself to kissing her when you come back from work, I don’t care if you just went to take out the trash, kiss her when you come back in.
- Before you go to sleep at night. Even if you aren’t going to make love, at least one good kiss before going to sleep helps set the tone for the next day.
- Any time you say “thank you.” We’ll just call that one the cherry on the ice cream sundae. Saying “thank you” is important, but saying it with a kiss amplifies it.
Okay, we’ve established when to kiss, now let me say a few words about how to kiss. While I have great confidence in both you and your wife’s ability to pucker up and plant one, I’m not so sure that you do what you need, when you need.
As far as I’m concerned, a peck never qualifies as a kiss. For one thing, it’s too brief to really feel the other person’s lips. For another, you can do it without thinking about the person. We’re talking about intimacy here. You can’t be intimate without thinking about the person you’re being intimate with. To be intimate, a kiss has to linger a bit; at least one second.
So, all of your kisses need to be at least one second in duration. On top of that, I’d have to say that the most important time to kiss is when you come home. So, that kiss should last at least five seconds. No, you don’t need to get your stopwatch out and time yourself. Just make sure you take your time.
By the way, there’s one important time to kiss that I forgot to mention, that’s whenever you think of it. Hey, there’s no such thing as too many kisses.
Monday, February 21, 2011
It seems like most guys wait until the weekend to do anything romantic. Maybe that’s a leftover from out dating days, or maybe it’s just that we have more time on the weekend. But, you know, every day is a good day to be romantic, especially the days your wife isn’t expecting it.
If there’s a day that would be an un-romantic one, it’d have to be Monday. Everyone looks forwards to Monday so much, having to go back to work, put up with the boss; you know, all that getting back to the grind stuff we do. I’d have to say that if we could measure people’s moods throughout the week, we’d find that Monday is the crabbiest day of the week.
So, let’s do something about the Monday blues. Nobody feels like cooking dinner after working on a Monday, so it seems to me like a good day for carryout. Now, I know that carryout can get a little expensive, but it doesn’t have to be. You can get your carryout from the local pizza parlor, hamburger joint, or your favorite fried chicken house if you want to. Of course, if you want to come up with something a little bit better, there’s nothing wrong with that either.
By the way, make sure you tell your wife that you’ve got dinner under control for the night. You don’t want to walk in with your pizza to find her already cooking; that would kind of ruin the surprise.
You know, food isn’t just about taste; it’s about presentation as well. So, put some candles on the table, fill the wine glasses with your favorite soft drink and serve your hamburgers on the good china tonight. Make sure you lower the lights and put some romantic music on in the background. It may not be a guy wandering between the tables, playing the violin, but some soft music always helps to set the scene.
You’ll probably be able to see the steam come off your wife’s head, watch her shoulders slump a little as she starts to relax, and might even see a smile come to her lips. Enjoy your $9.95 romantic dinner; and afterwards, you might as well take advantage of that music for a little slow dancing.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I’ve talked about it before, the trouble we all have in trying to find enough time to be romantic. Life’s demands in our hectic, high-paced world make that a real challenge. For some couples, whose work schedules don’t coincide, it’s even worse; having a moment to say “Hi, I love you” and share a kiss can tax their time management abilities.
We’ve all got to learn to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to us. Remember, romance isn’t about the big, $300.00 date; it’s about the little things. While you can say “you’re important to me” with that expensive date, you can also send the same message in just a few minutes, and for just a few dollars. The key is always about getting your message across to your wife.
Women have a different way of keeping score than we do as guys. We see things as big things and little things; of course, the big things are worth more points. On the other hand, women just see them as romantic things; not big romantic things or small romantic things, just romantic things. As such, each one is worth one point.
Since you’re working on being romantic to her, it really makes sense to use her point system. In other words, don’t worry about coming up with big romantic acts you can do, work on coming up with lots of romantic acts you can do. A whole bunch of little things are worth more points.
Okay, so, one of the great “little dates” you can do with your wife, in those infrequent times when you both have a few minutes free, is to go to your local ice cream parlor. This may not be the best idea if she just started a new diet, but any other time works great. There’s something about sitting there eating ice cream together than brings out the teenager inside of us. We can easily slip back into bring youngsters in love; and isn’t that what it’s all about?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Have you ever noticed how offenses happen? I mean, whether you try and protect yourself from them or not, they still manage to show up. Most often, they come from what should be the most unlikely source; that is, those who are closest to us.
I’m sure your wife has managed to offend you sometime this week, and I’m just as sure that you’ve managed to offend her. Much, if not most of the time, these offenses are caused by misunderstandings, miscommunications or speaking harshly to each other because of things that happened outside the marriage.
Some of these offenses need to be discussed, especially if they are constant, repetitive offenses. On the other hand, offenses that are caused by the Big 3 that I mentioned in the previous paragraph not only don’t need to be discussed, but they shouldn’t be discussed.
Okay, so if we don’t discuss them, what should we do about them? Should we just forget it? Or, should we stuff our anger, hurt and frustration deep inside and pretend it isn’t there?
Actually, each and every one of these offenses needs to be dealt with, not forgotten, not stuffed, even though they don’t necessarily need to be dealt with as a couple. All you need to do is forgive them. That’s it; just say those words, preferably someplace they can’t hear you, and let the problem go away.
There’s an incredible amount of curative power in the words “I forgive.” Broken hearts have been made new by those simple words. It doesn’t matter if you feel like forgiving them, or want to forgive them; it’s taking that step, as a step of faith and an act of your will that makes all the difference. Once you do it, once you verbalize your forgiveness of them, then the feelings will come. You will find yourself at peace once again.
If you find, after a short while, that you are feeling anger, hurt, frustration or whatever at your wife, because of that same thing coming up once again; forgive her again. There’s no law that says you can only forgive someone for something only one time. Just keep on forgiving them until it stops cropping up again.
You see, you’re not forgiving them for their sakes; you’re doing it for your sake. The benefit they’ll receive is seeing you at peace, instead of being bothered and upset. In reality, the greater benefit is for you.
Or, maybe better yet, the real beneficiary of your forgiveness is your marriage. That thing which had come between you will no longer be there. The two of you can have peace.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Have you ever just needed a break? A time when you could just relax and do nothing? Well, guess what, we all have that need every once in a while. You have it, I have it, and your wife has it too. Sadly, it seems that women are pretty bad at recognizing that need in themselves and taking the break. Or, maybe it’s just that they see too many other things that need to be done, so don’t bother to take that break.
Just because your wife is one of those people who doesn’t know how to recognize her own need for a break, doesn’t mean that she can get by without taking that break. In fact, those people are in a greater danger of stressing out and really having problems than the rest of us are.
One simple way of showing your love for your wife is to protect her from herself. In other words, you should learn the signs of when she needs a break, so you can make her take one when she needs to. That’s right; I said “make her,” because believe it or not, you might actually have to force her to take that break that she needs, especially if she doesn’t see that she needs it.
Part of the issue is that she may not feel that she can take a break, or that she deserves a break. As strange as it may sound, you probably will have to give her permission to take a break. I’m not talking about giving her permission in the sense of being bossy, but in letting her know that it’s not a crime for her to take that break. If she doesn’t feel like she can take it, somebody has to tell her that it’s okay; looks like that’s you.
By the way, it’s okay for you to take a break from time to time as well. Maybe the way for you to get her to take a break is for the two of you to take one together.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Well, yesterday was it, the big romantic holiday of the year, Valentine’s Day. I’m sure you went whole hog, and wowed your wife. So, now that you’ve made it through that day, it’s time to relax, kick back, and take a break from being romantic, right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa; why take a break when you’re ahead? If you were playing football, and you were two goals up on the opposing team, would you send all your players to the bench for a well deserved break? Of course not; you’d take advantage of the opportunity to see if you could make a new scoring record. Well, what’s the difference between that and racking up points for being romantic? Let’s go for broke while we’re ahead.
So, after buying her a Valentine’s present, some flowers, chocolates, a card and taking her out to dinner, what’s left? What can we do today?
Let me ask you a question; do you ever get tired of sex? Well, guess what, your wife never gets tired of hearing you tell her you love her. Just because you told her that yesterday, doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t today. Or, to put it another way, what have you done for her today?
Now, the great thing about any romantic act you do today is that it will catch your wife totally off guard. After yesterday, she won’t be expecting you to do anything. So, let’s cash in on the surprise factor. It’s probably not a good day to buy her anything, because you blew your wad yesterday, but that’s all right, this one’s not going to cost you a dime.
Make a banner that says “I Love You.” You can either do it on your computer, or make it by hand. Hang it just inside the door, where she’s going to see it when she comes in. If you can’t do that, then hang it someplace obvious, like a doorway, while she’s in the bathroom.
What do you want to bet she’ll want to save it?
Monday, February 14, 2011
The celebration of Valentine’s Day, or more properly St. Valentine’s Day started in the year 496 A.D. as a Roman Catholic Holiday to commemorate the martyred saint (or possibly saints, as there was more than one Valentine who was martyred). It remained an official holiday of the Catholic Church until 1969; and although it is no longer an official holiday, its celebration is still permitted and practiced by many. That makes this year’s Valentine’s Day the 1516th celebration of this holiday.
It wasn’t until the 14th century that Valentine’s Day took on a romantic significance, which is what it is known for today. The first hand-made valentines were usually poems, embellished with flowers and lace. In the 19th century, this gradually gave way to the factory produced valentine’s greeting cards we know so well today.
Since this is the one day of the year that most men have no trouble with being romantic, I’m going to take a break from giving you ideas, and go be romantic with my own wife. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Remember how I’ve said that surprise is an important element of romance? Well, everyone knows that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I guarantee you that your wife is expecting you to do something for her tomorrow, whether it is buy her flowers (which will cost twice as much as normal) or chocolates, or maybe to take her out to dinner. All that is fine, as far as it goes, pretty much everyone is going to do something romantic tomorrow.
Okay, so why not be different? Surprise her today by taking her out to eat. Buy her a present and give it to her today. Whatever it is that you would do tomorrow, do it a day early. Make today your own personal Valentine’s Day.
Besides, the restaurants won’t be as crowded today as they will be tomorrow. Everyone will be going out tomorrow, so most couples won’t bother going out today, even if they have a habit of going out on Sundays. I don’t know if the flower prices have already gone up for Valentine’s Day, but I’d say there’s a better chance of getting them at the normal price today, than there will be tomorrow. Have fun, as I said, make it your own personal day.
Oh, and by the way, just because you celebrate Valentine’s Day today, doesn’t mean you can’t do it again tomorrow. In fact, because you did it today, your wife probably won’t be expecting you to do anything tomorrow. So, you can make tomorrow a surprise for her as well. How’s that, two days of surprise for one holiday? Can’t get a bargain like that very often.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A little bit of fantasy can add fun to your romance. Pretending you are someone else, sending flowers from a secret admirer, play acting your own version of Romeo and Juliet with your wife (except the death scenes). Some people find it easier to express their love, when they get out of themselves and pretend to be somebody eles.
How many stories have you ever heard of where somebody’s stranded on a deserted island and sends a rescue note off in a bottle? Well, even if you don’t live on the beach you can still send a note in a bottle.
Here’s the scenario: you’re stranded on that island and in desperate need of your wife’s love. Write her a note telling her how you’re pining away for not having her there with you. Don’t worry about sounding corny, you probably will, but it won’t seem corny to her. Your note doesn’t need to be long, but be sure to tell her how much you love her and how much you need her love.
Roll your note up, writing side in, and write “HELP” on the outside of the roll. Stuff it in a bottle; if you have a cork to stick in the end, so much the better. If there’s a label on the bottle, be sure to take it off.
Okay, now you need to find a place to leave your bottle. The possibilities are literally endless for this. You want it in a place where she’s the only one who can find it, but you want to be sure she finds it too. If she’s the one who checks the mailbox, you can put it there (but only after the mail has been delivered). Or, you might put it outside, where she’ll pass it on the way to her car. Another possibility is to leave it floating in the bathtub. Use your imagination, but be sure she’ll find it.
You might want to keep a hammer handy, in case she has trouble opening it. If you have to break the bottle, be sure to do it in the trash can, so you don’t have to clean up the glass. Hand her the note, and walk off to put your hammer away while she’s reading it.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I know I’ve told you this before, but it definitely bears repeating; your wife needs you to tell her that you love her at least ten times a day; that’s right, ten times. They don’t all have to be the same way, and in fact probably shouldn’t all be the same way, but ten is the magic number. Less than that, and she’s not going to be sure you love her.
One great way that I’ve found for telling my wife that I love her is to leave her some sort of love note, right where she’s sure to find it. I’m not talking about writing a love letter to her, what I’m talking about is a note that just says the three words, “I love you.”
It can be fun coming up with creative ways to make those notes and creative places to put them. For her, it’s almost like a game finding where I’ve left a love note. Sometimes, if it’s not real obvious or if she’s overlooked it, I’ll give her hints, but usually I’ll just wait until she finds the note wherever I left it.
Since it’s snowy outside (at least in some parts of the country), this gives us a unique opportunity to leave a love note in an unusual place. Yep, we’re going to make a giant love note outside.
Get on your coat and boots and let’s go outside to stamp our love note into the snow. Now, you need to make sure you’ve got a nice spot, where the kids aren’t going to mess it up. In fact, it might be a good idea to co-opt the kids on this one; at least to the point of getting them to agree to not tromp through the area where you’re making the note.
Make sure you put your snow note someplace she’s going to see it, like next to the driveway or by the front door. Another possibility is to put it where she can see it from an upstairs window. If she doesn’t catch it on her own, you can direct her attention out the window to see it.
Just remember, it’s all about telling her those three little words.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
According to Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” one of the ways people express and understand love is through physical touch. To most of us guys, when we say that, there’s a great tendency to immediately think “sex.” But, to women, expressing love through physical touch is much more about non-sexual touch.
If the only time we touch our wives is when we want sex, there’s something wrong. It usually means the relationship has lost the intimacy that brings us to the point of sex. Oh, we might still have sex, but it it’s more like a biological act than it is anything loving and intimate.
Maintaining a habit of touching your wife outside the bedroom, in non-sexual ways is an important part of maintaining the love in your marriage. It’s another way of saying “I love you” but without having to use words. It’s a way of connecting your heart with her heart, so that the feeling of love stays there.
For some reason, women like to have their hair and scalp touched. It really doesn’t matter why they like it, but the reality is that they like it. Now, I wouldn’t recommend touching her hair as soon as she comes home from the beauty parlor. Her enjoyment of having her hair touched may very easily be overcome by her concern for her hairdo, making the reaction you receive the opposite of what you’re looking for.
One great way to touch your wife is to brush her hair for her, especially when she comes out of the shower from washing it. WARNING: in case you haven’t noticed it you wife has longer hair than you do (at least, I think she does). The longer the hair, the more chance of it tangling; and tangles tend to hurt when a brush encounters them. You’ve got to use a light touch and work the tangles out, without pulling her hair. Otherwise, you’re great romantic act will lose all its romance.
Even so, if you take your time and are careful about the tangles, your wife will appreciate it. She’ll both feel pampered, and feel that you are willing to take the time to be the one pampering her. Isn’t that worth it?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Flowers are a great romantic gift, just as long as you don’t overdo it; like anything else what starts out special can become ordinary if it happens every day. Well, it’s been a while since I recommended a romantic act involving flowers, so I guess it’s a good time to do it again.
Let’s do something a little different with the flowers this time. You know, it doesn’t always have to be roses to be romantic. While roses have long been touted as the love flower, any flower spells LOVE.” Find yourself a good love poem, if you’re not sure where to look, just do a search online for “love poem” you’ll find plenty. Print out the poem, dividing it into the same number of parts as you have flowers, minus one.
Attach these pieces of poem to your flowers with tape or pins. Keep track of the order they go in (it might help to put a small number in the corner). Keep one flower without a piece of the poem attached to it.
Timing is critical on this one. You will need a few minutes to set it up, but you don’t want her to see you do it. On the other hand, you don’t want to be standing there waiting for her for half an hour. So, you need to pick a time, when you know she’ll be coming in the door, or coming down the stairs, and do you’re the final step of your prep just a couple of minutes before that.
The final step of your prep is to make a trail of flowers. Put the first one someplace where she can’t miss it, such as right at the bottom of the stairs. Place the flowers in order of the poem, about six to eight feet apart; she’ll need to be able to see each flower from the location of the previous one, so adjust your distances accordingly. The last flower, without a piece of the note on it is for you to hold in your hand, at the end of the flower trail.
When she comes, collecting her flowers along the way, present her with the last flower and a big kiss of course.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Have you ever thought there might be some reason why men are stronger than women? I don’t mean so that we can beat them at wrestling, nor so that we can use our strength to take advantage of them. No, everything has a purpose, and if God designed men stronger than women, He had a reason for doing so.
In addition to our natural physical strength, there’s a trained inner strength that men are supposed to have as well. In just about any culture you can examine, both modern and ancient, boys are taught that “men don’t cry.” Why is that? Could it be something more than machismo, and maybe be something we need? Could it be that men need to have an inner strength of character, so that we can use it for the benefit of our families?
The American Old West is a great example of the need for both physical strength and inner strength working together. The pioneers who settled the old west had to work hard to clear land, plant crops, herd cattle, build homes and essentially just to survive. On top of that, there was constant danger from Indian attacks, wild animals, the climate and even bandits. One needed strength of character to face these things, and not back down from them.
Okay, so today we don’t have too many marauding Indians or mountain lions roaming the streets of our cities, that doesn’t mean that danger doesn’t exist. It only means that the dangers we face today are more subtle than those of the past. There is still need for that inner strength.
A military officer is trained that they can’t show fear in front of the men they command. It doesn’t matter if they have fear; in fact a little fear keeps us from taking foolish risks. But, showing that fear in front of the troops is a no-no. The men need to be able to have confidence in their leaders and especially in their officers. If they are showing fear, it destroys the men’s confidence and makes them fearful.
What do we face today? More than anything we face the fear of loss; losing our jobs, losing our homes, losing our lives as we know them. With the economy still in a shambles, there is still plenty of risk and plenty of reason to have fear. But, just as with those military officers, when we show fear in the face of adversity, we destroy our family’s ability to have confidence in us. I’m not suggesting that we walk in foolishness, turning a blind eye to the problem. No, what I’m suggesting is that we have faith in God and confidence in our own ability to overcome the problem.
I’m also suggesting that we be pro-active for those problems. As men, when we don’t see an answer to a problem, we have a tendency to put it on the shelf, ignoring it. That shows our wives that they can’t have confidence in us. On the other hand, when they see that we are attacking the problem head-on, they know they can trust in us to take care of it.
Be a man, be her strength; be the one she knows she can lean on when times are troubled.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Hey there, I heard a rumor that it’s that famous all-male holiday, Super Ball, once again. Bet you’ve got some plans to get together with the guys, watch the game on someone’s giant TV screen, and pig out on all the munchies you can cram in your mouth, right?
Wait a minute! I’ve got a question. What’s your wife going to be doing while you and the guys are cheering for your favorite team? Is she going to be there with you? Is she even a football fan? Or, are you abandoning the opportunity to spend some time with your wife, in order to spend it with the guys?
I’ve got to ask you, where are your priorities? If you’re abandoning time with your wife, in order to watch the game, then it’s clear that your wife isn’t as high a priority as the game is. This problem would be magnified if your schedule is such that Sunday is one of the few times you can actually spend together.
Anyone who wants to see what their priorities are can easily do so by seeing where they spend their time. Granted, there are certain activities which require a large chunk of our time, such as sleeping and working, I’m not talking about those. What I’m talking about are the other eight hours a day. How do you spend those? What percentage of that available time is spent with work related things? How much of it do you spend on yourself? What portion goes to your relationship with your wife? That will tell you how important she really is to you.
So, maybe watching the game isn’t the best thing you can do today. Maybe, just maybe you could spend that time with your wife instead.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Memories can be very romantic, especially when they are memories of the fun you’ve had and the things you’ve done together. It can be a lot of fun strolling down memory lane, visiting old places and remembering good times. Sometimes, our lives and houses can get a little cluttered from these memories; or, more likely, from things that are associated with those memories. We save those things, because of the good times they remind us of.
Day 102 – Okay, this one’s going to take a little bit of time and planning. What you’re going to do is re-create your first date, or at least re-create as much of it as you can. Don’t tell your wife the details of what you’re doing, just tell her that the two of you are going out, and to be ready at such-and-such a time.
Between now and then, make sure you have all the details worked out. If you brought her flowers on that first date, go buy some flowers. Check out the places you went on that date, and make sure they’re still there. Don’t forget to make a reservation if you need it.
What if the place you went to isn’t there any more? Good question, if that happens you’ll need to find someplace that’s as much like it as you can. There’s no way you’re going to get every detail perfect, but that’s all right, you’re trying to stir up old memories, and you can still do that without having everything exactly perfect.
You can even embellish the truth a little bit here. Was there someplace you wanted to go that first time, but for some reason couldn’t? Well, this time you can. Were you too broke to buy the flowers you wanted to buy? Well, this time you can. Yeah, you want to make it as much like that first date as you can, but once again, it doesn’t have to be exactly perfect.
When the time comes, come to the door of your house and pick your wife up. As you are driving off, to your first destination, explain to her the game that you’re playing that night. Or, wait till you get to that first destination, and then tell her. She needs to be aware of what you’re doing in order to get the most out of it. Besides, she’ll play along better if she knows the game you’re playing.
Friday, February 4, 2011
According to staticians there will be seven billion people living on this earth as of November. That’s a lot of people. But you know, of all that seven billion, morally there’s only one that I can snuggle up with. Fortunately for me, that one is the one I most want to cuddle with.
There’s something special about just cuddling together. Whether you’re sitting in front of a crackling fire, watching a movie, or just talking about your day, being able to put your arms around each other and get close while you’re doing it converts a normal activity into a time of togetherness. Three cheers for the snuggle factor!
According to Gary Chapman’s famous book, “The Five Love Languages,” physical touch is one of the ways we express and understand love. It doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual, just being in contact with another is enough to express your love for them. It’s almost like we have invisible electrical connections that automatically plug in when we get in contact, sharing a current of love between the two.
Actually, biology backs up that idea. The level of one of our hormones, oxytoxin, increases with physical contact. This chemical, like all other hormones, has an emotional effect on us; that is, the effect of causing us to feel “in love” with the other person. The more contact and the more intimate the contact, the greater the level of oxytoxin released into our systems.
Day 101 – How is it that when we are dating we are always in contact with each other? Whether we’re walking down the street, driving in the car, or sitting on the sofa, we have to be touching one another. An even more important question is, “When and how did we lose that habit?”
Your mission, should you decide to accept it (and you really should) is to reform the habit of being in physical contact with your wife. Stop sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, when you are watching the television. Learn how to walk arm-in-arm again. If you can, get rid of the bucket seats in the car, and put a good old fashioned bench seat in, so she can sit beside you. More than anything, hug her.
Everyone knows romance is about generating feelings of love. Yes, it is about doing that in a way to make your wife special. Well, guess what? Snuggling together can make you both feel pretty special. After all, one in seven billion is really, really special.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
All too often we don’t do something romantic for our wives, simply because we think it will be expensive. Or, we take what should be something simple and romantic and turn it into a big, expensive project. Romance isn’t about spending a lot of money, it’s about thinking about letting your wife know that you’re thinking about her.
I know it’s fun to do the big things, but let’s be real, not only can’t we afford them all the time, but we usually don’t have the time to do them. So, instead of doing something, we don’t do anything. Not a good plan.
Day 100 – When was the last time you bought your wife a gift, just because it’s Thursday? If you’re like most of us, it’s been a long while. In fact, it might have been such a long while that we could call it never. Even those of us who get our shopping done early can fall into this category. Buy her a Valentine’s Day gift two weeks early, but forget about buying her a little gift to show her your love any other time.
It’s great to buy her a valentine’s gift, same for a birthday or anniversary gift. But, it’s extra special to buy her a Thursday gift, or for that matter a Friday gift. Why? Because those gifts are unexpected expressions of love.
Remember, a Thursday gift doesn’t have to be expensive, it just has to be. I remember a Mexican pastor who I was talking to several years ago. He bought a one peso gift for his wife in the market; that’s it, just one peso (about a dime). It was a little blue, decorative glass bottle. His wife was absolutely thrilled. Why? Once again, because it was that unexpected expression of love.
If you don’t know what inexpensive gift you can buy for your wife, may I recommend going to the mall and finding a Hallmark store. They typically have a pretty good selection of cute little knick-knack type stuff. While some of it can get pretty pricey, there’s always plenty available for just a few bucks.
So, don’t forget, it’s Thursday, a great day to buy your wife a “just because I love you” gift.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Are you one of those people who isn’t human until you’ve had your second cup of coffee in the morning? Is your wife that kind of person? Don’t answer that question. How about, are the two of you just normal people who like to start their day off with a nice hot cup of java?
Have you ever noticed how women take longer to get ready in the morning than men do? Well, how about this, wouldn’t it be nice to make mornings a little easier for your wife? Let’s do it.
Day 99 – This is an easy one, all you need to do is get up in the morning, and make the coffee. Don’t just leave it in the pot, though. Add the cream and sugar, or whatever else she likes in her coffee, and bring it to her, while she’s getting dressed. That’s what makes it special; she doesn’t have to wait until she goes to the kitchen to get her coffee, she can have it right there, while she’s doing her hair and makeup and all that stuff.
If you want to make her coffee a little more special, why not add some flavoring to it? People pay big bucks all the time to have Starbucks make them a fancy cup of coffee. You know what? You can do that at home, too. If you have an espresso machine, you can do everything that they do; it’s just a matter of figuring out the recipe. Or, if you want to go a little simpler, you can buy the flavoring syrups they (and other coffee shops) use.
That’s what I do. I like peppermint mocha. So, I buy the peppermint syrup from Starbucks for about $8.00 per bottle, which is enough to last me for months. The cocoa is just a mixture of cocoa powder for baking and sugar. I add these two ingredients and a little extra milk to my coffee, and voila, I have a peppermint mocha.
Okay, I have to admit, it doesn’t taste exactly like it does at Starbucks. A latte is mostly milk, not water and I don’t put as much flavoring in it as they do. But still, it makes for a pretty good cup of coffee. That little bit of extra effort makes it a little more special to give to your wife too.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
You know, we all have bad days every now and then; thing happen, people can be difficult, something important breaks or it seems like everything goes wrong. The last thing any of us need on that kind of day is someone telling us about how bad their day was. What we do need is someone who can encourage us.
Everyone needs to be encouraged now and then; that includes our wives as well. They don’t just need to be encouraged on those days when everything seems to be going to pot, but other times as well. Normal days, with all their challenges can be enough to drain anyone’s energy; but even more importantly, they can drain our drive and ambition. Without something to keep us going, it’s all too easy to just give up.
Day 98 – I’m sure that what I just wrote is making you think of how much you’d like to have someone cheering you on, but that’s not what this blog is about. This blog is about you doing things for your wife, to show her that you love her.
She needs to be encouraged just as much as you do, and you’re the one to do it; there’s nobody else. Oh, the kids might chime in from time to time, but really it’s up to you. No matter what it is that your wife is doing, she needs you in her corner, cheering her on, telling her that she can do it, giving her that extra little push to overcome all obstacles. With you behind her she can do much more than without you there.
Become her fan club, she’ll appreciate it. After you’ve done that for a while, she’ll probably start doing it for you too. If not, you can always make a deal with her to be each other’s fan club. But you start it, don’t start by making the deal, start by being the real deal for your wife.