Friday, May 27, 2011
Waking your wife up in the morning can be a bit of a challenge at times. It can be an especially big challenge if you want to do it in as loving a way as possible. There’s just something about that old elbow in the ribs method that just isn’t all that romantic, you know?
I think we can all agree that giving your wife a massage is romantic. The problem we have is trying to find a time when we can give her that massage. If your household is anything like mine, by the time we fall into bed at night, everyone is exhausted. She might really appreciate a massage at that time, but you don’t have the energy to give her one.
Okay, so let’s try and kill two birds with one stone here. How about waking her up with a massage? This is especially easy to do if you have one of those vibratory massagers. Just plug it in, pull the blankets off of her, and massage away.
Not only is she going to wake up from that massage, but there’s a really good chance that you’re going to manage to wake her up in a good mood. C’mon, what better way to be awakened than by somebody pampering you?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Every once in a while it’s nice to be able to come up with a romantic gift to give your wife. The trick is coming up with something romantic to give her. There are lots of cute, trinket things you can get her, but most of us guys really have trouble getting excited about trinkets. Since we don’t get excited about them, then we have a little bit of trouble picking them out for our wives.
Well, here’s a romantic gift you can get excited about giving to your wife… oil… how’s that? Now, I’m not talking about motor oil, nor am I talking about cooking oil. Neither of those are romantic at all. No, what I’m talking about is massage oil. Now that’s a romantic gift.
Massage oils are used; you guessed it, for giving massages. They’re to help your hands glide smoothly across her skin, as you massage away all the stress of the day. They’re also scented, and women like things that are scented; that’s why they like perfume so much.
Obviously, there’s a second part to this gift, that of using the massage oil. Giving it to her, and not giving her the massage (actually several massages) to go with it, is somewhat of a slap in the face. Instead of showing her that you love her, you’ll send the message that she isn’t important enough for you to take the time and effort to give her a massage.
You know the great thing about giving her a massage? You’re already an expert. That’s right; you don’t need any lessons in how to do it. All you need is to get her clothes off of her and her lying down on the bed face down. Then, put a little oil on your hands, and start rubbing. Watch for her reactions, as that will tell you if you’re rubbing too hard in a spot. Sometimes, when one is tense or has sore muscles, rubbing away that tension can be painful, so you want to be careful to not go too hard. On the other hand, you’re not trying to tickle her.
A massage right before bedtime can even help her sleep better. Many women don’t sleep well, because of being worried, tense, or just laying there thinking about things that need to be done. Giving your wife a massage right before going to sleep, might just be what she needs in order to sleep well. There might be some additional benefits too.
So, have some fun helping her get rid of her tension. Who knows, maybe it will become a regular part of your life.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I’m sure you’ve noticed how your wife is slightly less mechanically and technologically oriented than you are, just like there are certain things for which you are more inept than she is. That’s not the point though, at least not right now. Actually, there are some women who are remarkably capable at hanging pictures, changing the air conditioning filter and even changing the oil on the car. But, that’s not the norm.
God has given you certain abilities, and your wife other abilities. He didn’t do this to give you something to fight about, but rather to give you a way of being a blessing to each other. It’s amazing how many people get frustrated, because their spouse isn’t like them, can’t do the things that they do, and doesn’t understand things the same way that they do. Let’s be honest though, life would be pretty boring if your wife was like you; not to mention rather weird as well.
When you have guests over, and your wife fixes a special meal, one of her best, doesn’t that make you feel proud of her? Don’t you feel a little like bragging about her great ability in the kitchen? Well, guess what, when you show off your abilities for her benefit, it makes her feel the same way about you.
One of the ways we “show off” for our wives is by being there to fix things for her. She doesn’t understand all that technical and mechanical stuff; and she really doesn’t want to understand it. That’s not her thing, it’s yours. That’s okay, because when you do it for her; she gains the benefit of your ability; just like you gain the benefit of her ability when you eat that great meal she’s prepared.
It’s actually the differences we have, not the similarities, which give us a reason to get married. When a couple comes together in marriage, they become stronger, they gain ability, they can accomplish more. Why? Because when each of us uses our abilities for the benefit of the marriage, then we are able to multiply our abilities.
So, when she needs something fixed, don’t feel like she’s robbing your free time. She’s not. You may not realize it, but when you said “I do” you were saying “I do fix the plugged up sink” and “I do paint the living room” and even “I do fix her mix-up on the computer.” So, what can I say, just do it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
You know, there are things we do which are positive and there are things which we do that are negative. I mean some of the things which we do have the opposite effect of being romantic. Instead of helping us, these things hurt our relationship with our wives.
There are thing that men do, which their wives regularly complain about. Granted, most of them are little things. But, I can pretty much guarantee you that no matter how many good, romantic things those men do for their wives, if they keep doing things that annoy her, they’re not going to make a lot of headway. Instead of being seen as being romantic, those acts will be seen as just trying to make up for the bad that they’ve done.
Take leaving the dirty clothes on the floor and on the bed for example. This is one of the things that women regularly complain about; their husbands dropping their dirty clothes on the floor, or even worse, on the bed. Now, while that may not seem like such a bid deal to you and me, to her it is, especially when he’s doing it all the time.
What’s so hard about putting the dirty clothes in the hamper or clothes basket? I’ve never been able to figure that one out. But some men, even some who can sink the basketball from the 3-point line every time, can’t seem to hit the clothes basket. Actually, it’s not that they can’t, it’s that they don’t try.
There are other things that fall into this category too; leaving dirty car parts on the kitchen table, fishing gear in the living room and muddy boots by the door are all crimes equally grave. The common thing is, they’re all about treating your wife as a slave. How’s that? Simple, she ends up having to pick up after you. I know, you’re probably thinking, “I’m not treating her like a slave, she can just leave it there.” Really? Do you really think she can just leave it there?
If you are thinking that, then you’re committing a worse crime, you’re not caring about what she cares about. Her home is important to her. She wants it to look nice. So, when you leave all that stuff lying around, you are forcing her to choose between being a slave or not having her opinion matter. Neither one sounds like a good choice.
So, all you have to do is learn how to pick up after yourself. It’s really not all that hard, nor does it take all that much time. The advantage? Well, the next time you go looking for it, you’ll be able to find it. That alone seems to make it worth doing. Plus, you get the bonus of not annoying your wife; two point win.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
We’ve talked before about the importance of having a date night. Just a time for the two of you to get away by yourself and be together, talk and just enjoy each other’s company. Yet, I’m sure that there are many of you out there who still struggle with finding time for your date night. I know that we did for years. Our schedule is far from regular, and finding an evening when we were both free from commitments and work that we had to do at home was almost impossible.
We had to get a little bit original to be able to have our date night. Let me ask you a something. Is there any rule I don’t know about which says that says date night has to be at night? Am I missing something, or is it actually possible to have a date that isn’t at night?
That’s what we finally ended up doing; out date night isn’t at night, it’s during the day. We have our date night for lunch on Wednesdays. For some reason, Wednesdays are a day that both of us can make ourselves free to get together. Notice I didn’t say we are free, I said that we can make ourselves free. Every time Wednesday comes around, I look at the work piled up on my desk, and think that there’s no way I’ll have time to go out with my wife. But, every Wednesday I make the time so that I can go out with her. The work just has to wait till I get back.
You see, it’s really about priorities. I have deadlines to meet and customers who are waiting for my work. My typical work week is full enough that I struggle to have enough time for this blog. But, and again I say but, she’s more important. That’s really what it all boils down to.
If I have to work a little bit later to make up for it, so be it. At least I’ll have taken that time for my wife. She’ll know that she’s important to me. Better yet, that lunch date gives us both a nice break, right in the middle of our week. We go back to our work refreshed, ready to face the rest of the week. Just because we’ve made time for each other.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
You know, all of us crave recognition. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, that craving is still there, even for people who have never put forth the extra effort to do something outstanding. There’s just something inside of us that wants others to recognize that we’re someone special.
Some of my most prized possessions are things I received as recognition for something I did, either in my years of engineering or my service in the army. Of them all, my favorite is a bus-driver’s jacket that was given to me by a customer, back when I was an engineer in the city bus manufacturing plant. I had needed to put forth some extraordinary effort to complete their order on time, and they gave me that jacket as a thank you. It’s old and grease stained now, but it’s still special to me.
What makes that jacket special isn’t that it was expensive or that it’s elegant, but what it represents. It represents someone taking the time to say, “You’re special; thank you.” It doesn’t matter what happens in my life, that jacket will always be special.
What does your wife do that’s outstanding? What do you appreciate her for? Is she the best tortilla maker you’ve ever met in your life? Or, does she have the most beautiful hair? Perhaps it’s that she is always cheerful, encouraging the rest of the family when you are down. Then again, it could be that she’s the best little-league mom in the west. Whatever it is, there’s something special about her; maybe several somethings that are special about her, the things that make her stand out from the crowd.
Okay, so now that we’ve established that your wife is deserving of recognition, who’s going to recognize her for it? If you think that her boss or the little league team are going to do it, think again. Why don’t you do it?
I know we always think it’s a little corny when our kids give us a “#1 Dad” coffee mug on Father’s Day, but don’t we appreciate it too? Well, it’s time you made your wife some sort of an award for being the best at what she’s the best at. I don’t mean just go out and buy her a “#1 Mom” coffee mug, I think you should personalize it a bit more than that. Make her a certificate, or better yet, get a trophy place to make her a plaque which extols her virtues in that area.
Present it to her at a formal ceremony with your family. You want to ham this up a bit, but not so much that it comes across as phony. She needs to see that you’re serious about what you’re saying on that award, not that you’re making fun of her. Let her know that her efforts aren’t in vain, that somebody sees them and appreciates her for them. Cheer her on.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Even so, most of us keep most of our photos stashed away somewhere in albums or boxes. We might drag them out from time to time, but unless we’re retired or showing them to the grandkids, most of the time all those photos we’ve taken for memories just stay in their boxes and albums, waiting for someday.
So, let’s do something with some of those photos that will help our marriages. Start by selecting a bunch of photos from your early years; dating, your wedding, your honeymoon, even the first year of marriage. Get at least a dozen good ones; two dozen would be even better.
Now, make a collage out of those photos. If you struggle with creativity, you could get one of those picture frames with a bunch of cutouts, but you’d be better off making the collage. A collage is just a bunch of different items, in this case pictures, put together to form a design or picture. You can make your collage look like whatever you want, but something simple would be the easiest. The idea is to get the pictures together, not to create an image of your wife out of the photos.
You might want to make a nice heart out of red paper and put it in the collage somewhere. Or, maybe put your names and “I Love You” in there somewhere. Something to act as a reminder that the collage is about your love for one another.
You’ll need a pretty good sized picture frame to put your collage in. That way, you can hang it up, where you can both see it. Might I recommend that you hang it in your bedroom? Unless you have a family photo album wall somewhere to hang it. Before you hang it, give it to your wife as a gift. That’s why you made it, for her.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s all too easy to forget about something that’s important to your wife. I’m not even talking about the biggies here; your anniversary and her birthday, forgetting those earns you a one way trip to the dog house for the next year. No, I’m talking about the day-to-day times when she needs you there for her. Things like being there for a dinner party she’s planned, or picking her up after work, or even to help her out with something that you promised you’d do for her.
We’ve talked before about how romance is the little things you do to tell your wife that she’s important to you. Well, there are little things we do that tell her that she’s not so important; things that have the opposite effect of being romantic.
When we forget about those things, which are important to her, we’re sending the message, “this other thing is more important to me than you are.” It really doesn’t matter if you’re thinking that way or not, that’s the message you’re sending. I don’t care if it’s the fishing trip you’ve been planning for months, or a crisis at work, it shouldn’t be more important to you than your wife.
When we make commitments at our work, we feel bound to complete those commitments. Well, guess what? If those commitments are important, than the ones to our wives are equally as important. If we can’t treat them as being equally important, maybe we’d better reexamine our commitment to our marriage.
One of your wife’s emotional needs is the confidence that she can trust you to be faithful to her. That doesn’t just mean that you won’t be fooling around on the side, but also that you’ll be there for her when she needs you. She needs to know that she can depend upon you.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Everyone likes to fantasize a little bit, and just about everybody likes to pretend a little bit. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the cartoon strip “Rose is Rose” but in it, Rose, the mother, has an imaginary alter-ego. While she’s a nice sweet wife and mother, her alter-ego has a mane of wild hair and looks like she belongs on the back of a Harley somewhere. This “bad Rose” crops up from time to time, when the real Rose feels a need to express herself beyond what is normal for her.
So, here’s the idea. Get together with your wife and make up a fantasy scenario for a first date. Maybe you’re a James Bond type of spy, and she’s your French contact. Or maybe you’re a pirate who’s captured a princess and you’re trying to woo her. Speaking of princess’, how about a white knight who’s rescued a princess from the evil Duke’s castle. Whatever. The crazier it sounds, the better it will probably end up being. Just remember, you both have to be someone else.
As part of your plan, figure out where you are going to meet, and under what circumstances. Don’t go overboard on the planning, as you want to have the opportunity to keep everything spontaneous. Dress differently and act the part you’re playing. Don’t worry if you get a few strange looks in the restaurant, those people don’t know you anyway.
Remember, this is your first date, so you don’t know each other. Part of the play acting is learning about each other, or at least learning about the character you’re pretending to be. You might have to think quick when she asks a question, or maybe integrate your own life into the character you’re playing.
Laughter is good for you and for your relationship; well, you’re probably going to end up laughing a lot a you do this, but that’s okay, when the laughing fit is over, go back to playing your part. Make it as outrageous as you want, after all, you’re trying to have a good time together. Finally, don’t let it end until you’re back home in bed together. Enjoy.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
You know, we can be a little bit funny when it comes to money. Actually, it’s not really funny; it’s more like sad; sad in the sense that we can have a huge double standard when it comes to spending that money. We complain about our wives spending money on clothes and things for the house, while we spend money on our hobbies.
One of the things that’s hard to realize when we get married is that everything that used to be mine is now ours. Okay, there are a few exceptions, like your toothbrush, most couples don’t share those. There’s probably a few things you have that your wife wouldn’t want to touch as well, like the tools you use for working on the car. You can pretty much claim those as still being yours. But, everything else switches from being yours (singular) to yours (plural).
That can actually be a little threatening to some people; especially when they have collectibles or other prized possessions that mean something to them, but don’t mean a thing to their spouse. Granted, throwing your high school wrestling trophy away isn’t real cool, but do you really need it to be on the living room mantle? You might be better off moving it to the den.
Money is another one of those areas that both husbands and wives have trouble sharing. Oh, they might have a joint checking account, but usually each of them has their own little stash. We guys call it “she money,” you know, she doesn’t know I’ve got it.
Granted, your budget should allow each of you to have some money that you can use for whatever you want. No matter what your income is, we all need a few bucks that we can use for our own desires, whether it is buying a cold drink, or buying a new pair of shoes.
That money isn’t really what I’m talking about, I’m talking about the money that’s in the checking account, or for that matter, the credit cards. That’s the money we tend to get upset about when our wives spend it. They don’t see anything wrong with buying another gun out of that money to add to their collection, but it sure bothers them when their wife buys a chair for the living room; or even worse, when she buys… clothes.
Okay, stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and relax. C’mon now, her buying clothes really isn’t all that bad. You want your wife to look pretty, don’t you? Well, she buys clothes to make her look pretty. It’s really not all that bad.
Unless we want perpetual high blood pressure, we’ve got to learn to stop thinking of that money as a personal possession, and start thinking of it as a family possession, or at least as something that belongs to the two of you. It really does. When you married her your checking account and credit cards were part of the deal. It doesn’t matter which one of you earns the most money, that money belongs to both of you.
So, since it belongs to her too, she has as much right to buy those clothes or that chair as you do to buy a new fishing pole. You may not think that the chair is important, but then again, she probably doesn’t think your fishing pole is. I’m sure of one thing though, the chair is important to her, so that makes it important.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Disagreement is inevitable. Oh, when we’re dating we think differently, we think that everything will always be sweetness and light, but the reality is that no two people can live in close proximity without some sort of disagreement. Love covers a multitude of things, but it doesn’t force us to agree with everything that our marriage partner does.
Actually, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing about something, the wrong comes in the way we deal with that disagreement. When disagreement turns to argument, anger and yelling, there’s a problem; not with the disagreement, but with us.
How we deal with disagreement shows a lot about how much we truly love that other person. If the disagreement causes anger and yelling, then whatever it is that we are disagreeing about is obviously more important to us than the person we are arguing with. Unfortunately, in the midst of those heated discussions, we often say things that we later regret.
The trick is in learning how to handle those disagreements in a way that is healthy for the marriage, instead of being destructive to the marriage. Fighting about them isn’t healthy, nor is avoiding them. What is healthy is discussing them, so that you can come to a point of agreement in how you are going to deal with that issue. Here are a few things you can try when that discussion is getting a little too passionate:
- Take a five minute break to allow you both to cool off, and then come back to a more reasonable discussion.
- Both of you write down your point of view, and then read each others. This can give you both the opportunity to think through your position on the issue and hopefully express it more clearly.
- Agree to take turns expressing your point of view. In this, you don’t say anything until your partner finishes, then they allow you the same courtesy.
- Take a walk while you discuss it. Most people are too embarrassed to argue in public, so this will help you to maintain your discussion on an even keel.
- Agree to disagree. Hey, you don’t have to agree on everything. If one of you is Democrat and the other Republican, that’s okay. You don’t have to change the other person’s mind.
- For those who are Christians, compare both of your points of view to the Bible; let that be the deciding factor for you.
Remember, your goal here isn’t to win, it’s to come to a reasonable understanding that both of you can be comfortable with. That may require some compromise and it may require some changes. Both are essentially healthy for your marriage. True love has no place for selfishness.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Everyone likes to be appreciated; you like it, I like it, and I’m sure your wife likes it too. If fact, she probably likes it so much that she wants more of it, especially if you’ve fallen into the habit that many of us do, of not showing your appreciation to your wife.
It’s very easy to get to the point where we are taking the things around us for granted; that can include the most important people in our lives as well. We can become so used to the things that they do for us, that we forget that there’s a real person taking their time and energy to do that thing. It might be something where we’d say “thank you” to anyone else in the world that did it; but because it’s our wife, we forget. Ouch!
Let me ask you something, how would you feel if you spent Saturday afternoon working through the famous honey-do list, and when you got done, all your wife did was grunt at you? Wouldn’t you feel that her reaction was unfair or just plain wrong? Well, why should she feel any different?
I remember hearing a preacher tell about something he did, when he was learning this principle. His wife had made some nice hot soup for dinner. When he was done eating, he placed a dollar under his plate and got up to go to the living room. A few minutes later his wife walked in the living room with the dollar in her hand and asked, “What’s this?” He responded, “When I receive good service in a restaurant, I leave a tip to show my appreciation. You made me some wonderful soup and it was hot; I like my soup hot. I wanted to show you that I appreciate your work.”
I’m not suggesting that you get in the habit of leaving your wife a tip every time she does something for you; she’s not a servant, she’s your wife. However, that preacher obviously managed to get his message across to his wife, the message that he appreciated what she did for him.
Maybe the next time you buy flowers for your wife, you should put on the card, “Because I appreciate you.” Or, you could text her that message, or even send her a greeting card, with those words written inside. Somehow or other, you need to find a way to get in the habit of telling your wife that you appreciate her and what she does for you.
When we forget to show appreciation for something that has been done for us, we send the message, “You aren’t important to me.” Wait a minute! Isn’t that the opposite message that we’re trying to send with romance? Aren’t we trying to send the message, “You’re important to me”? So, if we consider that we get one point every time we send the romance message, then we have to realize that we lose one point every time we forget to say, “thank you.” No wonder some of us are running our love account in bankruptcy.
Maybe it feels a little bit strange to you to tell your wife “thank you” because she fixes dinner every day. So what? This isn’t supposed to be about how you feel, but about how you make her feel. If you feel a little bit uncomfortable about saying “thank you” I’ve got a word of advice for you; be a man, get over it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Some women are extremely easy to buy for; while there are others who challenge the best of us. It’s not that they don’t like anything; it’s just hard to figure out what it is that they like. Even worse, what they like seems to be a moving target, so just because they like it one time, doesn’t mean they’ll like it the next.
It’s easy to get frustrated in a situation like that and just give up buying gifts for her. But, you know, that’s really not the answer. Giving up is just going to put distance between the two of you, when what you’re trying to do is draw her closer. You’ve got to find a way around that problem, so that you can still give her some type of small romantic gifts from time to time.
Here’s a simple solution for this problem; start her a collection. Many women collect something; generally speaking, something cute. It can be almost anything, just as long as it’s something that she likes. My dad started a Hummel figurine collection for my mom. I started a music box collection for my wife.
Don’t make cost your major deciding factor in your decision. If possible, pick something that gives you the flexibility to buy some inexpensive gifts and some more expensive ones. That way you can not only have more variety to choose from, but you can still buy a gift for your wife, even when you don’t have a whole lot of cash that you can afford to spend on it. Like any romantic gift, it’s not so much about how much you spend as it is about doing something for her.
Here are a few ideas that I’ve seen through the years:
- Precious Moments figurines
- Antique greeting cards
- Teddy bears
- Crystal figurines, small dishes, etc.
- Music boxes
- Hummel figurines
- Glass cats or dogs (Fenton Glass)
- Memorabilia that has to do with something she has in interest in
- Disney characters
- Decorative painted plates
Remember, the idea is to have something that speaks both to and about her personality. Starting a glass cat collection for a woman who doesn’t like cats, probably won’t work out too good. On the other hand, if her name is Kathy and she’s got four cats in the house, you’re probably on to a good thing.
What you’ve done by starting this collection is to make things easier for yourself, while at the same time, giving something nice to your wife. Now, whenever you have trouble coming up with a gift for her, you can always buy her something to add to her collection. Or, you can buy a collectible to go along with whatever other larger gift you buy for her. It’ll help make gift giving just that much more romantic.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
In case you haven’t noticed, men and women tend to handle stress differently. For us guys, a little stress is necessary to keep us moving; without it, we tend to become couch potatoes. On the other hand, our wives are much more greatly affected by stress, and affected in a very negative way.
While stress can cause health problems for both men and women, it seems to cause more for women. That could be simply because they are not very good at getting rid of stress on their own or it could just be part of the physiological difference between men and women. Regardless of the reason, we need to be sensitive to her stress level and do whatever we can to help reduce it.
One of the ways that women dissipate their stress is to talk about whatever it is that’s causing them problem. That’s why they tend to greet us at the door with a litany of all the problems they’ve had throughout the day. While it may sound to us like complaining, or like she’s trying to dump all her problems on us, so that we have to deal with it; in reality it’s nothing more than getting it off her heart. Allowing her to do that, even if we don’t come up with a solution or deal with the problem helps her.
The trick in dealing with that complaint list is to be like a duck; just like water runs off of a duck’s back, let all those words of complaint run right off of your back. You don’t have to accept them; you don’t have to come up with solutions and you don’t have to spend your evening fixing everything that’s broke.
So, what else can you do to help your wife deal with all that stress? How about finding something that takes her mind off of it? You’ve got to realize that those problems she’s talking about are real, or at least are real to her. That, in and of itself, makes it important. So, what does she like, which will take her mind off of those problems and maybe even put her mind on something positive? Here’s a few ideas:
- Go for a walk together to enjoy the sunset.
- Cook a crazy dinner together (whatever seems crazy enough to get a laugh out of the two of you)
- Go out for ice cream (always a good idea)
- Go to your favorite coffee shop (watch it though, coffee can increase stress)
- Watch a movie together
It really doesn’t matter so much what you do, only that it be something that the two of you can enjoy together, to get both of your minds off of the problems of the day. That will help get rid of the stress for both of you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
You know, it seems like there are never enough hours in the day to do all that we need to do. I don’t care who you are or what you do, there’s always that small percentage of stuff that never seems to get done. It might be that they don’t really want to do that stuff, or it might just be that it doesn’t seem all that important, but somehow or other, there’s always that little bit that just keeps getting put off.
Marriage is a partnership. As such, both parties should be working towards what is best for them as a couple, not just what is best for each one individually. True success only happens when both partners are successful; even more so when both feel that they are successful.
Sometimes, this means sacrificing something that we want to do or feel that we need to do, in order to help our wife be successful in what she is doing. Remember, the goal is that we are successful as a couple, not just that you are successful as an individual. If not doing what you were going to do doesn’t affect your success negatively, but can help your wife be successful, isn’t that helping you as a couple?
This would have to be especially true where you have abilities that your wife doesn’t, or maybe doesn’t have as well. Take computers for example. While many women use computers, they don’t tend to be as geeky as their husbands. So, there are probably things that you could easily do on the computer, which may be a real struggle for her to do. If you leave her to deal with it on her own, are you really acting in love towards her?
My wife is a teacher. She used to be a teacher in the public school system, but now has her own small school, teaching English as a second language to Hispanics that have come to the United States. When she was teaching in the public schools, she had a reputation for being the “techie” in her department. What’s funny is that she really doesn’t understand technology at all; although she likes to take advantage of it in the classroom.
Her secret was her ace in the hole, she had her own techie to help her out, me. She’d come up with things she wanted to do in the classroom, but not have any idea of how to do them. So, she’d hand it off to me to figure out. Or, she’d call me from school and ask me how to get the computer to do what she wanted to do.
Even though I’ve always been busy, I’ve always made time to help her with these technical problems. That way, she was able to be more successful in what she did. All it cost me was a little bit of time, for which she got to be more successful in what she was doing.
Success or the perception of success is an important part of one’s self-esteem. When we feel successful, we are able to do more, reach out to help others and give more of ourselves. So, both you and your wife’s success in your work is an important part of maintaining a healthy marriage. One who doesn’t feel successful will always have a need to be “picked up” emotionally; draining energy that otherwise would be able to be used for more positive building of the marriage.
So, how’s your wife’s success rate in what she’s doing? Is there something you can do for her, to make her more successful? Or, is there some way that you are preventing her from being success? Make sure that your words and actions are having a positive effect on her ability to succeed.