Christmas Shopping Help

Now that we’ve made it through Black Friday and Cyber Monday hopefully we can get back to some semblance of normal. Hopefully, you took advantage of the sales to get your wife a romantic Christmas gift. If not, I fully understand. Who wants to go out and wait in line in the middle of the night in order to get crushed by the crowd in whatever store?

Well, since you probably didn’t go out Christmas shopping, I thought I’d give you some pointers on how to buy a Christmas gift for your wife. There are some common blunders that us guys make, which we should always seek to avoid. I’ll try to steer you clear of the worst of them.

·        Don’t go shopping for “practical” gifts. To us guys, a new power tool may be the cat’s meow; but I’ll guarantee you that your wife won’t see the new vacuum cleaner that way. When you buy your wife practical gifts, especially practical gifts to use around the house, she sees it as if you see her as nothing but a slave. There are exceptions to this, when you know she wants something that is practical. But, even then, be sure to buy her something romantic as well.

·        It isn’t necessary to spend a lot of money on one gift to impress her. Women aren’t necessarily impressed by the cost of a gift (although a diamond necklace is pretty impressive to anyone) but by the thoughtfulness of the gift. It is often better to buy her several smaller gifts, which celebrate her femininity, than to buy one larger gift.

·        Take her tastes and interests into account. You are the world’s greatest scholar on your wife; as such, you should know what she likes, what her interests are, her favorite colors, and if she has a special “thing” (such as teddy bears, bunny rabbits, or a particular type of flower) that express her.

·        When buying clothes, be sure to check the sizes and colors in her closet. Find a few outfits that she wears regularly; check the tag to see what size they are, so you know what to buy. Also look at what colors of clothing she wears the most (what’s in her closet the most) to know what colors she would like to receive.

·        Start her a collection – In general, women like collectables. So, if you regularly have trouble coming up with gifts for your wife, start her a collection of something that fits her personality. Years ago, my dad started a collection of Hummel figurines for my mom. When my wife and I married, I started her a piano music box collection. For several years, every Christmas I’d find a piano music box and that would be one of her gifts. By the way, this shouldn’t be the principal gift, but an additional one.

·        Remember, for gifts to be romantic, they need to be things that celebrate her femininity. Great categories for this are: jewelry, decorations for the home, clothing, fancy lingerie, perfume, bath oil & bubble bath, or a visit to the spa. (this list is not all inclusive, just to give you an idea)

·        Another great category of gifts that women like are gifts that have something to do with relationship. Since they are relationally oriented, a gift that builds relationship, builds them. In other words, a book about gardening wouldn’t be considered romantic (although if your wife loves gardening, she might still appreciate it); but a book about 100 ways to kiss is incredibly romantic.

·        Don’t forget to use the female sales clerks in the stores; they will understand the woman’s perspective better than you. If you aren’t sure that something is romantic, ask them, they’ll be glad to give you their advice (and won’t even charge you).

·        One more great resource for coming up with ideas, especially about that “thing” which represents your wife or her style, is her friends. Most women love to be part of a conspiracy to bless their friends. Not only that, but even more so than the sales clerk, they know what your wife likes. Many women tell their best friends things about their hopes and desires, which they never express to their own husbands. Co-opt their help in finding exactly what will make your wife go “wow” on Christmas morning.

A couple of final points: Be sure to wrap it nice. Nothing can spoil a great gift faster than a poor wrapping job. Looking at the box and wondering what’s in it is part of the fun. Make sure that the wrapping stands out in the sea of gifts under your tree. Avoid gift bags for this same reason; it’s too easy to sneak a peek at what’s inside.

Also, don’t wait till the last minute to do your shopping. You want that gift (or those gifts) to be under the tree for enough time to really cause her to wonder. The anticipation will make the gift better when she finally opens it.

What to do With an Upset Woman

There’s more to being romantic than just giving gifts and saying nice words; although those are both very important parts of romance. Another important part of being romantic is helping her through those tough days when she isn’t feeling all that good emotionally. You know what I mean, all women have them from time to time; and we as guys usually live in fear of them.

However, we don’t really need to live in fear of those times when our wives are upset, depressed or overly touchy. What we need to do is learn how to deal with those days.

The first thing we need to understand is that our wives don’t always know why they are upset. I know that sounds a little crazy to you as a guy, but it’s true. There are days when the only place we can lay the blame for her not feeling well is on her hormones. As my son said, when he was eight, “Her moans, and her groans.” When a woman is in certain parts of her monthly cycle, it negatively affects her moods, and she doesn’t understand why, or what to do about it.

Day 42 – Okay, so let me give you three steps for dealing with your wife when she is upset. I must confess that this isn’t my idea, it was given to me by someone who has much more wisdom than I do; that is, God. Yep, He gave me this idea, and if there is anyone who knows about women, I figure He’s it.

Don’t even bother to ask her what’s wrong; if she’s able to answer you at all, it might not be the root of the problem. In other words, she might say that one of the kids did something that made her upset, but in reality all that child did was provide the trigger; the explosive was already wired and ready to blow. So, if that hadn’t been it, something else might have.

Step 1 – Hug her. A nice tight bear hug, but without squeezing her so tight she can’t breathe. There’s probably a good chance that she’ll say, “Don’t hug me now” or “Don’t touch me.” This is one of those times that it’s best not to listen to her words, this is medicine, and she needs it.

You have to understand, at times, your wife’s emotions are out of control. She’s not upset because she wants to be, she’s just upset. If it was up to her, she’d probably rather be happy. In a sense, she feels like a boat on the ocean during a storm, totally out of control. Your hug makes you an anchor for her, imparting security.

Step 2 – Tell her, “It’s okay.” Yeah, I know, how can you tell her it’s okay, when you don’t know what’s wrong? Don’t worry about it. Like I said, whatever she says is the problem probably isn’t the root problem. So, you don’t need to know what’s wrong, nor do you need to fix it. What she needs is some help with her problem. So, tell her “it’s okay” and leave it at that. Whatever it is, it will eventually be okay.

Step 3 – Pray for her. Specifically pray that God help her through the struggle she is in at the moment. I’ll guarantee you, He can help her much more than you can. Oh, and make sure you pray for her in a way that she can hear you do it. Silent prayers aren’t as effective in these cases.

There you have it, what us guys are always looking for, a plan. One other detail I’d like to mention. Get yourself a calendar and mark on it the beginning of every menstrual period your wife has. After a few months, you’ll be able to look at it and determine that she’s probably very regular, every 28 to 30 days. This will give you the ability to project into the future and know about when her next period is. The three or four days before that period are the emotionally dangerous ones. Be aware of them, and give your wife extra grace on those days. Don’t take to heart the things that she says, especially the negative ones. Especially use these three steps during that time.

Time for the 2 of You

Of all the people in the world, there is only one that I am called to be one flesh with; that’s my wife. That means that of all the relationships I can have, the most important is the relationship I have with her.

In case I’ve never said it, relationships require time; they require communication; they require common interests; they require shared experiences. Without these elements, it’s really not a relationship in anything but name. One can say that they know Bill Gates, because they met him once in a conference. But, unless they’ve spent time with Bill, talking together, sharing experiences; they don’t have a relationship with him; all they are doing is name dropping.

Marriage definitely isn’t the place for name dropping; it’s the place for relationship; not only relationship, but intimate relationship; one in which the partners know the depths of each others souls.

Day 41 – Okay, if you remember, on Wednesday I gave you the assignment to plan an outing to someplace that you and your wife have wanted to go. Well, today is the day; drop the kids off with the sitter, grab your wife, and head off to have a good time spending time together.

Take your time with this; don’t be in a hurry to get there and get back. Stop to eat, or stop for an ice cream, or whatever it is you two like. Remember, you’re making time to be together; that’s what it’s about. Every moment you spend together today is an investment in your marriage; and those types of investments always pay dividends.

Black Friday

Thanksgiving is over, we’ve all gotten stuffed, and now we enter the mad race to get ready for Christmas. More than anything, today is a celebration of the materialism and greed that our Christmas celebration has become. Millions of shoppers will stand in lines and literally fight with each other to get the last discounted whatever-it-is for Johnny or Suzie.

If you are like most guys, you steer well clear of anything that looks like a shopping mall or discount store. That is, unless your favorite electronics store has a spectacular deal on some gadget you’ve been wanting, then we’re out there fighting and pushing with the best of them.

I feel sorry for women on these days. My wife has never been much for Black Friday shopping, but a lot of women are out there, struggling to breath in that swarming mass of humanity; even more, struggling to get that great deal.

Day 40 – Today, whenever your wife emerges from that writhing monster called the mall, she’s going to be exhausted, frustrated, maybe a little elated, but definitely ready to collapse. When she walks in the door, it would be a great time to greet her like you want to be greeted; with a warm smile, a hug and a kiss, and some help to carry the bounty in from the car.

Oh, one more thing; a warm meal waiting for her. I don’t mean warming up yesterday’s leftovers in the microwave, either. She probably doesn’t want to see a turkey today. However, there are lots of great things one can do with that leftover turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. Get online and find one of the myriad of recipes that creative cooks have come up with for leftover Thanksgiving turkey.

One other detail. The worst thing you can do is greet her at the door with the question, “Well, how much did you spend this time?” There’s a good chance she doesn’t even know. Just take comfort in knowing that whatever she spent, it was less than she would have had to spend any other day of the year. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, we’ve made it to Thanksgiving. For most guys, it’s a great day of football and food. But, hey guys, what about our wives? What are they doing, while we’re playing armchair quarterback? You got it, they’re out their in the kitchen all day, working their little fannys off, making sure that the family has a great feast to enjoy.

You know, cooking is one of those great activities, where we can enjoy working together. I’ve never understood why most men think it’s “unmanly” to cook; that’s crazy. Most of the cooks in most of the restaurants, around the world are men. Yet, we can’t cook at home? I don’t get it. Let me get back on track here; like I already said, cooking is a great togetherness activity. Even if the recipe that you are working on doesn’t require two people to do, you can work on two different things; together.

I enjoy cooking; so does my wife. So, when we have the opportunity, we do it together. Granted, Tuesday night dinner doesn’t need two cooks; but a Thanksgiving feast, or having a dinner party with some friends; that’s when it’s time to cook together.

Day 39 – You’ve probably already guessed where I’m going with this one, right? You got it, pry yourself out of the armchair, go in the kitchen, and give your wife a hand with the Thanksgiving banquet. Not only will this give you some great time together, but she’ll be able to enjoy the holiday as well. That’s a real gift to her!

What’s that, you say? You don’t know how to cook? No problem! I’m sure you know how to use a knife to chop stuff. Ask her what needs chopping. I’m also sure you know how to wash the dishes (even if you don’t like to); offer to do that for her. You could even ask her to teach you how to cook. That would probably give the two of you some opportunities for some great laughs.

Cooking is actually fun. Once you get over the macho idea that you can’t do it, you might find that you enjoy doing it. Besides, you get to eat what you create. Experiment a little, let your wild side out in the kitchen, that’s how most great recipes come about, by someone letting loose in the kitchen and trying something new.

Not only will you find that cooking together is a fun activity, it will give you something new and creative to talk about. Adapting recipes and finding combinations that go together is very creative. That’s important to our communication as a couple; because it comes from the right side of the brain. Since women think more on the right side of the brain, and men more on the left side, this is one way where we can actually learn to think on the same side. That always helps communication. 

Take Advantage of the Long Weekend

Rumor has it that the big Thanksgiving weekend is right around the corner; lots of free time, football games on the tube, and plenty to eat. Sounds like an ideal weekend, right?

Hold on, wait a minute, where’s our priority here? Is it to take the extra time just for us, or would it be better to invest some of this time in our marriage? After all, you’ve got four whole days off, I would think that you could easily find enough time to have a great time with your wife, and maybe still catch the ball game.

Day 38 – Is there someplace special the two of you have wanted to go check out, but have never seemed to find the time? Or, how about someplace you used to go when you dated, and you’ve always talked about going back, but never did? Or, maybe even someplace she’s wanted to go, and you’ve always drug your feet on it. Well, this is the time. Why not take Saturday as your day with your wife. Make your plans, find someone to watch the kids (or arrange for them to be with friends, if they’re old enough for that), make sure you don’t need reservations, and keep it secret from her.

Actually, this Saturday might be a great day to go someplace special like that. Most of the people will be crowding the malls, getting a start on their Christmas shopping. So, you can go someplace fun, without all the crowds. As an added benefit, you’ll probably get great service.

I’m starting you early on this, because it might take a little bit of planning on your part. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps us from doing something we want to do is that we never plan for it. Well, plan now. That way, on Saturday, you can have a great time.

If the place is too far to go in one day, leave on Friday, after she hits the Black Friday sales, and come back on Saturday, that gives you an even better romantic interlude. You can combine wherever you go with a romantic dinner, a romantic breakfast, and a romantic night in a hotel.

A Gift Waiting for Her

Most couples are so busy that they have to coordinate their schedules, especially the parts about taking the kids to their activities and picking up things at the store. It’s not all that unusual to have to ask your wife to stop by the dry cleaners to pick up your pants, or to go to some shop to pick something up. Well, let’s take advantage of that.

Day 37 - This one will take a touch of planning, but it’s worth it. Buy some small, romantic gift for your wife, and wrap it up for her. Make sure her name is on it. Before asking your wife to go by the dry cleaners, go there yourself, and explain to the clerk what it is you want to do (this works especially well if they have a female clerk). Have them put the gift with your dry cleaning, so that it doesn’t get forgotten. Then, when your wife picks up your cleaning, she gets her gift too.

If you really want to make it special, go with two or three gifts in two or three different stores. Obviously, it works best to do this in small stores, where you can be sure that your wife won’t get lost in the crowds. Sales clerks, especially female ones, love to be in on the secret. At each stop, you wife will receive another gift.

I know a couple of men who did something similar to this for Valentines Day a couple of years ago. They left their wives a note, telling them to stop at such-and-such a store, where the first gift was waiting, along with a note telling them where the second stop was. In this case, they used all women’s stores for the stops; buying the presents in those stores. The sales clerks were so excited by it, that they were adding freebies to the gift bags.

The second year that they did this, their wives had a team of reporters, photographers, and video cameras following them around. The “gift tour” ended up on the news and in the paper.

Announce Your Love to the World

I remember a famous line (although I don’t remember where it comes from) that goes, “I will shout my love for you from the rooftops.” Even though it sounds a little dangerous, it still sounds like a great idea. It’s one thing to tell your wife that you love her, it’s another to make sure everyone else knows it too. Any declaration becomes stronger when we make it public; and that would make it very public indeed.

Day 36 – Okay, let’s get a little bit more realistic, than shouting from the rooftops. There has to be some way that we can publicly broadcast our love, doesn’t there? Yes, there is.

Most AM radio stations have sometime during the day that they do public announcements of birthdays, anniversaries and other similar thing. Even if they don’t typically do “I love you” messages, I bet they’d do it if you asked. Just make sure you are doing it at a time and on a station that your wife is listening to. As an alternative, get them to play her a love song from you.

It might help to have a co-conspirator make sure that the right radio station is on at the right time. Otherwise, she might miss the message. 

Announce Your Love to the World

I remember a famous line (although I don’t remember where it comes from) that goes, “I will shout my love for you from the rooftops.” Even though it sounds a little dangerous, it still sounds like a great idea. It’s one thing to tell your wife that you love her, it’s another to make sure everyone else knows it too. Any declaration becomes stronger when we make it public; and that would make it very public indeed.

Day 36 – Okay, let’s get a little bit more realistic, than shouting from the rooftops. There has to be some way that we can publicly broadcast our love, doesn’t there? Yes, there is.

Most AM radio stations have sometime during the day that they do public announcements of birthdays, anniversaries and other similar thing. Even if they don’t typically do “I love you” messages, I bet they’d do it if you asked. Just make sure you are doing it at a time and on a station that your wife is listening to. As an alternative, get them to play her a love song from you.

It might help to have a co-conspirator make sure that the right radio station is on at the right time. Otherwise, she might miss the message. 

Chores are Easier When Shared

Many couple, especially couples where both partners work away from home, use their weekends to catch up on work around the house. All the regular chores, like cleaning and fixing and shopping are left for the weekend. So, instead of spending time together, they spend their time doing what’s got to get done.

Day 35 - Unfortunately, I don’t have a solution to that problem. It’s usually pretty hard to get that stuff done in the middle of the week; and putting it off till the next weekend just makes it worse. One way, or another all that work has got to get done.

Okay, so we can’t get rid of the chores, but maybe we can find a way of making them better. How? By doing them together. I’m not talking about you doing your part of the chores, and your wife doing her part; that’s not doing them together, it’s just sharing the workload. No, what I’m trying to suggest is that you seek out those chores that the two of you can work on together, and do them as a team.

Not only will this make those chores go faster, but there’s something about working together on something, anything, that draws people together; at least, it draws them together if they can work together without fighting over the work.

Some chores easily lend themselves to teamwork, such as gardening, washing dishes and cleaning out the garage. Those are the first ones to try. Others may not seem to be so much working on the project together, as working on two things, but where you can be together. For example, she’s dusting the living room, and you’ve got to hang the curtains. Well, at least try and hang the curtains while she’s in the living room, so that you can at least be together.

One other thing, grab moments to make the work more fun. A hug and kiss break in the midst of a project always makes it easier. Or, playing with the kids toys while cleaning out the attic can be a great break. Whatever you do, make sure it’s something you can do together. 

Start the Weekend off Right

For most of us, the workweek may as well be spent with track shoes on. From the moment our alarms go off on Monday, through the kids soccer practice on Tuesday, and the ballet lessons on Thursday, how do we manage to find time for the dentist appointment, to talk with the kids math teacher; and, oh yeah, get some work in there too.

When the weekend comes, it seems like the whole world gives a huge, collective sigh of relief. But really, our all too often our weekends are just as hectic as the work week. We’ve got to mow the lawn, wash the car, do the grocery shopping, go to the kids game, wash the laundry, fix the broken screen door, and somehow still have time for the game. Oh, and don’t forget the relatives that are coming over for dinner on Sunday night.

How did we ever get so crazy? Even more important, how are we ever supposed to find time for each other in the midst of all this busyness?

Day 34 – I’d like to suggest to you that you and your wife form a new family tradition; one of starting the weekend of right. Take Friday night and make it yours. I know, there are a million other things to do; but this one is more important; we all need to invest time into our marriages.

It doesn’t really matter so much what you do in the time that you reserve for yourselves, what’s important is that you have that time. In fact, it’s so important, that I think you should put it in your planner, just like any other appointment. That doesn’t mean that you can never accept a dinner invitation on Friday nights, it just means that you only accept it if you both think it’s important enough to sacrifice your time together.

Friday nights don’t have to be expensive, but they have to be exclusive; it’s exclusively for the two of you. If you go out to eat, make the kids eat pizza. If you go to the park, to take a walk and throw bread at the ducks, don’t bring the kids with you. If you just sit over a cup of coffee and talk, make sure it is in a place where you can be alone. Oh, and, be sure to turn your cellular off.

Would You Do It All Over Again?

One of the questions we are often faced with in life is, “What would I do if my wife died?” I don’t know about you, but I’ve been directly confronted by this question on more than one occasion. It’s never fun, never comfortable, but that doesn’t stop it from rearing its ugly head.

So, how would you answer that question? I think for most of us, the idea of being single again isn’t all that attractive. Oh, I know, there’s always some guy that says he’d love to be back in that free swinging bachelor lifestyle; but, when it comes down to it, that’s a lonely way to live. It’s much better to have a wife who’s always there, instead of having to constantly look for someone to spend time with.

The next question that seems to follow the first is, “Would you marry her again?” Now, if you’re reading this blog, I really think your answer to that question would have to be a resounding, “Yes!” Otherwise, you probably would be on a blog about hating your wife, instead of on one about how to show love to her.

Day 33 – Well, if your answer is that “yes” that I think it is, why don’t you tell her. There’s nothing that will give your wife the security of knowing that you love her than for you to propose to her again. Yeah, I know, it sounds a little corny; but she won’t see it that way. 

Make Her a Gift

Remember back when we were little kiddies? Every Mother’s Day we’d make some sort of little gift for our moms. We never bought Birthday or Christmas cards, but instead we got out the glue and construction paper to make a “special” card. Looking back, our great creations might not seem to be such artistic masterpieces, but to those who received them, they were special.

Somewhere along the way we’ve lost that joy in making something with our own hands. Instead, we spend piles of money, trying to impress the person with the cost of the gift. But, you know, there’s still something special, almost magical, about a hand made gift.

A gift made by the giver is more than a gift; it’s a piece of the heart. Even though it may not seem as fancy as something bough in a department store, it’s always there saying, “I was made just for you.”

Day 32 – When we moved into our home last year, my wife wanted some planters to go on the wall around the porch. I could have gone out and found something for her at the local nursery, but instead, I went out to my workshop and made them. Not only do they match the house better, but my wife has a reminder of my love, each and every time she waters those flowers. She still has the “Happy Unbirthday” card I put with them, hanging on her bulletin board, by her desk.

So, what’s your skill? What do you know how to make? I’m not asking what you know how to make like a professional; if we wait to be that good, we’ll never make anything. Maybe it’s something that has been a hobby of yours, but you haven’t done for several years. That doesn’t mean you don’t know how to do it, you still can. If nothing else, dig out the construction paper and glue and make her an “I Love You” card. Put your skills to work, making gifts for your wife. I guarantee you; it’ll be something special to her.

How About a Love Poem?

Many of us guys struggle with putting our love into words, especially when we have to write those words down. Hey, I’m a writer, and there are still times when I struggle to put down words of love on paper. Never fear though, there are those who are experts on this! Not only are they experts, but are pleased when we use their words.

Of all the poetry written, I think that the theme of love has been one of the most popular ever used. I’m not sure, but I’d guess that there are many thousands of love poems that have been written and published through the years. Why not use those words, as if they are our own?

Day 31 – Go to your local book store and pick up a good book of poetry, especially one which has lots of love poems. Don’t worry if you can’t find one, that’s what the clerk is there for, they should know what they have.

What? You’re having trouble, don’t worry, you probably have a love poem in the house, and don’t even know it. If you have a Bible in the house, you have some of the greatest love poetry ever written. The book of Song of Solomon (also known as the Song of Songs) is a love poem, I’m sure Solomon won’t mind you using it.

Find a quiet time when the two of you can sit together; perhaps in front of the fireplace, or maybe even over your morning coffee. Have your book ready at hand, and when the moment seems ripe, read your selected poem to your wife. Take your time, this isn’t a race, the idea is to convey your love for her, not to impress her with how fast you can read.

Surprise Her at Work

It’s one thing to make her feel special when it’s just the two of you, but there’s nothing quite like making her feel special in front of other people. A special delivery at the office would make all her co-workers jealous, and giver her a real boost to start off the week.

I’ve found, however, that paying for flower or other deliveries can be a bit expensive. I don’t know about you, but my budget for romantic ideas is much more limited than I’d like it to be. So, since I can’t afford limousines and weekend getaways, I look for other ways to get the same effect, without the same expense.

Day 30 – Once again, we’re back to flowers. Don’t worry; she isn’t going to get tired of them. I thought about suggesting some other gift for this idea, but the great thing about flowers is that they’ll be real obvious sitting there on her desk. All her co-workers will see them, and of course comment on them.

Do you have a friend or family member you can trust to help you out on this? Get them to be your delivery boy. This works out especially well if they work near your wife. It’s important that her co-workers, and especially the receptionist doesn’t know that person.

So, pick her up some flowers, put them in a vase, and be sure to put a card with it. Her name needs to go on the envelope, and if you know it, it would help to put her department on there too. For fun, you might want to sing the card “from a not-so-secret admirer.” Have your friend deliver it, and your wife will have a very special day.

The Royal Bath

Everyone likes to be treated like they are something special, especially when they are treated that way by someone who is special to them. Since that’s what romance is about, it seems to me like we’ve got a perfect match.

It’s the weekend, and time to relax, right? Well, okay, yeah, there’s the yard to mow, and the car to wash, and all that, but somewhere in all this, we need to find a few minutes to relax as well. Better yet, we need to make sure we find a way to help our wives relax on the weekend. Well, today’s romantic act, one of my favorites, aught to help with that.

Day 29 – Several centuries ago, the Japanese came across the idea that a hot bath was one of the great ways to relax. I’m not sure when we in the “Western World” caught up with this idea, but the idea hasn’t changed in all that time; nor has the effectiveness of that hot bath.

So, let’s make this a really special hot bath for our wives. First of all, stop at the grocery store and pick up a dozen carnations, or other flowers. Don’t let your wife see them, but have them easily at hand for when you prepare her bath. As far as the bath itself, put some perfume and bubble bath in the water as you draw it. I don’t know what it is about bubble bath, but women like it, so we may as well take advantage of it. Cut the stems off of your flowers, and leave them floating in the water.

Just a couple more ingredients are needed to make this the perfect bath. Grab a CD player and you wife’s favorite soft, relaxing music. Put it on in the bath, and invite her in to relax in her special tub. Once she’s in there, bring her an ice cream Sunday.

You got all that? This is a little more complicated than our typical romantic act, but it’s Saturday, you’ve got the time to do something special for her. Not only will the ice cream melt in the hot tub, but I’ll bet her heart will too.

They’re Playing Our Song

Did you ever have a song that the two of you called “our song?” You know, a song that was special because you heard it on your first date, or the first song you danced to, or maybe even a song that just spoke to the two of you about you.

Through the years, sometimes these songs get forgotten about; but they’re still there. I mean, not only does the song still exist, but it’s still in your hearts as well. Music, especially music that we can identify with in some special way is something that never goes away, and can still awaken the same emotions that it did years earlier.

Day 28 – If you don’t have a copy of “your song” anymore, get online and find one to download. Then, sometime when she’s least expecting it, like the moment she collapses on the couch after a long day, play “your song” for her.

It would help if you could enter dramatically into the room with a rose in your teeth, or at least in your hand, about 10 seconds after the song starts (in other words, just long enough for her to recognize it). This would be a good time for a nice long hug, or a slow dance together in the middle of the living room. Don’t worry about the kids giggling, they need to see that you love one another.

Footrub Time

Have you ever wondered how women put up with wearing high heels? I don’t know about you, but to me, it seems like they’d be awfully uncomfortable. Not only that, but I have yet to see a pair of women’s shoes, or at least somewhat stylish women’s shoes that has any padding worth talking about.

I remember back when my eldest daughter worked in a clothing store in the mall. She tried to tell me that her high heels were more comfortable to stand around in all day than some flats. Fortunately for me, I didn’t believe her. Now that she’s a teacher, she still wears the heels, but at least she admits that they’re uncomfortable. I guess that cold be called progress.

Day 27 - A couple of weeks ago, the blog posting talked about giving your wife a backrub. While I’m sure she enjoyed it, that probably isn’t the only part of her body that hurts from time to time. This time, why don’t we go for a footrub. This would probably be especially appreciated on one of those days that she chose to wear high heels.

One very important bit of advice I need to give you about footrubs. Many people have ticklish feet. You aren’t trying to tickle her feet, but to rub them. This is the one time that a soft touch will not be appreciated. Mostly work on the sole of her foot, especially the ball and arch, as those are the parts that are going to hurt the most. 

Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Remember the old saying, “you only hurt the ones you love”? Unfortunately, it’s quite true; but the question is, “Why is it so true?” Why should it be that we take things our on those who are closest to us, hurting them for things that really have nothing to do with them?

All too often, we get home from a hard day at work, possibly an argument with the boss, or an altercation with another co-worker. Or, a crisis arises in our family, possibly one of the children getting hurt, doing something foolish. Maybe, we’re dealing with financial struggles caused by the loss of a job. All of these things are part of life; no matter who we are, or what our status and position, we’ll still have problems. But, how we deal with them shows our growth and maturity.

The most common reaction in these situations is to strike out at somebody; that’s how we end up hurting those who are close to us. Instead of striking out at those who have hurt us, or caused us the problem, we strike out at our families.

I have learned through long and hard experience, that there are times that it is best that I not say anything at all. Even trying to say simple things like “pass the salt,” or, “hello” can come out bad when one is confronted with a crisis, or even worse when one is mad. My wife has learned that when I refuse to talk, it is with good reason, and allows me to keep my peace.

Don’t take me wrong on this, I’m not giving you license to give your wife the cold shoulder, or to ignore her in any way. What I’m saying is that I have learned to keep quiet, until and only until I am sure that I can talk without being destructive; talking positive instead of negative.

Day 26 – So, I’m sure you can guess what today’s romantic act is. Yes, I know, this is another one of those cases where it really doesn’t seem romantic; and I’d have to say it really isn’t. But, on the other hand, letting loose all those negative feelings at your wife is definitely the opposite of romantic.

Learn how to get yourself, especially your negative emotions, under control, before you get home to your wife. If that means you take a couple of extra laps around the neighborhood, before pulling into the driveway, do just that.

A little secret that might help you out. The quicker you can forgive those who have spitefully used you, the quicker you can get over it. I’m not saying that you have to forgive them to their face, nor am I saying that you have to say they were right. You’re not forgiving them for their sake, but for your own. There, in the privacy of your car, just say the words, I forgive them.” You’d be amazed how freeing those three words can be.

Regain Your Youth

Why is it, that as we grow older, we start to act like old folks? Oh, I understand, there are certain physical limitations that can come with age, but I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about acting like something is beneath us to do, because we are now adults.

Someone once said that the greatest thing about having grandkids is that you get to get on the floor and play like a kid again. Hooray for the grandkids! Too bad we need them to throw off our stuffiness, and have some good old fun. Maybe, just maybe, it would be possible to have that fun, without having the grandkids; maybe we could do it as a couple.

C’mon, get over your stuffiness, play again, have fun, If anyone looks at your strange, maybe it’s because they don’t have the guts to do what you are doing. Anyway, who cares what they are thinking.

Day 25 – Let’s have some good old fashioned kid type fun. It’s fall, and what does fall bring us? Hmmm, how about all those leaves that have fallen from the trees. Now, if we were kids, what would we do with all those leaves? You got it, we’d rake them into the biggest mountain we could, and jump in it.

So, take off your coat and tie, grab the rake, and make a pile of leaves. Once you’ve got everything ready, grab your wife, bring her outside, and have fun! Make the going outside a game too. Cover her eyes with your hands as you lead her outside.

It may not seem like the most romantic thing you’ve ever done, but it will make the two of you feel young again. If there’s anything that’s romantic, feeling young would have to be pretty high up on the list. 

“Thank You, Honey”

Quite often, it’s the little things that make a big difference. When we do them, everything works out fine, but when we forget them, everything turns into a disaster. Take checking the oil and water in your car for an example. If you keep the oil changed, and the water topped off, your engine will last a long time. But, forget to change the oil regularly, and that car you paid so much for can end up in the junkyard. I know, I’ve made that mistake.

Your wife doesn’t have a dipstick to check her emotional state; but you should be able to have a pretty good idea of it just by watching her. Remember, you are supposed to be the expert on her. Just as checking the oil can seem like a small thing, checking your wife’s emotions is a small thing; but one with great importance.

Much of the time, if our wives emotional state starts getting a little low, it is because of our words. Now, I realize that we, as husbands, are not the only thing that can affect our wife’s emotions, but we’re definitely at the top of the list. Not only that, but we are the ones who have the greatest possibility to turn it around again.

As I said, it’s the little things that make a difference. In other words, it’s the little words that we say, or don’t say that can make the biggest difference for her. Little words like, “Thank you, Honey.” How often do you say that? Or, are you like many men, who take their wife’s work for granted?

Day 24 – Time to form a new habit, the habit of saying “thank you” to your wife. Start out by taking her aside, maybe after dinner, without the kids, and telling her, “I’ve been remiss in not thanking you for everything you do for me. I just want you to know that I appreciate you.”

Don’t let it stop there, though. Make sure you thank her for at least one thing every day (better if you can do more). If necessary, make a note in your cell phone, or planner to remind you to thank her. They say it takes 40 days to form a new habit; so make sure you put it in your planner every day for the next 40 days.

A Little Pampering Never Hurts

It’s always important to remember that your wife is the most important person in your life. Even if you have a communication problem, or a disagreement between you; that doesn’t take away from her importance for you. Of all the people you know, she is the only one whose absence would bring your whole world to a screeching halt.

Everything we are doing as romantic acts is with the idea of showing her how important she is. Nobody else can show her that, and nobody else should show her that. You have the special honor of being the only person that she is so special to.

Day 23 - So, it’s Sunday, what can we do for her today? Let’s steal an idea from our kids. What’s the classic thing that kids do for their mothers on Mother’s Day? You got it; they make her breakfast in bed. So, go down to the kitchen, fire up the stove, and make her the best breakfast she’s ever had.

But, let’s change it a little from what the kids do. Don’t just deliver her breakfast, and leave her alone to eat it; make enough for two. That’s right, have a picnic breakfast, together with your wife, right there on your bed. That’ll give you a little time without the kiddies too.

Two little details, just to make sure you don’t negate your own work. First of all, don’t forget to clean up the kitchen. Your wife won’t feel romanticized if she’s got to clean up after you. Secondly, if you guys manage to spill anything on the bed (including crumbs) be the one to strip the bed and get the sheets into the wash; before she can do it.

Make Time to Invest

One of the struggles we have in our modern society is that we are all so busy that we don’t have enough time to invest in our marriages. I say invest, because it is an investment; the time we are together isn’t a cost, it is an investment.

No relationship can stay strong without investing time and communication. Yet, all too often, married couples are so busy with the necessities of life that they find little “free time” in their schedules. Then, when they do have free time, they use that time for hobbies and pastimes that don’t build up their relationship.

Day 22 – Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to find a hobby that you and your wife can do, and enjoy together (that means that both of you have to enjoy it, not that one of you is sacrificing so that the other one can enjoy it). If you think this is impossible, I’d have to say that that means you just haven’t explored all the possibilities out there. There has to be something that you both enjoy, or you probably would never have gotten married.

Many couples take up hobbies where they can work on doing something together. For example, refinishing furniture, or gardening. Or, it might be learning instruments that you can play together, or dancing, or ice skating. Not only do these types of hobbies give you time to spend together, but they give you something to talk about together. It doesn’t matter so much what it is, as that it is something that you do together.

Don’t tell me you don’t have time, either. None of us have time; what you have to do is make time. What? You’re not sure how you can make time? Let me help you. First of all, what activities do you do, that aren’t essential, and don’t involve your wife? Whether it is watching the football game, going fishing, building a hot rod, or bowling night, I’m pretty sure you have some activity that is just for you, and doesn’t include your wife.

Now, ask yourself which is more important, that activity, or your relationship with your wife? If you are unsure about the answer, ask yourself which one you could best live without. Don’t tell me it wouldn’t bother you if your wife left you, but it would bother you if your favorite team gave up playing ball. I don’t believe you. If you were that kind of man, you wouldn’t be on this blog.

Yea, you may have to give up something you enjoy to enjoy something with your wife. But really, isn’t your marriage worth it?

How Many Times Can You Say, "I Love You"

There’s the old joke about the couple who had been married twenty years and were fighting. In the midst of the fight, she screams to her husband, “You never say that you love me!” Befuddled, he looks at his wife and responds, “I told you I love you 20 years ago, when I married you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Those three important little words, how our wives long to hear them. Yet, many, if not most, men don’t say them anywhere near often enough. Oh, we say them, and do so much more often than in that joke; but all too often it can be days between times when we actually say “I Love You” to our wives.

Words are important to women. Although men are visually stimulated, women are aurally stimulated (that means by hearing). What we say to our wives greatly effects their emotions, their feeling of being loved, and even their health.

Day 21 – Let’s say “I love you” in a different way today, and let’s say it a lot. Ready? Get yourself some paper, and cut it into 100 or more little squares (if you want to get fancy, make them hearts). Write the words “I Love You” on each one of them, and sign them. Then, sometime when your wife can’t see you do it, go into her dresser and hide these little love notes in each and every article of clothing you can find. Don’t just scatter them, put them in the clothing. If you have to unroll socks, and unfold shirts to do it, do just that. Just make sure you fold it back up neatly when you’re done, or she’ll know somebody has been in her dresser.

Now, for the next couple of weeks, or even longer, she’ll find your notes. Every time she gets dressed, she’ll be getting another love note from you. 

Gift Her in Private

It seems that one of the greatest desires of women is to feel pretty, and one of the greatest desires of men is to have a pretty wife. Hmmm, sounds like a plan to me; maybe someone worked that out on purpose.

There are a number of things that make a woman feel pretty, but right now I want to share a secret one with you. You ready for this? The lingerie your wife wears affects how she feels about herself, specifically how pretty she thinks she is. That’s right; even if nobody else sees it, she knows what she’s got on, and it affects how she thinks of herself. If she’s wearing dull cotton panties, she doesn’t feel so hot, but if she’s wearing something lacy or even racy, she’ll feel like she’s someone special.

Day 20 – Sign your wife up for the Panty of the Month Club. There are a number of online businesses that offer this sort of service, providing everything from elegant, to sexy to wild. It will cost you somewhere between $20.00 to $35.00 per month to sign her up for this, but for that money they will send your honey a sexy gift from you, each and every month.

How’s that for a romantic act? Just make sure she plays dress up for you.

Watch Those Words!

I guess today’s post wouldn’t be considered romantic by most people; because really it’s not so much about doing something romantic, but avoiding doing something anti-romantic. You see, most of us have a hard time controlling our words. We become angry, or hurt, or just plain careless and say hurtful things to our wives.

That old saying of “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies ever spoken by mankind. Our words can hurt in ways that sticks and stones can’t even touch. Broken bones heal, but a broken heart may never become whole again.

So, what can we do? To put it bluntly, we can grow up. A mature adult should be able to control themselves, and that includes controlling their tongue. It is important to learn how to keep our mouths shut, especially when what we would say is hurtful to our wives, or even to our children. Another old saying goes, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” This one will help us to avoid hurting those around us.

It doesn’t matter how many romantic acts we do, if we are still hurting the heart of the one we love, the romantic acts won’t do any good. So, let’s avoid those anti-romantic words.

Day 19 – This one’s going to be hard; but you’re a man, you can do it. Go to your wife, someplace where the two of you can be alone, and apologize to her for all the hurtful things you have said throughout the years. Make a vow to her to work hard on learning how to control your tongue. Finally, ask her to let you know if you say anything hurtful without realizing it.

Like I said, this may not seem romantic, but if you do it with sincerity, you will be surprised with how positive a reaction you get from her. After all, everyone says that “making up” is the fun part.

Nothing Says “Love” Like Chocolate

I honestly think that there must be more chocoholics in the world than there are addicts to anything else. Although there are those few rare people who actually don’t like chocolate, the vast majority of us, if placed before the greatest banquet the world has ever seen, would check to make sure there was enough chocolate for us.

Of course, the love of chocolate knows no gender boundary. Men and women alike swoon for some rich, creamy chocolate. But, there are two times in particular when a woman craves chocolate; those are during her PMS time, and during menopause. It seems that there is something in chocolate that really helps them through those times.

Day 18 – The next time your wife is going through one of those rough emotional times… you got it, buy her some chocolate. Now, while any chocolate will do, if you want to make it a romantic act, you really need to buy some sort of special chocolate, not just what they sell at the grocery store checkout.

Good chocolate isn’t exactly cheap, but then that’s part of what makes it special. Godiva is only one of a number of companies that sell specialty chocolates. Many malls now have Godiva stores, and many department stores now sell Godiva assortments. Or, maybe your town has a specialty chocolate store, where they make them by hand. If not, you can always search the Internet to find one who will ship to you.

Personally, my wife and I prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate, and we have trouble labeling white chocolate as any kind of chocolate. But, there are those out there who prefer the lighter, sweeter, milk chocolate. If you don’t know your wife’s preference in chocolate, it’s time to find out.

Like I said, there’s nothing that says “love” like chocolate.

Don’t Forget Those “Important” Dates

Everyone likes to feel special. Fortunately, in our society, we have certain days that are set aside for just that purpose; Mother’s Day, Birthdays, and Anniversaries all exist just to make the person being honored feel special (and to sell Birthday Cards as well). But, how special is that special person going to feel if they are forgotten? Instead of feeling special, they are going to feel like they are unimportant, and even worse, they’ll feel unloved.

Fortunately for you and me, modern technology has been applied to the age old problem of men forgetting their anniversaries and wives birthdays. That’s right, where your memory fails; an electronic memory can help you out. Just program those special days into your cell phone, digital watch, facebook account, and whatever PIM you use on your computer. That way, you won’t be guilty of forgetting again.

If you’re smart, you’ll program those days in with a little bit of anticipation, so you have a day or two to go out and buy her a present. Make sure it’s a romantic one.

Day 17 – Okay, we’ve got a little bit of a timing problem on this one, because I don’t know when your anniversary or your wife’s birthday is. So, you may not be able to complete today’s romantic act today. Nevertheless, this is a biggie on the importance scale.

Yeah, you got it; make sure you buy your wife a NICE gift on her birthday, and again on her anniversary. How do I define a nice gift? Simple, it needs to be something frivolous (not something useful), that she would love to have, but would never buy herself. Jewelry fits the bill for this one. So do things that she might use in a hobby. Use your imagination, she’s your wife; you should know by now what she likes.

Oh, and buying flowers for your wife on her birthday is a confession that either you couldn’t come up with an idea, or you forgot and had to run out at the last minute to get something. While that’s better than nothing, it’s not the best that you can do. Let’s go for the best!