Don’t Let Her Actions Affect Your Romance

I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon about men and romance. That is, men are much more likely to be romantic when their wives are sexually intimate with them. Of course, if one truly understands sexual intimacy and the affect it has on men, then that makes lots of sense. The things which are considered by women to be romantic are expressions of our love. When we feel our love tank is full, then we are much more likely to give love to our wives.

But, what about those times when our love tank feels empty, or close to empty? What do we do then? Most of the time, that’s when we forget about being romantic, holding what little love we have for ourselves. Unfortunately, that’s not going to help anything; instead, it’s just going to make her much less likely to be interested or even willing to engage in sex.

Love begets more love. When love is given, more love is created. That’s why we are more likely to express love when we are feeling loved. However, when we don’t give love, the little bit that we do have tends to die.

I heard a little story when I was a kid, which has stuck with me all these years:

There was a village where everyone walked around all day with bags of warm fuzzies. As they greeted each other on the streets, in the markets, and in their homes, they would give a warm fuzzie to each other. Everyone was always giving away their warm fuzzies, and nobody ever ran out of them. There were always plenty of warm fuzzies in their bags to give away.

Of course, this angered the evil wizard, who had a heart as cold as ice. He couldn’t stand seeing all these people giving warm fuzzies to each other all the time. So, to counter this, he made up a big batch of cold pricklies. Going down to the village, he gave everyone bags of cold pricklies; telling them that they needed to guard their warm fuzzies for themselves, or they wouldn’t have enough. Since he was considered a wise man, the people believed what he said.

So, instead of giving each other warm fuzzies on the streets, in their homes and in the marketplace, people began to give each other cold pricklies. It was much easier to give away those cold pricklies and keep their warm fuzzies for themselves. Of course, the warm fuzzies started dying off, because warm fuzzies need to be given away in order to survive.

Have cold pricklies replaced warm fuzzies in your marriage? Many couples face this problem. Sadly, in most cases they are both expecting the other one to be the first to start giving them warm fuzzies first. They are both determined to have their bag of warm fuzzies full, before giving any away.

I started writing this blog when I was receiving many more cold pricklies from my wife than I was receiving warm fuzzies. She was working as a public school teacher and didn’t have time or energy for me. From the time she woke up in the morning, till the time she went to bed at night, she was a teacher. I only got her as a wife in the ten or fifteen minutes that it took for us to eat dinner (which I prepared for her).

I’m not blaming her and I don’t want you to get the idea that my wife was wrong. Teachers work those kinds of hours. Between creating lesson plans and grading papers, the hours they aren’t in the classroom are pretty much filled up.

God challenged me to start this blog to break us out of that cycle. As I gave my wife warm fuzzies, it affected me. I found myself with more warm fuzzies to give; not because she was giving me more, but because I was giving more away. After a while, it began to affect her as well. Eventually, we got back to the point of constantly giving each other warm fuzzies.

Had I waited on her, we would probably still be giving each other cold pricklies. My love for her can’t be dependent upon her love towards me or her actions towards me. If it is, then it is merely human love and not that higher form of love that we are commanded in the Bible to give to our wives. True love, the kind that God gives us, is the kind that loves the unlovely, even when they aren’t acting lovable. You see, our responsibility isn’t to make sure that our bag of warm fuzzies is filled up, it’s to make sure that our wives bags are.

I distinctly remember a number of days when I was feeling the most unloved. On those days, God would say to me, “This is a good day to do something special for your wife.” I never agreed with Him on that, but he always won the argument. You know something? He was right!

When I overcome myself to be loving towards my wife, it is then that I truly show her that I love her. My romantic acts on those days means so much more; if not to her, then to me. My bag of warm fuzzies fills up.