Pamper Her a Little

The word is out, the flu season has come upon us once again; or, maybe it never left. Anyway, there sure are a lot of people who are lying around in bed, not feeling all that good.

You know, it’s kind of funny; the biggest, toughest, most macho guy can turn into a baby when he gets sick. It’s amazing how something so small as a bacteria or even a virus can take away our strength, our will, and our desire to do anything. All we want to do is lay around all day.

Isn’t it great to know that when we’re not feeling good, our wives are there to take care of us? It is so comforting to have someone pampering us at that time; bringing us something to drink, running to the store for our medicine, and just fussing over us.

But, wait a minute; who fusses over our wives when they get sick?

Day 56 – You know, if she fusses over you when you are sick, it’s only fair that you do the same for her. Oh, I know, you might not have the natural propensity to do that like she does (I know I don’t), but that isn’t the point. She needs you to pamper her just as much as you need her to pamper you when you’re laid up.

So, how do you do that? Easy, just do everything for her that she would do for you. Don’t try and tell me you don’t know what she does for you when you’re sick, you know. Well, those same things will help to comfort her and make her feel like somebody cares about her.

You see, that’s the problem; when we don’t take care of our wives when they are sick, we make them feel like we don’t care about them. Worse, we’re establishing a double standard; they should take care of us, but we don’t have to do the same for them. Make the extra effort, do whatever you can to make her feel well taken care of. She’ll appreciate you for it.

Maintain the “Wow Factor”

Many guys say, “I may be married, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look.” Some even go so far as to use this as an excuse for pornography. According to these guys, it doesn’t hurt to look, just as long as that’s all you do.

Sorry, guys, I have to disagree with that. When men look, there is a natural tendency to think about what, or who, they are looking at. Even if they don’t go off for a trip in fantasy land about that other woman, they still think about her, if only for a moment.

One of the ways in which we think about other women, which may not seem so dangerous, is to compare them to our wives. C’mon, let’s be realistic, what woman can stand up under the scrutiny of being compared to other women, who often are younger than they are? There’s always someone prettier, thinner, with larger breasts, a better body, or better makeup.

Okay, so what’s the problem with all this? Simple, once we start comparing our wives to these other women, we lose the “wow factor” about our own wife. Instead of seeing her as a wonderful, beautiful woman, we see her as the woman we’re stuck with. That’s dangerous ground to get into. To protect our hearts and our marriages we, as men, need to always see our own wives as beautiful women.

Day 55 – This is another one of those romantic acts that may not seem all that romantic, but carries huge consequences. Ready? Go to your wife and tell her, “Honey, I only have eyes for you.” Now, let me tell you right now that she’s not going to believe her, especially if she knows that you’ve had the habit of looking at other women.

So, how do you get her to believe you? Okay, here’s where the going gets rough. If you’re one of those guys who have been looking at other women, you need to apologize to your wife for that and ask her to help you in the future. Ask her to help keep a guard on your eyes, and if she sees you looking at someone else, to get in the way, pull you away, or help you look the other way. That will show her you are serious.

You will find that the less you look at other women, the more beautiful your wife looks to you. Even if you’ve lost the “wow factor” about her, it’ll come back; don’t worry. You were created to appreciate her beauty and she was created to look beautiful to you.

No woman wants to share her husband any more than a man wants to share his wife (although there are a few strange guys out there that do). She needs the confidence and assurance that you are hers and are going to stay hers. This will help her have that confidence.

Be Her Encourager

There was a guy in the book of Acts in the Bible who was named “Barnabas.” His name literally translated means, “son of the encourager.” Now, I don’t know if he had that name because he encouraged people or because his dad encouraged people; but I strongly suspect that it was because he was an encourager. You see, that wasn’t his real name, it was a name given to him by the apostles.

I can easily imagine Barnabas seeking out those who were feeling beaten down, worn out and despondent; he would probably sit down with them, talk to them, and pick them up so they could go on again. Oh, how we could use some Barnabas’ today.

Day 54 – Sorry to say, I don’t know where to find a Barnabas for you. But, I do know where to find one for your wife. Can you guess who it is? You got it, you are.

You know, the world in which we live in is great at working to beat us all down. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a person who didn’t have struggles in their life; difficult bosses, cranky co-workers, problem neighbors, and of course at least one relative who could always be counted on to arrive at just the wrong time to put a negative spin on anything.

Well, just cause the world is trying to beat us down, doesn’t mean that we have to become a part of that game, especially within the marriage. Become the one who encourages your wife; compliment her on her appearance, her work, and her successes; in fact, compliment her on anything you can see her do. Then, go on from there to be her cheerleader in the things she is trying to do. Learn the phrases “you can do it” and “great job” and apply them frequently.

Your wife will feel better knowing that you are in her corner. She just may find herself making a little more progress, doing a little better job, and most of all being better able to ignore the negativity around her.

A Bite of Romance

Did you know that foods can be romantic? I don’t mean just your everyday ordinary foods; they don’t quite fit the bill. But there are special, maybe even exotic foods that definitely qualify as romantic.

No, I can’t give you a list of them, because the list is different for every couple. Oh, there are a few that seem to be romantic for every couple, like chocolate dipped strawberries, but those are extremely rare.

You see, what makes a food romantic is the memories associated with that particular food. So, since I don’t know what memories you and your wife have, I can’t tell you what foods are romantic for you; but you can. All you have to do is dredge up the memories of special things you have eaten at special times with your wife.

It could be that you ate something special on your first date. Or, that you had habit of going out for ice cream after the movies. Maybe it’s a special type of chocolate you used to buy at a favorite getaway. Then again, it could be some type of desert you used to enjoy sharing. It might even be a special drink that the two of you enjoy. The point is that it has to be something that you enjoyed sharing together in those special moments you shared.

Day 53 – Put your thinking cap on, turn it up to high power and try and recall that special romantic food or drink that the two of you used to share. I think you can figure it out from there, right? Go get it and have a special time together with a bite of your romantic food.

If you can’t come up with anything, there’s still hope. It’s not too late to start a new romantic tradition in your home. Come up with something special, maybe a special pastry that the two of you can share as part of that new romantic tradition. Go get it, and have a special time together. Then, the next time you bring that home, the positive romantic feelings will start as soon as you bring it in the door.

Get Dressed Up for Her

Us guys tend to be a bit of a slob at times; or at least if we aren’t slobs, we like to dress as if we are. Come Saturday, we dig out the old jeans and a holy t-shirt because they are “comfortable.” If our wives don’t like it, well, that’s just too bad.

Hold on a minute. Don’t we like to see them all dressed up for us? Well then, why shouldn’t we do the same thing for them? It’s one thing to wear grubbies when we’re working on something grubby; but it’s a whole different thing to just hang out in them. Why should we think that’s going to spark any romantic interest in them at all?

Women aren’t visually stimulated like men are, nor are they as likely to hook up with someone just for how they look; they are much more interested in what they say. On the other hand, a woman has a hard time working up much interest in getting close to a smelly, grubby, sweaty man. Appearances are important; that’s why they spend so much time to make themselves look good.

Remember the old saying about “clothes make the man.” What that means is that wearing the right clothing can make a man look like he’s somebody important. If you don’t believe me, just try dealing with anyone who provides a service; they’ll treat you better if you are better dressed.

I remember when I was doing a lot of business traveling as an engineer. Usually, my traveling companions would show up at the airport wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, while I showed up in a suit. At first, I did it in case my luggage got lost (I hated showing up at meetings, or vendors looking like I was there to fix their car). But I quickly learned that I got better service than my traveling companions. Why? Just because I wore a suit.

Day 52 – I’m probably going to step on a few sacred cows with this one, but… (deep breath) okay, here goes. If we want our wives to be attracted to us, we need to make ourselves attractive to them. That means it’s time to retire the holy t-shirts, buy some new jeans, and get rid of the smelly tennis. I know, you’re attached to that stuff; but remember, you’re working on being more attached to your wife.

Remember what I was saying about “looking like somebody important”? Women, by their nature, want to be married to a man who is a winner. He’s got to be the strongest, or the bravest, or the fastest, or the richest, or best at something. Why? Because those kinds of men become good providers. When you dress well, you look like you are a winner. That makes her feel good.

So, put those grubbies back in the closet. Use them when you have to mow the lawn or change the oil. But, when you don’t have to look like a bum, look like somebody; not for you, for her.

What Attracts You to Her?

One of the conditions that is rampant in humanity is the lack of self-esteem. It seems that there are a few people in the earth who are burdened with an overly large ego, and think that they are God’s gift to mankind. All of the other 99 plus percent of the population is struggling to not drown in insecurity.

I guess what I’m saying here is that all of us need affirmation. One of the things we need the most from those around us is to be reminded regularly that we are important to them. Not only that, but we need to be reminded of why we are important to them.

Well, fortunately for us, that’s what romance is all about; showing our wives that they are special to us, through a myriad of little things. But, you know, sometimes it helps to just tell her.

Day 51 – Let me go back to the question that I used for today’s title. What is it that attracts you to your wife? Don’t tell me there’s nothing about her that attracts you; you married her, didn’t you? And don’t tell me that the things which attracted you to her enough to marry her are gone; they’re still there, even if you forgot to look at them.

One of the ways that you can affirm your wife is to tell her about those positive things that attract you to her. Be careful now, you want to think this out before you say anything. It is essential that you say these things in a way that there is nothing negative, nothing sarcastic, and nothing bitter hiding in what you say. You also want to make sure you say it in such a way that she can’t misunderstand you, and think that there is something negative hidden in what you say.

I remember a marriage counseling I had with a couple once. Both of them were carrying a lot of bitterness towards the other. As part of the session, I told them to take a few minutes to forgive each other for anything that they needed to. When I came back into the room, they had turned that forgiveness session into a way of attacking each other. Each and every thing they were saying was a stab in the back for something the other was or wasn’t doing, worded in a way to make it sound like they were “forgiving” each other. Obviously, we had to start over.

The poor example of this couple is why I want you to think out what you are going to say, and how you are going to say it. It won’t do any good at all if you try and say something positive about your wife, but do it in a way that she receives as negative; if you can’t come up with a way to say something clearly positive, it’s better not to mention it. Remember, this is about building her up.

An added benefit of this is that there are probably things that attract you to your wife, which she doesn’t even know, because you’ve never told her. Hearing of those things, from your lips, might encourage her to continue, or even increase in doing them. Ultimately, that will attract you to her more and bring your marriage closer together.

One last little detail… don’t concentrate on the physical. Yes, I know, it was probably the physical that originally attracted you to her. Since her body has probably changed since then, you might have trouble saying something in a way that can’t be misconstrued; and even if you can, women like to feel like they are appreciated for something besides their bodies. If that’s the only thing that is attracting you to her, you need some serious help; it’s time to look deeper than that. 

Wake Her Up with Kisses

I don’t know how it is in your house, but it seems that I am the alarm clock for my family; specifically I’m the alarm clock for my wife. For some reason, she can’t hear any alarm clock we buy, and manages to sleep right through it. On the other hand, I think a silent alarm would wake me.

Sometimes (okay, let’s make that all the time), it’s a little hard to be gracious when you have to wake another person up, especially when the only reason that you are up that early is to be their alarm clock. The tendency is to give them an elbow in the ribs, and roll over to try and catch a few more winks. But, and again I say, “But” we want to be sure that everything we do expresses love to our wife.

So, the question is how does one wake up their wife in a loving, yet effective way? Well, after longs years of experimentation and investigation I have finally found an effective and loving way to wake my wife up. Not only that, but it’s an almost guaranteed way of waking her up.

Day 50 – Okay, so the next time you have to wake your wife up, do it with kisses. Kiss her everywhere you can find to kiss; up and down her back, on her legs, the back of her neck, her arms; like I said wherever you can find to kiss. She may be a little surprised to be woken up that way, but she’ll like it a lot better than the elbow in the ribs, and might even wake up with a smile on her face.