A Good Sense of Humor

It seems that one of the hardest skills to learn is how to laugh at ourselves. I mean, think about it, as human beings, we are definitely the funniest thing on the planet. While we might occasionally laugh at some animal antics, most of what we laugh about is human antics, especially those that are embarrassing to the person who did them.

So, if it’s so easy to laugh at others, why do we have trouble laughing at ourselves for the same blunders? Is this a case of, “If it happens to them, it’s funny; if it happens to me, it’s a disaster”? Hey, if it’s funny when it happens to them, then somebody somewhere thinks it’s funny when it happens to us. If somebody is going to be laughing, we may as well join in.

I think we humans tend to take ourselves a little too seriously. There’s too much desire to make ourselves look good, and not enough desire to make ourselves look like ourselves.

I’ve got some news for you. Your wife didn’t marry you for what you pretend to be, she married you for who you are. She can see through all that stuffiness, self-righteousness and pretending, to see the person within. You may as well let that person out to play.

Learning to laugh at yourself is all about putting things in the right perspective. Is that thing that happened really all that important? Is it worth the anger you are investing in it? Wouldn’t it be better, instead of thinking that you’ve got to be perfect, to think that you’ve got to be fun to be around? That’s what I mean by perspective. Don’t invest your energy in being angry, have a laugh and go on. That’ll make you more fun to be around.

Hey, if you don’t learn how to be fun to be around, then you’ll never succeed in being romantic.

Create a “Word Cloud” Love Note

I’m always looking for fun ways to say those magic three words to my wife. That’s not to say that I don’t say them in plain English, but it’s fun to find other ways to tell my wife that I love her. No matter how much she likes hearing me say that I love her, I’m sure she appreciates the effort that goes into expressing my love in a unique and original way. If nothing else, it shows that I put some thought into telling her that I love her.

Here’s a great way I found to make a unique love note, and the other great thing (besides being a unique love note) is that you don’t have to be a poet to do it. All you have to do is be able to come up with a list of words, and type them in your computer. Can you handle that?

Okay, there’s this fun little site on the Internet, called “wordle.net.” This site will take whatever list of words or body of text you give it, and create a word cloud from those words. All you have to do is come up with the words.

You can either copy something, like a poem, a love story, or something from this blog, or you can type in your own list of words. For the sample I show above, I typed in a list of words. They were essentially a list of 39 words that I made up, based upon my relationship with my wife. I just typed them in the box on the applet and wordle.net came up with my love note.

Here’s some ideas for your list of words:

• Your wife’s name – in all its variations, my wife’s name is Deborah, that means I typed in Deborah, Debbie, and Deb
• The words “love” and “you”
• Pet names, like “honey” or “sexy” that you might use for your wife
• Attributes that you like about her such as “beautiful” or “funny”
• Things that you do together such as “walk” “swim”
• Any special code words that you use between yourselves as a couple

Okay, one of the keys to how any word cloud works is that the number of repetitions of a word determine how big that word comes out. So, you want to repeat words like “love,” “you,” pet names, her name, and special words like “forever” and “together.” Remember, the more times you repeat them, the larger they show up. If you look in my sample, the biggest word is “love,” that’s because I typed it in 8 times. The words which show up the next larger size were typed in 5 times, etc.

When you push the button, wordle.net will automatically create your word cloud. If you don’t like it, or think it might look better a little different, you can hit the button that says “open in window.” This will make a separate window of your word cloud. Then, you can hit the “randomize” button and let wordle.net give it another shot. There are quite a few variations available that wordle.net can produce.You can also change the color and layout by clicking on the pull-down menus for those selections, which are right above your word cloud.

You can also go back to add words, or add iterations of words. All you have to do is hit the “back” button on your browser, this will take you to the home page of the site; then hit the “forward” button and it will take you to the page where you entered your word list. Don’t hit the “create” button again, as this will give you a blank page for entering your list.

Have fun, be creative, and make your wife a special love note.

Those Important Days

You know, one of the worst things you can do as a husband, is to forget an important day in your life together. What do I mean by that? I’m talking about days like her birthday and your anniversary. Even if those types of days aren’t important to you, they probably are to your wife. So, the last thing you want to do is skip over one of them without the necessary gifts, cards, and special meal.

Fortunately for modern man, we’ve got all sorts of things that can remind us of those days. Lots of us use some sort of electronic PIM, such as a Palm, or iPad, or even Outlook on our computer. So, all we’ve got to do is program her birthday and our anniversary into those right?

Wait a minute, let’s say that you go ahead and program those days into Outlook on your home computer. You probably don’t have time to check your computer before heading off to work, so you don’t see that great reminder until you come home. Oops, it’s already too late. You may as well grab a blanket and pillow and head out to the dog house, because that’s where you’re going to be sleeping for the next couple of weeks.

Or, let’s say that you’ve got it programmed into your PIM, and it tells you about her birthday in the morning. Okay, now you’ve got all day to do something about it. Only, you end up with the busiest day you’ve ever had in the office, and there’s a critical meeting that runs over, meaning you don’t get to leave on time. So, you dash home, grabbing a dozen roses along the way, to find your wife miffed at you and not too happy about your wilted roses.

Celebrating an important day takes some time to prepare. So, why not make a little adjustment to your electronic calendar? Go ahead and leave your wife’s birthday and your anniversary in there, but program daily reminders in for the 3 days or more beforehand. That way, you’ll get reminders in time to plan something and buy your wife a nice gift.

Let me say one other thing here. Invariably there are times when it is impossible to celebrate an important day on that day. This year, my wife and I couldn’t go out for Valentine’s Day, because we were both teaching that night. So, what do you do for those problem times? Easy, celebrate it early. Take your wife out the day before, or on the weekend before, instead of on the day in question. Just make sure you let her know ahead of time, that that’s what you are doing. Waiting till afterwards says you forgot, doing it beforehand says you’re giving her priority.

One other little note: going hunting, fishing, or to your bowling league on your wife’s birthday is a real no-no. Even if you take her out to the fanciest restaurant ahead of time and buy her a gorgeous gift, you’re still sending the message, “my hunting is more important than you are.”

Serenade Your Wife

If there’s ever been something that’s been considered a “classic” romantic act, especially in the movies, it’s the maiden on the tower balcony, with her love down below, singing to her. Okay, okay, I know it’s a little corny; but, so what? If she likes it, who cares if the neighbors think you’ve lost a few marbles.

You know, if love songs weren’t so important, there wouldn’t be so many of them written. In reality, they’re just another way of saying “I love you.” It just happens to be that those words are said in song.

So, what’s your musical style? You know, it won’t do any good for you to try and sing in some other style, it’s got to be you. Even better, it’s got to be the two of you together. Somehow, I can’t see it being all that romantic for you to sing to her in a style that she can’t stand. Don’t think that one will work.

Oh, you say you can’t sing? Yeah, well, I’ve got the same problem. In fact, two of my kids are classically trained musicians, and it’s guaranteed that they’ll start complaining, if I dare to start singing. Okay, there’s a solution for that one too. Have you ever heard of lip sinking? That’s where you just mouth the words, and let whichever famous singer you prefer provide the voice. After all, they’re the pros, why not use their expertise.

Oh, and if you don’t want the neighbors throwing rocks at you, you might want to sing from the back yard, instead of the front.

A Gift of Ambiance

You know, ambiance can have a lot to do with setting the tone for romance. “What’s that?” you ask. Well, according to dictionary.com, ambiance is “the mood, character, quality, tone, atmosphere, etc., particularly of an environment or milieu: The restaurant had a delightful ambiance.” Ah, yes, how did we ever survive without the Internet to tell us things? Sorry, I digress.

You know, telling your wife you love her at your kid’s ball game doesn’t have the same affect that telling her the same thing, in the same tone would, sitting over a candlelight supper in a nice little restaurant somewhere. That ball game just isn’t a very romantic place, no matter how romantic you are trying to be.

So, if you want to spend some romantic time with your wife, it helps to create a romantic environment in which to do so. There are lots of things that can be part of creating that environment; many of which you probably already have in the house. Some places are just naturally romantic, like sitting in front of a fireplace (preferably with a fire in it), or sitting on a hillside, watching the sun set, or walking hand in hand down the beach. But, what I’m talking about here is something where you can create a romantic ambiance in any room of your house.

I’m not really sure what there is about candles that create a romantic mood. Maybe it’s just that they tend to draw us close to themselves, which makes us draw close to each other. Or, maybe it’s that the lower light tends to hide imperfections in us, making everyone seem more beautiful. Whatever it is, we don’t need to understand it as much as take advantage of it.

It’s been a while since you bought a gift for your wife, so why not buy her some candles? Pick something out that goes with the décor in the room where you are going to create the romantic ambiance. If you have formal décor in your living room, you might want to find some nice candlestick holders. On the other hand, if you’re more likely to use it in the bedroom, you might want to buy some of those short, fat candles. The nice thing about those is that they are usually scented.

The idea is to have something that you can use when and where you want to create a romantic moment. That candle can become a symbol for you. When one of you lights it, that means it’s time for just the two of you; no kids, no television, and especially no in-laws.

The Joy of Cuddling

Have you ever noticed how wonderful it is to sit on the sofa and just hold each other? Or, maybe just lay in bed in each other’s arms? I’m not talking about anything sexual here; I’m just talking about being able to touch your wife, feel her body against yours, and enjoy the feel of each other. It brings about a sense of security, comfort and peace; just the two of you, holding each other, and enjoying that you can just hold each other.

I think that in the hustle-bustle of daily life, we’ve lost the art of cuddling. Somewhere along the line, simple physical touch has been laid aside for other things, which seemed more important at the moment. In that process, we’ve lost a lot of what it means to be in love.

Physical touch is an important part of both expressing and maintaining your love for one another. Again, I’m not just talking about sexual touch, although what I’m saying does apply to that as well. But there is a definite need to touch one another, without sex being a part of it.

Back in October, I mentioned the hormone oxytoxin. This is the hormone, found in both men and women, which is released by physical touch. Like all hormones, oxytoxin has an emotional effect as well as a physical one. The emotional effect of oxytoxin is to make us feel like we are in love with the other person. So, quite literally, making love or any other intimate non-sexual touch produces love (or at least the feeling of love) in us.

I’d have to say that maintaining a good oxytoxin level is an important ingredient in maintaining a marriage healthy. All too often, couples “fall out of love” because they are beset on every side by problems. Both of them are so busy fighting fires, that they don’t have the time or energy to put into maintaining the love in the marriage. Well, cuddling is a great yet easy way to recharge the love batteries.

You know, you can even cuddle when you’re both worn out, worn down, and ready to collapse. All you’ve got to do is make sure you collapse together, in a way that you are holding one another. Now, what could be easier than that?

In a sense, cuddling has the ability to heal our emotions. Why do you think that children want to be held when they’re sad or hurt? They want that healing. Just being together, holding each other, feeling each other’s heartbeat, will help you overcome that feeling of being worn out and worn down. You’ll get up revived and rejuvenated and even more in love.

Don’t Give Up

Sometimes, it seems as if all the effort we’re putting into being romantic isn’t accomplishing anything. You know what I mean? It’s as if your wife doesn’t even see what you’re doing for her. Don’t worry, she is seeing it, and it is making an impact on her.

Women don’t always tell you that you’re doing the right thing. I guess it’s just human nature; people are much more likely to complain about bad service in a restaurant that they are to compliment a waitress who gives them excellent service. That doesn’t mean they don’t notice or appreciate the great service, just that they don’t see any need to say anything about it.

Let’s get real here, the world in which we live is negative. Much of our expression is negative, reflecting the negativity of the world. We call a traffic light a “red light” or a “stop light;” but last I checked those lights are green just as much time as they are red. Why don’t we call it a “go light”? We even tell people “go through the third stop light and turn right at the next street.” I’m not sure about where you live, but here in Texas, that’s a good way to get a ticket.

Okay, getting back to our wives. Like I said, women don’t always say something positive when we do something romantic for them. That doesn’t mean they don’t notice it though. You can be sure that your wife is noticing every romantic act you do. You can also be sure that they’re making an impact on her. Granted, she probably should do something to acknowledge your romantic acts, but that doesn’t mean that she will.

Let me say one thing here that might just manage to offend you. If you’re expecting something for your romantic acts, you’re being selfish. Remember, this isn’t about getting something; it’s about showing your love to your wife. Keep your focus on her, not on what you want from her.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Fireproof” but if you haven’t, it might be a good idea to watch it. In the movie, the couple is at a point of divorce. The man’s father comes to him, and challenges him to take 40 days and essentially be romantic towards his wife. Well, the upshot of the story is that he ends up winning his wife’s heart all over again. I’ll guarantee you that it wasn’t easy for him; I can remember a bunch of scenes where she pretended not to notice what he did for her. But, in the end, he won.

Okay, maybe your marriage isn’t in a shambles; I sure hope it isn’t. But you still need to win your wife’s heart all over again. In fact, that’s the way to make sure your marriage stays healthy; win your wife’s heart each and every day.

Don’t get frustrated, and don’t give up. She is seeing what you’re doing, and ultimately she will respond to it. Your investment in your marriage is guaranteed to pay off.