Morning Massage

Waking your wife up in the morning can be a bit of a challenge at times. It can be an especially big challenge if you want to do it in as loving a way as possible. There’s just something about that old elbow in the ribs method that just isn’t all that romantic, you know?

I think we can all agree that giving your wife a massage is romantic. The problem we have is trying to find a time when we can give her that massage. If your household is anything like mine, by the time we fall into bed at night, everyone is exhausted. She might really appreciate a massage at that time, but you don’t have the energy to give her one.

Okay, so let’s try and kill two birds with one stone here. How about waking her up with a massage? This is especially easy to do if you have one of those vibratory massagers. Just plug it in, pull the blankets off of her, and massage away.

Not only is she going to wake up from that massage, but there’s a really good chance that you’re going to manage to wake her up in a good mood. C’mon, what better way to be awakened than by somebody pampering you?

Oil and Romance

Every once in a while it’s nice to be able to come up with a romantic gift to give your wife. The trick is coming up with something romantic to give her. There are lots of cute, trinket things you can get her, but most of us guys really have trouble getting excited about trinkets. Since we don’t get excited about them, then we have a little bit of trouble picking them out for our wives.

Well, here’s a romantic gift you can get excited about giving to your wife… oil… how’s that? Now, I’m not talking about motor oil, nor am I talking about cooking oil. Neither of those are romantic at all. No, what I’m talking about is massage oil. Now that’s a romantic gift.

Massage oils are used; you guessed it, for giving massages. They’re to help your hands glide smoothly across her skin, as you massage away all the stress of the day. They’re also scented, and women like things that are scented; that’s why they like perfume so much.

Obviously, there’s a second part to this gift, that of using the massage oil. Giving it to her, and not giving her the massage (actually several massages) to go with it, is somewhat of a slap in the face. Instead of showing her that you love her, you’ll send the message that she isn’t important enough for you to take the time and effort to give her a massage.

You know the great thing about giving her a massage? You’re already an expert. That’s right; you don’t need any lessons in how to do it. All you need is to get her clothes off of her and her lying down on the bed face down. Then, put a little oil on your hands, and start rubbing. Watch for her reactions, as that will tell you if you’re rubbing too hard in a spot. Sometimes, when one is tense or has sore muscles, rubbing away that tension can be painful, so you want to be careful to not go too hard. On the other hand, you’re not trying to tickle her.

A massage right before bedtime can even help her sleep better. Many women don’t sleep well, because of being worried, tense, or just laying there thinking about things that need to be done. Giving your wife a massage right before going to sleep, might just be what she needs in order to sleep well. There might be some additional benefits too.

So, have some fun helping her get rid of her tension. Who knows, maybe it will become a regular part of your life.

Mr. Fix-It

I’m sure you’ve noticed how your wife is slightly less mechanically and technologically oriented than you are, just like there are certain things for which you are more inept than she is. That’s not the point though, at least not right now. Actually, there are some women who are remarkably capable at hanging pictures, changing the air conditioning filter and even changing the oil on the car. But, that’s not the norm.

God has given you certain abilities, and your wife other abilities. He didn’t do this to give you something to fight about, but rather to give you a way of being a blessing to each other. It’s amazing how many people get frustrated, because their spouse isn’t like them, can’t do the things that they do, and doesn’t understand things the same way that they do. Let’s be honest though, life would be pretty boring if your wife was like you; not to mention rather weird as well.

When you have guests over, and your wife fixes a special meal, one of her best, doesn’t that make you feel proud of her? Don’t you feel a little like bragging about her great ability in the kitchen? Well, guess what, when you show off your abilities for her benefit, it makes her feel the same way about you.

One of the ways we “show off” for our wives is by being there to fix things for her. She doesn’t understand all that technical and mechanical stuff; and she really doesn’t want to understand it. That’s not her thing, it’s yours. That’s okay, because when you do it for her; she gains the benefit of your ability; just like you gain the benefit of her ability when you eat that great meal she’s prepared.

It’s actually the differences we have, not the similarities, which give us a reason to get married. When a couple comes together in marriage, they become stronger, they gain ability, they can accomplish more. Why? Because when each of us uses our abilities for the benefit of the marriage, then we are able to multiply our abilities.

So, when she needs something fixed, don’t feel like she’s robbing your free time. She’s not. You may not realize it, but when you said “I do” you were saying “I do fix the plugged up sink” and “I do paint the living room” and even “I do fix her mix-up on the computer.” So, what can I say, just do it.

Pick Up After Yourself

You know, there are things we do which are positive and there are things which we do that are negative. I mean some of the things which we do have the opposite effect of being romantic. Instead of helping us, these things hurt our relationship with our wives.

There are thing that men do, which their wives regularly complain about. Granted, most of them are little things. But, I can pretty much guarantee you that no matter how many good, romantic things those men do for their wives, if they keep doing things that annoy her, they’re not going to make a lot of headway. Instead of being seen as being romantic, those acts will be seen as just trying to make up for the bad that they’ve done.

Take leaving the dirty clothes on the floor and on the bed for example. This is one of the things that women regularly complain about; their husbands dropping their dirty clothes on the floor, or even worse, on the bed. Now, while that may not seem like such a bid deal to you and me, to her it is, especially when he’s doing it all the time.

What’s so hard about putting the dirty clothes in the hamper or clothes basket? I’ve never been able to figure that one out. But some men, even some who can sink the basketball from the 3-point line every time, can’t seem to hit the clothes basket. Actually, it’s not that they can’t, it’s that they don’t try.

There are other things that fall into this category too; leaving dirty car parts on the kitchen table, fishing gear in the living room and muddy boots by the door are all crimes equally grave. The common thing is, they’re all about treating your wife as a slave. How’s that? Simple, she ends up having to pick up after you. I know, you’re probably thinking, “I’m not treating her like a slave, she can just leave it there.” Really? Do you really think she can just leave it there?

If you are thinking that, then you’re committing a worse crime, you’re not caring about what she cares about. Her home is important to her. She wants it to look nice. So, when you leave all that stuff lying around, you are forcing her to choose between being a slave or not having her opinion matter. Neither one sounds like a good choice.

So, all you have to do is learn how to pick up after yourself. It’s really not all that hard, nor does it take all that much time. The advantage? Well, the next time you go looking for it, you’ll be able to find it. That alone seems to make it worth doing. Plus, you get the bonus of not annoying your wife; two point win.

Date Night? Anytime!

We’ve talked before about the importance of having a date night. Just a time for the two of you to get away by yourself and be together, talk and just enjoy each other’s company. Yet, I’m sure that there are many of you out there who still struggle with finding time for your date night. I know that we did for years. Our schedule is far from regular, and finding an evening when we were both free from commitments and work that we had to do at home was almost impossible.

We had to get a little bit original to be able to have our date night. Let me ask you a something. Is there any rule I don’t know about which says that says date night has to be at night? Am I missing something, or is it actually possible to have a date that isn’t at night?

That’s what we finally ended up doing; out date night isn’t at night, it’s during the day. We have our date night for lunch on Wednesdays. For some reason, Wednesdays are a day that both of us can make ourselves free to get together. Notice I didn’t say we are free, I said that we can make ourselves free. Every time Wednesday comes around, I look at the work piled up on my desk, and think that there’s no way I’ll have time to go out with my wife. But, every Wednesday I make the time so that I can go out with her. The work just has to wait till I get back.

You see, it’s really about priorities. I have deadlines to meet and customers who are waiting for my work. My typical work week is full enough that I struggle to have enough time for this blog. But, and again I say but, she’s more important. That’s really what it all boils down to.

If I have to work a little bit later to make up for it, so be it. At least I’ll have taken that time for my wife. She’ll know that she’s important to me. Better yet, that lunch date gives us both a nice break, right in the middle of our week. We go back to our work refreshed, ready to face the rest of the week. Just because we’ve made time for each other.

Recognize Her Excellence

You know, all of us crave recognition. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, that craving is still there, even for people who have never put forth the extra effort to do something outstanding. There’s just something inside of us that wants others to recognize that we’re someone special.

Some of my most prized possessions are things I received as recognition for something I did, either in my years of engineering or my service in the army. Of them all, my favorite is a bus-driver’s jacket that was given to me by a customer, back when I was an engineer in the city bus manufacturing plant. I had needed to put forth some extraordinary effort to complete their order on time, and they gave me that jacket as a thank you. It’s old and grease stained now, but it’s still special to me.

What makes that jacket special isn’t that it was expensive or that it’s elegant, but what it represents. It represents someone taking the time to say, “You’re special; thank you.” It doesn’t matter what happens in my life, that jacket will always be special.

What does your wife do that’s outstanding? What do you appreciate her for? Is she the best tortilla maker you’ve ever met in your life? Or, does she have the most beautiful hair? Perhaps it’s that she is always cheerful, encouraging the rest of the family when you are down. Then again, it could be that she’s the best little-league mom in the west. Whatever it is, there’s something special about her; maybe several somethings that are special about her, the things that make her stand out from the crowd.

Okay, so now that we’ve established that your wife is deserving of recognition, who’s going to recognize her for it? If you think that her boss or the little league team are going to do it, think again. Why don’t you do it?

I know we always think it’s a little corny when our kids give us a “#1 Dad” coffee mug on Father’s Day, but don’t we appreciate it too? Well, it’s time you made your wife some sort of an award for being the best at what she’s the best at. I don’t mean just go out and buy her a “#1 Mom” coffee mug, I think you should personalize it a bit more than that. Make her a certificate, or better yet, get a trophy place to make her a plaque which extols her virtues in that area.

Present it to her at a formal ceremony with your family. You want to ham this up a bit, but not so much that it comes across as phony. She needs to see that you’re serious about what you’re saying on that award, not that you’re making fun of her. Let her know that her efforts aren’t in vain, that somebody sees them and appreciates her for them. Cheer her on.

Get Creative with Photos

Memories can be very romantic at time, especially memories of good times you’ve had together. They help to remind us of the joy we’ve shared, the things that have drawn us close together and the reason we love one another.

Even so, most of us keep most of our photos stashed away somewhere in albums or boxes. We might drag them out from time to time, but unless we’re retired or showing them to the grandkids, most of the time all those photos we’ve taken for memories just stay in their boxes and albums, waiting for someday.

So, let’s do something with some of those photos that will help our marriages. Start by selecting a bunch of photos from your early years; dating, your wedding, your honeymoon, even the first year of marriage. Get at least a dozen good ones; two dozen would be even better.

Now, make a collage out of those photos. If you struggle with creativity, you could get one of those picture frames with a bunch of cutouts, but you’d be better off making the collage. A collage is just a bunch of different items, in this case pictures, put together to form a design or picture. You can make your collage look like whatever you want, but something simple would be the easiest. The idea is to get the pictures together, not to create an image of your wife out of the photos.

You might want to make a nice heart out of red paper and put it in the collage somewhere. Or, maybe put your names and “I Love You” in there somewhere. Something to act as a reminder that the collage is about your love for one another.

You’ll need a pretty good sized picture frame to put your collage in. That way, you can hang it up, where you can both see it. Might I recommend that you hang it in your bedroom? Unless you have a family photo album wall somewhere to hang it. Before you hang it, give it to your wife as a gift. That’s why you made it, for her.