Don’t Forget to Call

In today’s fast-moving culture, it seems like none of us know what’s going on from one minute to the next. We can start the day with one plan and suddenly find that the whole day has gone topsy-turvy. Or we can start the week off with almost nothing on our agenda, and suddenly find that there aren’t enough hours in the day.

One of the things that can be a real irritant is when people you live with don’t let you know what’s going on in their lives; especially when those things affect you. Not only that, with as much violence and crime as are in the world today, those changes can become a cause for real worry. How would you feel if your wife didn’t get home from work when you are used to her getting home? Well, how do you think she feels if you don’t get home?

Day 97 – This one’s actually a very easy one. Just make sure you let your wife know what’s going on. There’s two basic parts to that. First of all, make sure you tell her, every week, if there’s something different on that week’s schedule. Even if you had told her before, tell her again, she might have forgotten. Be especially sure to tell her those things that affect her, or that will cause you to be home late.

Secondly, make sure you call your wife anytime something happens that's going to make you be later than you thought. This doesn’t just apply to work. If you go to run a couple of errands, and remember something you need to do while you are out; call her and let her know. That way, she won’t be wondering why you’re late.

Even better than that, it gives you another chance to tell your wife that you love her. Gotta grab those chances when you’ve got them. 

Notice Her

What was it about your wife that first attracted you to her? Was it her hair? Her face? Her figure? C’mon now, don’t try and tell me it was her grasp of nuclear physics. While I’m sure there’s some guy, somewhere in the world that was attracted to his wife for her intellect, I’m also sure that it’s probably just that one guy. There's also probably one guy who was really attracted to his wife for her cooking, and one who was attracted to her for her sense of humor. But for the rest of us, we tend to be attracted to the gals for their looks, nor for their brains.

If that’s the case, then why do we stop noticing them somewhere along the way? You know the complaint as well as I do. She goes to the beauty parlor and has her hair done different in some way, and we don’t notice. Like I said, what happens to make us stop noticing?

Day 96 – Okay, today’s romantic act is a simple one. Start by taking a good long look at your wife. Check out her hair style, the clothing style, makeup, her figure; make sure you really know what she looks like; not how you remember her, but how she looks now. If she notices you doing it, just tell her you like looking at her, she’ll be flattered.

Okay, now that you’ve got that in your memory bank, form the habit to really look at her every day. When you walk in the door from work would probably be an ideal time to do that. Notice any difference between how she looks, and that image you just put in your mind. Compliment her on anything different you see.

Obviously, if what you see isn’t good, you’re better off not saying anything. No woman likes being told that it looks like she’s gaining weight or her hair is turning greyer; just focus on the positive. If the difference is something that took some obvious action on her part, like having her hair done differently, it’s especially important that you notice it and say something. You don’t need to say whether you like it, or not. The point is that you noticed she’d done something different with her looks.

It’s clear we might have a problem with this. What if she makes a change in her appearance, and you don’t like it, what do we do then? What you need to do in those cases is to still mention it, without offering your opinion. If she pushes you for your opinion, find something nice to say.

Women all want to be noticed and they all want to be thought of as pretty. It’s not somebody else’s job to do that, it’s yours. Be a man, notice your beautiful wife.

Let Her Sleep In

It seems that in every family, there’s at least one kid that has a Saturday morning activity. The one day a week that you’re planning on sleeping in get’s ruined, just so you can be a good parent. Or, if you’re like a lot of us, you pretend not to hear the kid/alarm so that your wife has to get up and take care of them.

Guess what? Your wife wants and needs to sleep in just as much as you do. She works hard too, stays up as late as you do, and has to get up in the morning just like you do. Okay, okay, I’m sure there’s at least one person reading this that doesn’t have that case, but we’re talking in generalities here. Where was I? Oh, yeah, your wife needs her sleep just as much as you do, and probably doesn’t get a chance to catch a nap on the sofa, either.

Day 95 – By the time you read this, it might be a little too late to do this one for today. But, you know, there’s always next week, so it’s not too late to use the idea. What’s the idea? Simple; just be the one to get up on Saturday morning, and take care of the kids. Let your wife be the one to sleep in this week (or next week).

Of course, when she finally does wake up, she’ll probably have a moment of panic, thinking that she missed taking Johnny to ball practice, or Susie to ballet. Don’t worry about that. Her moment of panic will be replaced by a warm glow, when she realizes that you took care of it.

Those Jobs She Hates

Everyone has some job that they hate doing; it might be washing the dishes, or the clothes, or mowing the lawn. Whatever it is, that one job can turn their otherwise wonderful day into a thunderstorm.

It really isn’t all that hard to find out what those jobs are, all you have to do is look at what they try and avoid. Most of us put off the thing we don’t want to do. Of course, if doing that thing makes someone start growling and snarling every time, that’s a pretty obvious indicator.

Day 94 – What is that job that your wife hates doing? Do you know it? More importantly, is it something that you can do for her? You know, with most women out in the workplace as well, it is only fair that us guys do our fair share around the house.

How much could it improve your marriage relationship if she didn’t have to do that one job? How much could it improve your family’s functioning? Well, looks to me like it’s time to step up to the bat. She’ll appreciate it, and you’ll appreciate having a more content wife.

Help Her “Unload” Her Heart

Women tend to deal with things a little bit different than we guys do. If there’s something that’s bothering us, and we can’t do anything about it, we tend to “put it on a shelf” to deal with it later. That doesn’t mean we never worry about anything, or that we never think about something that’s bothering us, but if there’s a problem that we can’t solve, we set it aside.

On the other hand, our wives tend to have things pile up on them. What I mean by that is that they don’t set things aside, but rather, those things are held in their hearts. When more and more problems show up, or more and more bad things happen, this just fills their hearts up more. This process continues, until the point where their hearts are overfilled, and then they explode (emotionally that is). You know something? It’s usually us that they explode at.

So, how do we get out of the line of fire? Does this mean that we should hide from our wives when we know they’re getting close to the breaking point? No, I don’t think that’s a very good way to show them we love them. We need to help them through the problem.

Day 93 – Okay, if we’re not going to ignore the things that are bothering our wives, what are we going to do? Simple; just sit down with your wife, and let her tell you about everything that’s bothering her. This helps her “unload” all that weight that’s filling her heart, and even if you don’t do anything about it, she’ll feel better just from being able to talk about it.

Hey, this is what shrinks do, and they charge big bucks for it too. So, you can pay the shrink, or you can be the shrink. By the way, shrinks never solve their patients’ problems, they just help define them and let their patients talk about those problems.

Okay, I’m not recommending you try and psychoanalyze your wife. Even if you get it right, you’ll probably just make her mad at you. All I’m saying is let her talk about it.

Now, there are a couple of things you need to know about this. First of all, don’t try and fix her problems. As guys, that’s our natural tendency, but don’t do it. She doesn’t need a solution; she needs someone to listen to her. Secondly, don’t take it personal. I realize that can be hard to do, but anything she says that sounds like it is against you is probably just an expression of her frustration at something else. Don’t let it get to you. Finally, keep encouraging her to talk. Little phrases like, “Then what happened?” or “How did you react?” will show that you are part of the conversation, and paying attention to what she is saying.

One final detail to wrap this up. When the conversation is over, and she is feeling better, you might feel as if she’s just dumped all her problems on you. Don’t take it that way. Mentally take all that junk she just gave you, go out to the trash can, and throw it in. The idea is to help her, not get overburdened by what’s bothering her.

Granted, there might be something important she says in all that. You probably know your wife well enough by now to be able to sift the important from the trivial. Make sure that if there’s something important, especially something important that you can do something about (like fixing the screen door) that you just throw away the garbage, not the note to take care of the door.

Wash Her Feet

At what we call the Last Supper, Jesus Christ initiated what is known in Christendom as the Communion Supper. This was a symbolic act, in which He took bread and wine, and established the New Covenant between God and Man.

There’s a part of the original Communion service that somehow has gotten ignored throughout church history, that of washing the disciples feet. Scripture tells us that Jesus took off his outer robe, wrapped a towel around him, filled a basin with water, and washed the feet of His 12 disciples, one of whom was about to betray Him.

In that time period, it was normal to wash the feet upon entering into a home. They didn’t have shoes and socks like us, but instead had sandals. Nor were their streets paved, but just made of dirt. It was normal for the feet to get dirty, so they would wash them. In a wealthy home, this was a job done by the lowest servant. In the case of a rabbi (teacher) and his disciples, a disciple would at times wash his rabbi’s feet.

Yet, in this case, we see the rabbi washing the feet of his disciples. He did it as an act of service, and commanded that they do this one to another, as an act of service.

Day 92 – This is a great way to make your wife feel really special. It needs to be done in a moment of privacy, and will have the greatest impact if it is done sometime when your wife feels beaten down, overwhelmed by problems, or just depressed.

Just as Jesus did with His disciples, you too can wash the feet of your wife. Let her know that you are doing it because you want to serve her; not as a slave, but out of love. If you feel so inclined, pray for her while you are washing her feet.

A Stealth Kiss Attack

The lips are the most sensitive part of a person’s body. That’s why babies put everything in their mouths, even when they aren’t teething. Kisses are also more intimate than any other form of physical contact; even more intimate than sex. Yeah, I know, but I’m referring to heart intimacy here, not just sexual intimacy. Prostitutes, who will let men do anything with their bodies, usually won’t kiss. They can disassociate themselves with what is happening to their body, but not with a kiss.

Any woman worth loving is definitely worth kissing. But, you know, there’s lots of different ways you can kiss her. Kisses don’t always have to be the grab her in your arms and plant one on her lips, while you’re trying to squeeze the air out of her version. You know, the “me Tarzan, you Jane” style of loving her. Your lips can caress her in many different ways.

Day 91 – I like to surprise my wife with a kiss now and then while she’s working. We share an office in the home, so this is easy for me to do. I need to get up and walk around once in a while, so that my knees don’t stiffen up (oh, the joys of middle age). So, I’ll usually go down to the kitchen, grab a glass of water, and maybe a bite of something to munch on.

Whenever I get up from my desk, I make a point of going past my wife and touching her in some way or another. One of her favorites is when I move her hair aside (yes, my wife still has long hair) and softly kiss the back and sides of her neck. I try and make sure that I do that at least once a day. There’s something about the neck that is sensitive as well; in fact, I’d almost call it an erogenous zone.

Kissing her like this is a reminder that I love her, without having to take her away from what she is doing. It’s also a one-way kiss, which means I’m not doing it just so I get kissed back. Just another way of saying “I love you” throughout the day.

Making Her Monday a Little Bit Better

What is it about Mondays; it seems like nobody in the world likes them? Even people who like their work don’t like Mondays. It’s almost like an international conspiracy to insure that the unpopularity of Mondays is maintained at a high level.

Well okay, for a lot of people I can understand their distaste for Mondays; especially people who have difficult bosses, high stress jobs, crummy workplaces, and jobs they just don’t like. But, you know, it can always be made a little bit better.

Day 90 – Your mission for this fine January Monday is to bring a smile to your wife’s lips. No, let’s make it a little more challenging; bring a smile to her lips at work. How are you going to do that? I’m sure there’s lots of ways you can think of. Actually, just about anything you do to show her you love her will give her a smile.

So, grab the phone and your credit card, call the local florist, and have some flowers delivered to her at work. It doesn’t have to be the biggest, fanciest floral display either; just a nice little assortment to sit on her desk, and make all her co-workers jealous. When you place the order, tell the florist to sign the card, “Sealed with a kiss.”

What are you waiting for?

Dancing Under the Stars

Dance can be a wonderful expression of love. The two of you, with your bodies moving in perfect harmony expresses your togetherness; the strong leading of the man, symbolizing his desire to lead his wife through the pitfalls of life, while protecting her at all times; the woman following her husband’s lead, saying to him that she’s ready to follow him anywhere. Dips, spins and other embellishments showing the joy of being together and always sharing everything that life brings you; togetherness.

While dance is normally done in public, it is really a very private thing. Well okay, a slow dance is a very private thing; I won’t comment on what some people call dance. It is a time of just being alone together in the midst of the crowd. Just block them all out, and focus on the two of you, alone with the music.

Day 89 – Why not really dance alone? This evening, take your wife on a drive off to someplace private; maybe there’s a park in your area that’s largely abandoned at night. Be sure to bring a CD player along, with some good slow dance music. Don’t let her know what’s going on, but if it’s cold, be sure to tell her to dress warmly.

When you get there, park the car, take your CD player with you and act as if you are just going for a walk with the music. When you reach an opportune moment, set the CD player down, sweep your wife into your arms, give her a kiss, and dance with her.

If you can see the stars, that’s an added bonus.

When was the Last Time You Went Out Together?

You know, in all the hustle and bustle of life, trying to keep your career together, dealing with all the problems of life, taking care of the car, the kids and the house; it seems like it’s so hard to find time to be with the one person who is the most important. Somehow, just spending time together goes by the wayside, if we don’t make the effort to do it.

That’s the key, making the effort. You won’t get time together if you don’t plan to have time together. There’s always something or other that presents itself as being more important than those few minutes alone, without anyone interrupting you; where you can just be a couple in love.

If nothing else, the kids will find something they need you to do. I don’t know how many date plans get ruined each week by some kid saying, “But mom, I need you to take me to football practice.” Or whatever sort of practice. Kids don’t seem to understand their parents’ needs.

Day 88 – Okay, I’m sure you can see where this is leading. Friday night is always a great night to go out together; so, why not go out tonight? Make sure the kids needs are taken care of, the house isn’t going to fall apart, and the cat is out; then, take off, pretend you’re teenagers again, and go out on a real date; you know, the dinner and movies kind.

As a matter of fact, if you’re going to pretend you’re teens again, why not go all the way? What is the one thing teens on a date always try and do? No, not that, although if you want to, go for it (you’ve got a license for that sort of thing, you know). No, what I’m talking about is staying out as late as you can. After the movie, go for a cup of coffee, then find yourselves a nice quiet place to park the car, and just be together. What you do together is up to you.

Be the First to Say “I’m Sorry”

One of the things we struggle with as guys is admitting our faults. We tend to see that admission as a weakness, and don’t want anyone to know we could possibly have weaknesses. Since saying I’m sorry is a sure admission of fault, we tend to avoid using those words. We expect our wives to tell us they’re sorry, but we don’t want to say it.

Every couple has disagreements from time to time. Depending on the couple, some of those disagreements turn into fights. Some of those fights get so bad, that the kids start running around in helmets and flak jackets, looking for the nearest foxhole to dive into.

If we really look at it, most of those fights start from something that’s quite small. In reality it is usually something that’s not worth fighting over; of course, that doesn’t stop us from fighting over it.

In any fight between couples, both parties are at fault. Of course, both parties want to throw the entire fault on the other person, but that’s not fair. Each of them has their part in the fracas, and whatever caused the fracas to start. It’s pride and self-centeredness that makes us start the fight, and it’s pride that won’t let us capitulate.

Day 87 – Okay, here’s the secret to putting an end to any fight that you have with your wife. Are you ready for this? Sure you can handle it? It’s going to take guts on your part. Okay, here it is. All you have to do to end the fight is to be the first one to say “I’m sorry.”

Settle down; settle down. I just told you a moment ago that both of you are at fault, all I’m doing is telling you that you should be the first one to say that you are sorry for whatever your part of the fault is. I’m not saying that you should accept any fault that isn’t yours, just that you accept and admit your fault.

Isn’t that better than continuing the fight? Don’t you want to get over the fight and get your marriage back on track? Isn’t your relationship with your wife worth more than whatever you are fighting about? Well, give it the priority it deserves, and be quick to say, “I’m sorry.”

Love Her Through the ‘Net

Us guys have this tendency to like any new gadget that comes along. I think if we could, we’d probably all own all of them. I mean, who doesn’t want to have an iPad? (Don’t answer please) Or, how about the new 3D Televisions, that’s the way to watch the game, isn’t it? Do we ever outgrow our video games? C’mon now, how many of us love to go to Best Buy and drool over the new toys they have.

Sometimes, this infatuation with technology can become a problem in the marriage; especially when we spend so much time with it, that it makes our wife think that the computer has become our mistress.

We need to remember that these things are tools for our use, not a way of replacing our real life with a virtual one. Better yet, we need to learn how to use these things to enhance our real life.

Day 86 – Telling our wives that we love them is probably one of the most important things we do every day; at least, I hope we all do it. Women want, and need that constant reassurance of our love and of their value in our lives. I’ve never yet heard a woman say, “Okay, okay, enough already, you’ve already told me that you love me.”

How about using the Internet as a way to express your love to your wife? There are a number of companies that offer internet greeting cards, and most of them are free. I just did a search for “free online greeting cards” and got over 13 million hits. It seems to me that at least one of them ought to have a decent love note to send to our wives.

Matter of fact, this one might be a good habit. Why not write a note in your planner (assuming you use one), or put an alarm on your phone’s calendar to send her another one in a couple of weeks? 

Spontaneous Flowers

We all know that flowers are a romantic gift to give to our wives; women love to receive flowers. The trick is to give them sometime when she’s not expecting them. C’mon now, if you give her flowers for valentine’s day or your anniversary, that’s not much of a surprise, is it?

We lived on the road, in a Winnebego, for a number of years. In the short time we owned the motorhome, before taking off from home to live in it, I did a number of modifications to it, mostly to maximize storage space and prepare it for us being full-time RV’ers. Knowing that my wife loves flowers, and that a vase wouldn’t last too long on the table, I made my wife a wall-mounted vase. This made it easy for me to surprise her with a spontaneous flower from time to time (just one, that’s all that would fit).

It seems those same flowers that you gave her on your anniversary have a whole lot more impact if you do it just because it’s Tuesday; or, just because you saw them and thought of her. Actually, that really makes a difference, especially if you tell her, “I just happened to see these and thought of you.”

Day 85 – Well, here’s a slightly different way of just seeing some flowers and thinking of her. It requires just a little bit of preplanning, but it’s not hard to do. Okay, here’s the preplanning part: put a pair of scissors in the glove compartment of your car. Got it? That wasn’t all that hard.

The next step is a little bit harder. That is, keep your eyes open the next time you are driving somewhere with your wife. What you’re looking for is a house that has some beautiful flowers out front. Stop at that house for a minute. Grab your scissors and ask your wife to excuse you for a moment.

Now comes the hard part. Ring the doorbell and compliment that total stranger on how beautiful their garden is. They’ll be flabbergasted that you stopped to compliment them. Then, ask them if you can cut just one flower for your wife. Unless they are growing those flowers for some sort of competition, they’ll probably say yes.

Like I said, the surprise helps. Your wife will appreciate that one flower more than if you’d come home with a dozen from the grocery store.

Laughter, the Best Medicine

You know, it seems like life in general is determined to take the joy out of our lives. Not that there’s nothing good going on, but it seems that the problems and difficulties constantly seek how they can overwhelm us. The first thing that they steal from us is our joy, and then they work to steal everything else they can.

I have found, through my own personal experience, a few basic truths that have helped me out:

·         Things are never as bad as we can imagine them to be.

·         No matter what happens, there is always a solution.

·         Being upset never solved anything.

·         If I can maintain my joy, it’s faster, easier and more successful to confront the problem.

·         Don’t sweat the small stuff.

All right, maybe those statements seem a little trite, but I still say that they are true. I can always confront any problem better when I can keep my wits about me, and even more important, keep my emotions under control. Joy can overcome a mountain of difficulties.

Day 84 – What activity that you can do together that makes you and your wife both happy? Is it dancing down the mall? Watching a funny movie? Remembering all the “bloopers” from your own life? Telling stories about your kids growing up? I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure there’s something that can bring a smile, or better yet a laugh, to both of you.

When you, as a couple, are confronted by any sort of problem, use that thing to make yourselves smile. I’m not saying that you should act like an imbecile and pretend the problem doesn’t exist; what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t let the problem take control of your lives. Deal with your emotions first, then you can deal with the problem much better.

Don’t expect your wife to be the one who lifts your emotions in those situations, be the one who lifts your wife’s emotions. You’ll find that as you work to lift hers, you’ll end up lifting your own as well.

Free Her from the Worries

Once upon a time you were dating your wife. In those days, everything was sweetness and light. There weren’t any problems to worry about; there weren’t any bills; the two of you were just having a good time together. Then, you got married, and something changed. All of a sudden, the bills had to get paid, things had to be repaired, and problem after problem started showing up.

In the beginning, you probably tired to protect your wife from those problems. When something broke down, you fixed it (or had it fixed) as quick as you could. When the bills showed up, you didn’t let her see them. When there was a problem, you tried to take care of it.

Somewhere along the line, that system went kaput. Now, your wife knows about the bills, the problems, and all the broken stuff. She has ample opportunity to worry about all of it; and you know, women seem to be much better at worrying about that stuff than us guys are. When we have a problem we can’t do anything about, we put it on our mental shelf, until we can deal with it. On the other hand, women have that thing before their eyes 24/7 and can’t seem to get rid of it.

Day 83 – I’m probably going to catch a lot of flak for this, but here goes. Why not go back to those early days, when you were protecting your wife from all those worries. I’m not saying that you should sneak around behind her back. Nor am I saying that you should forget that your marriage is a partnership. What I’m saying is that you deal with those problems, instead of her having to do so.

Stress can cause a lot of health problems, and it seems to cause even more for women than for men. Maybe that’s because the average woman is much more adept at worrying than the average man, I don’t know. I do know this though; a woman with stress isn’t in very good shape. But, us guys, it’s almost like we need a little stress to get us off the sofa or away from the computer games to do something.

When the bill collectors call, you deal with them. When there’s a problem with the insurance company, don’t make her have to fight with them. When the car breaks down, you take it to the mechanic (or fix it yourself). When your kid has a problem at school, you go see the principal. Don’t dump all these things on her, be her protector, and protect her from all that worry.

One last detail; it’d probably be a good idea to talk to her about doing all this before your start. If she’s had to deal with it, and you’re going to start, she might feel as if you didn’t trust her, or were treating her like a child. Make sure she knows that you are trying to shoulder your responsibility and protect her from these things, and the worry that goes with them. It’s always better to communicate things like this first, instead of having a fight about them later.

Put Your Love to Music

There are many ways to say I Love You to your wife and it’s a good idea to use as many of them as possible. Whatever you do, don’t try and limit yourself to just one of them. Your wife loves to hear you saying that you love her; no matter how you do it. In fact, she loves it so much that I’d have to say that it’s impossible to tell her you love her too many times.

She also likes variety; while she might enjoy hearing you say that you love her, it will make more of an impact if you are able to find multiple ways of expressing that short sentence. That’s what this blog is all about; helping you find different ways of saying “I love you.”

Day 82 – Okay, so how can you tell your wife that you love her in a new and different way? Well, how’s your singing voice? How about singing to her about your love? C’mon, there’s probably about a million love songs out there, I’m sure there’s one that you could use to sing to her.

Now, don’t try and use the “I can’t sing” excuse; it’s not going to get you anywhere. Okay, so you can’t sing; it’s not about how well you can sing anyway. It’s about how well you can tell your wife that you love her. If you’re really all that bad singing, you can always put on a song, and lip sink to it. While you’re at it, ham it up a bit, after all, the people who get paid to sing those songs always ham it up; why not you?

Catch her at an unexpected moment, put on the music, and turn your house into the set of the latest Broadway musical. Just be sure to pick a good song.

Electronic Love Notes

You know, sometimes it’s actually easier to say something on paper than it is in person; especially for those who are unused to saying “sweet nothings.” Being able to say it on paper allows you the time to think of how you want to say it, instead of having to come up with it in real time.

Many guys think that they can’t write a love note, but they really can. The problem is that they think a love note has to be written as well as if Shakespeare himself wrote it. Hey, your wife didn’t marry Shakespeare, she’s not expecting that of you; but she is expecting you to express your love to her.

Day 81 – Let’s be a little bit different with our love notes. Since we’re living in the information age, let’s use a little bit of technology this time. It seems to me as if the Internet is a perfect tool for a little secret romance. Since your wife probably knows your e-mail account, why not open a new one, just to use for sending her some mystery love notes. Don’t name it with something that is obviously you, but don’t name it with something that sounds like a spammer either.

What you’re going to do is send your wife a series of short e-mail love notes; but do it as if you are a secret admirer. Now, you’ve got to be careful with this, because you don’t want to sound creepy and freak her out. What you want to do is sound like her loving husband, but don’t say it’s you.

Okay, your subject line on all these e-mails should be “I Love You.” That should be enough to get her to open it, even if she doesn’t recognize the sender. In each of these, deal with something positive about her or about your relationship. You can use this list to give you some ideas:

·         Something you like that she does for you

·         Something that you admire about her

·         Some character trait that she has, which impresses you

·         Something you like about the way she looks

·         Something you’d like to do with her

·         Some place you’d like to go with her

·         What makes you want to be around her

Remember, make them positive. It’s going to ruin the entire effect if you mention one negative thing in that e-mail. Finally, sign them as “Your Not-So-Secret Admirer.” She’ll probably figure out who it is pretty quick, but that’s okay, you want her to.

Quit Yer Grumblin'

You know, guys, some of the things we say and do just don’t work to help build our marriages. The worst of it is, most of those things aren’t things we do intentionally, but things that just slip out, without us realizing it. We literally have to force ourselves to not allow them to escape.

Take grumbling for example; we all have the innate habit of grumbling when our wives ask us to do something. Yet, I have to ask the question, why are we grumbling? I mean, is it really all that hard to do whatever it is that our wives are asking us to do? Isn’t it just that we resent the intrusion on our time and freedom? Somehow, we think that she doesn’t have the right to do that.

But, wait a minute; don’t we make intrusions on our wife’s time? Don’t we expect her to do things for us? For that matter, is doing what she wanted really all that big a deal?

Day 80 – Okay guys, this is going to be another one of those “change a bad habit” type of romantic acts. Yeah, I know, they aren’t really as much fun as some buying her a box of chocolates, but in the long run, if we get rid of the things that irritate or annoy our wives, we won’t be buying those chocolates to make up for something wrong we did, but just to show her we love her.

So, here it is; all you’ve got to do is forget how to grumble. Okay, it’s really not that easy, especially since it’s really not forgetting how to grumble, it’s remembering how to avoid grumbling.

How do we do that? Simple, you can get rid of a negative action (grumbling) by replacing it with a positive action. In this case, I’d like to recommend replacing the negative action of grumbling with the positive action of a kiss. When she asks you to do something, get up from the sofa, and go give her a kiss. Then, since you’re already up from the sofa, you can go do what she wanted you to do. It might even be a good idea to add another kiss at the end.

Be Bold About Your Love

Have you ever noticed how many men are ashamed to declare their love for their wives in public? It’s amazing, those same men who were willing to shout it from the rooftops, before getting married, somehow become a bunch of wimps, at least in the area of declaring their love.

If you love your wife, you should be proud about it. If you are faithful to her, that’s another reason to be proud. If you are sure of her love for you, you’ve got it all. Yet, all too often, it’s the guy who is having an affair who talks about it as if it was something great, and the guy who’s being faithful is acting like something is wrong with him. Isn’t this backwards? Shouldn’t the faithful one, who truly loves his wife, have something to brag about?

I love my wife, and my wife loves me. Neither of us have every cheated on each other, or even come close to cheating on each other. That’s the way it should be; even more, that’s something to brag about.

Day 79 – This one’s going to take some guts, guys. Are you ready? Okay, here we go. What I want to you do is make a public declaration of your love for your wife; but make sure you do it in front of her. That’s right, do it so all the world knows, and she does too.

Okay, so how can you do that? How about the next time you are at a dinner party, you ask for everyone’s attention for a moment. Use that moment to say, “I have something very important to say, and I want you all to be witnesses to it.” Then, turn to your wife and say, “Honey, I want you to know, and I want all these people to know, I love you.”

I know, I know, it may seem a little bit dramatic, and you both might be a little bit embarrassed, but it’ll be worth it. All those other women will be jealous that their husbands didn’t have the courage to do what you did. Or, maybe you’ll just start something, and help them all have the courage to follow suit.

If you don’t have a dinner party coming up, use your imagination. Where are you and your wife in public together? If you really want to get crazy, do it in a restaurant. It might be a little bit difficult to get everyone’s attention, but you should be able to get the attention of at least the tables that are close around you. Have fun, be dramatic, and most of all, make sure your wife knows that you mean it.

Go Play in the Snow

Feeling youthful is a great help for feeling romantic. There’s something about being able to recapture those days when we were younger, more energetic and more carefree that also helps us recapture the feelings of being in love again.

So, how does one go about feeling younger once again? Well, it sure isn’t by sitting on the sofa and watching television. No, if you want to feel youthful, you need to act youthful. That’s one of the great blessings of grandkids, even though having them makes us all feel old, getting to play with them helps us to feel young.

Day 78 – So, it seems like a good day to go outside and play. Hope you have some nice snow in the yard (I don’t) because playing in the snow is one of those great “kid things” we can all do.

When was the last time you made snow angels? Or, how about had a snowball fight? Probably a while ago, right? Now, I’m not suggesting that you have a snowball fight with your wife; that probably wouldn’t be all that effective a way to be romantic, especially if you manage to hit her hard with a snowball. No, have a snowball fight where it’s parents against kids. That way, you can be her hero; protecting her.

What? You don’t have any snow? Yeah, I can relate to that. Where I live, we’ve only had one snowfall that covered the grass in the last 10 years, and that was 7 years ago. Okay, so we need a non-snow alternative to the snowball fight, right? No, problem; ever heard of a pillow fight? Just remember, she's not your enemy, so don’t hit her too hard, you don’t want to hurt her, you want to have fun.

What’s Cooking?

Many men walk in the door from their day’s work, expecting to find dinner on the table. Some actually get mad when it isn’t sitting there waiting for them. While I can understand being hungry when one get’s home from work, I can’t understand getting mad because your dinner isn’t waiting for you. That sounds a little like the guy is thinking of his wife as a slave, instead of as a wife.

You know, maybe it made sense once upon a time for men to have that sort of expectation, when he went off to work, and most women were stay-at-home moms; but these days there aren’t too many couples that can manage on just his income.

It’s bad enough when the guy has that sort of attitude and his wife is at home all day. But, if he has that attitude, and she’s working outside the home too, it’s inexcusable to think like that. If their family needs require her to help him make enough money for them to live on, then the other side of that coin is for him to help her around the house.

Day 77 – One great way to help your wife around the house is to do some of the cooking. Not only is cooking necessary, but it can also be fun, especially when you are creative in the kitchen. I’ve never understood why guys think it’s unmanly to cook, especially since most of the professional cooks in the world are men.

Let me paint a scenario for you. The two of you arrive home from your work at about the same time. Instead of doing the usual, flipping on the TV, kicking off your shoes, and relaxing while your wife makes dinner, you do a role reversal with her. Take her into the living room, sit her down on the sofa, take off her shoes and hand her the remote. Then, while she relaxes, you can go in the kitchen and whip up some dinner. Don’t make a big production about what you’re doing, just do it.

Don’t try and tell me you can’t do that. If nothing else, I’m sure you can boil spaghetti and dump some canned sauce on it, or make an omelet. I’m sure there’s something you know how to cook. It’s not about how great you cook; it’s about giving her a break and doing something for her.

Oh, and don’t forget to do the dishes afterwards. It’s not fair to do the cooking if you’re not willing to do the cleaning. That’s kind of like saying, “I’ll do the fun part, but leave the grunt work to you” – definitely not cool.

Chocolate Kisses

As hard as it is for me to believe, there are actually some people in this world who don’t like chocolate. I know that it sounds incredible, but it’s actually true. Even worse, there are people who are allergic to chocolate. I don’t know about you, but that would be pure torture for me.

Well, I hope you and your wife don’t have this problem. Actually, from everything I’ve seen (and I’ve seen a lot) most women love chocolate. There have even been some studies done on the medical benefits of chocolate, especially dark chocolate, for women in PMS and menopause. Hmmm, I wonder if those studies were done by women who were trying to justify their chocolate addiction.

Day 76 – Anyway, chocolate is a great way of saying, “I love you.” Not only that, but it seems to be almost as universal as a kiss for expressing that short, but important phrase. So, I think that any truly romantic man has to use chocolate once in a while. Unless of course, his wife is one of those poor unfortunates that’s allergic to chocolate.

The Hershey’s chocolate company has even gone out of their way to help make this wonderful expression of love; they call them “kisses.” Now, if that isn’t a romantic sounding chocolate candy, what is?

Here’s what I want you to do. Remember a couple of months ago, when I had you hide little slips of paper throughout your wife’s dresser with the words, “I love you” written on them? Well, we’re going to do that again, but this time, instead of little notes, you’re going to hide little chocolates; little chocolate kisses that is. By the way, I don’t recommend this idea in the summer.

When your wife starts finding them, and asks you about it, you can tell her that each one is a kiss from you to her. Then you can add to that, “Since I’ve given you these kisses, how about every time you find one, we share a kiss?” That part should be lots of fun.

She Needs a Tough Guy

The world has always been a dangerous place to live in. Sadly, it seems to be getting more and more dangerous. Everywhere you go, you hear of more violence, more crime, more gang activity and more drugs. It’s as if mankind is collectively going crazy.

If there was ever a time in history when our families needed us to be their protector, it’s now. Oh, I know that there have been other dangerous times in history; and it seems that men have been equipped with the personality traits necessary to face violence and danger. But, somewhere along the line, we’ve gotten the idea that society is safe, we don’t have to worry about marauding Vikings, wild animals, or Indians on the warpath.

No, today’s marauders don’t stand out like lions and tigers and bears, they blend in to the city where we live. That’s part of what makes them so dangerous; their camouflage.

Day 75 – This is probably going to be one of the easiest ideas I’ve given you; in fact, it should seem like something that’s just natural for you to do. What I’m suggesting is that you take that natural role of being your wife’s protector; maybe just do it a little more obviously.

We all know that night time is the more dangerous time of the day. Criminals, drunks and other forms of life seem to come out of the woodwork after dark. That’s the time when our wives need us to be their protectors, more than anything.

We have some friends here in the area. She works in the medical field, as an ultrasound tech in a hospital. Because of her work, she frequently gets calls to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Her husband always gets up and takes her to the hospital; so that she doesn’t have to go out alone at night. If for some reason he can’t do it, their teenage son takes her. That man makes it clear that he wants to protect his wife.

If someone needs to answer the front door at night, make sure you’re the one to do it. Likewise, if there is a need to make a run to the grocery store. Why put your wife at risk, if you can easily go out to pick up whatever-it-is, instead of sending her out to do it.

Give your wife the sense of security to know that you’re her “tough guy” and you won’t let anything happen to her. 

Give Her a Private Spa Treatment

Have you ever seen one of those commercials where the woman is having her hair shampooed by three burly handsome guys? There have been a couple of commercials through the years that I can remember like that.

Everyone loves to be pampered; maybe men and women have different ideas of what it is to be pampered, but that doesn’t negate the basic fact that we all love to be pampered. There’s something about having others take care of you that makes you feel special… loved… wanted… even adored. Well, isn’t that what we’re trying to do for our wives?

Day 74 – Okay, it’s going to take a few minutes to prep for this one, but it’s all things that are already in the house. Start out by drawing a nice hot bubble bath for your wife. Once she’s in the tub, proceed to wash her hair, rub her back, and give her a pedicure; all while she’s in her bubble bath. (A quick note, if you take a while, and you should, you may need to add more hot water to the tub, so keep track of the water temperature).

The idea is to make your wife feel pampered, so take your time to do it right. Don’t rush through washing her hair; take your time, massaging her scalp while you are doing it. While you’re giving her the pedicure, take the time to rub her feet. 

Let the Postman Deliver Your Love

As guys, sometimes we have a little trouble putting our love into words. That can cause problems, because women love hearing us tell them we love them. It’s almost as if we need a script writer, like the actors in those chick flicks have, in order to help us with our lines.

Well, it might be a little bit expensive paying a script writer to help us express our love; but that doesn’t mean that there’s no help available. Hallmark, American Greetings, and all the other greeting card companies will be glad to help you find some words to express your love to your wife. While it may not be as customized a job as that script writer can do, it’ll be a whole lot cheaper.

Day 73 – Stop and pick up an “I love you” greeting card for your wife. Take the time to read them, and find one that says something you’d like to say to her. I realize a lot of those cards are going to sound corny to you, but they may not sound that way to her; besides, they aren’t all corny.

Maybe what is printed in the card will inspire you to add a few lines of your own. If so, that’s even better. Don’t worry that it doesn’t sound as poetic and polished as the words in the card; remember, those are the words of a professional writer. Besides, that writer has hours to come up with just the right words to say, and you’ve got only minutes.

Okay, now that you’ve got the card, mail it to her. If she works away from home, you can mail it to her office. Otherwise, just mail it to the house. Be sure to leave the return address off the envelope, so she doesn’t know who it came from, before she can open it.

If you have to leave town for a couple of days on business, this one would be a great one to do. Just mail it to her right before you leave. It should get to her the next day. Or, if you’re going to be gone for a week, mail it as soon as you arrive at your destination, that’ll get it there in the middle of your trip. Either way, it’s a great reminder of your love, while you are away.

Pray Together

Everyone has needs; at least, I think everyone has needs. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t. The question isn’t whether or not we have needs, or even what needs we have, but what we do about them. Our needs can affect our attitude, and out attitude can affect our relationships.

When we allow those needs to make us irritable and crabby, it is hard on those around us, especially our wives. Instead of receiving our love, they are the ones who receive all the negativity, stress, crabbiness, and mistreatment that our bad attitude can cause. Doesn’t really seem fair, does it?

Instead of taking those things out on our wives, what we need to do is find a way that we can team up and deal with those issues. When we work together to overcome something, it builds heart intimacy in a relationship. On the other hand, when we try and deal with it alone, we often push away those who are closest to us. There’s something about going through a problem together that forges truly strong relationships.

Day 72 – One of the ways we can face things together is to pray together. Not only that, but it is a great way of increasing the effectiveness of our prayers. The prayer of agreement is much more powerful than a prayer prayed by one’s self.

In addition, while we are praying together, we can take the time to pray for our wives. We can pray God’s blessing upon them; pray God’s protection over them; and pray God’s help for them. You want to show your wife that you care about her? Let her hear you praying for her; there’s nothing that will convince her that you care, like that will.

Resolve to Have a More Romantic Year

You know, most of what a couple fights over isn’t the big things, although there is plenty of that going on. No, most of it is over little things that are a constant irritation; as it says in Song of Solomon, “the little foxes that spoil the vine.” Those little irritations, if not taken care of, can grow and fester and become bigger than reality.

All of us have habits that are irritating to our spouses. I’d be willing to bet that just reading that last sentence caused at least one of your wife’s irritating habits to pop into your mind. But, wait, this isn’t about what she does to irritate you, it’s what you do to irritate her.

What is it that you do, which causes irritation for your wife? Don’t try and tell me “nothing,” I’d have a hard time believing that. Especially since it seems that women are always working to “improve” their man; no matter how he is, they are sure they can remake him better. Maybe that’s why God didn’t put windows in women’s wombs, so they wouldn’t be trying to improve on the work in process.

Day 71 - Everyone seems to make New Year’s resolutions, and just about everyone breaks them within the first week of the new year. Well, why don’t we do things a little differently this year? Instead of making a resolution for something we want, why don’t we make a resolution to stop doing something that is irritating to our wife?

What is it that you do, more or less regularly, that irritates your wife? Is it leaving your dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor? Is it putting your tools on the dining room table? Or, is it that you don’t put the caps back on things in the refrigerator?

If you aren’t sure, why don’t you ask the expert? Only, if you are going to ask her, make sure you tell her to limit it to one thing; otherwise you might get a laundry list.

Okay, now that you’ve gotten that one irritating habit identified, make your new year’s resolution this year to be that you will change that habit. Be sure and tell your wife what you are doing, because that commits you. Not only that, but she may not appreciate it if she doesn’t know about it. Then, put your plan into action to make that change.

I say “put your plan into action” because you do need a plan. It’s not enough to say, “I won’t do thus-and-so” you need to know what it is that you are going to do instead of that. In other words, to say, “I won’t throw my dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor” isn’t enough; you need to decide what you are going to do with them, instead of throwing them on the floor. Otherwise, you’ll end up doing the same old thing.

Now, put yourself a reminder for this change in a conspicuous spot. Maybe it would be on the bathroom mirror; or the door in from the garage, or in your office (if you have one). Psychologists say that it takes 40 days to change a habit; so you need to read that reminder, and make an effort to change that habit for those 40 days. After that, you will have a new habit, one that doesn’t irritate your wife.