Yesterday, I was talking about non-sexual touch and how
important it is that we have it, so that our wives don’t think that every time
we touch them, we expect it to end in sex. I also mentioned that it is one of the
five love languages which Gary Chapman talked about in his book. I’d like to
back that up today, with a little bit of science.
Our bodies are incredibly complex machines. As part of their
normal function, they produce a wide variety of chemicals which are necessary
for proper function, both physically and emotionally. Yes, our emotions are
affected by our bodies, most specifically by the chemicals that our bodies
produce.
In addition to our body’s chemicals affecting our emotions,
our emotions affect our body’s chemistry. Actually, it’s the thoughts
associated with those feelings that affect our body’s chemistry, but who’s
being picky? The hypothalamus in the back of the brain is directly wired into
our thoughts, and controls our body’s production of many hormones and other
chemicals. These in turn affect our body and our thoughts.
Anyone who has ever been around a woman during her PMS time
realizes that hormones definitely have an emotional impact on us. That isn’t
just true for women, it’s also true for men as well (although not as obvious).
One of the hormones which the hypothalamus produces is oxytocin.
In recent medical studies, oxytocin has
been found to be an important part of the process of marital bonding. For this
reason, some people call it the monogamy hormone. The emotional effect of
oxytocin, which plays such an essential part of this bonding is that it causes
us to feel in love with the other person. That in turn causes bonding.
Oxytocin is released in our systems in various degrees through
thinking positively about someone, sexual activity and physical touch. So, in a
literal sense, physical touch is a language of love, because it causes us to
feel in love with the other person. However, if the person is thinking
negatively, during the touch, no oxytocin is released. That means for women who
have a negative attitude about sex and that think that every time their husband
touches them, he expects sex, there is no benefit.
A couple which has lots of non-sexual touch will feel more
love towards one another. That makes it very important. The whole idea of being
romantic is to stimulate feelings of love. That’s what oxytocin does. As long
as your wife is enjoying the touch, her feelings of love are increasing towards
you. Of course, the converse is true as well. As long as you are enjoying
touching her, your feelings of love are increasing as well.
Look at dating teens for example. They touch each other so
much, its’ as if they can’t survive five minutes without touching. All that
touch makes them fall in love with each other. They see that other person as
the most perfect example of their gender on the face of the planet. It doesn’t
matter that their friends think they’re nuts, they know that they’ve found the love
of their life.
Okay guys, all this means that we need to learn how to enjoy
that non-sexual touch too. I don’t know about you, but I love the feeling of my
wife’s soft, smooth skin. I enjoy touching her, even when there’s nothing sexual
about it. She enjoys it as well, because she doesn’t feel threatened by it.
So, how often should you touch your wife, non-sexually? How
about every chance you get? That should be almost enough. As you do, both of
you will feel closer together, more romantic and more in love.
