A Rose by any Other Name

Ah, flowers; the great equalizer which helps all the romantically challenged men of the world. If there was ever a good reason for God to create flowers, this is it. To give men an emergency fallback position, if they can’t come up with any other romantic act to do. Granted, they’re pretty and smell nice as well, but that’s just part of what make them work so well as a romantic gift.

It seems everyone knows to buy their wife a dozen red roses. But wait! Why does it have to b a dozen? Why do they have to be roses? And why do they need to be red? Granted, red roses have a reputation for romance, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the only flowers which can be romantic. Any flower can.

Actually, for some women, red roses aren’t the best choice. My wife doesn’t particularly like roses and red is definitely not her favorite color. So, I’m not going to have the maximum impact if I buy her red roses; I’m much better off buying her some other type of flower.

While I have nothing against red roses, I see three problems with only buying those and not buying other types of flowers. First of all, romance needs variety. If you’re always buying the same type of flowers for your wife, there’s not a whole lot of variety. That alone is enough reason to throw a few other types of flowers in there from time to time. The second problem I see with red roses is that they don’t show any creativity. Creativity goes a long way in romance, because it shows your personality and that you’ve thought about the gift. But the big reason I have a problem with red roses is that if they’re the only type of flowers you ever buy your wife, it shows that you aren’t studying her.

You see, everyone has their own favorites. Now, maybe your wife’s favorite flowers are red roses, that’s fine. But maybe she really likes pink. If that’s the case, then you’d be better off buying her pink roses. If roses make her sneeze, then you’d be better off with another type of flower. More than anything, the choices you make should be based on what she likes. That’s the key. You’ve got to find out what your wife likes, and then find something that matches it.

Maybe she really likes lilies, or chrysanthemums or even carnations. My wife really likes alstroemeria (good luck pronouncing it) and lilies. Her favorite color is peach. Okay, so I look for peach whatever you call them and lilies. That way, I’m “customizing” the gift to her tastes. While I’m sure she’d appreciate the red roses, I’m also sure she’d enjoy the others much more.

Since I want my gift to give my wife pleasure, I’m willing to put forth that extra effort. That way, my romantic act has the most possible impact on her. So, what kind of flowers does your wife like the most?

Tell Her What You Like

In all the years that I’ve been counseling marriages, I have yet to have a couple come in to see me and complement each other. No, what they do is to come in and complain about each other. Granted, going to see a counselor for the purpose of complimenting your spouse is a waste of time; but I bring that up because unfortunately, what I’m seeing in my living room isn’t any different than what is happening in their living rooms.

Generally speaking, we don’t complement each other enough. People are much more likely to talk about what another person did, which they don’t like; than they are to talk about what they do like. You don’t find many people complementing the service they get in a restaurant, but let them have poor service and they’ll have plenty to say.

This carries over into our marriages as well. Most couples don’t take the time to tell each other what they do like about the other one. If they do something wrong, they’ll be quick to say so, but the things that they do like… well, somehow they just don’t seem to get mentioned.

Think about it; when was the last time you complemented your wife on what she does? When was the last time you told her that dinner was great? When was the last time you told her she was a great mother? Or told her that she was a great lover? Have you ever told her some of those things, or do you just take them for granted?

It’s so easy to take the everyday things that our wives do for granted; even when they do an excellent job of them. For some strange reason, our minds skip over that stuff, as if it’s just part of the scenery. But, let her spend too much money on clothes, and we suddenly start complaining about her whole closet full of clothes that she doesn’t wear; as if that’s important.

I’ve mentioned before that women constantly deal with society telling them that they’re not good enough. Well, if you’re not doing the opposite, you could be unwittingly contributing to that problem. Your silence can very easily be interpreted by your wife as agreement with the negativity of the world. Your lack of compliments can be interpreted as you thinking that she never does anything right. Your lack of building her up can actually help to bring her down.

It really doesn’t’ matter if you’ve complimented her on something before, if you like it, tell her so once again. Better yet, tell her over and over again. When she cooks something you like, let her know that you like it. When she does something which pleases you, let her know that you’re pleased. When her accomplishments impress you, let her know you’re impressed.

Not only are you helping to overcome the negative message which the world is sending her, you’re also providing positive reinforcement for the actions which you like. In other words, you’re encouraging her to keep doing them. That’s one sure way to encourage her to do it again.

You’re going to have to force yourself to do this, until it becomes a habit. But, it’s such a good habit to form, that it’ll be worth the effort. As you tell her what she’s doing well, it will help her feel better about herself, which will ultimately help her feel better about your marriage.