A Romantic Homecoming

Okay, my wife came home yesterday, so it's time to wrap up my mini-series on long distance romance. But, like everything else in marriage, we want to wrap it up romantically.

Okay, so when your wife comes home, how do you greet her? Obviously, it should be something romantic. Of course, the details of the romantic act depend a lot on how she traveled and what time of the day she gets home. However, there are a few basics that will work, no matter how she traveled or what time she gets home from her trip.

First of all, this is one of those good times to fall back on one of the old standards and have flowers on hand. If you’ve got to pick her up at the airport, make sure you’ve got a bouquet in your hands. If she’s coming directly to the house, have it waiting in a vase. Either way, seeing a bouquet of flowers when she comes in the door is much nicer than seeing a sink full of dirty dishes.

The second important ingredient is having a nice meal ready for her. I don’t know about you, but when I get in the door from a trip, I’m always hungry. That could have something to do with the crummy airline meals and the high prices in airports. Nevertheless, I’m pretty much always ready for a meal when I get home, regardless of the hour.

If you don’t know how to cook, don’t use that as an excuse. You can always do takeout, grab a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket deli, or grab a pizza. Just make sure it’s ready, reasonably hot and something that she likes. It kind of ruins the romance effect when you give her a meal that she doesn’t like.

Finally, be available to her. She’s going to want to talk about her trip. Make sure you’ve got the time to sit there and listen to her. Let her tell you about what happened; the good, the bad and even the ugly. She wants to share her life with you, and that’s her way of doing so.

One other important detail. She’s probably going to be tired when she gets home. Now, I know you’ve been waiting for her, so that you could jump into bed together. However, there’s a very real chance that she’s going to be too tired for that. As hard as it may seem, let lovemaking be her decision; don’t pressure her. If you give her the time to get some rest, she’ll be much more available to you the next night, and she’ll have the energy to do something besides just lay there. 

A Rose by any Other Name

Ah, flowers; the great equalizer which helps all the romantically challenged men of the world. If there was ever a good reason for God to create flowers, this is it. To give men an emergency fallback position, if they can’t come up with any other romantic act to do. Granted, they’re pretty and smell nice as well, but that’s just part of what make them work so well as a romantic gift.

It seems everyone knows to buy their wife a dozen red roses. But wait! Why does it have to b a dozen? Why do they have to be roses? And why do they need to be red? Granted, red roses have a reputation for romance, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the only flowers which can be romantic. Any flower can.

Actually, for some women, red roses aren’t the best choice. My wife doesn’t particularly like roses and red is definitely not her favorite color. So, I’m not going to have the maximum impact if I buy her red roses; I’m much better off buying her some other type of flower.

While I have nothing against red roses, I see three problems with only buying those and not buying other types of flowers. First of all, romance needs variety. If you’re always buying the same type of flowers for your wife, there’s not a whole lot of variety. That alone is enough reason to throw a few other types of flowers in there from time to time. The second problem I see with red roses is that they don’t show any creativity. Creativity goes a long way in romance, because it shows your personality and that you’ve thought about the gift. But the big reason I have a problem with red roses is that if they’re the only type of flowers you ever buy your wife, it shows that you aren’t studying her.

You see, everyone has their own favorites. Now, maybe your wife’s favorite flowers are red roses, that’s fine. But maybe she really likes pink. If that’s the case, then you’d be better off buying her pink roses. If roses make her sneeze, then you’d be better off with another type of flower. More than anything, the choices you make should be based on what she likes. That’s the key. You’ve got to find out what your wife likes, and then find something that matches it.

Maybe she really likes lilies, or chrysanthemums or even carnations. My wife really likes alstroemeria (good luck pronouncing it) and lilies. Her favorite color is peach. Okay, so I look for peach whatever you call them and lilies. That way, I’m “customizing” the gift to her tastes. While I’m sure she’d appreciate the red roses, I’m also sure she’d enjoy the others much more.

Since I want my gift to give my wife pleasure, I’m willing to put forth that extra effort. That way, my romantic act has the most possible impact on her. So, what kind of flowers does your wife like the most?

The Aroma of Flowers

What does your wife do with the flowers that you give her? I’m assuming that you give her flowers every once in a while. I’m also assuming that she puts them in a vase to enjoy them. That’s not the question, the question is, what does she do with them when they start dying and drying out? Is that the end of them? Do they end up in the trash? Or does she do something more creative?

Well, if she doesn’t do anything creative with them, that doesn’t mean that you can’t. Old, dead flowers are still useful, especially if they are aromatic flowers, like roses. These flowers smell good, even after they die and dry out. So, why not take advantage of that?

If you catch the flowers just before they wilt, this’ll work best. You can do it afterwards, but they won’t look as good. Take them out of the vase, bunch them together with a rubber band, and hang them upside down to dry. We usually hang them from a curtain rod in the kitchen, but you can do it anywhere. That’s just a convenient place which is out of the way and not easily forgotten.

Once the flowers are dried, there are a number of things you can do with them. They can go back in a vase, as dried flowers. My wife has a couple of vases like that, where she’s saved dried out flowers that I’ve given her. Since she doesn’t save the greenery, those dried bequests are actually a few dozed stems together. So, they make a really nice looking bouquet.

Another thing that you can do with them is to take the flowers off the stems, or take the petals off the flowers and put them in a bowl as potpourri. Now, I know you’re probably not all that interested in potpourri. That’s really not a guy thing; it’s more of a girl thing. But, you’re not doing it for you; you’re doing it for her.

Potpourri can go anywhere in the house. You can add to it, as new batches of flowers dry out and stir it up every once in a while to make the aroma come out stronger. It’s great in the bathroom or any other part of the house where you might need to cover up some unpleasant odors.

Remember, your wife’s nose is more sensitive than yours. So, even if you don’t smell the flowers, she might. Besides, it becomes an ongoing reminder of the times you’ve bought her flowers. Of course, if you stop buying her flowers, it could become a reminder that you aren’t doing it any more. So, I guess you’ll just have to keep the florist shop happy, so that you can keep your wife happy as well.

Never Enough Flowers

I like to go back to the classic romantic acts every once in a while. I guess they’re classics because they never really grow old; women never get tired of them and they always have the desired effect. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we can’t put a different twist on them. There’s nothing wrong with mixing a bit of originality into the classics, coming up with a new way of presenting them.

Take flowers, for example. While buying flowers for your wife every day isn’t going to be all that effective, there’s nothing that says you can’t buy them once or twice a month. The trick here is to find the balance between doing it so often that it becomes routine and doing it so rarely that it seems you’ve forgotten. That “window” of balance is actually pretty wide, so it’s not all that hard to find.

It never hurts do use a little bit of originality in your flower purchases either. Granted, red roses are the classic “I love you” flower; but they aren’t the only ones which can say that message. Pretty much any type of flower speaks the same language, so you don’t have to stick to just red roses all the time.

Okay, so what can we do differently with our flowers this time? How about a bit of a scavenger hunt? We don’t have to get real complicated, just enough to make her work at it for a few minutes. Buy some flowers, say a dozen of something. The actual number doesn’t really matter, just as long as you know how many you bought. Then prepare some little notes that say “1 of 12, where are the rest?” “2 of 12, where are the rest” etc. Attach the notes to the flowers and leave them in various places around the house.

Make sure you leave one of the flowers someplace where she’s definitely going to find it quickly. That will be the trigger to get her looking for the rest of them. The numbers will keep her going until she finds them all. Don’t get carried away hiding them, as you want to be sure that she finds them.

If you want to get really fancy, you could leave a couple of gifts along with some of the flowers. A small box of chocolates, a card, a book she’s been wanting to read, maybe some lace panties or a new CD. Romantic little things that she’ll enjoy. You don’t have to leave gifts with all the flowers or for that matter with any of the flowers; but doing so will just add to the fun. 

Another Mother’s Day

Okay, so you did your duty, right? Yesterday was Mother’s Day, so you bought your wife some flowers, maybe a card and took her out to eat. It’s done, so now things can get back to normal, right? Okay, so they can get back to normal, but that’s not going to help you be romantic towards your life or build up your marriage. You don’t get any points for normal.

There’s an easy way to solve this problem; all you need to do is not let things get back to normal. Who wants normal anyway? It’s boring and it’s usually not all that loving. So, how can we keep things from getting back to normal? Simple, just have another Mother’s Day.

Yep, that’s what I said. Who ever said that we can only celebrate Mother’s Day once a year? Who ever said that you can’t treat your wife special every day? Who ever said that she can’t be treated special more than one day per year?

So, all you have to do is do everything again. Granted, you should mix it up a bit. If you bought her flowers yesterday, don’t buy them again today, buy her something else. Don’t go to the same restaurant, or maybe fix her a special dinner at home, instead. Don’t make it a copy of yesterday; just make it another day to celebrate her.

Get the kids involved too. After all, she’s their mother. They’ll probably get a kick out of surprising mom. That way, it’s more complete. Do the whole bit, starting with breakfast in bed and finishing by washing up the dishes, so that she doesn’t have to.

What? You say that it’s too late? You can’t serve her breakfast in bed, because you’ve already eaten? No problem, you’ve got six more days this week; pick one of them to be your second Mother’s Day. It doesn’t matter which one, just that you have one. After all, she’s special every day, isn’t she?

Spring Gardening

We all know that women like flowers. At one time or another, I’ve given you some ideas of how to use flowers as a romantic act; not that giving her flowers is something that’s hard to figure out on your own, but they’re always a good idea. There is definitely a romantic connotation to giving flowers.

Well, why not give her a whole bunch of flowers. Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re going to get more points. Remember, it’s only one point per romantic act. However, there are some acts which manage to give more points, simply because she sees it over and over again. For example, you come home from work with a bunch of flowers one day. Okay, you get one point; that’s great. But, sometimes, you can get more mileage out of those flowers; not by anything you do, but by what she does. You see, every time she sees those flowers, there’s the chance that she’ll remember you giving them to her. Ding! You get another point. Or, if she tells one of her friends what you did, ding, you get another point.

Okay, so maybe we can capitalize on this a bit. Since it’s spring and we know that our wives like flowers, let’s get them some flowers. Only, this time, let’s make sure that those flowers will stick around for a while. In other words, let’s plant them outside for her.

It really doesn’t matter if the flowers we give our wives are inside the house or outside the house, just that we give her flowers. Granted, if they’re inside the house, she’s probably going to see them more often. But, that flower bed in the front yard is something she’s going to see every time she leaves the house and every time she comes home. Not only will she see it, but she’ll take special notice every time a flower blooms.

While there’s no way that I can guarantee you’ll get a point every time she looks at the flowers you planted for her, that opportunity does exist; especially when the new flowers bloom.

You can even make this a project that you do together and still reap points in the romance department. Have her go with you to pick out the flowers; that’s one romantic act. Then you can make the flower bed on your own. Finally, you can plant the flowers together, that’s romantic, because you’re doing something together.

Of course, you can always cut some of the flowers your garden grows and put them in a vase on the kitchen table when she’s not looking. I’d say that would count as another romantic act. Just make sure that you don’t mess up the flower garden when you do that. 

Sex Flowers

Recently, I read a blog post by a woman, written to women, entitled “Sex Flowers.” I can’t remember who wrote it, nor can I find the posting by searching for it; so whoever it was, I give them thanks.

One of the struggles we have, as men, is in understanding the thought process of our wives. A large percent of marital fighting is over misunderstandings. That’s because we don’t speak the same language. While both men and women use the same words to speak, we don’t necessarily apply the same meanings to those words.

The same thing happens with our actions. We might do something, with one intention, yet our wives have a totally different understanding of it. Take the guy who spends his whole Saturday doing the “honey-do” list, in order to show his wife that he loves her. At the end of the day, he collapses on the couch, tired but satisfied that he’d done those things for his wife. She sits down too and says, “You don’t love me.” Frustrated and amazed, he responds, “What are you talking about, I just spent the whole day doing things you wanted me to do, in order to show you that I love you?” To which she says, “But you didn’t say the words, ‘I love you’.”

Granted, situations like that can be very frustrating; and unfortunately, they show up way too often. We think we’re doing good; but our wives don’t see it the same way.

That’s the situation which that woman was writing about in her blog post. She had made love to her husband and he bought her flowers the next day. She called them “sex flowers,” because in her mind, he had bought the flowers for her as “payment” for sex. It took her a while, but she finally realized that his motivation wasn’t to pay her, but because he was feeling loving towards her.

It’s very easy for us as guys to feel loving towards our wives after sex; but the reality is that we should be just as loving to them before the sex. If the only time we do something loving for our wives or buy a gift for them is the day after sex, I can understand how they would take it wrong. In their eyes, the only time they were loved would be because of sex.

The easy solution for this misunderstanding is to make sure that you act loving towards her and buy her romantic gifts even when she isn't giving you the sex you want. While that may go against your natural inclination, it will really show her that you love her. It will shout the message that your love isn't just about sex. 

Sure, all us guys like sex, love sex, and want more sex; but our wives aren’t wired the same way we are. Sex requires a much bigger emotional investment on her part, than it does on your part. If her love tank is running near empty, she may not feel as if she has enough in there to invest in giving you sex. On the other hand, if it’s running near full, she’s going to be ready whenever you want her to be. It’s up to you to make sure her love tank is full.

Now, don’t take this as I’m saying that the only reason you should be romantic is so that you can get sex. You should be romantic because your wife needs for you to be romantic, so that she will feel loved. At the same time, making her feel loved is the best way to ensure that she’ll make you feel loved as well.

An Office Surprise

You know, being romantic is more about using your imagination to come up with different ways of surprising your wife with demonstrations of your love, than it is anything else. If you wake up every morning and say “I love you” you are expressing your love to your wife. But, after a while, it becomes routine, she might wonder if you really mean it or are just saying so out of habit. You might even start to say it, without thinking about it.

On the other hand, when you make your expressions of love at random times, she isn’t expecting it and it makes a bigger impact. Not only that, but there’s none of the rote routine that might cause her to think you’re just doing it out of habit. So, while you can at times do things that you’ve done before, there needs to be enough time in between the repetition so that it doesn’t look repetitive.

So, here we are at Monday once again; talk about repetition, get up, get dressed, go to the office; now that’s repetitive. Well, why not make her arrival at the office a little special, even if you can’t make the office special.

How can you make it special? Simple, arrange for her office to look a little different when she gets there. Depending upon the time you have available, and the access you can get to her office. To do this, you’ll need to be able to get there early in the morning, before she does, or over the weekend. It might help to have a co-conspirator to help; one of her workmates. They can probably help you get in.

Take her some flowers in a vase, a card and make a nice big sign that says “I love you” or “You light up my life” or some sort of similar romantic phrase. Set the flowers and card right in the middle of her desk and put the sign on the wall, where she’s sure to see it.

Then, when she gets to the office, she’ll have something to brighten up her Monday. That should change her Monday blahs into something much more special.

By the way, this is sure to make all the other women in the office jealous of your wife. That should gain you a few extra points.  

Say it With Flowers

Speaking of flowers (I was yesterday), there’s lots of ways to say “I love you” with flowers. If you use some variety, each time will be something fresh, which lets your wife know how much you love her. As with anything romantic, the first time is something special, but if you keep repeating yourself over and over again, it stops losing its sparkle and becomes routine. So, the trick is to find new ways to use flowers, new ways to say “I love you” and not return to the same old way for a while.

Of course, after a while, you can go right back to the same romantic act once again. With enough time in between occurrences, it becomes something special once again. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be romantic for two months, just that you need to mix it up a bit.

So, let’s do something a little different with flowers. Let’s say “I Love You” with them. I mean, really, lets write out the words with flower petals. Sometime when your wife is out, tear the pedals off of a bunch of flowers and spell out those words on the coffee table or dining room table. If you don’t want to tear off the petals, then use entire flowers, cutting off the stems.

Your timing on this one is going to be a bit critical, as you don’t want the petals or flowers to sit there long enough to start turning brown. You want it to look fresh when she shows up to find it. No matter which way you do it, those flowers aren’t going to live very long on the table like that.

Once your wife has seen it, the flower petals can be put together in a bowl, like potpourri, so she can enjoy the scent of them. Or, if you used whole flowers, you can float them in a big bowl of water. When they die, take the petals and put them in a bowl, making potpourri out of them.

Remember, it’s the message that counts, not how much you spent on the flowers. You don’t have to buy the most expensive thing in the store to make this work. On the other hand, it would be good to buy something that smells nice. So, put your sniffer to work as you’re picking out the flowers. 

Snow Flowers

Every once in a while, I like to do something with flowers; they are the classic romantic gift and it is rare to find a woman who doesn’t appreciate them. Unfortunately, for most of the country, the flowers are buried under the snow right about now; so that can be a bit difficult. I must say though, that we still have green grass (not white) and leaves on the trees. Anyway, without going to the supermarket, you’re going to have a bit of trouble finding flowers this time of year.

So, when all else fails, use the materials at hand. What materials? How about snow and ice? Let’s challenge our artistic creativity a bit here, and see if we can sculpt as well as a six year old. Grab yourself a bucket of snow, and start forming some snow flowers.

No, a snowball doesn’t count as a snow flower, sorry. You’ll have to do a little better than that. You might try a two-dimensional relief sculpture, instead of going for a full three-dimensional work of art.

Adding a little bit of water to your snow, making it a bit slushy (but not too slushy) can help make the snow stick together, especially if you have dry, powdery snow. It will also help the flowers harden up and become icy once you’re done. Speaking of that, it might help to freeze your creation after you finish it, that way it will last more than five minutes.

If you want to add a touch more artistic romance to it, print a paper rose and make it a part of your creation. If you have it, printing on cover stock instead of standard printer paper will help insure that it doesn’t soak up the water too fast. It will also provide some part of your creation that your wife can keep as a remembrance. Women like things like that.

Here’s another trick you can add to your creation. Grab a bottle of your wife’s perfume, and spray your snow flowers, so that they will smell more like flowers. This works best if she has a perfume with a floral scent.

So, how creative are you? Why not give it a try and see. By the way, if you fail, and your wife catches you in it, you’ll still get a point for trying; so what do you have to lose?