Love in Spite of Yourself

There’s been a teaching going around the Body of Christ for the last 20 years or so, which says that “love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.” I’ve heard that so many times, that I’ve gotten sick of it. Can you imaging some guy saying to his wife, “I love you dear. I don’t feel anything for you, but I’ve still decided that I love you anyway.” How far do you think that would get him?

To only say that love is a choice is to remove the joy from a loving relationship. It makes that relationship sound like something we put up with, as a responsibility, because we have to. I don’t know about you, but I don’t love my wife only because it’s a responsibility; and I don’t want her to love me just because she has to either. I want to share a deep, abiding love, that transcends difficulties, problems and disagreements. A love that we can always come back to, having confidence that the other one will always be there for us.

If the only love I have for my wife is a forced love, based upon a decision I have made, then I may as well be a robot. One cannot have the type of love that brings two hearts close together, when it’s just something that’s forced.

Having said that, I will say that the act of expressing love is something that we must make a decision to do on a continuing, ongoing basis. That’s where we get in trouble. We allow our emotions to control our actions; acting with love when we feel that she “deserves it” and acting otherwise when we don’t. That’s a problem.

Here is where the decision part has to come in. We are commanded to love our wives, as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25). So, we must make a decision to follow that commandment, and act in love towards our wives, no matter what is going on around us or in us.

All too often our wives suffer from lack of love, not because of anything they’ve done wrong, but because of what others have done to us, or because of the circumstances we find ourselves in. We inadvertently take out the problems of life on our wives, denying them the love they so desperately need, because something else has us feeling bad. What foolishness!

I don’t know how your wedding vows read, but mine said that I promised to love my wife no matter what. Implied in that was the commitment to express love to her in a way that would meet her emotional needs, regardless of what I was going through.

Now, let me say right here, that’s not always easy. There are many times when I feel more like I need to be loved, instead of feeling like I can give love. It can be very hard to express love to another, when one isn’t feeling loved themselves. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, just that it’s hard.

Let me ask you something… how do we normally define someone as being “manly?” Isn’t it because they do the hard things? We look at a Navy Seal and see him as very manly, because of what he does. We look at pro football players the same way. We look at some guy that scales the world’s tallest mountain and think, What a man!” Everything that impresses us about manliness is the toughness of character to do the hard things.

Okay, let’s apply that to our marriages. Wouldn’t it show that someone is a real man if they acting loving towards their wife, even though it was hard to do so? Isn’t that the same character trait as the one who climbs that mountain? It sure is in my book.

Your wife needs your love. It isn’t just some fairy tale desire she has. It’s not that she is asking for anything unreasonable. She has a need and you’re the only one who can satisfy it. So, what have you done to show your wife that you love her today?

Those Little Irritations

Having just come back from vacation, I was reminded of how useful it can be to be nearly blind. Of course, I’m not talking about being physically blind, because there is nothing useful about that. I am amazed by blind people who can still do things and wouldn’t want to join their ranks for anything.

No, what I’m talking about is being blind to things that are better off not seen. In the book “Shogun” there is a statement made by an older woman, where she says something to the effect that she’s glad that she can’t see well, because she’d rather not see many of the things that are going on around her. Although she was referring to her physical loss of sight in the first part of that statement, in the second part, she was talking about sight in the metaphorical sense.

There’s some great wisdom in that. Often, there are things that we’re better off not seeing. A person who is physically blind can overlook many things, because they can’t see them. On the other hand, those of us who are sighted tend to focus on things that are best ignored.

Let’s be real here. It’s impossible to live with others, without finding things about them that irritate us. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about kids, co-workers, neighbors or spouses; they all have something irritating about them. You know something? We do too.

Why is it that we spend so much time and energy focusing on those unimportant little irritants in our spouses? Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we learned how to overlook them? Why focus on the way that she does things differently than your mother did them, if what she is doing works for her? Isn’t that ultimately the proof of the pudding, that it works?

Any marriage counselor can tell you that when a couple comes in for help on their marriage, the things that they complain about first aren’t the real issues; they’re the minor irritations. They’ll talk about how he throws his dirty clothes on the floor and how she leaves her lingerie hanging in the shower. Other major issues, such as how a toothpaste tube should be squeezed and which way the toilet paper roll should go on the holder are also popular complaints.

I just have one thing to say about all that… so what? Are those things really all that important? Are they worth fussing over? Are they worth even paying attention to? NO!

In my office, my son is in the habit of leaving the chair for the computer he uses sticking out in the aisle when he leaves. That means that I have to push that chair in, so that I can get to my desk. Now, if I was into majoring on the minors, I could very easily get irritated about that. I could even work myself up into being angry over it. After all, it costs me a whole two seconds to move that chair and I have to do it two or three times a day. If he cared about my time, he’d be more considerate and not leave that chair in my way!

Sound ridiculous? It is. Yet, that’s how ridiculous we all sound when we make a big deal over the little things that our wives and other family members do. So what? Let it go. Quit using a magnifying glass to look at your wife, so that you can find her flaws. Focus on the good, not the bad.

A great word here is the word “overlook.” It expresses the idea of looking over something, so that you can see another. That’s what we need to learn how to do. We need to learn how to look over the minor things our wives do, so that we can see the great people that they are. What a great way to do things. That helps us to keep a positive attitude towards them, maintaining our love, instead of building our anger and hatred.

Love cannot continue to exist without grace. When we first met our wives, we extended them lots of grace. Everything that was wrong with them and everything that they did wrong was overlooked. We need to go back to that. Why bother being upset about things that don’t really matter. Appreciate the wonderful woman that she is, and love her for it.

What’s Her Romance Language?

Have you ever done something that you thought was supremely romantic for your wife, only to have your great romantic act ignored or even refused? It’s probably happened to all of us at least once or twice. 

There might be a number of different reasons why that happened; anything from it being the wrong time of the month to you having done that particular act too many times in the last month. Regardless of the reason, it always bothers us; the rejection of our act of love makes us feel as if we’ve been rejected.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in that feeling of being rejected; it’s dangerous! It will kill your desire to continue being romantic faster than anything. When it happens, just realize that there’s probably something else which is causing her to act that way, something that has nothing to do with you.

However, if your wife regularly overlooks a particular type of romantic act, that should be a clue to you, telling you that you’re not speaking her language. It’s about as if you were writing her love poems, but she couldn’t read. That wouldn’t work out all that well. In the same way, speaking romance in a different language than she understands doesn’t work out all that well.

You see, each of us has our own romance language. It’s both the way that we express love and the way that we understand it. When others speak our romance language, it’s like the words have been underlined, made bold and highlighted in yellow. Finding out what her romance language is will give you a great boost up in being able to get the most impact out of your romantic acts.

When I’m talking about romance languages, what I’m really talking about is love languages. After all, isn’t romance all about expressing love? Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” does a great job of explaining those five languages and showing us how to use them. In case you haven’t read the book yet (you should), here are the five languages:

• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
• Gifts
• Physical touch
• Quality time

Now, if your love language is acts of service, you’ve probably been trying to be romantic to your wife by doing things for her. That’s great, acts of service is a great way to be romantic. But, if your wife’s love language is words of affirmation, you may not be reaching her as well as you want to. She probably appreciates your acts of service, but it doesn’t have the impact on her that words of affirmation will.

That doesn’t mean that you should stop doing acts of service. By all means, continue doing them. But, at the same time, add words of affirmation to your vocabulary of romance. Find ways to tell her that you love her. Even more, find ways to tell her what a great woman, wife, mother and all around person you think she is. That’s what she’s craving and that’s what’s going to do her the most good.

After all, being romantic towards your wife is all about her anyway, so you might as well make sure that you’re really focusing on her and on what works for her. You can still use the other ways of being romantic, but use them to round out the basic expression of love, which is done in her love language.

Doing this will make every romantic act you do have all that much more impact? Why? Because you’re satisfying her most basic need for love. That makes everything else look that much better in her eyes. 

Take the Time to Cuddle

For some strange reason, lots of women complain that all their husbands’ want is sex. As a man, I really have trouble understanding that, even though I’m supposed to be somewhat of an “expert” on women. Nevertheless, I have to agree with women that sex in and of itself, without the emotional connection that makes sex into something special, is like having someone give you a brand new Mustang, without the engine. While sex without the emotional closeness of a truly loving relationship is still sex, it’s nowhere near as special as sex with the emotional closeness.

That’s one of the reasons that romance is so important in a marriage. Besides meeting our wives emotional needs, the romantic acts that we do tend to draw us closer as a couple. That’s really what it’s all about. When sex comes as a result of that emotional closeness, it reaches a whole new level.

Another related thing that women complain about is lack of cuddling. Cuddling (either dressed or naked) is a very important part of the physical expression of love in a marriage. Yet, most men don’t appreciate just cuddling with their wives, unless that cuddling leads to sex. While I’m not against cuddling leading to sex, I’ve learned that the cuddling in and of itself can be extremely satisfying on an emotional level.

Cuddling is part of building the emotional closeness necessary for a good, healthy sexual relationship within the marriage. Men typically fall asleep after lovemaking, leaving the cuddling part out. Granted, we’re going to fall asleep no matter what, but there’s no reason to not fall asleep with your arms around your wife. There’s also no reason not to put your arms around her when you wake up in the middle of the night.

Okay, that takes care of the bedroom, but what about the rest of the time? By all means, take every opportunity you can to cuddle with your wife, whether in the bedroom or out. When you’re sitting there watching television, do it with your arms around her. Put your arm around her when you’re talking to friends. You can even put your arm around her in church, while you’re listening to the sermon. In other words, take every opportunity you can to put your arm around your wife.

Have you ever noticed how much babies want to be held and cuddled? There’s something in human makeup that craves physical contact. We all want it, although as adults we may not be hearing that need, due to other voices that are crying louder.

I remember a story about a pair of twin babies. One of the two of them was extremely sick, to the point where they thought that the baby would die. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the baby, so didn’t know how to properly treat it. A nurse put the healthy twin in the bassinet with the sick one, to keep it company. That physical closeness was enough to heal the sick baby.

You find young people who are dating always putting their arms around each other. It’s almost like they can’t walk alone or even stand alone without falling down. Why? Because they crave that physical contact. It meets an emotional need within them.

That emotional need to cuddle doesn’t ever go away. You and I have it, so do our wives. There will never be anything else that will fully satisfy that need. I don’t care how much sex you try and have, without cuddling, you’ll find that the emotional need is still there. I’d say that your wife is probably crying out for more cuddling, even if she never verbalizes it or is cognizant of her own desire. It’s there, and it’s your job to fill that need.

Time with Her Friends

We’ve been on a theme here of her feeling pressured by time and the need to get so many things done; so I want to stay on that for another day. Yesterday, I talked a bit about play as a way to help her relax; today I want to hit on another aspect of that. That is, time with her friends.

Hopefully, you are her best friend. If not, there’s something missing out of your relationship. Nevertheless, even if you are her best friend, it’s not healthy for her (or for you) for you to be her only friend. Women need other women as friends, someone they can talk to about girl stuff; someone they can talk to about you.

Yeah, as scary as that sounds, we’ve got to realize that our wives do talk about us. Their friends get to hear about all our failings. If that’s not enough to strike fear in your heart, then nothing is. Women talk to each other about everything; I mean everything. Where us guys need to build a really solid, long term relationship with each other, before we’ll open up; women build that relationship by opening up. They’ll talk about things in their first meeting that we won’t talk about for nine months. (Maybe you should rethink what you’re doing a bit, to make sure there’s nothing there that you don’t want her friends to know about.)

Anyway, let me get back on track here. Women need that communication with other women. There’s no way that we, as guys, can fulfill that need. We might try to and our wives might try and force us to, but it’s not the same thing. There are things that our wives won’t talk about with us, but will talk about with their girlfriends. That’s’ an important part of maintaining her mental and emotional health.

Okay, so what do we do about that? It’s not like we can make friends for her. No, we can’t, but we can provide opportunities for them to get together with their friends. Busy mothers, especially busy mothers of preschoolers often feel isolated, because going out to be with their friends is just too much hassle.

Think about it for a minute. When was the last time you took the baby somewhere by yourself. You have to get the diaper bag ready, prepare the bottles, make sure you’ve got some snacks and toys. Then you’ve got to load the playpen and stroller into the car, and then, after all that, you can grab the baby, put them in the car seat and go. That’s a lot of stuff to do, every time you want to go out. So, many mothers don’t bother, just because of the hassle.

Then there’s the problems she can encounter with the baby at the other end. What if her friend’s house isn’t baby proofed, or even worse, toddler proofed. Toddlers get into everything; often with disastrous results. So, to avoid the embarrassment of having the baby break some family heirloom, mom stays at home.

Her decision to stay at home, avoiding her friends, becomes the lesser of two evils for her. Unfortunately, it’s a decision that costs her; it costs her emotionally. For that matter, it also costs you. So, you need to do something about it.

The quick answer would be to have her friends over to your house. At least, that would be the quick answer to a guy. But, that isn’t a quick answer for her. Have you ever watched your wife, when you know that friends are coming over? She suddenly goes into a cleaning frenzy. Sharks in a feeding frenzy can’t compare to a woman in a cleaning frenzy. She’ll beat them, hands down.

To help, we usually say something dumb like, “Why are you worried about that, it’s just so-and-so?” I guarantee you, that doesn’t help. All that does is show that we’re insensitive to what’s important to her. She has to have a clean house, so that the other woman can’t see that she’s not a good homemaker. Regardless of whether that other woman would think that; even if she’s blind, that’s a real concern to our wives. She can’t stand having herself seen as less than super-mom.

Okay, so if that’s not going to work, what can we do? Simple, give her times that she can get together with her friends, preferably away from home, without worrying about the kids. That means that you, get to be dad, and take care of the kids, so that your wife can have a time to relax.

Let me tell you, we’re talking major good guy points here. You will be amazed what a couple of hours at the mall or coffee shop with a couple of friends will do for your wife. She’ll breeze back in the house refreshed and ready to slay that dragon once again. She might even be ready to tackle that project she’s been putting off for months. 

More Love

Pretty much everyone, men and women alike, claims to love their spouse “no matter what.” We make it sound like our love is truly unconditional, regardless of whatever might happen. However, I’d have to say that we’re fooling ourselves when we say that. Oh, we’re right in the sense of being able to love them through whatever we have in mind at that time, or we wouldn’t be saying it. That’s not the same thing though. Just because we’re convinced that we could keep loving them through some serious sickness doesn’t mean that we love them unconditionally.

Love is only known by its expression. If there’s no expression of love, then there’s no love. There might be something we think is love, but it’s nothing more than a feeling inside of us. For it to be recognizable as love to another, it has to come out of us and be expressed to that other person.

Unconditional love is only such when it is expressed at times when the other person doesn’t deserve it. If our expression of love is dependent upon the other person’s actions, then it isn’t really unconditional love. For us guys, that often means being able to continue expressing love, even when she is denying us sexually. That’s hard to do, but if we truly love our wives, we are able to do so.

So, what gets in our way of being able to express love at all times? More than anything it’s our emotions. When we don’t feel loved or appreciated, we have trouble expressing love towards others. To put it another way, when nobody is filling our love tank, we don’t have anything to give away.

Actually, although we live by that statement, it’s untrue. If we need our love tank to be filled, in order to have love to give to another, then there’s something wrong. We should be able to create love out of nothing, regardless of what others are doing to us. If we can’t do that, then human will doesn’t mean anything.

Okay, so what should we do? We should act in love towards our wives, no matter how our wives are acting towards us. Have you ever stopped to think that she may be acting the way she is, because she feels unloved?

Herein lies a great secret; loving when we don’t feel like it. Many have said, “Love isn’t an emotion, it’s a choice of the will.” I don’t totally agree with that. Try telling your wife sometime, “I don’t feel anything towards you, but I still love you.” I guarantee you, she’s not going to be thrilled. There is an aspect of love that is a feeling, but there is another aspect of love that’s a choice of the will. The will part comes into play when we act in love, even though our emotions are in conflict with that action.

Did you get that? We still need to act in love, even though are emotions aren’t in agreement. I’m not talking about pretending to love here; I’m talking about doing loving actions, even though we don’t feel like it. That’s a level of loving expression that most people never reach.

You know the crazy thing? If you act in love, even when you don’t feel like it, your emotions will follow your actions. In other words, if you don’t feel loving, act in love anyway; that will change your feelings.

As crazy as that sounds, it’s absolutely true. I have had a number of times where the best thing I could do to overcome negative feelings towards my wife was to do something loving for her. Every time I did that, it worked; she felt loved and I felt better towards her. My emotions followed my action.

A child is controlled by their emotions. As mature men, we need to learn how to control our emotions. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t feel anything, but rather that we should use our emotions as a tool, shaping them to meet the need. One great need is that of acting in love towards our wives, so we need to shape our emotions towards love.

Anyone who says that they’ve “fallen out of love” with their wife has just confessed that they’ve stopped trying to be loving towards their wife. They are expecting their wife to make them feel loving, rather than making that decision to love. I’d have to say, they probably never truly loved their wife, they only thought they did. Ouch!

So, the next time you find yourself thinking negatively about your wife, it means it’s a good day to buy her flowers, or maybe a box of chocolates. Perhaps you should cook her a special dinner or help her out with some chores. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is something that you will both interpret as an act of love. That will help you overcome those negative thoughts and feelings, and feel the love that you need to feel for your wife.

Quit Fussing About the Little Stuff

You know, you can be the most romantic guy in the world, and destroy every romantic act you do in about 10 seconds. Yep, that’s right. All it takes is a momentary lapse, in which you forget to act like a spiritual man and start acting like a fleshly one. That’s it, in that 10 second lapse, all the ugliness of a selfish, childish, carnal man can destroy a lifetime of being a loving husband.

You might think I’m talking about abusive husbands, so what I’m saying really doesn’t apply to you. To that I say “HA!” I’ve come to the conclusion that most marital abuse isn’t physical abuse, but emotional abuse. Emotional abuse always stems out of immaturity and selfishness.

What I’m talking about here are those moments we all tend to have, when we allow our emotions to overcome our reason, and the dark side of our character shows through. Now, don’t try and tell me you don’t have a dark side to your character, we’ve all got one. You may have it well hidden, and you should, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there; it just means that you try and keep it locked up.

Mankind in general is a selfish, greedy, uncaring race. If you don’t believe me, just look at a baby sometime. Have you ever seen anything more self-centered than a baby? They are all convinced that the world revolves around them. Mommy, daddy and everyone else just exist to serve them. All they have to do is cry, and the whole world jumps to do their bidding. Sounds kind of self-centered to me.

Granted, they’re babies and they can’t do much more than cry. Okay, I understand that; I’m really not here to get down on babies. However, I am here to get down on the 40 year-old babies. You know what I mean, those of us who are supposed to be adults, but can act as childish, self-centered and spoiled as a baby. Those who think that whatever they want, their wife should jump. Those who think that their wife exists to serve them. Those that think they can blow up whenever they want, and their wife has to forgive them.

It’s amazing how quickly we can all blow up over the littlest things, if we let our guard down. Yeah, I said littlest things. That thing which you think is worth blowing up about, is probably just as little as the thing that you see others blow up about.

Let me ask you something; where do you plan on being in 100 years? I hope your answer to that is that you expect to be in heaven. If that’s so, then let me ask you another question; will that thing that you’re getting upset about today, be important in 100 years? If not, why are you getting upset about it?

We’ve got to learn how to get things into perspective. We’re supposed to have our eyes fixed on the things above, not the things below. If that’s the case, then the things below really aren’t all that important. So, why do we get so upset about them? Because we want things our way, that’s why. In other words, we’re being self-centered. Ouch!

Here’s the rub. Every time we blow up about some insignificant thing that isn’t going to matter in 100 years, we negate everything that we’ve been doing to be romantic towards our wives. In other words, all those points you’ve been building up, by being romantic, are all blown away by one little blowup.

Putting it that way, it seems to me that those blowups are pretty darn expensive. At that price, it seems like it would be better to save them for things that are worthwhile, not the little stuff. That way, at least we lose those points over something that really matters.

The All-Important Kiss

Have you ever noticed how young dating couples spend lots of their time together kissing? Now, have you ever noticed how little time married couples spend kissing? Not only that, but what most married couples refer to as a kiss is more correctly defined as a peck, not a real kiss.

Something is definitely backwards here. It seems to me that the dating couples should limit themselves to nothing more than a peck, while the married couples should be the kissing experts. After all, they’ve had more opportunity to practice, so they should be much better at it.

It seems that somewhere along the way, kissing ends up being left aside like old baggage. Even in couples who make love frequently, there may not be a whole lot of kissing going on. Yet, in some ways, kisses are even more intimate than sex. Yes, that’s what I said, kissing can actually be more intimate than sexual intercourse.

From what I understand (not from personal experience) prostitutes will let a man do pretty much anything they want to their bodies, but won’t kiss them. These prostitutes understand that kissing is intimate, and they aren’t interested in being intimate with their clients, just providing a service. So, if they think that kissing is intimate, why don’t we get it?

Granted, there are a lot of things which go together to make intimacy exist in a marriage relationship. True communication is also an indispensible ingredient. But that doesn’t negate the importance of kissing one bit. Kissing isn’t just a part of foreplay; it’s a large part of what keeps us close together as a couple. When we kiss, we are drawing ourselves together as a couple, sharing ourselves one with another and telling each other that we want to be emotionally close.

Leaving in the morning, without stopping to kiss your wife could be considered a crime against your marriage. The same could be said for coming home at night, without kissing her. Those moments we take to share our love through a kiss are a very important part of our overall expression of love.

Don’t leave it at that, though. Last I checked, there’s no kiss limit stated on a marriage license. It doesn’t have a line that says, “Good for a maximum of ten kisses per day.” Make kissing a regular part of your day, stopping every once in a while, just to kiss your wife. Let that expression of love become a regular part of your routine; but don’t let it become just routine. Make sure that you both enjoy every kiss break.

She’s Not Your Enemy

When was your last fight with your wife? Was it last night? Last week? Perhaps, last month? Whenever it was, there’s a good chance you left it feeling like she was against you. Couples deal with this all the time, feeling like the one person who should really be in their corner is the one who is most against them.

The thing we all need to realize is that she’s not our enemy. You have an enemy, but it’s not your wife. That enemy will probably try and speak through you through the actions and words of your wife, but that still doesn’t make her your enemy. It just means that the enemy is pretty good at manipulating your interpretation of what your wife says and does.

The enemy I’m referring to is the devil. Ephesians, chapter six tells us that we don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers (okay, I shortened it a bit). She’s the flesh and blood, not the spiritual powers. So, why are you battling against her, instead of battling for her?

Whoa, that came out of left field, didn’t it? Actually no. You see, as men, we’ve been created with a violent aggressive nature, not to use against our families, but to use in order to protect them. So, when we’re fighting against our wives, we’re misusing a gift that has been given to us; the gift of violence. It doesn’t matter if that violence is verbal or physical, it’s still violence.

I’ve come to realize that 95% or more marital fighting is due to misunderstandings and miscommunications. If we could only learn to see, hear and understand things as they are intended to be, rather than as we misinterpret them, then we could get rid of a lot of fighting. But, we’ve got that enemy, who is working overtime to make sure that there is plenty of misunderstanding; just so he can keep a lot of fighting going on.

You see, when you are your wife are in agreement, you can begin to pray in agreement. There’s nothing more powerful on the face of this earth than a married couple, praying in agreement. Of course, when you’re not in agreement, that power is gone. The enemy knows this, and is trying to make sure that you aren’t in agreement.

He is speaking to your mind constantly, giving you and I a running commentary about everything that is going on around us. Of course, that running commentary isn’t true, but it sure sounds true. The other trick he uses is to say it all in the first person, so that it sounds to us like our own thoughts. That way, we think that we’re the ones saying those things, not someone else. Since we accept them as our own thoughts, they must be true; so, we run with them.

So, our wives say something like, “Can you take out the garbage?” and we hear, “She’s always telling me what to do, what does she think she is, my boss?” Or she’ll call us when we’re leaving work to say, “Don’t forget to pick up milk and bread on your way home” and we’ll hear, “What does she think I am, an imbecile that can’t remember anything without being reminded all the time?” When she doesn’t look as “hot” as she did when you got married, it’s easy to hear, “Well, she’s over the hill, time to trade her in for a newer model.”

Hmm, sounds to me like a good formula for offenses, misunderstandings, disagreements and fights. When we accept those thoughts as our own, we are helping fuel the fires of divorce, reacting to our wives as our enemies, rather than our closest friends.

So, what can we do? The first thing is to realize that she’s not your enemy. Since she isn’t begin to throw away all those thoughts when they come. As Paul said, “Casting down vain imaginations…” and “…bringing every thought captive” (2 Cor 10:5). When those thoughts come, you don’t have to accept them, just kick them out. Then, start thinking positive thoughts about your wife. That will help you to act in love towards her, rather than in offense.

A Trail of Kisses

Every once in a while, I like to use chocolate in a romantic act. It could have something to do with my wife and I both being chocoholics. Then again, it could have something to do with her really craving chocolate when she was going through menopause. Whatever the reason, chocolate has long been an important part of our marriage.

I imagine that we’re not alone in this; at least the evidence seems to point that way. On Valentine’s Day, chocolate is one of the classic gifts. When a man is looking for a way to make up to his wife for some slight, chocolate is right there at the top of the list. Interestingly enough, the most popular post of all time on this blog is about chocolate as well. So, I’d have to say that there are a lot of couples out there who are as almost as much chocoholics as we are.

There’s something about Hershey’s Kisses which speak romance to me. Now, we really like the high dollar, fancy chocolate truffles; but they just don’t have that same name. C’mon, what could be more romantic than kissing? I think the Hershey family was up to something when they came up with that name. Who knows, maybe they created them to be romantic.

Hershey’s has even gone a step further and come out with a variety of different Kisses now. They’ve even got one called “Hugs.” So, you can have your hugs and kisses both in chocolate. Since my wife and I are partial to dark chocolate, we were really glad to see them come out with Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Kisses. I mean, how much more romantic can you get than that?

Okay, so what are we going to do with these wonderful, romantic candies? How about this; buy a bag of your bride’s favorite variety or more than one, and use them to make a trail. Wait until sometime when she’s out of the house, to make your trail. Start from the door she’ll be coming in, and place Kisses every four to six inches through the house. If you can find a small basket somewhere, like a miniature Easter basket, put it next to the head of the trail, so she’ll have something to put the Kisses in. Somewhere along the way, leave a small wrapped gift for your wife; but don’t let the trail end there. Have it continue to wherever you are.

Then, you can be waiting at the end of the trail, to give your bride another type of kisses. By then, she’ll probably be ready to enjoy both kinds.

Never Forget those Important Days

One of the things which women complain about is when we forget those important days in our lives. You know what I mean; have you ever forgotten her birthday, or your anniversary? If you did, your wife probably blew a gasket. In all fairness, I’d have to say that when something like that happens, she really do have justifiable grounds to complain.

Forgetting an anniversary is like saying, “My marriage isn’t important.” Now, I know that your marriage is important to you, or you wouldn’t bother reading this blog. However, you don’t have to prove it to me, you’ve got to prove it to your wife; and you’ve got to prove it over and over again.

I’m not really sure where the idea of celebrating anniversaries and birthdays come from. Suffice it to say that both are long-standing customs around the world. So, where it came from and why we celebrate them isn’t anywhere near as important as the reality of their existence. That’s what we have to deal with.

Part of the importance on her part comes from the fact that she’s relationally focused. As men, you and I build our lives around the things which we do. For our wives, it’s built around the relationships which they have. Since birthdays and especially anniversaries deal with relationships, it’s not surprising that those days would be important to them.

In today’s modern world, there’s really no excuse for forgetting. Our cell phones, PDAs, tablets and computers all have the capability of reminding us of those all-important days; all we have to do is program it in. Let me give you a secret here. Don’t just program in the day, program a reminder in a few days ahead of time. In other words, program your anniversary in, then program in a reminder, every day for at least three days beforehand (better yet, a week). That way, you have a bit of time to plan, make reservations and buy her a gift.

It’s always easier to celebrate a special day when you have a little time to plan. Granted, your wife will appreciate the flowers you buy her at the last minute. But, she’d appreciate it a whole lot more if you went out and bought her some diamond earrings. Of course, if you only set an alarm to remind you on your anniversary, you might not have time to go out and buy those earrings.

It’s also much more romantic if you plan where you are going to take her, instead of asking her at the last minute, “Well, where do you want to go?” Even if you want her input on the restaurant choice, you’re much better off getting that a few days ahead of time, instead of at the last minute. Asking her three days ahead of time sends the message that you’re thinking about your upcoming anniversary. Waiting till the day makes it sound like you had forgotten.

Finally, if something happens, like a trip out of town, which would prevent you from being able to go out on your anniversary, always make sure you celebrate ahead of time. Celebrating ahead is okay, but celebrating late sends the message that your work is more important than your marriage. You don’t want to do that.

Protect Her from Her Fear

Everyone has things they are afraid of; that’s a given. Even the toughest of soldiers, who would stare an armed enemy in the face, have fears. While they may not be afraid of that enemy, they may be afraid of snakes, or spiders or heights. One can never know the fears of another by looking at them on the outside, because those fears are often hidden things of the heart.

What do we typically do when we find out someone else’s fear? Why, we make fun of it. That’s right; one person’s fear is another person’s joke. We think their fear is funny, but we don’t appreciate it if they act the same about ours.

Let me ask you, how many times have you made fun of a fear that your wife has? Maybe she’s afraid of bugs (not an uncommon situation among women) and you laugh at her. Perhaps she has a fear of flying, and you laugh at her every time she has to get on an airplane. It doesn’t matter what it is, it seems that we all laugh at each other’s fears.

Yet, I have to ask, what message are we sending, when we laugh at our wives fears? Aren’t we reducing their concern to nothing? Aren’t we saying “your opinion isn’t worth anything”? Aren’t we reducing their value in our own eyes? Ouch! That’s not something we want to do, to show our love.

In reality, nobody can control their fears. Oh, they can learn to control their reaction to them, but they can’t control their fear. The fear is there, whether they want it to be, or not. They can study about it and try to overcome it, but that won’t make it go away. All fear is irrational, it tries to control us, we can’t control it.

In all fairness, many fears have some basis in fact. Many of the people who survived the Great Depression in the last century, died decades later with a fear of not having enough food. One who has fallen from a great height will naturally have a fear of heights. A child who suffers a painful insect bite can easily develop a fear of bugs. But, not all fears can be explained so easily.

Okay, so what does all this have to do with romance? Good question. First of all, we all need to change how we react to our wife’s fears. While it may still seem funny to us that she’s afraid of escalators, we shouldn’t show our humor. Respecting a person for who they are includes respecting all they are. Secondly, it is important to protect them from those fears. If our wives are afraid of something, then we should do what we can to ensure that those fears don’t have an opportunity to manifest.

Let’s take something simple like bugs. We lived in a house which had a serious cockroach infestation. Had we known about that, before renting the house, we never would have rented it. However, we live in an area where cockroaches are common, so it’s not all that surprising that we had the problem.

The place in our home which the cockroaches liked the most was the kitchen. Every morning, we’d wake up to find 20 or 30 of those pests on the kitchen counter and in the sink. It didn’t matter if everything was spotlessly clean and there was nothing for them to eat, they’d be there looking for it anyway. So, I made it a habit when I woke up to go in the kitchen and deal with the cockroaches. That way, my wife wouldn’t have to.

Of course, that didn’t totally solve the problem and no matter what we tried, we never managed to get rid of them. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean I stopped trying. We sealed and sprayed and put out traps and every other trick we could find, just to try and get rid of those pests. Finally, we moved out of the house; they’d won the battle. In our new house, we don’t have that problem.

But, I won my battle as well. Even though I didn’t manage to eliminate the problem, I at least was able to make it easier for my wife. I couldn’t protect her totally from that fear, but I at least did so partially. That was at least a partial victory.

I said that we don’t have a cockroach problem in the new house, and we really don’t, Even so, every once in a while I’ll find a dead one on the floor, when I wake up in the morning. I keep a mini dust-pan and brush in the laundry room, which I call the cockroach brush. When I find them, I get rid of them, before my wife has the opportunity to see them. I’m still trying to protect her.

A Stroll by the Light of the Moon

As we all know, romance requires time. It’s impossible to be truly romantic if one isn’t willing to spend time with their wife. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend on flowers and gifts, if you never get to spend any time together, they aren’t going to make her feel loved.

Finding time to spend together can be a real challenge in our hurry-up, hustle and bustle world. It’s even worse if you’ve got kids. It almost seems like those kids have a conspiracy set up between them, to make sure that their parents can’t get any time alone together. You finally get them all in bed, sit down on the sofa to spend a few minutes together and one or another of them pop out of bed. It doesn’t matter what the reason, they’ll make one up if they have to.

Well, we’re bigger than the kids, we’ve got more experience, more education; so, we ought to be able to come up with a way to outsmart them, and get that few minutes alone. Actually, it’s not all that hard; all we have to do is leave the house. That way, when they try to interrupt us in the living room, they can’t find us.

Now, I realize that you probably aren’t all that comfortable leaving your kids in the house alone; and your wife is even less comfortable. But, I’m not talking about leaving them alone and going away for a few hours; I’m talking about leaving them alone in bed for a few minutes, while you stay in sight of the house.

You see, just getting out of the house, to walk down your street and back can be romantic. That is, it can be romantic if you manage to get the time alone together. That’s really what it’s about, not the walking, but getting to be together, without interruptions.

A nice, slow stroll, hand in hand, up and down your own street may not seem like the most romantic thing you’ve ever done, but it’s still romantic. Romance doesn’t require money; nor does it require elaborate planning. Romance is an expression of love, and one of the ways in which we can express love is by just spending time together.

Remember, this isn’t about making it a race, nor is it about getting exercise, it’s about spending a few minutes alone together. if you can’t make yourself walk slowly, then maybe you’d be better off sitting on the porch. Either way, enjoy the evening, the breeze, the stars, the moon, and most of all, enjoy some time just for the two of you.

A Scent of Romance

Have you ever wondered why women like perfume so much? Generally speaking, they are much more interested in perfume, than men are in after shave and cologne. If you’re not sure that I’m right, just go into any department store and compare the prices of the perfumes to the after shave. While there are perfumes which are cheap, you really don’t see after shave lotion which is expensive. Not only that, but perfume is given to women as a special gift, whereas after shave is only given to men when someone can’t come up with a better gift idea.

So, back to the original question, why is this so? It’s actually rather simple. Women’s noses, like all their senses, are more sensitive than men’s are. That also explains why women are more offended by foul odors than men are. That fishy smell, which might bother you and I a bit, but we pretty much ignore it, can be a major irritant to our wives.

I don’t really know how far back the idea of perfume goes, or how far back it was considered a romantic gift. However, we do find historic reference to it at least 3,000 years ago, while deodorants didn’t exist until the 9^th century. Imagine the dark ages, when people though that bathing was dangerous? If it wasn’t for perfume, I think the human race would have died out; women wouldn’t have been able to stand to get close enough to men for procreation to happen.

Maybe that has something to do with perfume becoming a romantic gift. Then again, it could have something to do with being something that pleases the senses. Regardless of the reason, we can be assured that perfume, as a romantic gift, is here to stay.

What is your wife’s favorite perfume? My wife’s comes from the Lily of the Valley, and is made in France. It’s almost impossible to find, making it that much more precious of a commodity in our home. I’ve tried other perfumes, including a rather expensive one, which is based upon lilies, but it’s just not the same. This taught me that it’s important not only to buy perfume, but to buy her the right perfume.

How do you find out which perfume is the right one? Simple, look at what she’s got. The bottle with the least in it is probably the one she uses the most. That’s the scent she likes. Even if she isn’t ready for a new bottle, all hope is not lost. You can take the name of that perfume, go to the perfume counter in your favorite upscale department store and say, “I’d like something similar to…” The clerk there should be able to show you other perfumes, which are similar to your wife’s favorite. That helps ensure that she’s going to like it.

Be sure to have it gift wrapped too. The extra moments of having to unwrap the package add to the experience of receiving the gift.

Let me mention one other thing here as well. Since we aren’t as interested in the smell of the perfume as our wives are, we tend to forget to use things like after shave and cologne. Don’t forget. You’re not doing it for you; you’re doing it for her. She’ll appreciate it. 

Have you ever wondered why so many old romantic movies have the guy singing to the girl somewhere in the movie? Even a few more modern movies have this, although it isn’t as common as it used to be. There’s something special about music, especially when it is directed at a particular person.

Music touches the soul in a way that more simple words do not. That’s why advertisers use it so much. A catchy jingle about a product is much more likely to be remembered than an elaborate explanation or even a well thought out tag line. Music not only touches the emotions of the person, but also burns the memory deeper into our conscience.

Unfortunately, not all of us are given the gift of golden voices. Personally, I have been forbidden by my children from singing in public at any time. I’m not even allowed to sing in the shower, if others are in the house. The only time I can sing is when nobody else knows I’m doing it. Of course, that might have something to do with all of them studying the arts in college, two of them being musicians. They think that my inability to carry a tune banns me from singing forevermore.

Nevertheless, I’m sure that some of you out there have those golden voices of fame; or at least you can pretend that you do, much better than I can. So, why not use it for being romantic? Let me ask you; when was the last time you sang a song to your wife?

You know, it’s amazing how many love songs there are out there. It seems that love songs have been being sung since the beginning of time. Even modern music, with all its unusual expressions, still has a fair number of love songs being produced.

Do the two of you have a favorite song? Maybe there’s something that you used to hear on the radio, when you were dating. Well, why not learn it, and serenade your wife with it? Unless she doesn’t like music, or you have a reputation as a singer like mine, she’s bound to love it. 

Daddy Caddy

Through the years I’ve come to the point where I have a deep appreciation that God has never done anything by accident or “just because.” Every action He has ever done has purpose, often more than one; even those things which don’t seem so obvious have purpose.

Believe it or not, the differences between how men and women are, how they think and how they do things even have purpose. While those differences might be a bit frustrating, or even a bit infuriating to us at some times, they still have a reason. Quite often, once we understand the purpose behind the differences, we can see the wisdom in what God has done.

Have you ever wondered why we, as men, are so much stronger than out wives? No, it’s really not so that we can beat them at a wrestling match; and it’s definitely not so that we can abuse them in any way. The real reason why we are so much stronger is so that we can protect our wives from danger; any kind of danger. Our capacity for aggressiveness and violence exists for the same reason, so that we can protect her.

Can you imagine a pregnant woman trying to protect herself from any sort of violent attack? I don’t know about your wife, buy mine had trouble getting around when she was pregnant, let alone doing anything really physical. No, if there’s any woman in the world who needs protection, it’s a pregnant one.

That natural strength we have is for the benefit of our marriage. Not only in protecting our wives, but in doing those tasks which require strength. Years ago, when our kids were little and we were traveling full time, I used to grumble about having to be the “Daddy Caddy.” When we’d get to a hotel, the whole family would go relax in the room or check out the pool, while daddy (me) was carrying all the suitcases; and yes, to be honest with you, I was usually grumbling about it.

But really, who is best suited for carrying the suitcases? My kids were too small to do it, so expecting them to do so would have been ridiculous. Likewise, expecting my wife to do it was ridiculous. She couldn’t hardly lift some of those suitcases, let alone carry them a couple hundred feet.

Okay, so I’ve changed a bit since then; you get older and hopefully get wiser as well. A couple of months ago, I injured my back. For a few weeks I couldn’t hardly stand up, let alone try and carry anything. For that few weeks, I was more or less worthless to myself, let alone anyone else. So, I’d watch as my wife carried in the groceries, feeling guilty all the while. But, I could hardly get out to the car with my cane in the time it took her to make three trips in with the bags.

I felt guilty watching my wife carry those groceries. While I really didn’t have any choice, it bothered me to see her have to do something, because I was physically incapable of doing it. You see, if I’m committed to my marriage, then that means that I commit all my resources to it, no matter what they are or when it is. All of me has to be given over to our marriage, or I’m just playing games; and as a game, it’s one that I’ll probably lose. One can only win in marriage by giving everything.

Guys, our wives need our physical strength, along with any other strength we have. When there’s something to be done that requires physical exertion, don’t grumble, just do it. Carrying groceries? No problem! Cutting the lawn? No problem! Carrying the bags, when your wife goes shopping? Uh… well… no problem! Whatever it is, let your wife know that you’re there for her.

Don’t Take it Personal

That old saying we learned as kids, of “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” has got to be one of the biggest lies ever concocted. At least the wounds created by sticks and stones will heal fairly quickly, but the wounds of words can last a lifetime. Many people’s lives have been ruined, to one degree or another, by the words that others spoke to them.

That’s why it’s important that we are careful about the words we speak, especially those words that come out when we’re angry, irritated or frustrated. All too often in those moments, we say things that later we wish we could take back. Yet, those words never seem to go away. We may say we’re sorry, we may try and make amends, but we can never make erase those words, once spoken.

Part of what makes those words so powerful is the intensity with which they are said. Let’s say that you’re having an argument with your wife, and in the midst of it you blurt out, “I can’t stand you when you’re like that.” Those words are going to go right to the center of your wife’s being, cutting all the way. She won’t hear it as there’s something that she does which bothers you. What she’ll hear is, “I can’t stand you.” That’s the painful, destructive memory which will burn into her heart.

After that, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell her you love her, the overpowering memory will be that you can’t stand her. The intensity of those words, spoken in the passion of a momentary loss of self-control, will be with her forever. No matter how hard you try, they can’t be erased.

I’m not saying that we’re the only ones who say destructive things like that; women do it too. I’d say that men and women are equally skilled at saying destructive things to each other, causing the same types of hurts. However, I think they typically have a greater impact on the women, because they are more emotionally oriented.

There is one important difference between men and women, when it comes to this type of negative communication. That is, women will express generalities in a way that makes it seem like it’s their husband’s fault. They turn the general into something personal. For example, if a woman is feeling unloved, regardless of the reason, she’ll express it as “You don’t love me.” Or, another case might be where she feels frustrated about something, say something at work, and jumps on you for something that you do which is frustrating to her.

Here’s where we can make a difference in this problem. That is, don’t take it personally. Just because your wife is expressing frustration at you or saying that you never take her out anyplace, doesn’t really mean that she thinks that. It means that she is feeling that way at that moment, nothing more.

If you have a business dinner in a fancy restaurant, which your wife has been wanting to go to, there’s a pretty good chance that she’ll say that you never take her out. You might be confused, thinking of the weekly date night which you’ve been doing for the last year. But, she’s not really saying that you never take her out at all, she’s saying that she feels jealous of your opportunity to go to that restaurant, because she wants to go there.

So, how to you deal with this? The first step is to realize that even though she’s directing it at you, she’s not talking about you. Then, forgive her. You don’t have to do that to her face, but you do have to do it. Finally, try and figure out what the true message is behind what she’s saying.

I realize that decoding “woman speak” is an almost impossible challenge. They have meanings for words and ways of putting ideas together that no man can fathom. Nevertheless, we can at least get some clues about what it is that’s motivating them to say what they are saying. When they say something negative, out of frustration, there’s always something behind it. Look beyond the words, to see where she might be hurting. That gives you a clue in how to love your wife better.

Spring Gardening

We all know that women like flowers. At one time or another, I’ve given you some ideas of how to use flowers as a romantic act; not that giving her flowers is something that’s hard to figure out on your own, but they’re always a good idea. There is definitely a romantic connotation to giving flowers.

Well, why not give her a whole bunch of flowers. Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re going to get more points. Remember, it’s only one point per romantic act. However, there are some acts which manage to give more points, simply because she sees it over and over again. For example, you come home from work with a bunch of flowers one day. Okay, you get one point; that’s great. But, sometimes, you can get more mileage out of those flowers; not by anything you do, but by what she does. You see, every time she sees those flowers, there’s the chance that she’ll remember you giving them to her. Ding! You get another point. Or, if she tells one of her friends what you did, ding, you get another point.

Okay, so maybe we can capitalize on this a bit. Since it’s spring and we know that our wives like flowers, let’s get them some flowers. Only, this time, let’s make sure that those flowers will stick around for a while. In other words, let’s plant them outside for her.

It really doesn’t matter if the flowers we give our wives are inside the house or outside the house, just that we give her flowers. Granted, if they’re inside the house, she’s probably going to see them more often. But, that flower bed in the front yard is something she’s going to see every time she leaves the house and every time she comes home. Not only will she see it, but she’ll take special notice every time a flower blooms.

While there’s no way that I can guarantee you’ll get a point every time she looks at the flowers you planted for her, that opportunity does exist; especially when the new flowers bloom.

You can even make this a project that you do together and still reap points in the romance department. Have her go with you to pick out the flowers; that’s one romantic act. Then you can make the flower bed on your own. Finally, you can plant the flowers together, that’s romantic, because you’re doing something together.

Of course, you can always cut some of the flowers your garden grows and put them in a vase on the kitchen table when she’s not looking. I’d say that would count as another romantic act. Just make sure that you don’t mess up the flower garden when you do that. 

An Old-Fashioned Expression of Love

It can be a bit challenging to continually come up with new ways to express your love to your wife. Of course, you can continue to do the old ones, but women like new things; they like it when you can surprise them with something, especially when you can surprise them with some new expression of love. So, variety is an important part of romance.

Let me explain. If you buy your wife flowers, she thinks you’re romantic. If you buy them the second day, she thinks you’re really romantic. On the third day, she’s bragging to her friends about how romantic you are. But, when you come home with flowers on the fourth day, she’s going to wonder what you’re up to. By the end of the week, her reaction is more like “Oh, flowers again, ho hum, that’s nice.” It’s not that she doesn’t like flowers any more, it’s just that it’s become routine.

While I have yet to find a woman who doesn’t like her husband to tell her he loves her, I’m sure that just saying so can become routine as well. That doesn’t eliminate the importance of telling her, it just shows that we need to add some variety to keep things fresh.

For those of you who are old enough to remember, one way that we used to express love was to carve a heart with our initials in the bark of a tree. Now, I realize that’s not a high-tech way of expressing love, but you know, love doesn’t require high-tech. love has existed since before tech existed. People were able to express love to one another before technology came along, and believe it or not, we still can.

Now, I’m not a fan of vandalism, so I’m going to avoid doing this romantic act in the park. Instead, I’d like to suggest that you pick a tree in your own yard, and carve your initials in it. Make sure you’ve got a good, sharp pocket knife, preferably one with a locking blade. You really don’t want to get cut in the process of showing your love.

It’s up to you whether you do it, then show her, or take her with you while you do it. I guess that depends a bit on how good you are at carving. You may want to practice a bit, before showing off your new artistic ability to your wife.

One of the neat things about this is its permanence. I’ve seen trees with initials carved in them in rather remote places; places where not many people go. I always wonder when it was done, and by whom. Well, if you carve your heart in a tree in your back yard, whoever lives in that house after you will be wondering who you were. 

Is There Something She Runs Out Of?

I think most of us guys tend to prefer leaving the shopping to our wives. I mean, they seem to have that shopping gene and we don’t; so, why bother suffering through going to the store, when we can leave that in their quite capable hands. Not only do we avoid the suffering, but they get to enjoy themselves. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Of course, there are some things that we’ve got to shop for on our own. I don’t really trust my wife to go to the hardware store, without some really explicit instructions. Maybe your wife understands that stuff, but my wife sure doesn’t. So, I don’t usually send her to the hardware store, or the office supply store for that matter. There are some things which I have to shop for myself, much as I don’t want to.

I’ve actually found another category where it makes sense for me to do the shopping; that is to shop for things she has a tendency to run out of. Little things, like safety pins and band-aids. My wife notices she’s out of them when she needs one. I notice when I see the box almost empty.

Let’ me give you an example. When I feed the dog in the morning, I automatically look to see how much dog food there is, and think “Okay, there’s enough to last another 10 days or so.” My wife doesn’t do that; she looks at it and sees, “Okay, there’s dog food.” That happens because generally speaking (which means that I’m going to be generally wrong), man are more long-term planners than women are. So, I’m doing that all day long, with everything I use, without really thinking about it.

There’s three ways I can deal with those things when I see them. The first one, which we guys are really good at, is to ignore it. “After all,” I can say to myself, “she’s the one who does the shopping.” That’s all it takes to assuage any guilt I might feel. While that’s the easy out, it’s not the responsible answer. My second option is to put it on the shopping list. At least that way I’m doing something to contribute to the benefit of the family. Or, the third option is that I can buy it myself.

I know, I know, that almost sounds like heresy. Why in the world would I buy it myself, when I know that my wife is going to the store anyway? Well, here’s where shopping can get romantic. Granted, buying flowers and candy for your wife is romantic, but here’s another way. When I see that my wife is about out of something, I make a note to buy it. That way, when she runs out of it, I have a reserve supply for her.

However, I don’t buy it and just put it in the cabinet; I buy it and keep it. That way, when she needs it, I can produce it for her. Okay, so I’m trying to get some kudos here, so what? The point isn’t just buying it; the point is that she knows that I’m taking care of her. Granted, it’s something small. But, when she needs it, it’s not that small to her.

Now, I don’t do this with everything, nor can I come anywhere near claiming to do it all the time. What I do is make a note of it on my tablet, so that when I’m in the store, I can check to see if there’s anything extra I should pick up. There are many times where she buys it before I go to the store. There are other times where I totally forget about it. But, when I can remember to do it, I do. It’s just another little way of showing my wife that I care about her.