Keep an Eye on Her Workload

We all know how the hustle and bustle of everyday life can wear us down. It seems that all we do is work, take care of things at home, run around taking care of things and get ourselves ready to do it all over again. Finding time to really rest and relax is a luxury that few can afford; and when we do, it’s usually taking time to bee with friends that we haven’t seen for a while.

For most of us, just dealing with how tired, stressed and overworked we are is so much that we don’t think much about how all that work and stress affects others. Like our wives for example. Stress actually causes more health problems for women than it does for men. Sadly, most of us have no idea of how much stress our wives are under.

You’ve heard the old saw about how “a woman’s work is never done.” Well, with modern appliances and such, it probably is better than it used to be, but there’s still a lot of work that women have to do. It’s even worse for those who work outside the home, then come home to work at all the “traditional” woman’s work in the home. The house and clothes get just as dirty when she’s out working, as they do when she’s at home. Meals still have to be prepared, even though she has less time to cook them. Kids still need to be taken to activities and need help with their homework.

Fatigue and time pressures are the number two cause of depression in women. That makes it a pretty serious problem. With so many women today in the workforce, instead of being in the home force, it’s no wonder they’re battling with time pressures and fatigue. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Whether or not your wife is a good manager of her time, she may need some help from you. For her, managing her time well might be limited to making sure she’s got enough time to do everything she needs to do. That’s not all there is to it. There are a few details which you need to take charge of, just to make sure that they don’t fall off her priority list. Details like recreation and relaxation. Even though she might complain about it, she needs you to make sure she has enough R&R time in her week.

Part of making sure that she has enough time might just be you taking over some of the household responsibilities from her. Don’t cringe; vacuuming the carpet or washing the dishes won’t cause you to lose your man card. Neither will cooking for that matter. I’ve never been able to figure out why men feel they can’t cook at home, but most of the commercial cooks and chefs in the world are men. Tis’ a mystery to me. Of course, the corresponding mystery is why women can’t use a barbecue grill.

Anyway, cooking is a great way to take some of the burden off of her; it’s even fun. Maybe it’s not as fun as watching the ball game, but its’ a great chance to be creative. At the same time, you can relieve your wife’s time constraints, especially if you clean up the dishes afterwards, as well.

Another way that you can help her with her workload is to farm it out for her. Maybe it’s time to hire a part-time housekeeper to come in and clean once a week. It’s amazing what four hours of help, cleaning the house once a week, can do for your wife’s schedule and peace of mind.

Remember, you’ve got great motivation to help her out with this; it will help keep her from being depressed. I don’t think anyone enjoys it when their wife is depressed, and I’m sure that the women don’t enjoy it either. So, do what you can to help make sure that she has enough time, so that she doesn’t have to have all that pressure.

Brush Her Hair

Have you ever wondered why women like going to the beauty salon? I mean, I don’t know any guys who really like hanging out at the barber shop; we just go when we need to. Yet, some women go to the beauty salon regularly. Granted, I understand that they all want to look beautiful; but I’m pretty sure that there’s more to it than that. I mean, what’s so special about having someone else paint your nails for you? Every woman I know, knows how to do that themselves.

Actually, I think the real women go to the beauty salon isn’t to beautify themselves, although I’m sure that is a good secondary reason. I think the reason they love going to the salon is to get pampered. Having somebody fuss over them, taking care of them, and making them feel good is really what it’s all about.

I can’t really blame them. Women take care of everyone else, but don’t usually receive that kind of treatment themselves. I guess we could say that this is a backwards application of the golden rule. Women treat everyone else the way that they want to be treated.

Okay, so if that’s what she wants, then why not give it to her? If she wants to be pampered, who is better suited to do so than you? I’ll guarantee you, she’ll definitely feel like you value her if you do.

So, how are you going to pamper your wife? There are a number of things that you could do, anything from giving her a shampoo, to a pedicure to a massage. Let’s start out with something simple though; brush her hair.

The first thing you’ve got to realize about brushing your wife’s hair is that it’s much more complicated than doing your own, especially if she has long hair. Long hair tends to tangle, making it hard to brush out. Pulling her hair in the process definitely isn’t romantic, nor is it going to make her feel pampered. So, you want to avoid pulling at all costs.

Start by brushing out the ends of her hair. If she has long hair, you can grab it higher up in one hand, making a temporary pony tail out of it, while brushing with the other hand. The hand that is holding the hair can act as a strain relief, helping you prevent any pulling.

If you run into a knot in her hair, as you most likely will, then work it out, don’t pull it. You can work it out by letting the brush slide off of it, and repeating several times. That will help work it down towards the end, where it will become untied. If the knot is too bad for that, put the brush down and separate the strands with your finger, being careful not to pull.

Once you finish the ends, you can work your way up towards her scalp, one section at a time. By taking it in smaller segments, you minimize the possibility of pulling and make it easier to work with any knots you find.

Another thing that can help with the knots is conditioner. Your wife probably already uses this on her hair, but it helps brush out her hair as well. Take a little bit of conditioner and mix it with a bottle of water. If you have a spray bottle, you can put this mixture in it, and spray it on her hair. If you don’t have a spray bottle, put it in a glass and dip the brush in it, shaking off excess. This will help the brush glide through her hair more easily, reducing pulling.

So, now you’re an expert. All you have to do is find some time to brush out your wife’s hair for her. If you can do it with her seated in front of a mirror, that’s even better, as she’ll be able to see what you are doing. Give yourself 15 to 20 minutes, as you want to take your time doing this. If you have extra time left over, add a scalp massage. 

How do You Talk About Her in Public?

Have you ever been with a group of guys, maybe on a break at work, and one of them starts complaining about their wife? What happens? More often than not, everyone else chimes in, starting to complain about their wives as well. What starts out as one guy venting his frustration over some problem he is currently experiencing, quickly turns into a wife-bashing session, where each one is trying to top the other.

Women do this too. In fact, I’d have to say that women do it much more than men. However, that doesn’t give us the right to do it. I’d have to say that nobody has the right to speak bad about their spouse in public.

Remember, she is a gift from God. When you start talking bad about her, you’re saying that God gave you junk. But God doesn’t give anyone junk. Every gift that God gives is wonderful, even when it may not seem like it is. Often, the beauty of a gift is temporarily marred in our sight, be a momentary flaw. That doesn’t mean that the gift is flawed, but rather that our image of that gift is.

You and I should only speak positively about our wives. In fact, when those other guys are wife-bashing, we should try and make them jealous; not in an overdone way, just a nice subtle one. While they are complaining and saying bad things about their wives, we should counter with good things about ours.

That may be a little tricky at times; especially when they ask a direct question about something that you may consider an issue in your marriage. That doesn’t mean you can’t turn it positive though. If the things that they are asking about is something that you think is a negative, then respond with something else; something that overshadows that negative thing in your mind. That way, not only will your words be positive, but your tone will be so too.

Okay, so why am I telling you to do this? There are two reasons. Number one, we should always be thankful about what God does for us. Since she is a gift from God, we should be thankful for that gift. Maybe at the moment you are struggling to be thankful, but the more you work at being thankful, the more thankful you will find yourself becoming.

The second reason is that what you say in public is going to affect what you think in private. As long as you are talking bad about your wife, you’re going to be thinking bad about your wife. That will end up making you speak even worse about her. It’s a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, when you talk positive about your wife, it will reinforce those positive thought, helping you to focus on them. That will ultimately help you to be happier with your wife and express that happiness towards her.

It’s really hard to be romantic when you’re feeling negative towards her; not impossible, but difficult. Our romance can’t just be something external; it must be something that wells up from inside our hearts. That means that we must constantly be striving to renew the source of that romance, our sense of love towards her. That makes our romance real; as opposed to something that’s just canned.

Positive thoughts create positive actions, which create positive results. Those positive results make our thoughts more positive, starting the cycle over again. If you truly want to help your marriage and truly want to express love towards your wife, then watch what you say about her. Help yourself keep your mind focused on the good, so that you can continue to act in love.

Take the Time to Listen

I remember an episode of the TV program “Doc.” A woman patient had complained about eye problems and the star of the show asked for her mascara (that’s the makeup women use on their eyelashes, for anyone who doesn’t know). He sniffed it and told her to throw it out and buy a new one, it was rancid. She was impressed and asked how he knew that the problem was her mascara. He responded, “I just listened to you.”

The next day, when he arrived at the clinic, he found the waiting room filled with that woman’s friends. They hadn’t come for any medical reason, just that they wanted to see him, like an animal in the zoo. They were all impressed in seeing a man who actually listened.

Women all over the world complain that their husbands never listen to them. While I think that might be slightly exaggerated, I’d have to agree that it’s based on a core truth, men basically don’t take the time to listen to their wives. All too often, we tune them out, making their words part of the background, while we think about something else.

Granted, a lot of what a woman says may seem like unimportant drivel to us guys; but it isn’t to them. Just because we’re not interested in what Suzie said about Megan doesn’t mean that our wives don’t consider it of grave importance; in fact, it might actually be important.

The thing is, right in the middle of talking about the local gossip, her problems dealing with the kids and the delivery man and all the other things that our wives talk about, they do talk about things that are important to both of us. It’s just that we have to filter out the filler, and concentrate on mining out those nuggets.

I can just see it now, a couple are talking over dinner, or should I say that she’s talking over dinner, while he’s staring off into space. Right in the middle of everything else, she drops in a sentence about how she hit a concrete post in the car that day; then she goes on to speak about other things. Because her husband isn’t listening, he misses that detail and writes off the whole conversation to his wife just using up her daily quota of words.

The next day, he gets up and as he’s leaving for work, he sees her car, with the front fender bashed in. Yelling, he storms back into the house and throws open the door to their bedroom, confronting his wife. “Why didn’t you tell me you got in an accident yesterday?” To which she responds, “I told you last night at dinner.” Of course, he doesn’t believe her, even though it’s the truth; because he hadn’t been paying attention to all the other things she said.

Listening is an acquired skill. You really can learn to listen to your wife; filtering out the unnecessary and concentrating on the important. Regardless of what you think, it’s not torture to listen to her; you actually used to like to do it when you were dating.

The key isn’t so much letting her words enter into your ears, it’s in paying attention to the message those words are conveying. It doesn’t count as listening to be sitting there while she’s talking, but you’re thinking about something else. To be listening, you need to take the time to focus your attention on her, paying attention to her words.

Women need their husbands to hear them. This is an actual need, not just a desire. Their emotional stability depends upon the ability to get things off of their hearts. That’s what listening to her does. When she’s sitting there over dinner, talking about everything that went wrong in her day, she’s not looking for solutions, she’s looking to unload her heart, so that she can feel better. Just letting her talk about it does her a world of good.

Do you realize that’s all psychologists do? They get paid the big bucks to sit there and let people talk about their problems. They don’t solve anyone’s problems. They don’t have any magical answers; they just listen.

Your wife doesn’t need some high-priced shrink to hear what she says; she needs you to do so. That will give her the outlet she needs, and you might even find out a few things that you need to know. Listen to her.

Daddy Caddy

Through the years I’ve come to the point where I have a deep appreciation that God has never done anything by accident or “just because.” Every action He has ever done has purpose, often more than one; even those things which don’t seem so obvious have purpose.

Believe it or not, the differences between how men and women are, how they think and how they do things even have purpose. While those differences might be a bit frustrating, or even a bit infuriating to us at some times, they still have a reason. Quite often, once we understand the purpose behind the differences, we can see the wisdom in what God has done.

Have you ever wondered why we, as men, are so much stronger than out wives? No, it’s really not so that we can beat them at a wrestling match; and it’s definitely not so that we can abuse them in any way. The real reason why we are so much stronger is so that we can protect our wives from danger; any kind of danger. Our capacity for aggressiveness and violence exists for the same reason, so that we can protect her.

Can you imagine a pregnant woman trying to protect herself from any sort of violent attack? I don’t know about your wife, buy mine had trouble getting around when she was pregnant, let alone doing anything really physical. No, if there’s any woman in the world who needs protection, it’s a pregnant one.

That natural strength we have is for the benefit of our marriage. Not only in protecting our wives, but in doing those tasks which require strength. Years ago, when our kids were little and we were traveling full time, I used to grumble about having to be the “Daddy Caddy.” When we’d get to a hotel, the whole family would go relax in the room or check out the pool, while daddy (me) was carrying all the suitcases; and yes, to be honest with you, I was usually grumbling about it.

But really, who is best suited for carrying the suitcases? My kids were too small to do it, so expecting them to do so would have been ridiculous. Likewise, expecting my wife to do it was ridiculous. She couldn’t hardly lift some of those suitcases, let alone carry them a couple hundred feet.

Okay, so I’ve changed a bit since then; you get older and hopefully get wiser as well. A couple of months ago, I injured my back. For a few weeks I couldn’t hardly stand up, let alone try and carry anything. For that few weeks, I was more or less worthless to myself, let alone anyone else. So, I’d watch as my wife carried in the groceries, feeling guilty all the while. But, I could hardly get out to the car with my cane in the time it took her to make three trips in with the bags.

I felt guilty watching my wife carry those groceries. While I really didn’t have any choice, it bothered me to see her have to do something, because I was physically incapable of doing it. You see, if I’m committed to my marriage, then that means that I commit all my resources to it, no matter what they are or when it is. All of me has to be given over to our marriage, or I’m just playing games; and as a game, it’s one that I’ll probably lose. One can only win in marriage by giving everything.

Guys, our wives need our physical strength, along with any other strength we have. When there’s something to be done that requires physical exertion, don’t grumble, just do it. Carrying groceries? No problem! Cutting the lawn? No problem! Carrying the bags, when your wife goes shopping? Uh… well… no problem! Whatever it is, let your wife know that you’re there for her.

Is There Something She Runs Out Of?

I think most of us guys tend to prefer leaving the shopping to our wives. I mean, they seem to have that shopping gene and we don’t; so, why bother suffering through going to the store, when we can leave that in their quite capable hands. Not only do we avoid the suffering, but they get to enjoy themselves. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Of course, there are some things that we’ve got to shop for on our own. I don’t really trust my wife to go to the hardware store, without some really explicit instructions. Maybe your wife understands that stuff, but my wife sure doesn’t. So, I don’t usually send her to the hardware store, or the office supply store for that matter. There are some things which I have to shop for myself, much as I don’t want to.

I’ve actually found another category where it makes sense for me to do the shopping; that is to shop for things she has a tendency to run out of. Little things, like safety pins and band-aids. My wife notices she’s out of them when she needs one. I notice when I see the box almost empty.

Let’ me give you an example. When I feed the dog in the morning, I automatically look to see how much dog food there is, and think “Okay, there’s enough to last another 10 days or so.” My wife doesn’t do that; she looks at it and sees, “Okay, there’s dog food.” That happens because generally speaking (which means that I’m going to be generally wrong), man are more long-term planners than women are. So, I’m doing that all day long, with everything I use, without really thinking about it.

There’s three ways I can deal with those things when I see them. The first one, which we guys are really good at, is to ignore it. “After all,” I can say to myself, “she’s the one who does the shopping.” That’s all it takes to assuage any guilt I might feel. While that’s the easy out, it’s not the responsible answer. My second option is to put it on the shopping list. At least that way I’m doing something to contribute to the benefit of the family. Or, the third option is that I can buy it myself.

I know, I know, that almost sounds like heresy. Why in the world would I buy it myself, when I know that my wife is going to the store anyway? Well, here’s where shopping can get romantic. Granted, buying flowers and candy for your wife is romantic, but here’s another way. When I see that my wife is about out of something, I make a note to buy it. That way, when she runs out of it, I have a reserve supply for her.

However, I don’t buy it and just put it in the cabinet; I buy it and keep it. That way, when she needs it, I can produce it for her. Okay, so I’m trying to get some kudos here, so what? The point isn’t just buying it; the point is that she knows that I’m taking care of her. Granted, it’s something small. But, when she needs it, it’s not that small to her.

Now, I don’t do this with everything, nor can I come anywhere near claiming to do it all the time. What I do is make a note of it on my tablet, so that when I’m in the store, I can check to see if there’s anything extra I should pick up. There are many times where she buys it before I go to the store. There are other times where I totally forget about it. But, when I can remember to do it, I do. It’s just another little way of showing my wife that I care about her.

A Weekend Getaway

One of the biggest struggles couples have today is finding time to just be together. Even harder is to find time when you can be alone together. It seems like there’s always something which is trying to take your time, pulling you away from each other and keeping you too busy to just be together.

Whatever happened to all that time you seemed to have to spend together before you got married? Remember that? You could talk for hours, walk in the park, or go out to a movie, whatever you wanted to do. It seemed that there was always time to be together. Yet, once we get married, or maybe once that first baby comes along, life puts too many demands on our time.

Well, if you still want to spend time with your bride, as I’m sure you do, you just have to be a bit more imaginative and make an effort to do so. Actually, I think that’s a lot of it. You see, when we were dating, we made the time to spend together; but after we get married, we let other things take that time. Granted, some of those things are necessary, but at other times, we let it happen, telling ourselves that we can spend time with her later… only later never comes.

As long as you’re at home, there’s always going to be something to take that time. The phone will ring, somebody will drop by, one of the kids will need to be taken somewhere or something will break, demanding immediate attention. Whatever it is, it will rob you of the time that you were going to spend together.

There is a cure for this, that’s to get away from home. When you’re away, those things can’t happen as easily. That’s part of the importance of a date night; just getting away by yourselves. Well, if a date night works for that, then what about a date weekend? That would really give you some time alone together.

I can already hear your objections. You don’t have time, you don’t have the money, you don’t know how you’re going to be able to do it. Hold on a second. First of all, decide if you love your wife enough to spend a weekend alone with her. Then face each of those objections and find a solution for it. C’mon now, you’re a guy, you’re good at finding solutions to problems. So, find them.

Getting away for a weekend doesn’t have to be expensive. Granted, you’ve got to pay for a hotel and some meals, but you’re only talking about one night in a hotel. If you shop for price, you can get a decent price on that hotel. Likewise for the meals.

The kids aren’t the problem you think they are. You’ve got to have somebody they can spend a weekend with; their friends, grandparents, an aunt who hasn’t seen much of them. If you can’t come up with anything else, make a deal with some friends, where they take your kids for the weekend, and you do the same for them when they go for their weekend getaway.

I remember reading years ago about a boy who was asked “What’s the best day of the year?” He answered, “My parent’s anniversary.” Shocked, the questioner asked him “Why?” “Because,” he said, “my parents go away for the weekend.” Thinking that he understood, the questioner said, “Oh, you like having that weekend to yourself.” To which the child answered, “No, it’s the best day of the year, because when they do that, I know they love each other.”

Wow! You see, our children need to know that we love each other. All around them, they have friends and classmates whose parents are divorced. They feel insecure, knowing that the same thing could happen to them. Every time they hear you raise your voices to each other, that fear grips them; not fear that you’ll beat them, but fear that you’ll leave them.

We were recently counseling a couple who told us that their youngest son had brought them a piece of paper, asking them to sign it. Like any parent who has children in school, they thought it was something for school. It wasn’t. It was an agreement that the child had drawn up, to quit fussing at each other.

You’re not going to quit fussing at each other by dealing with life as it comes along. Life is guaranteed to cause you problems. You’ve got to do something special, so that you can break the cycle and just love one another. Taking a weekend to get away isn’t an expense; it’s an investment in your marriage, your happiness and your family’s security. 

Let Her Know That You Appreciate Her

Don’t you love it when someone tells you “Thanks” for something you’ve done? Even if it’s mundane, we still appreciate being appreciated. That simple one-word act tells us that what we are doing is noticed, that we are making a difference and that the person we did it for appreciates that we’ve done it.

On the other hand, when people forget to give us thanks for what we do, we feel used, unimportant, un appreciated and mistreated. I remember once when my wife sent me to pick up some furniture that she bought on Craig’s list. I had to drive over 700 miles that day, to go pick the furniture up in three different places. Finally, I arrived home at 2:00 am and couldn’t even collapse in bed; I still had to unload it.

The next morning (actually it was the same morning I got home) I woke my wife up at 6:00 so that she could get ready for work. She went “ooh” and “ah” over the furniture, obviously thrilled with the furniture and the great deal we had gotten on it. She only forgot one thing. In her rush to get out of the house, she forgot to tell me thanks. Oops!

You know, that bothered me for two whole weeks, till I finally told my wife what had happened. She hadn’t intended to malign me; she had just been in a hurry. Yet, her hurry had caused her to overlook one very important detail, that of saying “Thank you.”

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying my wife was wrong in her actions. I’m only using that to illustrate a point; the importance of showing appreciation. The real question is, how many times do our wives do things for us, and we are the ones to forget to say “Thanks?” Even if it’s only once, that’s still once too many.

Our wives do things for us and for our kids all day long; often without receiving any words of thanks. We tend to take the things they do for granted, as if they are expected. Whether or not they are expected shouldn’t change our appreciation; nor should they change our expression of that appreciation.

If the only time when we say “Thank you” is when she does something outstanding, then we’re establishing an unwritten rule that we expect her to do outstanding things all the time. We are sending the message that we aren’t satisfied with the normal things; so we don’t appreciate them. In essence, we’re telling our wives, “You’re not good enough.”

You know, our wives receive that message more than enough from the world. Every magazine ad, television spot, TV program and movie tells her that she’s not good enough. If there is anyone who should be telling her the opposite, it’s you and me. We need to be building our wives up, not being part of the multitude that’s trying to tear her down. All it takes is a few simple words of appreciation.

If you’ve been lacking in showing appreciation, go to your wife and apologize to her. Tell her that you do see the things that she does every day and you appreciate them. Tell her you don’t know what you’d do without her. Let her know that she’s important.

Then, create a new habit, where you are regularly thanking her for the normal things which she does. Let her know regularly that she is appreciated. Teach your kids to do the same, so that they learn to thank her for taking them to ball practice and cooking dinner and washing their clothes. Those may not be exciting things, but they are important. Her doing them is important as well. 

Texting Your Love

You know, it’s truly amazing; women never get tired of being told that they are loved. I don’t care how many times you do it, they still want to hear it some more. I know that may seem a bit strange to you and me, but we’re not talking about how we think, but how they think.

If a woman says “I love you” to a man over and over again, he’s going to think, “Then show me.” But, women aren’t wired that way. They are much more motivated by the words than we are. To them, the words alone are enough to be a demonstration of love. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t show our love in other ways, but we definitely need to do so with words.

When I was working away from home, I would make a point of calling my wife once a day from the office. All I was doing was calling to tell my wife that I loved her, nothing else. Yet, those few moments when I called her served to brighten her day and make her feel loved.

Technology has actually made it easier for us to tell our wives that we love them. It’s almost as if text messaging was created with that in mind. Okay, I know it’s useful for lots of other things too, but there’s no question that it’s definitely a great way to remind our wives of our love for them. Not only that, but it’s an easy way to do so, which doesn’t take much time and can be done several times a day.

You might ask, “Won’t she get tired of receiving the same message over and over again?” The simple answer is no; you’ll get tired of sending it much faster than she’ll get tired of receiving it. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use a little variety. Just because she won’t get tired of it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t appreciate some other expressions of love as well. In fact, mixing up your message a bit will help grab her attention and keep your message “fresh.” So, here’s some other things you might want to consider saying:

• I miss you
• Can’t wait to see you
• Let’s find some place to hide from the kids this evening, so we can be alone
• I need you
• Can’t wait to put my arms around you
• You’re so special
• How did I end up lucky enough to get you for a wife?
• I’m counting the minutes till I see you again. Only (put in number) more to go.
• I want you
• Let’s go for a walk tonight
• Let’s go out to eat tonight
• It’s great to have you to come home to
• I feel a need to connect with you
• I was just looking at (insert name) and was thinking how glad I am that you’re my wife
• You’re the best wife in the world
• You’re everything I ever dreamed of
• I'm having trouble working, because I'm thinking of you

Hopefully, that’s enough to give you some ideas of your own. Let your imagination go wild; just avoid being crude. Women get turned off when we get crude. If you want to make any sexual references, do it obliquely, not directly; that’ll be much more palatable to her. In fact, the best way to tell her you want to make love is to say “I want to connect with you.” While that may not sound sexual to you, it will sound great to her.

Whatever you do, don’t forget the number one rule, Do it often. That’s what she needs. 

Getting Rid of the Week’s Stress

Well, Friday’s finally rolled around again. Time to shift gears, forget about work, kick off your shoes, stretch out and relax a bit. Ahhh! Everyone looks forward to Friday, the opportunity to stop being a functionary and start being a person once again.

You know, it’s a whole lot easier for most guys to shift gears and enter relax mode than it is for our wives. Women tend to get emotionally involved in everything they do, making it harder to just let go and forget about it. Even when they stop thinking about work, they’re concerned about the people who they work with. If a co-worker has problems in their marriage or with their kids, or a grandmother who’s in the hospital, they care about all that as well.

Even when she finally let’s go of work, she’s still got a bunch of things which she’s concerned about. The house has to be cleaned, the clothes have to get washed, and somehow she’s got to find an hour or two to run to the grocery store to stock up the kitchen for the next week. That old saying about a woman’s work never being done is true.

With so much on her mind, it’s no wonder that women find it hard to just take some time to relax. For us guys, it’s no problem. Let us collapse on the sofa with a drink in one hand and the remote in the other, and we just unplug. No problems, no worries, just chill.

Okay, so if our wives have so much trouble relaxing, wouldn’t it make sense that we help them out a bit? I mean, if we’re the experts, then we really ought to share our expertise with our wives and let them get some advantage from it as well. There are some things that she’s better at and some things which you’re better at. She shares her expertise with you and you should share yours with her.

Some time back, I recommended that you take Friday night as your date night. That wasn’t just because Friday is the traditional date night, but so that going on a date could set the tone of your weekend. When you start the weekend off together, you’re much more likely to spend the whole weekend together, even if you have chores to do. There’s nothing that says you can’t do those chores together.

Even if you don’t go out on a date on Friday, you should still set that time aside for the two of you. Friday evening needs to become your official “change gears” time. To do that requires relaxing more than anything else. Whether that relaxing involves going out on a date, going to the gym together, watching a movie together or soaking in a hot tub.

Everyone has something that helps them relax. What you need to do is find something that helps the two of you relax together. If a workout at the gym helps you relax, but your wife hates it, that’s not going to do much good. If shopping helps her relax, but you’re gritting your teeth the whole time, that’s not going to do much better. It needs to be something that’s relaxing for both of you. Even more so, it needs to be something relaxing that you can do together. That’s why making it a date night works so well.

The other important thing to do to help her relax on Friday night is a massage. Massages are a great way to relieve stress and help anyone forget the stress of work and life in general. So, maybe you should make a Friday night massage part of your weekly date routine. Get home, go in the bedroom, turn down the lights, and give her a massage. Where it goes from there is up to you (and her too). 

Quit Telling Her So

It seems that one of the most satisfying things in life is when we get to tell someone “I told you so.” It’s as if those four words hold the power to vindicate us and show the world (or at least the person we’re talking to) that our opinion was valid and we were right all the time.

When that opportunity to tell someone that we were right and they were wrong comes along, there are few who can resist the temptation to let it be known, declaring it out loud. It’s almost like we’re conditioned to say that, like a chicken who let’s everyone know that she’s just laid an egg. What pride! What satisfaction! What are we thinking?

C’mon now, is it really all that important to be able to say “I was right and you were wrong”? Where’s grace in that? For that matter, where’s love in it? Is it that our self-esteem is so small that we need to put others down, in order to build ourselves up? Even so, is that any way to treat a wife? Even more, is it any way to treat your wife?

Let me put it another way; how do you feel when she says that to you? Do you feel like she’s building you up? Do you feel loved? Or, do you feel like she’s putting you down? Well, guess what? She doesn’t feel loved and built up when you say it, than you feel when she says it.

So, if that’s the case, wouldn’t saying “I told you so” be anti-romantic? Hmm, think about that a moment. If we’re trying to be romantic towards our wives, so that they feel more loved and even more loving, then doesn’t it make sense to get rid of the anti-romantic things we do as well?

There’s another form of this same phrase, which we probably use even more than the one I’ve mentioned above. That’s to say “I’ve told you before” or “I’ve told you a thousand times” or some such. We tend to get irritated at our wives, when they don’t do things we’ve told them or don’t do them in the way we’ve told them. Since we feel vindicated for our irritation, we think nothing of telling her that she hasn’t been listening.

Okay, so what? Why do we have to make a big deal out of it when our wives don’t catch what we say, even if it does mean that they do things the wrong way? I mean really, what is gained by that anger? Wouldn’t it be better to just treat it as if it were the first time, and instruct her as if it were the first time?

Let’s take something simple, like not hanging the car keys on their hook. Every time your wife has to leave, she ends up searching for them again. That probably means that you end up helping her search for them, especially when she’s running late or in a hurry. So, what good does it do to get irritated, annoyed, made or even exasperated? Does that make you feel any more love and compassion towards here? Does it make you express love better? Does it even make you feel more loved? What? You’re saying no to all those questions? Then why bother wasting the energy getting mad?

It’s much easier to just face the fact of having to search for your wife’s keys as part of your life. Quit wasting time and energy on getting annoyed; just help her. Maybe you could buy her one those key rings that answers when you whistle or one that’s really big, so that it’s easier to see.

The point here is watching how you react to those things. All too often, we allow them to become points of irritation and strife, turning molehills into mountains, instead of treating them like what they are, just the little problems of life.

Learn to keep the little things little; it’ll make loving your wife all that much easier.

Panty of the Month Club

Gosh, it’s been a whole month now since Valentine’s Day. Let me ask you something. How many romantic gifts have you given to your wife since Valentine’s Day? Or, are you like most guys and think that since you did such a good job on Valentine’s Day, you get to take a ride for a bit?

Careful about that. An attitude like that can quickly drag you back into the ranks of the unromantic. Yes, Valentine’s Day is extremely romantic and I’m sure you took care of your wife on that day, but that doesn’t mean you should go on vacation from being romantic. Instead, you should use that day to spring you up to a higher level, and then continue to build upon your wife’s new, more romantic image of you.

Building upon that new image is easy; it just means that you keep being romantic towards her. You don’t have to do bigger things or more complicated things, you just have to keep doing things. Whatever you do, don’t let that slide.

There are five basic categories of romantic acts:

• Words (saying “I love you” calling her by a pet name)
• Gifts (flowers, jewelry, trinkets)
• Special Times (date night, meeting at your coffee shop)
• Special Days (anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas)
• Acts of Service (helping with the dishes, giving her a massage)

It’s important to keep the mix going and get all of these in as part of your romantic strategy. Leaving one out can be devastating. In fact, it can be sufficiently devastating that it annuls all the other romantic acts you’ve done.

So, here’s a gift idea that will keep on giving. There are several companies which offer a “Panty of the Month Club” service. A quick search on the Internet will reveal them to you. All you have to do is to sign up for the service, and every month, they’ll send a nicely packaged sexy panty to your wife. You get points for sending her a gift a month, even though you aren’t having to go shopping once a month. How’s that for a deal?

Now, you want to be careful about this. Don’t overdo it. Most of these services offer a variety of options, specifically on the types of panties they send. If your wife doesn’t wear thongs, don’t have them send thongs. That won’t come across as a romantic gift, but rather that you’re trying to be pushy. Be sure to get the size right too, or they won’t do her any good. You can check her size by checking what she’s currently got in her drawer.

While some may think of this as a strictly self-serving gift, I’d have to disagree. Granted, I’m sure you’re going to like seeing her in those sexy panties. But, she’s going to like seeing herself in them too. All women want to be pretty, and sexy panties make them feel prettier. Even if she would never spend that much to buy them herself, she’ll enjoy how she thinks of herself in them.

Can’t afford those services? I can understand, they can be a bit steep. Okay, so don’t despair, just do it yourself. Go buy the panties yourself and mail them to her once a month. You won’t get the convenience of not having to think about it, but you will save money. Just be sure to wrap it up very pretty, and make it look like it came direct from the store. With a few minutes at the computer and a little bit of creativity, she won’t be able to tell the difference. 

Sticking Love All Around

I’m always looking for new ways to tell my wife that I love her. It seems that she never gets tired of that. It’s almost like she’s got an insatiable appetite for hearing those three words. Regardless of what happens in our lives, she needs to be reaffirmed of my love for her.

Actually, that is a real need for women. It probably has something to do with the negative side of their nature. If they don’t constantly hear that they are loved, then they start to think that they are unloved. Of course, we’re just as bad, only we aren’t as interested in the words and in some sort of action that shows that we are loved.

I have to give credit to my daughter for this one. She was heading off to college after the Christmas holidays. The night before leaving, she was walking all around the house with a pad of sticky notes and a marker, putting “I Love You” notes all over the place. Of course, they were signed by her and not by me, but I thought “what a wonderful, romantic idea.” Granted, she wasn’t trying to be romantic, just be loving; but aren’t the two more or less the same?

So, grab yourself a pad of sticky notes; better yet, go buy a pad of heart shaped sticky notes and put them to work. Make sure you pick a wide variety of places, some obvious and some that she won’t find for a while. That way, when she finds them, it’ll be a nice surprise for her. 

Who Needs to Change?

My wife and I have counseled a number of couples throughout the years; enough that I can see some definite patterns in how couples act in marriage counseling. Any counselor who has been at it for a while can just about write the script for a couple coming in, especially for their first meeting. More than anything, it’s a contest to see who can complain the most about the other. The one who talks the most, wins.

Only, I don’t let them have that contest. Oh, I let them do it for a few minutes, to hear their heart, but that’s it; I cut them off. Basically, all of them are saying the same thing, “I’m right, and my spouse needs to change.” I have yet to hear anyone say “I’ve created a problem in my marriage and need help to change.”

The reality is, both parties have committed errors and both need to change. None of use is perfect, so none of us has any true grounds to try and put the entire fault on the other. We’re all guilty.

Now, here’s the secret to bringing about change in your marriage. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Sounds simple, right? Okay, what can you change? If you think about it a bit, you can’t change her. There are only two things you can change, your actions and your attitude. So, that’s where you need to start.

What’s that? You think that your wife’s attitudes and actions are the ones which need changing? Well, maybe they do, but you can’t change them, so quit trying. Stick with what you can do something about, and let her deal with what she can do something about. In fact, if you want her to change, then find ways in which you can change, which will help her to change the way you want her to.

Let me give you an example. Many men complain that their wives aren’t interested in sex. Okay, that’s a given. Women don’t have the same sex drive that men do. However, we as men can have a lot to do with affecting their sexual interest. How? By the way we act towards them.

Women, by their nature, are responders. They respond to how they are treated. So, the more loving you act towards her outside the bedroom, the more willing she’s going to be to act loving towards you in the bedroom. Simple, right? Act romantic enough and she’s much more likely to respond favorably to your advances.

Complaining never has a positive impact. Changing does. Recently, I counseled a couple who were both experienced marriage counselors, he was a pastor and she was a psychologist. They were both convinced that they knew what needed to be done, and that the other one had to do it. Guess what? They were both right and they were both wrong. Yes, the other one had to change, but more importantly, they had to change themselves, their actions and their attitudes.

When you start out to change yourself, don’t try and do a major overhaul, you won’t succeed. Pick one thing and work on that. They say that it takes 40 days to form a new habit; so, work on that one thing, consistently, for the next 40 days. Then, once you have that one under your belt, start working on another. That doesn’t mean that you drop the first one, just that you add another new thing. The fist one should be habit by then.

If you can change you, it’s going to cause change in your wife. The change may not be as dramatic as you hope, it may not happen as fast as you want, but it will happen. More than that, you will become more the husband that you need to be. Believe it or not, that’s romantic.

What’s Your Hobby, Hubby?

You know, everyone needs something they can do to relax. Even… no especially workaholics need to relax sometime; take their mind off their work, think about something not so important and just unwind and recharge the batteries. It’s much easier to face Monday when we’ve had a good time over the weekend, gotten our minds off our work and thought about simpler things.

The only thing is, a lot of the things we pick as hobbies are things we do with the guys not with the gal who’s the most important person in our lives. Think about it. How many guys’ hobbies are all about sports? Right? Now, how many women do you know who are really sports fans? I mean, when you sit down to watch the game or go out to shoot some hoops, is your wife there at your side? Or, do you have to leave her aside, in order to enjoy your hobby?

Now, I’m not against any of the things that guys do as hobbies, I’m really not. But, I am against things that take away time that I could better spend with my wife. Before I married her, I used to love going hunting, fishing and camping. I had a Honda Gold Wing motorcycle; back when they only had 1000 cc engines. I had things I enjoyed doing. I had hobbies.

But you know what? My wife didn’t enjoy any of my hobbies. She’s a city girl, so the idea of hunting, fishing or camping just doesn’t work for her. The first time we went camping, it was a disaster. Not only did we have bad weather, but there was dirt, and sticks and… and… bugs. She really didn’t enjoy herself.

Even after nine years of living in a motor home, traveling and ministering, my wife never did get used to the great outdoors. Oh, she likes to see the beauty of God’s creation, but only through the windshield, thank you very much. When it comes to getting out and walking in that nature, she’d much rather do her walking in a shopping mall.

My Gold Wing was even more of a problem; she was afraid of it. The one time that she got on the back, she froze. I mean really froze. I thought I was going to have to use a crowbar to get her off of it. Not that she didn’t want to get off, but that she was so afraid. She was obviously not born to adorn the back of a bike.

So, I was faced with a bit of a dilemma. I could either go hunting, fishing, camping and ride my motorcycle, or I could spend time with my wife. Quite a dilemma, right? Actually, for me, it wasn’t much of a dilemma. You see, even though I enjoyed those other things, my wife was much more important to me. If I couldn’t spend time with her doing those things, then it took a lot of the fun out of doing them; especially knowing that if I wasn’t doing them, I could be with her.

I’m sure you can guess what happened. I let those things go. No, it wasn’t that I made a huge sacrifice for my wife (said with great drama, in a deep voice, with orchestration in the background), it was that I decided what was more important to me. She won. Since she was more important, I found that I didn’t have time for those other things.

Now, one might think that that was enough, but it isn’t. You see, it’s one thing to get rid of something that is damaging to your relationship, but it’s another thing to do something that’s constructive for your relationship. Many would look at that “sacrifice” and think, “She should appreciate what I’ve done for her.” But, in reality, she doesn’t see it that way; not because she’s insensitive, but because she was never part of that part of my life.

I needed to replace those activities with activities which I could do with my wife. I needed things which we could do together, not because we had to, but because we wanted to. It doesn’t matter so much what they are, just that they are. Just as the time shooting hoops with your buddies helps build that relationship, spending time doing fun things with your wife will help build your marriage relationship.

If you’re going to have hobbies in life (and I think you should) then they should be hobbies which the two of you can do together. Not only will those hobbies end up being more fun, because you’re doing them with your best friend, but they’ll build up your marriage as well.

So, hubby, what’s your hobby?

She Needs to Talk About it

I think the most dreaded words that a man can hear coming out of his wife’s mouth are “We need to talk.” Those four simple words can cause the stoutest hearts to tremble, the strongest knees to quake and the strongest backs to bow in anticipation of a blow. When we hear those words, a sudden desire to run for cover grips us, providing us with an excellent opportunity to imitate a deer caught in the headlights.

Yet, why is this so? Didn’t we all say “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me” when we were kids? Yes, we said that, but we’ve since learned that the greatest wounds come not from those sticks and stones, but from words; most specifically, from the words that our wives say when they are upset. Those words often cut deep, creating wounds that don’t heal and creating that fear within us.

You know; most of the time, your wife really isn’t trying to hurt you with her words, she’s just trying to express her own hurt and get feeling better. You getting hurt in the process isn’t part of her plan, regardless of you it may look to you and me.

I don’t know how many times my wife has said those dreadful words to me in our 25+ years of marriage. Yet, every time, I let her spill her guts, and every time I end up feeling like I’ve been run over by a steam roller. Does that make me a hero? I don’t think so; it makes me a caring husband. Does it make me a fool? No, not that either; just one who cares about his wife.

We need to learn to understand the therapeutic value of talking. Maybe it doesn’t have that value for you and me, but it sure does for her. Her heart gets filled with things that bother her. If she doesn’t get the opportunity to get them out of there, they become a poison, eating away at her like a cancer. When we let our wives talk about those things which are bothering them, we provide an opportunity for them to “clean out their hearts;” throwing out the garbage that has accumulated there.

When the typical guy gets home from work he’s met by his typical wife. They sit down to eat their typical dinner and start the typical conversation. In that conversation, she basically relates everything bad that happened all day long; everything the kids did bad, everything that didn’t work, everything that made her feel bad and everything she didn’t like. If she has anything positive to say, it’s usually left for last.

What the typical guy hears in that conversation is “Here’s a list of problems you need to deal with. Get off your lazy butt and do something about them.” But, what she’s really saying is “I’ve had problems today and I want to get rid of them. Let me talk about them, so that I can clean out my heart. I’m so glad you’re home.”

Quite a difference, right? You see, this is just another case where men and women don’t speak the same language. When your wife says, “nobody loves me,” that doesn’t mean she doubts your love, it means that she feels unloved at that moment. When she says, “nobody listens to me,” it doesn’t mean that you never listen to her, it means that she needs someone to listen to her right then. When she yells, “you never take me anywhere,” it doesn’t mean you’ve never done that, it means she’s feeling penned up and wants to go out and do something, even if it’s to go walk in the park.

I realize it would be much easier for us guys to understand our wives if they would just say what they mean, but take my word for it, we’ll never win that battle. For millennia, men have tried to get women to change the way they express themselves, but it’s never worked. Why should we think it’ll work for us?

The trick in all this is for us to learn how to not take the things she says as what she means to say. In other words, don’t take it personally. Granted, those are very emotionally charged things she’s saying; filled with negative sentiments and accusations. But, in reality, that’s not what they are, they’re a cry for help. Likewise for that list of problems she presents you with over dinner. She really isn’t expecting you to do anything about it; she doesn’t want a solution, she just wants a sympathetic ear.

So, learn how to develop a sympathetic ear. Listen to what she says, and don’t let it get to you. Really, you don’t have to take it personally. You don’t have to take it as an attack. You just need to listen enough to allow her to get it off her chest. That will do a world of good for her. And if you can learn how to listen, without taking it personally, you’ll help her without it costing you a thing.

Touch her Tender

Most guys are touchy. We just like to touch. We like the feel of our wife’s skin, so we touch her whenever we can. Of course, if the only way we ever touch her is sexual, then she tends to think that sex is all we want.

Granted, pretty much all guys like sex. While I’m sure there’s one in a million out there who doesn’t, the rest of us do. But, you know; touch doesn’t have to be about sex; it doesn’t even have to be sexual. It can just be loving, without having to be sexual at all. I don’t know about you, but I like to touch my wife just to touch her, it doesn’t have to be sexual.

According to Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” touch is one of the ways in which we both express and understand love. I guess that’s why we like to touch so much; it’s an expression of love. Only, when we always make it sexual or don’t do it “right” it doesn’t convey the message that we want it to.

Women’s skin is much more sensitive than men’s skin is. So, a light touch is very important. That same light touch that would make us go crazy because it tickles can make her go crazy because it feels good. Yep, that’s right, if you want her to enjoy it, it has to be light enough that it would bug you to no end.

Remember when you were dating? It was a big deal to sit in a movie and get to put your arm around a girl. Typically, your arm wouldn’t be just hanging there, but your index finger would be making little circles on her shoulder or upper arm. Now, remember how you touched her? It was a light touch, wasn’t it? Why? Because somehow you just knew that was what was called for.

Well, guess what? You were right. Although I’ll have to say that making the same little circle over and over again can make her arm feel a little bit raw after a while; better to move it around a bit more.

Women like that light touch. In fact, they like a feather touch. So, if you can’t touch her light enough on your own, get a feather. In fact, why not get a feather duster; not the one she uses for the house, but one that you can use just for her. She isn’t going to be impressed if you use a dirty feather duster on her back.

Okay, so if you’re not going to touch her sexually, where should you touch her? Good question. Believe it or not, there’s lots of places you can touch your wife, which aren’t really sexual; we just have trouble focusing on them. Why not touch her on her legs? Or touch her back? My wife really likes it when I touch her on the back of the neck. It really doesn’t matter where, as much as it matters how.

Touching her this way can express love to her in a way that she’ll understand much better than touching her sexually; and who knows, it might lead to something more. But leave that up to her.

Be Quick to Lend a Hand

We all work hard and deserve a chance to rest when we get home; or, at least, that’s what we think. But, you know, our wives work just as hard as we do, and when they come home from work, they have to fix dinner, clean the house and do the laundry. Seems like the old saying about a woman’s work never being done is even more true today than it was when they came up with that line.

Our wives need a break just as much as we do. In fact, if we want them to have energy for us, we’d better make sure that they get a break, or by the end of the evening, all they can do is collapse.

How many times have you just sat there and watched your wife struggle with something that would be easy for you to do? It doesn’t matter if it’s a problem on the computer, carrying in the groceries or changing the air conditioning filter, we need to be aware of the struggles that our wives go through. Even more so, we need to do something about those struggles.

Let me give you a simple example. My wife gives classes in English as a Second Language. Some of those classes are given here in our home, while others are given in other locations. When she comes home from one of those classes, she’s got a mountain of stuff to bring in from the car. Now, I could easily say to myself, “I’m busy with my work. That’s her work; I’ll let her do it.” I could even justify that in my mind as being ok, since I wasn’t doing anything against her; but rather, just doing my work.

Okay, so I don’t help her. Well, after being on her feet for five hours, my wife is tired. The last thing she wants to do is to carry a bunch of stuff into the house. At the same time, leaving a computer and video projector in the car might be a good way to get it stolen.

So, by stopping my work for five minutes to go help my wife, I make things easier for her. Hey, we’re supposed to be the strong ones, let’s be strong. That box which is nothing for us to pick up can be really heavy to her. Taking those five minutes out from my work to help her out is a worthwhile investment in our relationship. She knows I’m doing it for her and she knows I care.

Of course, we can get out of such things really easy by just getting there a moment too late. But hey, you don’t get any points for good intentions, just for good actions.

Did you realize that something that simple is romantic? Women think it’s highly romantic for their husbands to help them. If she’s tired after dinner, you clear the table and wash the dishes. Once she’s over the shock, she’ll be thinking “what a great husband I have.” Or, she’s vacuuming the living room and trying to get the nozzle under the sofa; pick it up for her. Or, she’s trying to plant a rose bush by the front door using a little garden spade. Grab the shovel and dig her a real hole for it. These things are so simple for us to do, but hard for them.

The trick here is being aware of what she’s doing and what you can do to make it easier. That requires being constantly aware of what your wife is doing. My wife and I both work out of our home. So, I make it a habit to get up from my desk every once in a while, to see what she is doing. That way, I can keep in contact with her throughout the day, but I can also see when she needs my help.

The struggle for most of us is that we don’t want our activities interrupted to help them with theirs. It doesn’t matter if we’re doing work, watching the game or shooting some hoops, we don’t like to be interrupted. But, you know, ultimately it’s worth it.

What do you Say, when She’s Not There?

I spent years in the “public sector” working as an engineering and business manager, before entering into the ministry. I remember sitting around the lunch table with my workmates, discussing everything from sports to politics, to our families. I also remember all the bad things that those guys would say to the rest of us, behind their wives backs.

I also remember my wife telling me about the same sort of phenomenon happening with the women. In fact, from the way she said it, women are even worse about this than men are. Not that we can use that as an excuse to talk bad about our wives, just that it’s a problem that goes both ways.

I call it a problem because it is. How in the world can you talk bad about your wife in public, and then expect to go home and speak positively to her? How can you badmouth all the bad things she does, and then expect to see the good in her? How can you express dissatisfaction in your marriage, and then expect to act with love towards your wife? You know something, you can’t.

If you’re feeling a little guilty right about now, that’s good; or maybe it’s bad. It’s good, because you’re getting the point I’m trying to make. It’s bad, because you have a problem in your thoughts, which you need to deal with.

I have found that I can’t act sweet, loving and romantic towards my wife, unless I am feeling that all the time. Oh, I can do a romantic act without feeling that way, but I can’t live a life of doing romantic acts, without having romantic feelings towards my wife and romantic thoughts about her. My attitudes towards her when I’m away from her greatly affect my actions towards her when I’m with her.

When I was growing up, my parents told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” There was more wisdom in that statement than I ever realized. At that time, I thought it was all about avoiding gossip; and it is. But, I’ve since found out that it’s more than that, it’s about guarding one’s heart. You see, when we express negativity it increases the negativity in our hearts. 

On the other hand, when we think positively, it increases our positive thoughts and feelings.

If you are speaking negatively about your wife when you’re not together, that means you’ve got a heart full of negative feelings. You need to do something about that, and you need to do something quickly. The easiest place for you to start is by starting to talk positively about her, whether you feel it or not. Keep doing that, because your words will begin to change your heart.

I’ve actually experienced this. Several years ago, I went through an emotional crisis that lasted about a year. The crux of this crisis was feeling unloved and unappreciated by my wife. Now, let me say right here, that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. The problem was in how I was perceiving her words and actions. I was taking her working so hard (she was a teacher) personally, as if she didn’t want to be with me. I was wrong for my attitudes, she wasn’t wrong for her actions.

Although I don’t remember it, I’m sure that somewhere in there, thoughts of divorce presented themselves to me for my approval. Well, I didn’t approve them; instead, I did the opposite. I decided to change my thoughts and actions towards my wife. So, when I found myself thinking negatively about her, I would force myself to change my thoughts, and think positively about her. When I felt unloved by her, I would force myself to do something special for her or to buy a gift for her.

Guess what? That changed my thoughts. Not only that, but it brought me out of my emotional nosedive. My feelings followed my actions. Had I continued being negative, who knows where I would have ended up; but it wouldn’t have been good. Changing those thoughts renewed our marriage.

So, let me ask you, what do you say about your wife, when she’s not there?

You’re Free! Whatever shall you do?

It’s Sunday again, no work and guess what? No football either. Isn’t that great? The Super Bowl is well past, so you no longer have to sit glued to the television set on Sunday afternoons. You’ve been set free of that responsibility. Whatever will you do with all that extra time?

You know, before television, before radio, before sports became such a big deal here in the good old U.S.A. people spent their Sunday afternoon’s differently than we do today. Whereas we tend to spend it glued to one television or another, they couldn’t do that. So, what did they do? They spent Sunday afternoon together as a family.

What a novel idea, instead of giving your Sunday afternoon over to the worship of sports, give it over to spending some time together with your wife and kiddies. A lot of what I’ve talked about on this blog has been finding ways of spending time with your wife, but I don’t talk about the kids all that much.

You know what? Your wife needs to see that you’re interested and involved in your kids’ lives. That’s a need of hers, to know that you love her. I know that sounds a bit crazy, but you have to remember that the kids are very important to your wife. Besides, God and you, they’re the most important thing in her world. So, she needs to know that you are committed to the kids too. By showing that, you’re also showing her that you’re committed to her as well.

I realize that might sound a bit illogical to you, but we’re not talking about your logic, we’re talking about her logic.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, hers is a whole lot different than yours. Trying to show you that you love her, by using your logic, doesn’t work all that good. However, when you show her that you love her, by using her logic, she understands exactly what you’re saying.

So, why not reinstate an old time tradition in your family. Instead of spending your afternoon worshipping that ball and those who move it, spend it with your family. Develop some activities that you can do together as a family. Where you can all have some quality time together. Here’s a few ideas:

• Have a snowball fight
• Have a water fight
• Watch a movie together that everyone would like
• Go someplace that you’ve all wanted to go to
• Play a board game
• Play Charades
• Go to the park together
• Do a crafts project together
• Paint the living room together

Remember, you don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a lot of fun. Some of the best times a family can have together, or for that matter a couple can have together, are those that don’t cost a cent. All they cost is time.