Vacations are Important Too

As guys, it’s really easy for us to get a bit of tunnel vision, focusing on our work and forgetting about everything else. Granted, if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably trying to focus on something other than your work, like your marriage. But still, even with that, it’s real easy for us to get dragged back into putting all our time and energy into our work, forgetting to spend time with those who are close to us.

We all need to take time to get away from our work every once in a while and focus on other things. Yeah, I know, you don’t make any money when you’re not working, right? I face the same problem. Nobody gives me two weeks of paid vacation so that I can sit around the swimming pool or pet the bears either. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that I should work 52 weeks per year. I need time off too.

I won’t even pretend that vacations are relaxing, because they aren’t. If anything, there more stressful than work is; especially if you think about the money you’re going to be spending. But that’s not the point. The point is to get away. More specifically, the point is to get away with those who you love, so that you can spend some time focused on them, rather than being focused on your job.

You see, more than anything, vacations are a great bonding time. They’re a time when we can get together as a family and just be a family. Yes, they’re a time when we can spend time doing fun things, but more importantly, they’re a time when we can do things together.

That’s what it’s really all about; doing things together. Every relationship needs those times together, in order to be nurtured and stay healthy. Without those times, it’s all too easy for a relationship to fall into disrepair, becoming non-functional and headed for disaster.

Of course, the other excuse that people use for not going on vacation is the cost. Granted, going somewhere on vacation is expensive. I know, I just bought the tickets. But that doesn’t mean that all vacations have to be expensive. It’s possible to go on vacation, without spending a fortune. While expensive vacations can be nice, they aren’t necessary. Quality vacation time is about spending time together, not spending money together.

Whenever you invest time in your marriage and family it pays dividends. Maybe they aren’t dividends that you can see right away, but they’re there nevertheless. Those dividends come into play at times we don’t expect and in ways that we don’t expect. They help the family through the hard times, when we need something to help us stick together and not turn on each other.

You see, without investing time in family relationships, we don’t have that reserve of “sticky glue” to keep us from falling apart in a crisis. The same thing applies to our marriages. Yet, when we do invest time in our family life, going on vacation or other family activities, we’re better able to face everything the world can throw at us.

One last point. You may be wondering why I’m even mentioning this on a blog that’s about romance. Believe it or not, spending time together as a family is romantic. I know, it may not seem like it is, but it is. Your children are very important to your wife. She needs to know that you are as committed to them as you are to her. Otherwise, her loyalties are going to be divided between you and them. If you want to work together as a team, you have to build the team. That means taking time to do so. When you show your wife that you’re concerned enough about the family to spend time together, you eliminate one worry for her, making it easier for her to pay attention to you.

Bring the Family Together

There’s an old family tradition which seems to be slipping by the wayside. That is, the tradition of sitting down and eating together. When I was growing up, it was a rare thing that the whole family didn’t sit down at the dinner table together. Even when everyone was busy, you could count on us all being together at dinner time.

Nowadays, it seems like it takes an event to bring us all together. Everyone is so busy with the activities of their own lives, that we have trouble finding time to just sit down and eat together. As crazy as it seems, that’s the reality in which I live.

Maybe your family doesn’t have that problem. Maybe you kids are still small, your life is more ordered and you come home from work at the end of the day to sit down as a family around the dining room table. If you do, enjoy it while you can.

Part of the problem for me is that my kids are all grown up and have their own lives. They’re not married yet and two of them still live at home, but they have their own jobs, school, friends and church activities which take up their time. Because of that, we rarely can find time to all be together.

Okay, so what does this have to do with romance? Well, your kids are very important to your wife (yeah, I know, they’re important to you too, but not so much as to her). She misses them and misses being able to spend time with them. She misses being able to sit down for dinner together. Remember, she’s more relationship oriented than you are, so it’s a bigger deal for her than it is for you.

We recently discovered an old family tradition that has never been much a part of our family. That’s the tradition of going out to eat after church on Sunday. Except when we were traveling in ministry, we never really did that. But now we are.

Part of the reason we never did it was financial; paying $100 a week for the family to go out to eat can be a real drain on the budget. For years that was an impossibility for us, even if we had wanted to do so. But even when we could have done so, the financial strain made us hold those times off at arms length. But, as I’ve grown a little bit older, I’ve realized that money was an excuse. We could make it work, all we had to do was decide it was important.

So, we decided that. Guess what? We’re still managing to pay all the bills, keep gas in the cars and eat descent the rest of the week. But now, we’re going out to eat as a family after church, just so that we can spend the time together.

Is this romantic? No, not in the direct sense, but it is in an indirect sense. You see, having the family get together on a regular basis makes my wife feel more complete. It helps her be more at peace. It helps to validate her as an individual. That may not be romantic in the direct sense, but it sure helps her feel better, which helps the rest of the romance go that much better.

So, what are you doing this Sunday after church?

You’re Free! Whatever shall you do?

It’s Sunday again, no work and guess what? No football either. Isn’t that great? The Super Bowl is well past, so you no longer have to sit glued to the television set on Sunday afternoons. You’ve been set free of that responsibility. Whatever will you do with all that extra time?

You know, before television, before radio, before sports became such a big deal here in the good old U.S.A. people spent their Sunday afternoon’s differently than we do today. Whereas we tend to spend it glued to one television or another, they couldn’t do that. So, what did they do? They spent Sunday afternoon together as a family.

What a novel idea, instead of giving your Sunday afternoon over to the worship of sports, give it over to spending some time together with your wife and kiddies. A lot of what I’ve talked about on this blog has been finding ways of spending time with your wife, but I don’t talk about the kids all that much.

You know what? Your wife needs to see that you’re interested and involved in your kids’ lives. That’s a need of hers, to know that you love her. I know that sounds a bit crazy, but you have to remember that the kids are very important to your wife. Besides, God and you, they’re the most important thing in her world. So, she needs to know that you are committed to the kids too. By showing that, you’re also showing her that you’re committed to her as well.

I realize that might sound a bit illogical to you, but we’re not talking about your logic, we’re talking about her logic.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, hers is a whole lot different than yours. Trying to show you that you love her, by using your logic, doesn’t work all that good. However, when you show her that you love her, by using her logic, she understands exactly what you’re saying.

So, why not reinstate an old time tradition in your family. Instead of spending your afternoon worshipping that ball and those who move it, spend it with your family. Develop some activities that you can do together as a family. Where you can all have some quality time together. Here’s a few ideas:

• Have a snowball fight
• Have a water fight
• Watch a movie together that everyone would like
• Go someplace that you’ve all wanted to go to
• Play a board game
• Play Charades
• Go to the park together
• Do a crafts project together
• Paint the living room together

Remember, you don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a lot of fun. Some of the best times a family can have together, or for that matter a couple can have together, are those that don’t cost a cent. All they cost is time. 

Time for the Family, Too

According to Willard Harley’s book, “His Needs Her Needs,” one of the woman’s top five emotional needs is for her husband to be committed to the family. Now, I’m going to take it for granted that you’re committed to your family, otherwise I don’t think you’d be reading this blog. But, the question remains, how do you express that commitment?

My father grew up in a generation when the men were expected to the breadwinners in the home. That was it; nothing was said to them about helping in the kitchen, cleaning the house, playing with the kids or even hugging their family. All the man had to do was be the breadwinner. Granted, most did more than that, like mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage. But, the idea of a man being actively involved in the lives of his children was a bit foreign. That was the woman’s work.

Well, society has changed since then and it is widely recognized that men have to be more involved in the home and family than what was considered acceptable in my father’s day. Nowadays, men are expected to help with the housework, take the kids to the little league game and be romantic towards their wives.

There’s only one problem, while society has changed, men haven’t changed all that much. Most men still see their main role as being a breadwinner. Anything that gets in the way of that tends to get pushed to the side. Unfortunately, that means that the family gets pushed to the side at times.

God gave me a wake-up-call on this many years ago, while my children were still small. I came home from work one day to be greeted by my wife, who said, “Talk to me in big words, I’m tired of being trapped in this house all day with little children who speak in little words.” I knew I needed some wisdom for my wife, and I needed it right away. Time for a quick prayer, seeking that wisdom.

I responded to my wife, “You don’t understand. Everything I am working on, there in the factory will be destroyed before the end of my life. What you are working on will outlast us.” Wow, what wisdom; God really came through for me that time. Little did I know how much of an impact those words would have on me, even more so than my wife. It served to remind me of what was important in life. I didn’t have a family to support my work; I worked to support my family.

My family needed me and I was spending too much time working, instead of being with them. Are you making the same mistake? As men, we can be very driven in our work, driven to succeed. But ask any man on his deathbed, and he’ll tell you that the time he spent working was a waste, the only time that mattered was the time he spent with his family.

Is spending time with your family romantic? You bet it is. As I said earlier, your wife needs to know that you are committed to the family. Telling her that you are won’t convince her, only showing her that you are will.

So, take some time this Sunday to be with your family. That ball game really isn’t all that important. In a couple of months, nobody will care who won. Nor is your nap really all that important, although you might feel that you really need it. If you do, go to bed early for a change. Let your priorities be your priorities for a change.

Your wife will appreciate it, your kids will appreciate it, and in the long run, you’ll appreciate it too. You won’t have to be one of those men who lament “why didn’t I spend more time with my family?”