Is All this Romance Stuff Really Necessary?

If you’ve been reading this blog, then I’d have to say that you see at least some value in being romantic towards your wife. Whether that is just that you want to find new ways to express your love towards her, want to motivate her to jump into bed with you or whatever, you’ve come to the conclusion that being romantic is part of being a good husband.

Okay, that’s fine as far as it goes, but let’s take it a little bit farther. Do our wives actually “need” us to be romantic, or is that just a desire on their parts? You know, from our viewpoint as men, it can easily seem like all this romance is just a waste of time and effort. But, in reality it isn’t; it’s a very important part of maintaining our wives emotional health and maintaining our marriage.

First of all, romance is how a woman defines love. As guys, we tend to define romance by sex, but in reality, most sex isn’t about love, it’s just about lust. The biggest difference between love and lust is that love is about giving to the other, while lust is about receiving from the other.

Without romance, a woman can’t feel loved. I don’t care how much sex you have in your marriage, without other expressions of love, all it will be to her is that you’re using her body for your gratification. Her sexual response is a loving response to having her emotional need for love (romance) satisfied. So, if your wife isn’t responding sexually, it’s time to step up the romance another level.

There’s another part of this that’s real important though. That is that without romance, a woman can’t have a good self-image. She feels worthless and unwanted, and she becomes depressed.

Let me back up a moment. As men, our self-esteem comes from what we do. The position we hold or the profession we practice has a lot to do with our feeling of worth. Maybe we’re only a lineman for the electric company, but we’re the best lineman in the company. Maybe we’re only a mechanic, but we solve problems that other’s can’t. Somehow, we always find something about our work to make us feel good about ourselves. If we can’t, we’re in trouble.

Women, on the other hand, don’t identify themselves with their work, but with their relationships. Their worth as a person is based upon what the people who are close to her say about her and how they act towards her. Without receiving expressions of love from her family and friends, a woman feels that she isn’t worth anything.

No wonder so many women battle with depression; they feel that they aren’t worth anything. Nobody is taking the time to tell them that they are worth something. As men, we receive that at work, whether it’s from our bosses, co-workers or customers, somebody is telling us that we are worthwhile. Okay, so who are your wife’s co-workers and customers? If she’s not in the workplace, it has to be you and your kids.

Are you telling your wife that she’s worthwhile? Just saying those words isn’t enough; you have to show her as well. She needs your romantic acts and expression as a way of telling her that she is worth something as a person. Otherwise, all she is receiving is a constant bombardment of messages from the world, which tell her that she isn’t good enough.

Fortunately for you, your message is much stronger than that of the world. However, you’ve got to make sure that you’re sending the right message. If you aren’t romantic, then you’re sending the same message that the world is. However, if you are romantic, you’re telling her by your actions, “You are someone special. You are worthwhile. You are loved.” That’s a message that she needs to hear over and over again.

Yeah, when we’re romantic, we receive points from our wives. But, there’s a much more important reason for us to invest in being romantic, that of letting our wives know that they are important. That’s one of the best emotional protections that we can give to them. 

Keep an Eye on Her Workload

We all know how the hustle and bustle of everyday life can wear us down. It seems that all we do is work, take care of things at home, run around taking care of things and get ourselves ready to do it all over again. Finding time to really rest and relax is a luxury that few can afford; and when we do, it’s usually taking time to bee with friends that we haven’t seen for a while.

For most of us, just dealing with how tired, stressed and overworked we are is so much that we don’t think much about how all that work and stress affects others. Like our wives for example. Stress actually causes more health problems for women than it does for men. Sadly, most of us have no idea of how much stress our wives are under.

You’ve heard the old saw about how “a woman’s work is never done.” Well, with modern appliances and such, it probably is better than it used to be, but there’s still a lot of work that women have to do. It’s even worse for those who work outside the home, then come home to work at all the “traditional” woman’s work in the home. The house and clothes get just as dirty when she’s out working, as they do when she’s at home. Meals still have to be prepared, even though she has less time to cook them. Kids still need to be taken to activities and need help with their homework.

Fatigue and time pressures are the number two cause of depression in women. That makes it a pretty serious problem. With so many women today in the workforce, instead of being in the home force, it’s no wonder they’re battling with time pressures and fatigue. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Whether or not your wife is a good manager of her time, she may need some help from you. For her, managing her time well might be limited to making sure she’s got enough time to do everything she needs to do. That’s not all there is to it. There are a few details which you need to take charge of, just to make sure that they don’t fall off her priority list. Details like recreation and relaxation. Even though she might complain about it, she needs you to make sure she has enough R&R time in her week.

Part of making sure that she has enough time might just be you taking over some of the household responsibilities from her. Don’t cringe; vacuuming the carpet or washing the dishes won’t cause you to lose your man card. Neither will cooking for that matter. I’ve never been able to figure out why men feel they can’t cook at home, but most of the commercial cooks and chefs in the world are men. Tis’ a mystery to me. Of course, the corresponding mystery is why women can’t use a barbecue grill.

Anyway, cooking is a great way to take some of the burden off of her; it’s even fun. Maybe it’s not as fun as watching the ball game, but its’ a great chance to be creative. At the same time, you can relieve your wife’s time constraints, especially if you clean up the dishes afterwards, as well.

Another way that you can help her with her workload is to farm it out for her. Maybe it’s time to hire a part-time housekeeper to come in and clean once a week. It’s amazing what four hours of help, cleaning the house once a week, can do for your wife’s schedule and peace of mind.

Remember, you’ve got great motivation to help her out with this; it will help keep her from being depressed. I don’t think anyone enjoys it when their wife is depressed, and I’m sure that the women don’t enjoy it either. So, do what you can to help make sure that she has enough time, so that she doesn’t have to have all that pressure.