A Weekend Getaway

One of the biggest struggles couples have today is finding time to just be together. Even harder is to find time when you can be alone together. It seems like there’s always something which is trying to take your time, pulling you away from each other and keeping you too busy to just be together.

Whatever happened to all that time you seemed to have to spend together before you got married? Remember that? You could talk for hours, walk in the park, or go out to a movie, whatever you wanted to do. It seemed that there was always time to be together. Yet, once we get married, or maybe once that first baby comes along, life puts too many demands on our time.

Well, if you still want to spend time with your bride, as I’m sure you do, you just have to be a bit more imaginative and make an effort to do so. Actually, I think that’s a lot of it. You see, when we were dating, we made the time to spend together; but after we get married, we let other things take that time. Granted, some of those things are necessary, but at other times, we let it happen, telling ourselves that we can spend time with her later… only later never comes.

As long as you’re at home, there’s always going to be something to take that time. The phone will ring, somebody will drop by, one of the kids will need to be taken somewhere or something will break, demanding immediate attention. Whatever it is, it will rob you of the time that you were going to spend together.

There is a cure for this, that’s to get away from home. When you’re away, those things can’t happen as easily. That’s part of the importance of a date night; just getting away by yourselves. Well, if a date night works for that, then what about a date weekend? That would really give you some time alone together.

I can already hear your objections. You don’t have time, you don’t have the money, you don’t know how you’re going to be able to do it. Hold on a second. First of all, decide if you love your wife enough to spend a weekend alone with her. Then face each of those objections and find a solution for it. C’mon now, you’re a guy, you’re good at finding solutions to problems. So, find them.

Getting away for a weekend doesn’t have to be expensive. Granted, you’ve got to pay for a hotel and some meals, but you’re only talking about one night in a hotel. If you shop for price, you can get a decent price on that hotel. Likewise for the meals.

The kids aren’t the problem you think they are. You’ve got to have somebody they can spend a weekend with; their friends, grandparents, an aunt who hasn’t seen much of them. If you can’t come up with anything else, make a deal with some friends, where they take your kids for the weekend, and you do the same for them when they go for their weekend getaway.

I remember reading years ago about a boy who was asked “What’s the best day of the year?” He answered, “My parent’s anniversary.” Shocked, the questioner asked him “Why?” “Because,” he said, “my parents go away for the weekend.” Thinking that he understood, the questioner said, “Oh, you like having that weekend to yourself.” To which the child answered, “No, it’s the best day of the year, because when they do that, I know they love each other.”

Wow! You see, our children need to know that we love each other. All around them, they have friends and classmates whose parents are divorced. They feel insecure, knowing that the same thing could happen to them. Every time they hear you raise your voices to each other, that fear grips them; not fear that you’ll beat them, but fear that you’ll leave them.

We were recently counseling a couple who told us that their youngest son had brought them a piece of paper, asking them to sign it. Like any parent who has children in school, they thought it was something for school. It wasn’t. It was an agreement that the child had drawn up, to quit fussing at each other.

You’re not going to quit fussing at each other by dealing with life as it comes along. Life is guaranteed to cause you problems. You’ve got to do something special, so that you can break the cycle and just love one another. Taking a weekend to get away isn’t an expense; it’s an investment in your marriage, your happiness and your family’s security. 

Would You do it all Again?

Have you ever had your wife ask you this question? You know, “If you had to marry me again, would you do it?” That’s one of those moments when time stands still, your whole life flashes before your eyes, and you suddenly feel the cold hand of death brush over you. “If I don’t answer this right,” you think, “I’m goners.”

Have you ever wondered why do women ask those sorts of question? Or have you just asked yourself “Why does she have to ask it?” Believe it or not, there’s a good reason why women ask questions like this and more than a threat to us, they are expressing a need that they have.

What need? The need for affirmation. When your wife asks you a question like that, or any of the other “dangerous” questions that women tend to ask, they are crying out for assurance that they are loved. You and I do that too, but not in the same way. For us as men, we feel that our wives love and value us through the sexual relationship more than anything. But, for them, it’s not the same. In fact, if your love like is lacking, it’s probably because she doesn’t feel secure enough to be able to give herself to you.

Women need to be constantly assured that they are loved. That’s why those three little words are so important. But, even if you say that all the time, it may not be enough. Saying “I love you” can become routine; in fact, it can become so routine that it starts sounding routine. You and I need to develop some variety in our expression.

All too often, the root of this insecurity is from our own words. Think about how you talk to you wife. Are you more likely to compliment her or complain about something she’s done? If you said “compliment her” you’d better check again; because unless you have taught yourself to compliment her frequently, you probably aren’t doing it as often as you think you are. We live in a negative world, and all too often, what comes out of our mouths is negative as well.

So, understand what your wife is begging you for when she asks you one of those dangerous questions. She needs to know that she is prized, valued, precious in your sight. That’s not just some whim on her part, it’s a true emotional need. There is no way she is going to be able to feel secure in your relationship, unless she receives enough affirmation from you.

Why not take it a step further? Don’t wait for her to beg you for affirmation, give it to her. Go to her tonight, get down on one knee, and ask her to marry you. Yeah, I know that you’re already married, that’s not the point. The point is to send her the message that “Yes, I’d gladly do it all again.”