Making Your Strengths Available to Her

There’s an old saying about relationships, which says that opposites attract. While that often causes us frustration, it is actually a rather important part of making a couple work well together. Unfortunately, all too often, we let the frustration overcome the benefits, allowing those differences to pit us against one another, instead of using them to benefit one another.

I remember the very first couple who came to my wife and I for marriage counseling. She started off by saying, “every time the Lord shows me something from the Bible and I share it with my husband, he comes back with something totally different.” My response to that was, “What a blessing.” You see, while she was seeing it as disagreement between the two of them, I was seeing it as a way for them to receive more. If she learned one thing from the verse and he learned another; when they shared what they learned, they’d have twice as much.

That short discussion illustrates so well the way that we typically approach our differences. Instead of seeing those differences as strengths that we can use to help our spouse, we all tend to see them as points of contention. As long as we’re busy arguing about our differences, we’ll never gain anything from them.

It takes time and effort to learn to understand those differences and how they can be a help. My wife and I have catalogued a whole list of differences between us. But, instead of me getting frustrated with her, because she’s not as organized as I am, we have come to realize that when it comes time to organize something, I’m the one to do it. I don’t berate her lack of ability, I use my ability for her benefit.

One of the areas in which my wife is much stronger than I am is in research. When I get on the Internet, looking for some data about something, I get lost. Rarely can I find what I want. On the other hand, my wife can find anything on the Web. Not only that, but she enjoys spending hours doing so. Me? I’m bored after five minutes.

Each and every difference, characteristic and ability that we find in ourselves and each other exists for a purpose. When we learn how to use those, differences to the benefit of the couple, then we start to become strong. Then we begin to see a multiplication of our ability. Then we truly start to advance.

When you see that your wife isn’t as good as you are at something, don’t belittle her for it; see it as an area where you can help her. I don’t mean helping her by teaching her how to have your strength, but by using your strength for her benefit. If your wife needs to us the computer for her work, but isn’t all that good at it, help her. Develop aids which will make it easier for her. Find better ways for her. Even do some of the work for her, if that’s what it takes.

You see, marriage isn’t about what you can do as an individual; it’s about what you can do as a couple. If helping her do something makes you more successful as a couple, then it’s worth doing; in fact, it’s probably more worth doing than what you do to make yourself successful as an individual.

Let her benefit from your strengths. Don’t just expect her to be a help to you; become a help to her. Is that romantic? You bet it is. It’s romantic, because it helps you to function as one in your daily life. 

Daddy Caddy

Through the years I’ve come to the point where I have a deep appreciation that God has never done anything by accident or “just because.” Every action He has ever done has purpose, often more than one; even those things which don’t seem so obvious have purpose.

Believe it or not, the differences between how men and women are, how they think and how they do things even have purpose. While those differences might be a bit frustrating, or even a bit infuriating to us at some times, they still have a reason. Quite often, once we understand the purpose behind the differences, we can see the wisdom in what God has done.

Have you ever wondered why we, as men, are so much stronger than out wives? No, it’s really not so that we can beat them at a wrestling match; and it’s definitely not so that we can abuse them in any way. The real reason why we are so much stronger is so that we can protect our wives from danger; any kind of danger. Our capacity for aggressiveness and violence exists for the same reason, so that we can protect her.

Can you imagine a pregnant woman trying to protect herself from any sort of violent attack? I don’t know about your wife, buy mine had trouble getting around when she was pregnant, let alone doing anything really physical. No, if there’s any woman in the world who needs protection, it’s a pregnant one.

That natural strength we have is for the benefit of our marriage. Not only in protecting our wives, but in doing those tasks which require strength. Years ago, when our kids were little and we were traveling full time, I used to grumble about having to be the “Daddy Caddy.” When we’d get to a hotel, the whole family would go relax in the room or check out the pool, while daddy (me) was carrying all the suitcases; and yes, to be honest with you, I was usually grumbling about it.

But really, who is best suited for carrying the suitcases? My kids were too small to do it, so expecting them to do so would have been ridiculous. Likewise, expecting my wife to do it was ridiculous. She couldn’t hardly lift some of those suitcases, let alone carry them a couple hundred feet.

Okay, so I’ve changed a bit since then; you get older and hopefully get wiser as well. A couple of months ago, I injured my back. For a few weeks I couldn’t hardly stand up, let alone try and carry anything. For that few weeks, I was more or less worthless to myself, let alone anyone else. So, I’d watch as my wife carried in the groceries, feeling guilty all the while. But, I could hardly get out to the car with my cane in the time it took her to make three trips in with the bags.

I felt guilty watching my wife carry those groceries. While I really didn’t have any choice, it bothered me to see her have to do something, because I was physically incapable of doing it. You see, if I’m committed to my marriage, then that means that I commit all my resources to it, no matter what they are or when it is. All of me has to be given over to our marriage, or I’m just playing games; and as a game, it’s one that I’ll probably lose. One can only win in marriage by giving everything.

Guys, our wives need our physical strength, along with any other strength we have. When there’s something to be done that requires physical exertion, don’t grumble, just do it. Carrying groceries? No problem! Cutting the lawn? No problem! Carrying the bags, when your wife goes shopping? Uh… well… no problem! Whatever it is, let your wife know that you’re there for her.