How do You Talk About Her in Public?

Have you ever been with a group of guys, maybe on a break at work, and one of them starts complaining about their wife? What happens? More often than not, everyone else chimes in, starting to complain about their wives as well. What starts out as one guy venting his frustration over some problem he is currently experiencing, quickly turns into a wife-bashing session, where each one is trying to top the other.

Women do this too. In fact, I’d have to say that women do it much more than men. However, that doesn’t give us the right to do it. I’d have to say that nobody has the right to speak bad about their spouse in public.

Remember, she is a gift from God. When you start talking bad about her, you’re saying that God gave you junk. But God doesn’t give anyone junk. Every gift that God gives is wonderful, even when it may not seem like it is. Often, the beauty of a gift is temporarily marred in our sight, be a momentary flaw. That doesn’t mean that the gift is flawed, but rather that our image of that gift is.

You and I should only speak positively about our wives. In fact, when those other guys are wife-bashing, we should try and make them jealous; not in an overdone way, just a nice subtle one. While they are complaining and saying bad things about their wives, we should counter with good things about ours.

That may be a little tricky at times; especially when they ask a direct question about something that you may consider an issue in your marriage. That doesn’t mean you can’t turn it positive though. If the things that they are asking about is something that you think is a negative, then respond with something else; something that overshadows that negative thing in your mind. That way, not only will your words be positive, but your tone will be so too.

Okay, so why am I telling you to do this? There are two reasons. Number one, we should always be thankful about what God does for us. Since she is a gift from God, we should be thankful for that gift. Maybe at the moment you are struggling to be thankful, but the more you work at being thankful, the more thankful you will find yourself becoming.

The second reason is that what you say in public is going to affect what you think in private. As long as you are talking bad about your wife, you’re going to be thinking bad about your wife. That will end up making you speak even worse about her. It’s a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, when you talk positive about your wife, it will reinforce those positive thought, helping you to focus on them. That will ultimately help you to be happier with your wife and express that happiness towards her.

It’s really hard to be romantic when you’re feeling negative towards her; not impossible, but difficult. Our romance can’t just be something external; it must be something that wells up from inside our hearts. That means that we must constantly be striving to renew the source of that romance, our sense of love towards her. That makes our romance real; as opposed to something that’s just canned.

Positive thoughts create positive actions, which create positive results. Those positive results make our thoughts more positive, starting the cycle over again. If you truly want to help your marriage and truly want to express love towards your wife, then watch what you say about her. Help yourself keep your mind focused on the good, so that you can continue to act in love.

She’s Not Your Enemy

When was your last fight with your wife? Was it last night? Last week? Perhaps, last month? Whenever it was, there’s a good chance you left it feeling like she was against you. Couples deal with this all the time, feeling like the one person who should really be in their corner is the one who is most against them.

The thing we all need to realize is that she’s not our enemy. You have an enemy, but it’s not your wife. That enemy will probably try and speak through you through the actions and words of your wife, but that still doesn’t make her your enemy. It just means that the enemy is pretty good at manipulating your interpretation of what your wife says and does.

The enemy I’m referring to is the devil. Ephesians, chapter six tells us that we don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers (okay, I shortened it a bit). She’s the flesh and blood, not the spiritual powers. So, why are you battling against her, instead of battling for her?

Whoa, that came out of left field, didn’t it? Actually no. You see, as men, we’ve been created with a violent aggressive nature, not to use against our families, but to use in order to protect them. So, when we’re fighting against our wives, we’re misusing a gift that has been given to us; the gift of violence. It doesn’t matter if that violence is verbal or physical, it’s still violence.

I’ve come to realize that 95% or more marital fighting is due to misunderstandings and miscommunications. If we could only learn to see, hear and understand things as they are intended to be, rather than as we misinterpret them, then we could get rid of a lot of fighting. But, we’ve got that enemy, who is working overtime to make sure that there is plenty of misunderstanding; just so he can keep a lot of fighting going on.

You see, when you are your wife are in agreement, you can begin to pray in agreement. There’s nothing more powerful on the face of this earth than a married couple, praying in agreement. Of course, when you’re not in agreement, that power is gone. The enemy knows this, and is trying to make sure that you aren’t in agreement.

He is speaking to your mind constantly, giving you and I a running commentary about everything that is going on around us. Of course, that running commentary isn’t true, but it sure sounds true. The other trick he uses is to say it all in the first person, so that it sounds to us like our own thoughts. That way, we think that we’re the ones saying those things, not someone else. Since we accept them as our own thoughts, they must be true; so, we run with them.

So, our wives say something like, “Can you take out the garbage?” and we hear, “She’s always telling me what to do, what does she think she is, my boss?” Or she’ll call us when we’re leaving work to say, “Don’t forget to pick up milk and bread on your way home” and we’ll hear, “What does she think I am, an imbecile that can’t remember anything without being reminded all the time?” When she doesn’t look as “hot” as she did when you got married, it’s easy to hear, “Well, she’s over the hill, time to trade her in for a newer model.”

Hmm, sounds to me like a good formula for offenses, misunderstandings, disagreements and fights. When we accept those thoughts as our own, we are helping fuel the fires of divorce, reacting to our wives as our enemies, rather than our closest friends.

So, what can we do? The first thing is to realize that she’s not your enemy. Since she isn’t begin to throw away all those thoughts when they come. As Paul said, “Casting down vain imaginations…” and “…bringing every thought captive” (2 Cor 10:5). When those thoughts come, you don’t have to accept them, just kick them out. Then, start thinking positive thoughts about your wife. That will help you to act in love towards her, rather than in offense.