When was your last fight with your wife? Was it last night?
Last week? Perhaps, last month? Whenever it was, there’s a good chance you left
it feeling like she was against you. Couples deal with this all the time,
feeling like the one person who should really be in their corner is the one who
is most against them.
The thing we all need to realize is that she’s not our
enemy. You have an enemy, but it’s not your wife. That enemy will probably try
and speak through you through the actions and words of your wife, but that
still doesn’t make her your enemy. It just means that the enemy is pretty good
at manipulating your interpretation of what your wife says and does.
The enemy I’m referring to is the devil. Ephesians, chapter
six tells us that we don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against
spiritual powers (okay, I shortened it a bit). She’s the flesh and blood, not
the spiritual powers. So, why are you battling against her, instead of battling
for her?
Whoa, that came out of left field, didn’t it? Actually no.
You see, as men, we’ve been created with a violent aggressive nature, not to
use against our families, but to use in order to protect them. So, when we’re
fighting against our wives, we’re misusing a gift that has been given to us;
the gift of violence. It doesn’t matter if that violence is verbal or physical,
it’s still violence.
I’ve come to realize that 95% or more marital fighting is
due to misunderstandings and miscommunications. If we could only learn to see,
hear and understand things as they are intended to be, rather than as we
misinterpret them, then we could get rid of a lot of fighting. But, we’ve got
that enemy, who is working overtime to make sure that there is plenty of
misunderstanding; just so he can keep a lot of fighting going on.
You see, when you are your wife are in agreement, you can
begin to pray in agreement. There’s nothing more powerful on the face of this
earth than a married couple, praying in agreement. Of course, when you’re not
in agreement, that power is gone. The enemy knows this, and is trying to make
sure that you aren’t in agreement.
He is speaking to your mind constantly, giving you and I a
running commentary about everything that is going on around us. Of course, that
running commentary isn’t true, but it sure sounds true. The other trick he uses
is to say it all in the first person, so that it sounds to us like our own
thoughts. That way, we think that we’re the ones saying those things, not
someone else. Since we accept them as our own thoughts, they must be true; so,
we run with them.
So, our wives say something like, “Can you take out the
garbage?” and we hear, “She’s always telling me what to do, what does she think
she is, my boss?” Or she’ll call us when we’re leaving work to say, “Don’t
forget to pick up milk and bread on your way home” and we’ll hear, “What does
she think I am, an imbecile that can’t remember anything without being reminded
all the time?” When she doesn’t look as “hot” as she did when you got married,
it’s easy to hear, “Well, she’s over the hill, time to trade her in for a newer
model.”
Hmm, sounds to me like a good formula for offenses,
misunderstandings, disagreements and fights. When we accept those thoughts as
our own, we are helping fuel the fires of divorce, reacting to our wives as our
enemies, rather than our closest friends.
So, what can we do? The first thing is to realize that she’s
not your enemy. Since she isn’t begin to throw away all those thoughts when they
come. As Paul said, “Casting down vain imaginations…” and “…bringing every
thought captive” (2 Cor 10:5). When those thoughts come, you don’t have to
accept them, just kick them out. Then, start thinking positive thoughts about
your wife. That will help you to act in love towards her, rather than in
offense.
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