While She’s Away – Make the House Ready

Well, my wife is still away, so I’m still talking about how to be romantic while she’s gone. I’m expecting her back soon, so I need to think about preparing for that. It’s important that her homecoming be romantic as well, something where she can unwind from her trip and get back into the groove of being home once again.

Probably the worst thing for a woman to come home to is a messy house. Any projects that were in process (see Saturday’s post) need to be wrapped up, or at least cleaned up, if they can’t be finished. But, there’s more to it than that. Yes, as scary as it may seem, it’s time to put on the maid’s apron and clean up the house.

Most guys aren’t so picky about how the house looks or how clean it is. Unless you’re one of those super-organized types (I am) things lying around don’t bother you. I mean, what’s wrong with the spare tire from the truck leaning up against the sofa? Why not keep the fishing rod on the dining room table? Who cares if the Sunday newspaper sits on the floor until next week’s arrives? Right?

Okay, maybe you and I don’t care all that much about those things, but you can be sure that your wife does. Leaving things lying around like that makes the home look like a garage in her eyes. Since she doesn’t like spending time in the garage, why would she want her home to look that way?

Then there’s the cleaning. Yes, I know, its’ easier to just ignore it. Those dishes which have been stacking up all week need to get washed. The floors need to be swept and vacuumed. The bathroom even needs to get cleaned. While I realize that it sounds like a lot, you can actually get it all done in a couple of hours. All you need is a plan and a little bit of organization.

Remember, your wife does all that stuff every week; so if she’s been gone a week, it needs to be done. Get the kids to help (a reward always helps) and clean the place up. That way, she won’t feel like she’s got to start working as soon as she walks in the door.

If you’ve ever done any traveling, you know that everyone is tired when they get home. The last thing that you want, when you walk in the door, is to have to fix the plugged up kitchen sink or mow the yard. Well, why should it be any different for your wife? Besides, if she’s been gone, I’m sure you’ve got other activities in mind, besides her cleaning. Well, if you want her to be interested, you need to make sure that she’s not going to be exhausted from cleaning the house. 

Take the Kids Out

One of the hardest things for a mom, especially one who has small kids, is having time to herself. Kids demand attention and they often make their demands known at the most inconvenient times. You think it’s bad when they interrupt you trying to give her a kiss; well, that’s nothing compared to having them interrupt you when you’re trying to go to the bathroom.

Thank God for women. I really don’t think most of the men that I know could put up with taking care of small kids all day. But God has put something in the mothering nature that gives them patience for all those interruptions, skinned knees, sticky hands, dirty diapers and all that rest that goes with little kids.

I know it may not seem to you like your wife has the patience of a saint, but believe me, she does. You see her after she’s put up with that all day long. What you don’t see is how well she deals with it when you’re not there. No wonder she’s pretty much at the end of her rope when you get home from work. Who wouldn’t be?

Okay, so here’s the cure for your wife’s nerves; give her some time to herself. Sounds simple, right? Everybody needs time that they can just spend on themselves, with no interruptions, no sticky hands, no fighting kids and no tripping over toys. So give her that. Take the kids out somewhere, so that your wife can have some time alone.

Better yet, stop and get her some bubble bath, give it to her, and then take the kids out. Women love to pamper themselves and love to be pampered. So, give her a hint by buying the bubble bath. Before you leave, tell her that your purpose in taking the kids out is so that she can have some time for herself, not so she can clean the house, and then give her the bubble bath. I’m sure she’ll get the hint.

You don’t have to go anywhere fancy with the kids and spend a lot of money. Take them to the park; that’s enough of an outing for them. Have some quality time with them, pushing them on the swing, catching them coming off the slide and helping them climb the monkey bars. Who knows, maybe you can get on their with them.

While this may not seem all that romantic to you, it’s really three romantic things, wrapped up in one. First of all, you’re showing your wife that’s she’s special, by giving her some time for herself. On top of that, you’re giving her a romantic gift. I’m not exactly sure why bubble bath is considered a romantic gift, but take my word for it, it is. Finally, you’re showing your wife that you’re committed to being a good daddy; that’s important to her as well. So, you’re getting a three-fer by doing this one.

Love Coupons

Okay, so this idea isn’t all that original; that doesn’t make it any less valid than other ideas which I’ve presented in this blog. In fact, many ideas which last do so simply because they work. Well, this is one of those ideas that work.

Nobody really likes to have to ask their spouse for what they want. That’s especially true for women. They feel that if their husband truly loves them, they’ll know what they want. Of course, that doesn’t take into consideration the fact that men and women think differently. Maybe if we all thought the same, we could figure out what our wives want, without having to ask them. So, most of us end up being guilty most of the time, for not being able to read their minds.

Well, love coupons can help you out of that predicament. Not only do they provide your wife with a non-threatening way of asking for the things she wants, but they also provide you with a way of finding out what it is that your wife wants. If you give her a stack of 20 coupons, and she uses only ten of them, then the other ten probably aren’t all that important to her. Even more than that, the ones which she uses first are probably the ones which are the most important to her.

You could just give the coupons as a romantic act, and not pay any attention to how she uses them; but I’d rather learn what I can from the opportunity. That way, I can get that much closer to being the ideal husband that I’m trying to be (I’m not there yet).

Start out by making a list of what you’re going to put on the coupons. You could just make them, but you’ll want to save this list. It’s going to become your checklist of when your wife uses those coupons. You need it, in order to get the most out of this exercise. You can then copy and paste the ideas from this list into your coupons on the computer.

Make the coupons cute, not boring. Use a floral border on them and find some clipart. Maybe you can find an image or two, which will be appropriate to the item on that coupon. If not, hearts and flowers always work out well.

So, what kinds of ideas should you put on your coupons?

• A free back massage.
• Take over one chore of her choice for a week.
• An afternoon off; you take care of the kids.
• A new dress (or other article of clothing).
• Shampoo her hair.
• Give her a pedicure.
• Go to a chick flick with her, without complaining.
• A slow dance.
• Going out for dessert.
• Going out for dinner.
• Breakfast in bed.
• A walk by moonlight.
• An evening of conversation, without interruptions.
• 24 hours of no arguments, no matter what.
• Be her personal servant for one day.
• Special delivery of one late-night craving.
• A morning of sleeping in late, with no complaints or interruptions.
• An activity of her choice.

Remember, if you give her a coupon that says you’ll do something for her, you’ve got to do it. Not only do you have to do it, but you’ve got to do it with a good attitude. Doing something for your wife, while you’re grumbling about it doesn’t win you any points.

Don’t limit yourself to this list of course; you can let your imagination run free. Pretty much anything that I’ve posted on this blog would work as a love coupon. More importantly, make coupons for things that you think she would like, but aren’t sure. That gives you a way to find out if she’d like them or not.

Don’t limit yourself to one copy of a coupon either. Some coupons, like a massage or an activity of her choice are definitely worth creating multiple coupons for. That would help keep her from hording those coupons till a time when she absolutely needs to use them. You want her to use them, because you’ll still receive points for doing what the coupon says, even though she’s asking you to do it. That isn’t normally the case. Usually, if she has to ask you, you don’t get any points.

Don’t forget to keep track of what she uses and when she uses it. That’s what you kept the list for. That information is going to help you know what romantic acts you can do in the future, which will really mean something to her.

Be Quick to Lend a Hand

We all work hard and deserve a chance to rest when we get home; or, at least, that’s what we think. But, you know, our wives work just as hard as we do, and when they come home from work, they have to fix dinner, clean the house and do the laundry. Seems like the old saying about a woman’s work never being done is even more true today than it was when they came up with that line.

Our wives need a break just as much as we do. In fact, if we want them to have energy for us, we’d better make sure that they get a break, or by the end of the evening, all they can do is collapse.

How many times have you just sat there and watched your wife struggle with something that would be easy for you to do? It doesn’t matter if it’s a problem on the computer, carrying in the groceries or changing the air conditioning filter, we need to be aware of the struggles that our wives go through. Even more so, we need to do something about those struggles.

Let me give you a simple example. My wife gives classes in English as a Second Language. Some of those classes are given here in our home, while others are given in other locations. When she comes home from one of those classes, she’s got a mountain of stuff to bring in from the car. Now, I could easily say to myself, “I’m busy with my work. That’s her work; I’ll let her do it.” I could even justify that in my mind as being ok, since I wasn’t doing anything against her; but rather, just doing my work.

Okay, so I don’t help her. Well, after being on her feet for five hours, my wife is tired. The last thing she wants to do is to carry a bunch of stuff into the house. At the same time, leaving a computer and video projector in the car might be a good way to get it stolen.

So, by stopping my work for five minutes to go help my wife, I make things easier for her. Hey, we’re supposed to be the strong ones, let’s be strong. That box which is nothing for us to pick up can be really heavy to her. Taking those five minutes out from my work to help her out is a worthwhile investment in our relationship. She knows I’m doing it for her and she knows I care.

Of course, we can get out of such things really easy by just getting there a moment too late. But hey, you don’t get any points for good intentions, just for good actions.

Did you realize that something that simple is romantic? Women think it’s highly romantic for their husbands to help them. If she’s tired after dinner, you clear the table and wash the dishes. Once she’s over the shock, she’ll be thinking “what a great husband I have.” Or, she’s vacuuming the living room and trying to get the nozzle under the sofa; pick it up for her. Or, she’s trying to plant a rose bush by the front door using a little garden spade. Grab the shovel and dig her a real hole for it. These things are so simple for us to do, but hard for them.

The trick here is being aware of what she’s doing and what you can do to make it easier. That requires being constantly aware of what your wife is doing. My wife and I both work out of our home. So, I make it a habit to get up from my desk every once in a while, to see what she is doing. That way, I can keep in contact with her throughout the day, but I can also see when she needs my help.

The struggle for most of us is that we don’t want our activities interrupted to help them with theirs. It doesn’t matter if we’re doing work, watching the game or shooting some hoops, we don’t like to be interrupted. But, you know, ultimately it’s worth it.