Patience Man, Patience

I never knew it, but women are incredible sports fans. That’s right, every woman, around the world, has her favorite sport, which she practices every chance she get. I find it amazing how devoted they can be to their sport, especially since I’ve always thought that women hate sports. Of course, that’s because I was thinking of more conventional sports, you know, the kind that we guys like.

No, women don’t like the same sports we do; that’s why we don’t often see their love affair with their sport as meaning anything. I say sport intentionally, because there’s really only one sport that women love, not an assortment of them, like men.

So, I suppose you want to know what sport I’m talking about… it’s shopping. Yep, shopping is the woman’s sport. Every women I’ve ever met plays that sport; some better than others; but they all play. Although I’ve never seen a shopping pool in an office, instead of a football pool, that doesn’t make it any less a sport. Nor does the fact that the Sports section in the paper ignores their sport; after all, that’s written by men. For that matter, the fact that there are no professional shopping teams doesn’t limit it as a sport, because every woman considers herself a pro-shopper.

Of course, the epitome of the women’s sport is clothes shopping. Have you ever noticed how department stores put the women’s clothing section, which is huge, right in the front of the store? By comparison, the men’s clothing section is tiny and usually hidden in the back corner. You see, those stores recognize women’s sport and are all supporters of it.

Okay, now comes the hard part. Since we’re all looking for ways to spend time with our wives (at least I hope we are), here’s a great way (in her mind) for us to do so. That’s to go shopping with them. Yes, I’m serious; I’m also glad that I’m doing this through the Internet, so that nobody can throw rocks at me.

As much as we all hate shopping, the Bible tells us to “Love our wives as Christ loved the church and laid down his life for her.” I know of no way that a man can lay down his life any more effectively than to go shopping with his wife. Yes, it’s hard, but that’s how it qualifies as laying down your life.

Now, if you are actually brave enough or foolish enough to try this, let me give you a few hints to make the process a little less painful.

• Take a good book to read. That way, you’ve got something to do, while you’re wasting… err, investing all that time in your marriage.
• Make good use of Starbucks, the Food Court, Annie’s Pretzels, Baskin & Robins and other cultural attractions. Believe it, or not, she even enjoys those half-time breaks from shopping.
• Wear comfortable shoes. Women are the only one who think that uncomfortable shoes are a fashion statement. Hey, you’re going to be spending hours on your feet, you may as well be comfortable.
• Speaking of hours on your feet, most stores don’t put chairs for husbands. Personally, I think this is prejudiced against men, but that’s the way it is. So, if you are going to need to sit down, and don’t want to sit on the floor, you might want to consider bringing along a folding camp stool.
• Find things for her to try on, that you’d like to see her in. Hey, part of shopping is playing “dress up,” so you may as well help her along. Who knows, you might actually find something that you both like.
• Be prepared to carry. I think this is the biggest reason why women like their husbands going shopping with them. That way, they don’t have to carry all that stuff. After all, why should they, when there’s a man to do it?
• Sneak out to the sporting goods or hardware department. This trick doesn’t always work, but if you’re in a department store that has a “man department” you can get a break by telling your wife that there’s something you want to look at. She doesn’t have to know that it’s a new fishing pole.
• Whatever you do, don’t schedule something else afterwards. If you are planning on going shopping for three hours with your wife, then watching the game afterwards, forget it. Women can’t tell time when they are involved in their sport.

It would probably be best for your blood pressure if you don’t pay any attention to how much she is spending. Actually, most women go shopping without spending a whole lot of money. Their enjoyment doesn’t come from spending, but from the looking and trying on. So, don’t let the money get to you. If you do, you’ll ruin the whole thing. A moment’s explosive outburst can make a whole day of sacrifice go up in smoke.

Finally, always remember that to be a successful cheerleader for the women’s sport, you need lots of patience. This is a very time-consuming sport; one in which the true pros carefully examine every option, before putting off making a decision. The goal really isn’t about spending money, but rather about spending time involved in the sport. So, you may as well relax and do what you can to enjoy it.

On the positive side, your wife will think that you’ve spent lots of quality time together, while you’ve mostly ignored what she’s doing. Don’t totally ignore it though. To gain romance points, you need to make the occasional comment, preferably positive ones. “When are we going to leave?” doesn’t qualify as a positive comment. Nor does, “That makes you look like a cow.” This is a good time to engage the brain, before the mouth.

Take the time to go shopping with your wife, and maybe she’ll be more willing to take the time to do something that you want to do. 

A Stroll by the Light of the Moon

As we all know, romance requires time. It’s impossible to be truly romantic if one isn’t willing to spend time with their wife. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend on flowers and gifts, if you never get to spend any time together, they aren’t going to make her feel loved.

Finding time to spend together can be a real challenge in our hurry-up, hustle and bustle world. It’s even worse if you’ve got kids. It almost seems like those kids have a conspiracy set up between them, to make sure that their parents can’t get any time alone together. You finally get them all in bed, sit down on the sofa to spend a few minutes together and one or another of them pop out of bed. It doesn’t matter what the reason, they’ll make one up if they have to.

Well, we’re bigger than the kids, we’ve got more experience, more education; so, we ought to be able to come up with a way to outsmart them, and get that few minutes alone. Actually, it’s not all that hard; all we have to do is leave the house. That way, when they try to interrupt us in the living room, they can’t find us.

Now, I realize that you probably aren’t all that comfortable leaving your kids in the house alone; and your wife is even less comfortable. But, I’m not talking about leaving them alone and going away for a few hours; I’m talking about leaving them alone in bed for a few minutes, while you stay in sight of the house.

You see, just getting out of the house, to walk down your street and back can be romantic. That is, it can be romantic if you manage to get the time alone together. That’s really what it’s about, not the walking, but getting to be together, without interruptions.

A nice, slow stroll, hand in hand, up and down your own street may not seem like the most romantic thing you’ve ever done, but it’s still romantic. Romance doesn’t require money; nor does it require elaborate planning. Romance is an expression of love, and one of the ways in which we can express love is by just spending time together.

Remember, this isn’t about making it a race, nor is it about getting exercise, it’s about spending a few minutes alone together. if you can’t make yourself walk slowly, then maybe you’d be better off sitting on the porch. Either way, enjoy the evening, the breeze, the stars, the moon, and most of all, enjoy some time just for the two of you.

Have Fun Together

It’s taken me a while, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that, other than sex, it’s much more fun to be a kid than it is to be an adult. Think about it a minute. As a kid, the biggest worries you’ve got are not breaking your parents’ rules and passing the algebra test. The rest of your life is all about playing, hanging out with your friends and generally trying to have a good time.

Okay, so if that’s what life is like as a kid, why do we try so hard to grow up? I mean, doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than going to work, paying the bills, cleaning the house, changing the oil in the car and weeding the flower beds?

It seems to me that we could all use a little more fun in our lives. We should all go back to being kids; playing, hanging out with our friends and generally trying to have a good time. Maybe if we did that, we’d smile a bit more, enjoy life better and not have so many heart attacks and ulcers. In fact, maybe if we could learn how to have fun together as a couple, we could enjoy being married, instead of just putting up with each other.

It is good to have fun together. It is good to laugh. It is good to play. Those are all things we need. All too often, we take ourselves way too seriously; I mean, really, is what you’re worrying about today going to make a difference in 100 years?

Years ago, I heard of a couple who were having their 50^th anniversary. Somebody asked them what they attributed their success to. Without hesitation, the man answered, “When we got married, we made an agreement; I’d make the living and my wife would make the living worthwhile.” Wow, what an answer!

Who’s making the living worthwhile in your marriage? Are you both too busy, trying to make the living, to have the time to make living worthwhile? If you both are busy making the living, then I’d venture to guess that nobody is making the living worthwhile. That’s a problem. No wonder you don’t have fun together and laugh together, you’re too busy trying to keep up with the Jones’, whoever they are.

If you both need to work, in order to pay the bills (as most couples do these days) then you both need to make an effort to take some time to make the living worthwhile as well. More than anything, that means making time to have fun together.

I know, you’re probably thinking right now, “Okay, so how do I do that?” Simple, act like kids again. Get off your high horse of pride, quit acting like an old fogie, and play. That’s it. Don’t try and tell me you don’t know how, you’re just pretending that you don’t know how. You’re afraid that someone might see you. So, what? If they see you, at least they’ll see you with a smile on your face.

“But what if they say something about it?” you ask. Easy, ask them why they aren’t having fun too. Don’t let the onus be on you for enjoying yourself, put it on them for being such a stick in the mud.

Playing together, and even more importantly laughing together, is fundamentally healthy for your relationship. Laughing together draws you closer to each other. As you laugh, you relax, which also helps you be more intimate together. It even helps you overcome disagreements and arguments that you might have had.

So, grab that pillow and throw it at her; or give her a squirt gun and a head start; or wrestle on the living room floor (or your bed). Don’t play a serious game, like Monopoly or Scrabble, play something silly like Candyland or Chutes and Ladders. Better yet, play something where you can both win. Have fun, laugh, relax.

Give Her the Day

Every couple struggles with having enough time to be together. Oh, they might both be in the same house or even in the same room, but that’s not the same as being together. To truly be together means that you are paying attention to each other, not that you are paying attention to everything else around you. It means that you are either talking to each other or doing something together which requires communication with each other. Watching television doesn’t count.

I’m sure you’ve heard about “quality time.” Well, what makes one time more “quality” than another? It has to be the focus of the time; in other words, it’s only quality time when your focus is each other. Anything else is just time passing.

So, surprise your wife today and give her time, quality time that is. Drop whatever it is you’re doing, grab your wife, get in the car, start driving and ask her, “Okay, now that we’re going, where do you want to go so that we can spend some quality time together?” Wait till you’re going, before you ask though, as you don’t want to give her the opportunity to come up with excuses about what she has to do, etc. etc. etc.

Just in case she can’t come up with something off the top of her head, here’s a few ideas:

• Go to your favorite coffee shop and sit there staring soulfully into each other’s eyes while talking.
• Go get ice cream… along with the staring soulfully, etc.
• Take her to the mall and just look at stuff.
• Go to some cute little boutique that the two of you had seen, but never managed to stop in at.
• Take a walk in the park.

The thing isn’t so much where you go as it is that you go there together and do something together. It doesn’t even matter if you spend a lot of money, it isn’t about the money, it’s about the two of you. You both need that time, although she is probably much more aware of her need than you are. Just take some time to enjoy each other’s presence, without having to be someplace or get something done.

Okay, so maybe there’s a few practical details that need to be worked out, like someone to watch the kids; well, work them out. Do it without her knowing. That just helps add to the surprise. You’re trying to make her feel like she’s the most important person in your world. That isn’t going to happen if you make her call the babysitter and work out all the other details.

Enjoy the time. That’s what it’s about. If there’s something that absolutely has to get done, then that’s okay. You can arrange to get back in time for that. But don’t let it get in the way of the time you are together. Forget about it for that time, don’t sit there thinking about it. Focus on her.