Play a Little

Yesterday, I was talking about how the pressures of time, workload and fatigue can cause depression in our wives. I told you that you need to keep an eye on your wife’s schedule and energy levels, making sure that she gets enough rest; even if that means that you have to take up some of the load. Well, today I’d like to deal with another aspect of rest, something that you can do for her, to help dispel a bit of the stress. It’s called play.

That’s right, play sin't just for kids, it's an important part of maintaining a healthy outlook on life. It is one of the better stress relievers out there; and better yet, it doesn’t have the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol. It just gives us a way to burn up the adrenalin in our systems and get our minds off of the problem.

Now, not just any type of play is going to work; you’re going to have to find the right sort. Playing a Risk or Monopoly really isn’t going to work; nor is going to a concert or fancy party. While some might think of those things as play, they have one fault in common; it’s possible to do them, while still thinking about all the problems around you and all the things you should be doing, if you weren’t wasting your time playing.

For play to be an effective means of stress elimination, it has to be so encompassing that there isn’t time to think about those problems and things that need to get done. Are there games like that? You bet!

I think one of the best adult games for capturing our minds and getting us focused is a pillow fight. Yep, that’s what I said, a pillow fight. Another really good one is a water fight. For that matter, laser tag and Nerf wars also accomplish the same thing. Why do these work? They work because we quickly become totally immersed in the game. We’re so focused on winning; that we don’t have time to think about other things.

A real help in capturing her thoughts with these games is to catch her by surprise. Now, you’ve got to be a bit careful about this. You’re not going to get the results you want if you catch her by surprise with your Super Soaker when she’s coming home from the beauty shop. You’ll get a reaction, but it won’t be the one you want. Nor does it work well to try and start a Nerf war at 11:00 at night, right when she collapses on the couch, devoid of energy.

Whatever you do, don’t go out of your way to let her win. It’s okay if she wins, but not if you just give her the victory. There’s a big difference between the two. Handing her the victory on a silver platter is just going to make her feel like you’re patronizing her, killing the fun.

I’m probably going to get myself in trouble with the ladies for this one, but it’s actually helpful to your wife to lose. Yes, that’s what I said. In fact, it’s even more helpful to her if she’s ever been sexually abused. Let me explain. Women who have been sexually abused feel like they have to keep everything under control. Losing control can make them panic. But, when they discover that they can’t be in control, because there is someone stronger, it helps them to relax and stop trying to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

I know that sounds a bit backwards, but it’s true. Women in general struggle with their emotions. It’s not that they try and be emotional; it’s that their emotions tend to control them. That can be dangerous, especially when those emotions are negative ones.

By winning, you take control away from her. Take that moment to hug and kiss her; ravish her with your kisses. Help her to relax in knowing that although she lost, she’s found a safe place to be. That will help her immensely. Knowing she’s in a place of safety will go a long way towards eliminating the stress that was eating her up.

Don’t be surprised if she starts talking about what was bothering her. If she feels secure in that moment, she’ll probably open up quite a bit. Listen well; you may find out some very important things; things which will help you understand how to keep her from getting stressed out the next time.

Have Fun Together

It’s taken me a while, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that, other than sex, it’s much more fun to be a kid than it is to be an adult. Think about it a minute. As a kid, the biggest worries you’ve got are not breaking your parents’ rules and passing the algebra test. The rest of your life is all about playing, hanging out with your friends and generally trying to have a good time.

Okay, so if that’s what life is like as a kid, why do we try so hard to grow up? I mean, doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than going to work, paying the bills, cleaning the house, changing the oil in the car and weeding the flower beds?

It seems to me that we could all use a little more fun in our lives. We should all go back to being kids; playing, hanging out with our friends and generally trying to have a good time. Maybe if we did that, we’d smile a bit more, enjoy life better and not have so many heart attacks and ulcers. In fact, maybe if we could learn how to have fun together as a couple, we could enjoy being married, instead of just putting up with each other.

It is good to have fun together. It is good to laugh. It is good to play. Those are all things we need. All too often, we take ourselves way too seriously; I mean, really, is what you’re worrying about today going to make a difference in 100 years?

Years ago, I heard of a couple who were having their 50^th anniversary. Somebody asked them what they attributed their success to. Without hesitation, the man answered, “When we got married, we made an agreement; I’d make the living and my wife would make the living worthwhile.” Wow, what an answer!

Who’s making the living worthwhile in your marriage? Are you both too busy, trying to make the living, to have the time to make living worthwhile? If you both are busy making the living, then I’d venture to guess that nobody is making the living worthwhile. That’s a problem. No wonder you don’t have fun together and laugh together, you’re too busy trying to keep up with the Jones’, whoever they are.

If you both need to work, in order to pay the bills (as most couples do these days) then you both need to make an effort to take some time to make the living worthwhile as well. More than anything, that means making time to have fun together.

I know, you’re probably thinking right now, “Okay, so how do I do that?” Simple, act like kids again. Get off your high horse of pride, quit acting like an old fogie, and play. That’s it. Don’t try and tell me you don’t know how, you’re just pretending that you don’t know how. You’re afraid that someone might see you. So, what? If they see you, at least they’ll see you with a smile on your face.

“But what if they say something about it?” you ask. Easy, ask them why they aren’t having fun too. Don’t let the onus be on you for enjoying yourself, put it on them for being such a stick in the mud.

Playing together, and even more importantly laughing together, is fundamentally healthy for your relationship. Laughing together draws you closer to each other. As you laugh, you relax, which also helps you be more intimate together. It even helps you overcome disagreements and arguments that you might have had.

So, grab that pillow and throw it at her; or give her a squirt gun and a head start; or wrestle on the living room floor (or your bed). Don’t play a serious game, like Monopoly or Scrabble, play something silly like Candyland or Chutes and Ladders. Better yet, play something where you can both win. Have fun, laugh, relax.