Dancin'

I once heard it said that dance was a vertical expression of a horizontal idea. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I do know that dance, in and of itself, is a great idea. It doesn’t need to express anything else, because it expresses its own idea; that of moving and working together in a beautiful way.

My wife and I met dancing; not in a night club or anything like that, but doing international folk dancing. We were part of a recreational group that got together every Saturday night to dance the old dances from much of Europe and around the world. It was good clean, wholesome fun that people of all ages could do, and it was a great way to get to know each other in a non-threatening environment.

Dancing together as a couple is a great lesson in working together. For two people to move as one, one needs to lead and the other follow. In dance, the man is supposed to lead, while the woman follows. However, it’s amazing how many couples have that mixed up. The woman leads, while the man follows. Whenever I see that, I have to wonder what that says about the rest of their marriage. If she can’t follow him on the dance floor, how can she follow him through the perils of life? If he can’t lead her on the dance floor, how can he lead her through a crisis?

Dance is also great social intercourse. It’s a way of joining together in an activity that is intimate and invigorating, physical while building trust in one another. A couple who can dance well together can move through many other things in life together as well.

One great thing about dance is that it can be done anywhere. You don’t have to go out to dance; you can do it in the living room, your bedroom, even the back yard. Just put on some music, grab your wife and dance. Why not?

It’s interesting to note that dance has been a major part of social intercourse throughout history. While there are many different styles of dance, it has always been a part of how people related to each other, especially between the sexes. In fact, in times past, when dating didn’t exist, one of the few socially acceptable ways of meeting available members of the opposite sex was through dance.

There’s probably a fairly good chance that you and your wife danced when you were dating. Now, I’ll have to say that what passes itself off as dancing today doesn’t have the grace and style of times past. Nor is much of it very intimate. Nevertheless, what we refer to today as slow dancing provides much of the same time together that older styles of dance did.

Many communities offer dance lessons of one sort or another, so don’t try and use your lack of ability as an excuse. Sign up to take some lessons together, get out and learn how to dance with your wife.

Even more important than the lessons though is taking the opportunity to just do it. Put on some music and dance with her. Don’t worry about your two left feet or the kids making fun of you, enjoy yourselves together. 

Your Daily Devotional

Many people like to use a daily devotional. For years, I used Ozwald Chambers’ “My Utmost for His Highest.” The inspirational words of Chambers challenged me in my personal walk and my growth in Christian character. His writings were an important part of my growing in understanding my responsibility as a believer to become Christ-like and manifest the fruit of the spirit.

Even though many believer’s have their own personal study time, whether it is with a devotional or directly out of the Bible, there are very few who take the time to study together as a couple. Yet, if our relationship with God is supposed to strengthen our marriage, then shouldn’t we seek Him together?

One of the great benefits of studying together is that we have the opportunity to work together to gain understanding. At times, an incredible synergy takes place, where what one is saying triggers a fresh thought for the other. Then that thought triggers something new in the first. Working off of one another, wonderful things can be discovered and learned.

I clearly remember the first couple who ever came to me for marriage counseling. The very first complaint that she made was that the two of them didn’t see eye to eye on anything. To back that up, she said, “Every time the Holy Spirit gives me revelation about something from the Bible and I tell my husband, he comes back with something totally different.” I guess she thought she’d made some points with that one, because she sat back with a satisfied look on her face. However, I didn’t see things the same way. I responded to her, “Wow, what a blessing!” Surprised, she jumped up to say, “What do you mean?” “Well,” I responded, “you get one revelation from God and your husband gets another. Then, when you share them with each other, you’ve both got twice as much.” Needless to say, she was stunned.

You see, what that couple experienced (less the disagreement) was in fact a great blessing. By studying the Word of God together, they were able t gain more understanding than they could alone. That’s one of the things that marriage is supposed to do for us, help us to gain more than we can alone.

Imagine if a couple made a regular habit of that. Instead of studying alone, each took the opportunity to draw out of the other one what God had deposited in them. That looks like a great opportunity to me.

Now, get me straight here. I’m not talking about just reading a passage from the Bible, or reading a devotional together, but talking about it as well. It’s not really in the reading that we’ll get the advantage, but in the sharing. As we talk together, we’ll have that opportunity for the synergy of studying together to take place, where we are each fueling the engine of ideas in the other.

Not only that, but it’s a great way to draw closer together. The very fact of studying God’s Word together makes us more as one. It helps us to understand each other better and at the same time, understand our God all that much better too. Why not give it a try?

Picture You Perfect

It seems that in just about every family photo album I look through, there’s always one family member that’s conspicuously absent. It’s usually the man, although that isn’t always the case. Why is that so? It’s almost as if every family has one invisible member, at least if you look at the photographic evidence.

Women love to “make memories.” For those of us who don’t know that that means, it means having things which they can later look at, which will invoke pleasant memories. I’m really not sure why they do this, as I’ve always thought if something was important enough, I’d remember it on my own; and if I couldn’t remember it, it must not have been all that important. Of course, that logic isn’t really valid.

Was your first anniversary important? Okay, what did you do to celebrate it? Let me guess, you don’t remember. Well, neither do I. According to my invalid logic, that would mean that my first anniversary wasn’t important to me; however, I guarantee you, it was important.

Women tend to remember things like that much better than we do as guys, yet they still want to “make memories.” Maybe that’s because they have a much greater desire to make sure they don’t forget. It probably has something to do with the fact that women are more relationally oriented, while we guys are more action oriented. They want those memories, because to them, relationships are what make up their lives.

So, if that’s important to your wife, like it is to mine, why don’t we do something about it, like making sure that we’re in some of those pictures? In fact, let’s get extreme about this; make sure you are in a lot of those pictures, preferable with your arm around her. That should help invoke some positive memories.

When was the last time you had a portrait done of the two of you as a couple? Unless your kids have grown up and moved out of the house, the last time was probably before your kids were born. Why is that? Is it that you don’t like to be seen with your wife? Or is it just that you don’t think those pictures are all that important. Well, guess what, they are. Your wife needs a picture like that and you do too.

Do it right, now. Get a haircut, trim your mustache and get all dressed up. There’s no sense going out to get a picture taken, looking like a bum. You can put your jeans and t-shirt back on later. But, your wife will enjoy seeing you dressed up for the photo. Then maybe you could take advantage of being all spiffed up to go out somewhere together. 

Once your pictures come in, be sure to buy a nice frame, preferably something with hearts on it, to put your portrait in. That way, everyone will see you two lovebirds, looking like a couple of lovebirds.

Every time one of your wife’s friends sees that portrait, with the two of you together like that, there’s a pretty good chance that they’ll say something positive about the picture, or the two of you together or even just about you. That’s good, because every time that happens, you’ll get a point for that picture. 

Have Fun Together

It’s taken me a while, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that, other than sex, it’s much more fun to be a kid than it is to be an adult. Think about it a minute. As a kid, the biggest worries you’ve got are not breaking your parents’ rules and passing the algebra test. The rest of your life is all about playing, hanging out with your friends and generally trying to have a good time.

Okay, so if that’s what life is like as a kid, why do we try so hard to grow up? I mean, doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than going to work, paying the bills, cleaning the house, changing the oil in the car and weeding the flower beds?

It seems to me that we could all use a little more fun in our lives. We should all go back to being kids; playing, hanging out with our friends and generally trying to have a good time. Maybe if we did that, we’d smile a bit more, enjoy life better and not have so many heart attacks and ulcers. In fact, maybe if we could learn how to have fun together as a couple, we could enjoy being married, instead of just putting up with each other.

It is good to have fun together. It is good to laugh. It is good to play. Those are all things we need. All too often, we take ourselves way too seriously; I mean, really, is what you’re worrying about today going to make a difference in 100 years?

Years ago, I heard of a couple who were having their 50^th anniversary. Somebody asked them what they attributed their success to. Without hesitation, the man answered, “When we got married, we made an agreement; I’d make the living and my wife would make the living worthwhile.” Wow, what an answer!

Who’s making the living worthwhile in your marriage? Are you both too busy, trying to make the living, to have the time to make living worthwhile? If you both are busy making the living, then I’d venture to guess that nobody is making the living worthwhile. That’s a problem. No wonder you don’t have fun together and laugh together, you’re too busy trying to keep up with the Jones’, whoever they are.

If you both need to work, in order to pay the bills (as most couples do these days) then you both need to make an effort to take some time to make the living worthwhile as well. More than anything, that means making time to have fun together.

I know, you’re probably thinking right now, “Okay, so how do I do that?” Simple, act like kids again. Get off your high horse of pride, quit acting like an old fogie, and play. That’s it. Don’t try and tell me you don’t know how, you’re just pretending that you don’t know how. You’re afraid that someone might see you. So, what? If they see you, at least they’ll see you with a smile on your face.

“But what if they say something about it?” you ask. Easy, ask them why they aren’t having fun too. Don’t let the onus be on you for enjoying yourself, put it on them for being such a stick in the mud.

Playing together, and even more importantly laughing together, is fundamentally healthy for your relationship. Laughing together draws you closer to each other. As you laugh, you relax, which also helps you be more intimate together. It even helps you overcome disagreements and arguments that you might have had.

So, grab that pillow and throw it at her; or give her a squirt gun and a head start; or wrestle on the living room floor (or your bed). Don’t play a serious game, like Monopoly or Scrabble, play something silly like Candyland or Chutes and Ladders. Better yet, play something where you can both win. Have fun, laugh, relax.