“I Can’t Believe I Said That”

Do you remember that stupid little ditty for when we were kids, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me”? I’m not sure which fool came up with that one, but obviously they had the emotions part of their brain surgically removed. If there’s one thing that can really hurt a person, it’s words; they’re much more potent than sticks, stones, or even HEAT rounds from a M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank.

Unless you have a real problem with controlling your temper, or you’re a habitual drunk who gets violent when you’re drinking, you’ve probably never used any sticks and stones against your wife. Good thing too, or you probably wouldn’t have a wife. However, I’m sure that you’ve managed to use words against her, whether you wanted to or not.

Have you ever noticed how some things just manage to escape from our mouths, even if we don’t want them to? I’m sure you know the one’s I’m talking about; they’re the ones which cause us to say, “I can’t believe I just said that.” If only life came with a rewind button, so that we could go back a few seconds and take those words back. But, one spoken, they never seem to go away.

You know, it doesn’t do much good for us to do great romantic acts towards our wives, if we’re erasing any points we earn with our own words. We’d be better off forgetting the romance, and just putting duct tape over our mouths. That way, even though we wouldn’t gain any points, we wouldn’t lose any either.

There is another solution, however; that is to learn how to control our tongue. There’s nothing that says that we have to say those hurtful words. No law, no requirement, no force of nature that makes them come out of our mouths. We’re the one who says them, and we’re the one who can stop them.

That’s right; you and I have the power to stop ourselves from saying things which hurt our wives. How about that? There are two secrets, which will help us do this. The first one is to learn to engage our brain, before opening our mouth. Most of those hurtful words come out totally unplanned. They’re a childish reaction to something. Well, childish reactions are okay for children, but we’re not children any more. So, we need to learn how to stop ourselves, by thinking about what we are going to say and the effect that those words are going to have.

The other secret that ties directly in with the first is to focus on the other person. Most hurtful things we say come about by being self-centered. We had a bad day at work and when we come home, we growl at the wife, slap the kids and kick the dog. Whoa, wait a minute! Who gave us the right to do that?

If we are thinking about the other person, we’ll put our priority on what is best for them, not what is best for us. So, when the wife goes a little crazy from her PMS, we’ll realize what’s going on and not take it personally. Since we’re not taking it personally, we won’t reply in a hurtful manner. Instead, we’ll seek a way of soothing her emotions, instead of stirring them up even more.

Remember, words can’t be taken back. Every hurtful word you speak, whether intentionally or unintentionally is permanently graven in your wife’s heart. No matter what you do, it will never go away. So, make sure that the words you say are the words that you want to say.

Say it With Flowers

Speaking of flowers (I was yesterday), there’s lots of ways to say “I love you” with flowers. If you use some variety, each time will be something fresh, which lets your wife know how much you love her. As with anything romantic, the first time is something special, but if you keep repeating yourself over and over again, it stops losing its sparkle and becomes routine. So, the trick is to find new ways to use flowers, new ways to say “I love you” and not return to the same old way for a while.

Of course, after a while, you can go right back to the same romantic act once again. With enough time in between occurrences, it becomes something special once again. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be romantic for two months, just that you need to mix it up a bit.

So, let’s do something a little different with flowers. Let’s say “I Love You” with them. I mean, really, lets write out the words with flower petals. Sometime when your wife is out, tear the pedals off of a bunch of flowers and spell out those words on the coffee table or dining room table. If you don’t want to tear off the petals, then use entire flowers, cutting off the stems.

Your timing on this one is going to be a bit critical, as you don’t want the petals or flowers to sit there long enough to start turning brown. You want it to look fresh when she shows up to find it. No matter which way you do it, those flowers aren’t going to live very long on the table like that.

Once your wife has seen it, the flower petals can be put together in a bowl, like potpourri, so she can enjoy the scent of them. Or, if you used whole flowers, you can float them in a big bowl of water. When they die, take the petals and put them in a bowl, making potpourri out of them.

Remember, it’s the message that counts, not how much you spent on the flowers. You don’t have to buy the most expensive thing in the store to make this work. On the other hand, it would be good to buy something that smells nice. So, put your sniffer to work as you’re picking out the flowers. 

Traveler’s Advisory

Everyone knows the classic idea of bringing home gifts for the family, when you have to go out of town on a business trip. Tourist traps and especially airport shops depend on this; knowing that business travelers who are going away can be expected to be a little freer with their gift buying money than they would be otherwise. So, they jack their prices up to take advantage of that feeling of moment’s desperation when we say “oh no, I’m heading home and I don’t have anything for my family.”

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be willing to buy nice gifts for the kiddies and especially that you shouldn’t be willing to buy a nice gift for your wife. After all, she’s had to put up with the kids and the problems all by herself while you were gone. She’s definitely worth whatever you’re going to spend.

I just came home from a 10 day trip out of the country. In the airport I bought my wife a piece of jewelry (always a good gift idea). It was a rather unique necklace, in a Victorian filigree flower design, which definitely spoke of her personality. Not only was it a nice gift, but it was something that was definitely made for her. Had it not been so special, I probably wouldn’t have been willing to pay airport prices for it.

On the other hand, remember the scoring rules for this game; if you buy your wife an expensive gift, you get one point and if you buy her an inexpensive gift you get one point. Of course, if your gift is too cheap or not a romantic gift, you’re not going to get any points at all.

Let’s apply a little strategy to this gift-giving issue and see if we can maybe come up with a way of getting a little more bang for our buck.

First of all, I’d suggest avoiding all those cute little trinkets that they sell in the tourist traps which say “Miami” or “San Francisco.” Not only are they really cheesy gifts, but they’ll serve as a constant reminder that you went someplace interesting without her. Not a good plan. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t buy her something with a regional flavor, especially if it’s something that you can’t get at home.

It helps to make sure you put shopping time in your schedule. Now, that’s really easy for women to do, but rather hard for us guys. We’re missing that shopping gene, which automatically attracts us to stores. However, you’re going to spend much less money in a regular store, than you are in the airport.

It always helps to keep a list of romantic gift ideas in your personal organizer. That way, when you’ve got to find a gift in a hurry, you don’t have to worry about your brain lock. Little things that your wife has mentioned she’d like, things that you’d spotted before and know she likes, and classes of gifts which have received really good “reviews” from her in the past are all good candidates for this list.

Another way that you can save yourself time and money on this gift buying spree is to pre-buy your gifts. Now, I realize that some women might consider this cheating, but who says she ever has to know? I’m a big fan of shopping on the Internet. Not only does it save me time in the stores, it saves me money as well. So, all I have to do is pre-select the gift I want to buy for my wife (and even for the kiddies), and have it shipped to the hotel where I will be staying. That way, when I get there, it’s waiting for me.

I suppose an alternative to having the gift shipped to your hotel would be to have it shipped to the office and pack it in your bags. That would save the same amount of time and still insure that you have a gift ready when you come back. Just make sure that she isn’t packing your bag for you.

Remember, this is supposed to be about thinking about her. So, it’s important that you choose a gift that shows that you’re thinking about her; otherwise, you’re not going to get any points in the romance department. 

Those Long Winter Evenings

There are a number of things in our modern culture, which can trace their roots back to the pioneering days, when the country was expanding and most people were farmers. Take our school schedule, for example. Families would have to work together to plow the land, plant the seed and bring in the harvest. So, summer vacations were about working with the family, not lazing around the swimming pool. Even though we’ve long since left being an agricultural society, we still have that same school schedule.

Another thing that went along with that society was that wintertime was a time for staying indoors, mending harnesses, sewing a quilt and reading stories around the fire. Many families read the Bible from cover to cover on those cold nights. Oh sure, they had to go out to the barn to care for the livestock; but the outdoor work was left to only true necessities in those months.

Well, as we all know, life has changed and changed a lot. Even so, other than those who go skiing and ice skating, most of us spend our winters indoors, trying to escape the cold and the snow. The only time we go outside is when we need to; either to go somewhere, to work or to shovel the snow.

There’s something to be said about those long evenings around the fire. Whether spent as family time or as couple time, there’s something about sitting in front of the fire, with a nice warm drink, just enjoying each other’s company. I’d say that’s even more important for us today, when life has us running around in circles so much that we normally only see each other in passing.

Why not take advantage of those long winter evenings? Go back to the old tradition, put a fire in the fireplace (or just pretend, if you don’t have one) and spend some time together on the sofa. Make some hot cocoa, read a book to each other, talk about some off the wall topic (not problems) and whatever you do, don’t turn on the television. Just enjoy each other.

The gift your wife wants more than anything is you. It’s not your money she’s after or someone to change the oil in her car. She wants some quality time, where you’re paying attention to each other… you know… like you did when you were dating.