Why She’s the Best

Let me ask you a simple question; why do you love your wife? Now, while the question might be simple, the answer is probably pretty complex. In reality, there usually isn’t one thing that makes us love our wives, but rather a whole host of things which, when taken together, make her the person whom you have chosen to spend your life with.

Granted, there are probably some things about her that bug you as well. It seems that everyone has a few of those as well. But, right now, we’re not talking about them; we’re talking about the good things. You know; those things which she does that make you smile; that make you want to hug her and give her a kiss. The stuff that made you fall in love with her in the first place.

Well, when was the last time you told her about those things? If you’re like most people, you are much quicker to tell her when she’s done something that bugs you, then you are to tell her about something that she’s done which pleases you.

Do you want to build her up? I sure hope the answer to that is a resounding “Yes!” Okay, let’s do a little building up exercise. Here’s what you need to do. Start out by making a list of the things that make you love her. Don’t put anything on there that’s iffy, or anything that’s conditional. You need only those things that she does which you truly like. This list needs to be 110% positive. Check it over good, to make sure that you don’t have any hidden barbs in there.

Now that you’ve got your list, you need to give it to her. But, I don’t want you to give it to her; I want you to read it to her. Make it personal; something about just giving her a list isn’t all that personal. Take a few moments alone with her, when the kids aren’t around, and sit down on the sofa together. Then, tell her you have something you want to say to her. Don’t give her any idea of what it is. In fact, if you can give the impression that it might not be all that good, without saying that, it might work out even better.

Then, take out your list and tell her each and every thing that’s on it. Don’t actually read off the paper, you need to be looking in her eyes when you do it. The list is there to help remind you of the things you want to say, not how you are going to say them. If you have to read each thing off the list one at a time, then do so, but read it to yourself. Then look at her and tell it to her.

I guarantee you that this will make a moment for your wife that she won’t forget easily. Who knows, she might even tell you a few things that she loves about you too.

Celebrate Her Victories

Everyone likes to receive an attaboy now and then. It just seems to add to the good feeling that any success gives us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big victory or a small one, having others see it and recognize it multiplies the pleasure of that success.

One of the big reasons why attaboys are such rare commodities is that what seems like a great victory to one may not seem like much of anything to another. We don’t congratulate people for their victories because we have a “so what” attitude about it. This is magnified even more so when what was a major victory for them is something normal to us.

When a baby is learning to walk, we’re all quick to applaud those first steps. Their victory is a big deal to us. Yet, for almost all of us, walking is such a normal thing that we do it without thinking about it. Why should their victory be a big deal, when we do it all the time? It’s a big deal because it’s a first for them, and we recognize it as such. We celebrate their victory because we recognize the importance of it.

Okay, so why don’t we do that with others? Why don’t we celebrate our wives victories as if they were that important? Where does the idea break down? When do victories in people’s lives stop being important?

I’m not sure there are answers to those questions, but the fact remains, we do stop celebrating their victories, forgetting about their importance and forgetting to congratulate our wives on those things that are big victories in their eyes.

Just the other day, my wife created a Facebook fan page for her business. Now, that may not sound like a big deal to you and me, but it was to her. Although she understands the value of using technology and tries to do so at every opportunity, my wife definitely qualifies as being technologically challenged. That makes her victory even bigger; although to a geek like me, it doesn’t seem like much of anything.

You see, it can’t be about how big a victory it is for me; it has to be about how big a victory it is for her. When I use myself as the standard, then I’m being unfair to her. I was an engineer for 15 years; I started working with personal computers over 35 years ago. I know this stuff. But, that’s not saying that she does or that she should. Her victories are important to her, and I need to see them that way.

Let me take this from another angle, something that almost all guys can relate to. Your wife probably isn’t all that interested in what you do at work. She might be interested in the people that you work with, but not what you do. So, when you come home from work and talk about some great victory you’ve had, how does she react? Let me guess, she doesn’t react much at all. She might not even understand what you’re talking about, let alone how important that victory is. You could have invented the next generation of supercomputers and if she doesn’t understand the value of that, your accomplishment doesn’t mean a thing to her.

Okay, so tell me, how well do you understand what your wife does? If you don’t there’s no way that you’re going to be able to celebrate her victories. You have to be interested enough in her to be interested in what she does as well. That way, when she tells you about her victory, you at least have some idea of what she’s talking about.

There’s something within us all that seeks approval from those who are close to us. Children do it with their parents all the time. Well, guess what? Married people need that from each other as much as their kids do from them. If anything, women need it more than men do. Why is that? Because the world is constantly telling them that they’re not good enough. If we don’t celebrate their victories, then we’re sending them the same message.

So, what victories has your wife had lately? Did you celebrate them with her? Or, have you ignored her victories for so long that she doesn’t even bother to tell you about them? Ouch! Make sure you’re up to date on her victories and that you’re letting her know how proud you are of her.

A Ribbon of Love

While pretty much all of the ideas which I write on this blog are my own (yes, I have a very active imagination), every once in a while I get one from somebody else. In this case, I’m taking an idea that my daughter, Jenni did to her boyfriend.

I’m always looking for new ways to express my love towards my wife. Not only do I like to keep things fresh, so it doesn’t become just routine, but I want to keep her love tank full. Love begets love, so the best way that I can make sure that she loves me is to make sure that she feels loved.

My wife’s love language is words of affirmation. She needs to hear that I love her. Not only does she need to hear that I love her, but she needs to hear that I think highly of her. Now, you might think that the two are more or less the same, but in really aren’t. There are people who I think highly of, but I don’t love them. Likewise, there can be people that we love, but don’t think highly of.

Women are belittled a lot in today’s society. More than anything, it’s Madison Avenue that’s telling them that they’re not good enough. They are constantly bombarded with advertising that tells them that they’re not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not good enough mothers, not good enough lovers and just plain no t good enough. No wonder women have such insecurities about themselves. So, not only does my wife need to hear that I love her, but that I think highly of her in every way possible.

Okay, so here’s a way to bombard her with words of love and words of affirmation, both at the same time. Sit down at your computer and make a bulleted list of all the things that you love and appreciate about your wife. Everything that you think is good about her should be on that list. You want at least 50 things, but the more the merrier; if you can come up with 200, you’ll really be building her up.

Don’t try and do that whole list in one sitting. You’re going to be more successful if you write up the list of what you can think of at the moment, then come back to it a few times more. Each time, as you read over what you’ve got, you’ll be able to come up with some new ones to add.

Once your list is done, you’ll need to format it a bit. Set the spacing between each line at about 24 pt. so that you’ll have some extra paper to work with. If you know how to change the bullets, make them hearts or something cute like that. Then print it. If you have colored paper to print it on, so much the better. Make a bunch of lines that just say things like “I Love You” as well.

Cut your list into strips, just like you were going to make a paper chain for the Christmas Tree. Except, we’re not going to make a chain out of it, we’re going to make a ribbon out of it. Glue the strips end to end, making one long ribbon out of it. If you have some real ribbon that’s the same width as your strips, you could intersperse some of that in between your printed items, just to make the ribbon longer. My daughter cut up music sheets and used them in between her items (they’re both choir directors).

Now, you need a place to put your ribbon. Sometime when your wife isn’t home, find a spot to run the ribbon back and forth, covering a doorway, the mirror on her vanity or even back and forth across your bedroom, if your ribbon is long enough. You could even slip into her office (if she has one) and leave it as a surprise there.

My daughter had to mail hers, so she cut a heart out of cardboard, and wrapped the ribbon around it. Before wrapping, she wrote “I Love You” on the heart. It’s the same idea, just portable.

Now, sit back and wait for your wife to find it. She probably won’t scream or jump up and down, because she’ll be too busy reading it. That’s okay, once she reads it, the fireworks can begin.