Monday, June 20, 2011
Overcome Her Negativity
Have you ever noticed that women in general are negative? Now, I realize that any time someone talks in generalities, they end up being generally wrong; but, I’m going to take a shot at it anyway. What I’m saying about women may not be true in all cases, but it is true in most cases. Women tend to be negative.
Let me back that up with a little bit of something to show you what I mean. First of all, women have a much greater tendency to be worriers than men do. As men, when we have a problem we can’t do anything about, we tend to set it aside, waiting until we can do something about it. In the mean time, we work on something that we can do something about.
Women also complain more. Us guys will usually keep our complaints bottled up inside us, while women have a genuine need to get their complaints “off their chest.” So, they complain. They also tend to think that the worst is going to happen, instead of the best. They also think very negatively about themselves. A man walking by a mirror in a store will look at himself and think, “Yeah, I’ve still got it.” But, a woman going by the same mirror will think, “I’m fat. Is that another grey hair? I’m getting too many wrinkles.” I’m ugly. Finally, women are much more likely to say “no” to having some fun, especially if it involves something out of the ordinary. They like things calm and familiar, not crazy and adventurous.
Okay, so let’s not put our wives down for how they are, let’s just understand it. The important thing is that both you and her don’t be negative; because negativity feeds upon itself, breeding more negativity. What you need to do, is overcome your wife’s negativity with your positivity. Realize that she’s that way and help her overcome it by the things that you say.
I think, of all the negativity I’ve seen in women, the biggie is their negativity towards themselves. Knowing that, I see a great need for us husbands to be constantly affirming our wives, especially affirming how they look, to help her feel good about herself.
So, what do you do if your wife is overweight? Simple, just don’t talk about that part. Talk about how beautiful her hair is, or her eyes, or her breasts. Don’t add to her negativity; overcome it with talking about the things that you see are beautiful. This isn’t about you, it’s about helping her.
The last thing you want to do is to add to her already negative opinion about herself, her life and her surroundings. Remember, her complaints have basis in what she’s feeling in her heart. So, if she complains about something regularly, that means there’s something behind that complaint. You may have to do a little digging, but you should be able to find out what it is.
If she’s complaining about something, it might just be words. But, if you find that there is some basis in fact, behind her complaint. Then you should do something about it. Maybe she complains about the house a lot. Okay, why? Could it be that the house has some problems that need to be fixed? Granted, as guys, we’re much less likely to notice this than our wives are. So, pay attention to her complaint. Investigate it. If there is a problem with the house, you’d probably better do something about it.
The end result of all this is that you can affect how your wife feels about things. It’s not easy, but it is possible. You can be positive enough to overcome her worries, her complaints and her negative opinions. Don’t take any of it personally, just look for ways to overcome it.