Where I'm Coming From
First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Rich. I am a Christian minister, living on the Texas/Mexican border. I have a full collection of college degrees, having received an honorary doctorate, based upon the books I have written, in May of 2010. Most of my current ministry is directed at the Mexican/Hispanic community on both sides of the border. I am married to a wonderful woman, who is my best friend, my first and only wife, and the only lover I ever want to have. We have several children; all of who are in college, or older.
Like every other marriage, we have had our rocky moments. However, instead of using those as an excuse to turn against the other person, or to divorce, we have used them as an opportunity to grow, and to allow God to deal with us as individuals, and to change us. Through this, we have grown and learned how to become a blessing to each other.
For the last 15 years or so, ministering to marriages has been a major part of our ministry. Our marriage ministry hasn't been based upon psychology, or something we've learned in a classroom, or from some book, but from the classroom of life. Not only our own lives, but the lives of all those people we have ministered to. We have probably ministered to several thousand marriages through the years, and I am sure we have been part of stopping a couple of hundred divorces.
Based upon this experience, we have written a few books on the topic of marriage; most specifically dealing with God's purpose for sexual intimacy in marriage. You won't find these books in the book store however, as all our books are self-published. If you are interested in seeing what we have written, click on the "And God Created Sex" link on the blog.
Every couple has the capability to have a wonderful marriage. God created marriage, and what He has created is good. Anyone who thinks they have a bad marriage is only expressing their reaction to the problems in the marriage. If those problems could be overcome, their marriage would probably become a good one.
I must digress a moment to say this, almost all marriage problems are based in some way upon selfishness. As human beings, we are born selfish. If you don't believe me, just study a baby sometime; they are the center of their universe. Becoming unselfish requires training and maturity. I think it is probably one of the hardest lessons in life. In the marriage relationship, selfishness manifests in a desire to see your needs and desires met, without seeking to meet the needs and desires of your mate. Another expression of this is only meeting the needs and desires of your mate when they meet yours. However, when couples begin to act unselfishly, they begin to see the true blessing that their marriage can be.
Actually, I believe marriage should be a contest. Not a contest to see who can get the most from the other person (which is often what happens), but a contest to see who can be the greatest blessing to their spouse. The great thing about this sort of contest is that both of the marriage partners win.
Men and women understand love differently. Generally speaking, men feel most loved when that love is expressed through sexual intimacy. On the other hand, women feel most loved when it is expressed through romance. Unfortunately, this difference of understanding has created many problems within marriages. It is when both the husband and wife strive to understand and become a blessing to their mate that true joy enters into the marriage relationship.
There is no way that a man can truly be successful in romantic expression without studying his wife. God has created each of us as individuals, and while I will generalize in this blog, not all generalities apply to all women. You should become such an expert on your wife, that you know her better than she knows herself. That way, when you go out to buy her an article of clothing, you won't be worried about what "her style" is, you'll know. Nor will be be wondering what color would go with her hair, you'll already have seen her in the colors that go best with her hair. More importantly, you'll know what she will like and what she won't.
In this blog, I am going to attempt to give men ideas in how to be a blessing to their wives. Most of the things I post on this blog will be things I have tried in my own marriage; although there will be some which I have received as suggestions from others. Not all of the ideas I express in this blog will work for you and your marriage relationship. Only you can know your wife as a husband. You may need to modify some of these ideas so that your wife can enjoy them. Or, in some cases, you may need to skip over an idea; because it is something that doesn't work for her (buying chocolate for someone who is allergic to it isn't romantic).
So, I hope this blog will help you to be a better husband. Enjoy being a blessing to your wife. No matter where your marriage is today, I am sure that if you are a blessing to her, she will become a blessing to you.