All that Glitters

As Shakespeare once wrote, “All that glitters is not gold.” When the great bard of England wrote that, he was referring to the fact that not everything that looks like gold is gold. Iron pyrites, otherwise known as “fool’s gold” gives credence to that statement, as it has the appearance of gold, while being virtually worthless.

Even though not everything that glitters is gold, that doesn’t take anything away from the glitter of gold, silver, precious stones, or any of those other bobbles which women love to have. There’s something about jewelry that fascinates women. I’m not sure if it’s the intrinsic value of it, or the lasting beauty, but whatever the reason, women love receiving jewelry as gifts. That’s a fact you can take to the bank; to the safe-deposit vault to be exact.

Most men use flowers as their fail-safe gift, when they don’t know what to buy for their wives. While there’s nothing wrong with that, giving the same thing over and over again can be a bit repetitive. We need a bit of imagination in our gift giving; if for no other reason than to show our wives that we really do think about the gifts which we buy.

Jewelry is a great option, when you want to give a gift to your wife. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t like to receive jewelry. I know, you’re thinking, “Ouch, that’s an expensive gift idea he came up with.” Wait a minute, though; jewelry doesn’t have to be expensive.

While jewelry can be very expensive, there are a lot of things you can buy which aren’t. A pair of earrings isn’t all that expensive, neither is a freshwater pearl necklace. For that matter, lots of women like costume jewelry, which isn’t expensive at all.

Remember, the idea isn’t how much money you can spend. You don’t get more points for spending more dollars; women just don’t think that way. What gets you points is the number of different romantic acts that you do, not how big each of them is. So, buying your wife a $500 necklace isn’t going to get you any more points than a $20 pair of earrings.

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t buy the $500 necklace if that’s what you want to do (and can afford to do). All I’m saying is don’t let the lack of funds to buy the big gift keep you from buying any gift. It’s not about the money; it’s about you thinking of her and thinking of what she would like.

That brings me to another important point. You want to be sensitive to her style. If your wife is all about modern simple lines, don’t buy here something that has enough filigree to make it look like it was made back in Elizabethan England. Likewise, it doesn’t work to buy ultra-modern styles for a woman whose dresses all have lace on them. You need to find jewelry which matches her style.

Okay, so how do you do that? It’s actually quite simple. Start out by finding out what her style is. Look at the jewelry she already has. Look at her clothes. Look at the furniture she buys for the house. What type of style is all that displaying? Is it modern, Victorian, Rustic? Whatever style she is buying the most of is her style. All you have to do is find something that matches that style and she’ll love it.

If you’re still now sure how to define her style, go to the jewelry store or jewelry counter in a department store and describe that to them. They’re used to men who don’t know their wife’s style. All you have to do is describe what your investigation uncovered and they’ll be able to recommend pieces that match her style. So, you see, it’s really not all that hard.

If you really want to make more impact with your gift, give it to her sometime when you take her out to eat. That will make it even more romantic. 

More Than Her Lips

Have you ever watched a movie where some European guy kisses the woman’s hand? That probably seemed a bit strange to you. After all, why kiss her hand, when you can kiss her lips? Of course, if she’s not your wife, that’s a whole other story. Then again, with the way women react to it, there might be something to kissing hands after all.

Kissing is wonderfully romantic; but it doesn’t have to be limited to just her lips. The thing to remember here is that a woman’s skin is much more sensitive than a man’s. So, while a kiss on the hand may not seem like much to us, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t much to them. In fact, a kiss on the hand is a great way to find your way to her lips.

I’m obviously not recommending that you go around kissing every woman you meet on her hand. While they might like it, I’m sure that your wife wouldn’t. What I am recommending is kissing your own wife on her hand.

Actually, I’m recommending much more than that. Why not start on her hand and work your way up her arm, kissing every inch or two. So what if it takes a while to get there, you can both enjoy it. While you’re at it, a few kisses on the back of her neck wouldn’t hurt either.

Yesterday, my wife and I were on an airplane, returning from Mexico. We like to express our love to one another frequently, in a number of different ways. However, it’s a bit difficult to kiss when strapped into an airline seat; not impossible, just awkward. So, instead of kissing her on the lips, I kissed her hand and her arm. That had as much positive effect on her as if I had kissed her on the lips.

One thing that makes this type of kissing effective is that it is one-way kissing. What I mean by that is that it is an expression of love, without the expectation of reciprocation. If I kiss my wife on the lips, I expect her to kiss back; but when I kiss her hand, I just expect her to enjoy it.

Kissing in not only wonderfully romantic, it’s incredibly intimate as well. It’s a form of marital intimacy that can be practiced in public, without problem. Actually, there’s something about a kiss that can’t even be expressed by “more intimate” forms of touch. Perhaps that’s because a kiss doesn’t have to be overtly sexual, it can just be extremely loving. Women want that expression of love, without the sexual overtones, just for the sake of being loved.

Make it an Event

I’m sure you’ve noticed how little girls and big girls alike love to play dress-up. It doesn’t matter how old they get, for some unfathomable reason, they love to do their hair, paint their nails, put on their war paint and get all dressed up. They don’t even have to have anyplace to go, just so that they can get dressed up.

Of course, the advantage for us is that we get to see them at their best. I have yet to meet a guy who doesn’t like his wife to be beautiful. Quite a few complain about the cost, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like to see the results.

Unfortunately for women, modern society doesn’t provide too many opportunities to get all gussied up like that. Of course, if you’re part of high society, those opportunities still exist; but for the rest of us, they’re sadly lacking.

That doesn’t mean that opportunities don’t exist at all, just that they aren’t all that common. At least, they’re not all that common if you don’t go looking for them. Other than New Year’s Eve, most of middle-class America doesn’t have much going on that requires owning a suit, let alone getting all dressed up to go out.

Once again, that doesn’t mean that events don’t exist. If you live in or near any fairly large cities, there are events. Even though they’re events that you aren’t used to going to. Classical concerts, ballet performances, Off-Broadway shows all provide opportunities to get dressed up and go out. You can add to that list openings (such as government buildings) non-profit fundraisers and political dinners. So you see, there are still events around which are ideal opportunities to get dressed up. All you have to do is look for them.

What’s that you say? Those events really aren’t your cup of tea? Well, I’ll have to say that I’m not surprised you’d say that. In many cases, I’d have to agree with you; they’re not my idea of a good time, either. Some of them are right up there with a visit to the dentist, for a root canal, without Novocain. Nevertheless, it’s not really about the event, it’s about getting to go out with my wife to something fancy.

You see, it’s really a matter of what you focus on. If you focus on the fact that these events are boring, they’ll be boring. On the other hand, if you focus on the idea of taking your wife out to someplace where she can get dressed up fancy (you’ll have to dress up too), then it can be fun. Focus on her, not the event.

Unless she really hates getting dressed up, she’ll love the opportunity. It’ll be like playing “high society” for a change. Make it a fantasy night, and have fun together. That’s what it’s really all about.

Bring the Family Together

There’s an old family tradition which seems to be slipping by the wayside. That is, the tradition of sitting down and eating together. When I was growing up, it was a rare thing that the whole family didn’t sit down at the dinner table together. Even when everyone was busy, you could count on us all being together at dinner time.

Nowadays, it seems like it takes an event to bring us all together. Everyone is so busy with the activities of their own lives, that we have trouble finding time to just sit down and eat together. As crazy as it seems, that’s the reality in which I live.

Maybe your family doesn’t have that problem. Maybe you kids are still small, your life is more ordered and you come home from work at the end of the day to sit down as a family around the dining room table. If you do, enjoy it while you can.

Part of the problem for me is that my kids are all grown up and have their own lives. They’re not married yet and two of them still live at home, but they have their own jobs, school, friends and church activities which take up their time. Because of that, we rarely can find time to all be together.

Okay, so what does this have to do with romance? Well, your kids are very important to your wife (yeah, I know, they’re important to you too, but not so much as to her). She misses them and misses being able to spend time with them. She misses being able to sit down for dinner together. Remember, she’s more relationship oriented than you are, so it’s a bigger deal for her than it is for you.

We recently discovered an old family tradition that has never been much a part of our family. That’s the tradition of going out to eat after church on Sunday. Except when we were traveling in ministry, we never really did that. But now we are.

Part of the reason we never did it was financial; paying $100 a week for the family to go out to eat can be a real drain on the budget. For years that was an impossibility for us, even if we had wanted to do so. But even when we could have done so, the financial strain made us hold those times off at arms length. But, as I’ve grown a little bit older, I’ve realized that money was an excuse. We could make it work, all we had to do was decide it was important.

So, we decided that. Guess what? We’re still managing to pay all the bills, keep gas in the cars and eat descent the rest of the week. But now, we’re going out to eat as a family after church, just so that we can spend the time together.

Is this romantic? No, not in the direct sense, but it is in an indirect sense. You see, having the family get together on a regular basis makes my wife feel more complete. It helps her be more at peace. It helps to validate her as an individual. That may not be romantic in the direct sense, but it sure helps her feel better, which helps the rest of the romance go that much better.

So, what are you doing this Sunday after church?

Quit Fussing About the Little Stuff

You know, you can be the most romantic guy in the world, and destroy every romantic act you do in about 10 seconds. Yep, that’s right. All it takes is a momentary lapse, in which you forget to act like a spiritual man and start acting like a fleshly one. That’s it, in that 10 second lapse, all the ugliness of a selfish, childish, carnal man can destroy a lifetime of being a loving husband.

You might think I’m talking about abusive husbands, so what I’m saying really doesn’t apply to you. To that I say “HA!” I’ve come to the conclusion that most marital abuse isn’t physical abuse, but emotional abuse. Emotional abuse always stems out of immaturity and selfishness.

What I’m talking about here are those moments we all tend to have, when we allow our emotions to overcome our reason, and the dark side of our character shows through. Now, don’t try and tell me you don’t have a dark side to your character, we’ve all got one. You may have it well hidden, and you should, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there; it just means that you try and keep it locked up.

Mankind in general is a selfish, greedy, uncaring race. If you don’t believe me, just look at a baby sometime. Have you ever seen anything more self-centered than a baby? They are all convinced that the world revolves around them. Mommy, daddy and everyone else just exist to serve them. All they have to do is cry, and the whole world jumps to do their bidding. Sounds kind of self-centered to me.

Granted, they’re babies and they can’t do much more than cry. Okay, I understand that; I’m really not here to get down on babies. However, I am here to get down on the 40 year-old babies. You know what I mean, those of us who are supposed to be adults, but can act as childish, self-centered and spoiled as a baby. Those who think that whatever they want, their wife should jump. Those who think that their wife exists to serve them. Those that think they can blow up whenever they want, and their wife has to forgive them.

It’s amazing how quickly we can all blow up over the littlest things, if we let our guard down. Yeah, I said littlest things. That thing which you think is worth blowing up about, is probably just as little as the thing that you see others blow up about.

Let me ask you something; where do you plan on being in 100 years? I hope your answer to that is that you expect to be in heaven. If that’s so, then let me ask you another question; will that thing that you’re getting upset about today, be important in 100 years? If not, why are you getting upset about it?

We’ve got to learn how to get things into perspective. We’re supposed to have our eyes fixed on the things above, not the things below. If that’s the case, then the things below really aren’t all that important. So, why do we get so upset about them? Because we want things our way, that’s why. In other words, we’re being self-centered. Ouch!

Here’s the rub. Every time we blow up about some insignificant thing that isn’t going to matter in 100 years, we negate everything that we’ve been doing to be romantic towards our wives. In other words, all those points you’ve been building up, by being romantic, are all blown away by one little blowup.

Putting it that way, it seems to me that those blowups are pretty darn expensive. At that price, it seems like it would be better to save them for things that are worthwhile, not the little stuff. That way, at least we lose those points over something that really matters.

Just Take Care of It

In case you haven’t noticed, life is full of problems. Yes, it’s true, no matter how hard we try and avoid them, those problems seem to find us, seed us out and try to ruin our lives. At times, it might even seem like that’s all life is, just one problem after another.

How do you deal with problems? Are you good at it, or do you moan and complain? Are you able to make a big problem into a small one; or are you known for making every mole hill into a mountain? You know, dealing with problems is a lot of what being a man is all about.

Think about it for a moment. When you come home from work, and your wife starts complaining about her day (yeah, I know, that’s never any fun), how do you react? If you’re like most guys, you suffer through it, making little comments to tell your wife how to fix the problem. You do it without even thinking about it. That’s just part of our makeup as men; we are problem solvers.

Okay, so if you are created to be a problem solver, why do you have to make a big deal about it? Sometimes, we act like the chicken who laid an egg; having to let the whole world know that we’re facing a problem or that we’ve just solved one. Why?

Granted, we all want recognition and appreciation, that’s part of being human. But, that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m talking about is that by our talking about it, we can often make that problem bigger in our wife’s eyes than it really is. That doesn’t help anything. In fact, it hurts things. It gives her more stress. It gives her more to worry about; and it distracts her from things that need her attention (like you).

Why not just fix the problem, without making a big deal out of it? Why not keep the problem under the radar, while you’re fixing it, so that she doesn’t have to worry? Why not do what you do best and fix the problem, without letting her know that there’s anything to worry about?

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not advocating keeping things from her that you should tell her about. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t tell her that you lost your job or that there’s no money to pay the mortgage. That’s not what I mean. Those are important issues that she has every right to know about. No, what I’m talking about is the little stuff. The nuisance stuff that just saps our time and energy. The little stuff that people worry about, even though it’s really not all that important. That stuff.

Nor am I saying that you should treat her like a child, not letting her know about what is happening. Don’t do the macho, “I’m in control here, I’ll take care of it, you go back to the kitchen” routine. All that does is offend her, making her feel like she’s being treated like a child or a slave. That doesn’t help anything either. If she already knows about it, let her in on the solutions too. 

You see, most of that is stuff you can deal with, without bothering your wife about it. That way, she can be stress and worry free, knowing that you’ve got it under control. When you make a big deal out of it, you give her reason to worry; you give her reason for insecurity; you plant fear in her heart. But, when you take care of it, you make her feel protected; that’s a whole lot better.

Dinner by Candlelight

You know, it’s amazing how much socializing is one over food. I mean, if you think about it, getting together with family or friends or even going out on a date generally means that somewhere in all that, we’re going to eat together. Sharing food sets the stage for more conversation than just about anything else that I can think of.

One of the classic romantic acts is to go somewhere for a candlelight dinner together. I’m not really sure why candlelight makes it more romantic, but it does. Perhaps it has something to do with the low light, or the fact that candles flicker, bringing movement to whatever their light touches. Regardless of the reason, it is more romantic, even if that’s just because everyone thinks it’s romantic, so it is definitely something to take advantage of.

What could be more romantic than a candlelight dinner for two? How about a candlelight dinner that you prepare for her? That is, one that you cook yourself. Now, before you start freaking out, cooking really isn’t all that hard. All you have to do is follow the recipe in the book.

Actually, instead of following a recipe, just cook something that you know how to cook. It’s not as much about what you cook as it is that you cooked it for her. The idea that you took the time to prepare a special meal to share with her will definitely be something to catch her attention. The candlelight setting will just be the icing on the cake.

Everyone likes it when another person goes out of their way to do something special for them. So, why should we think that our wives are any different? Do you like it when your wife prepares a special meal for you? Well, why wouldn’t she like it if you prepared a special meal for her?

Of course, this will have the most impact if you manage to surprise her with it. If she’s expecting it, that’s one thing, but if she comes home to find that you’ve prepared her a special meal, to be served by candlelight, it’s going to be even that much more special. Oh, and don’t forget to send the kids off somewhere, so that they’re not in the middle of your romantic meal.