How Would You Describe Her?

Not too long ago, I wrote a post on this blog, in which I talked about how negative women are and how they struggle with self-esteem. There is so much in this world which constantly tells them that they aren’t good enough, they aren’t thin enough, their breasts aren’t big enough and they aren’t pretty enough. Our wives receive those messages and it destroys them.

Our wives need to be built up. They need to be encouraged. They need to know that we think they are special, even if the world doesn’t. They need to know that they are loved, just the way that they are. Actually, that will do more to make them want to better themselves, than all the world’s negative messages combined.

What made you fall in love with your wife? Was it just how she looked, or was there more to it than that? Hopefully, it was more than her looks, even if her looks were what got you to look. But, after that first look, what was it about her that got you to keep looking?

Don’t try and tell me that there was nothing else; I’d have trouble believing that. I’ve seen a lot of beautiful women in my life whose hearts were so black and cold they’d freeze a fireplace. So, even if her beauty got you to look, there had to be something else there inside.

Your wife needs you to tell her what it is that makes her special. Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages, says that one of the ways in which we show love is through words of affirmation. So, let’s do a little affirming here. Let’s let our wives know what is so special about them as individuals.

Start out by making a list of her positive attributes (nothing negative or even neutral allowed). This is going to take some time; you want a nice long list. Try and get a full page. Be sure to include:

• Adjectives which describe her, especially her personality
• Things she makes you think of: “When I see you, I think of…”
• Things she does well: “You’re a great…”
• Things she does that make you smile: “When you do ____, it makes me smile/gives me joy/makes me proud/amazes me.”
• It's okay to mention physical attributes, but don't focus on them

Be sure to top the list with an explanation of what it is. This doesn’t have to be long, it can just be something like “My wife is…” or “This is what you are to me” “or “(her name) is…”

Now that you’ve got your list, all you have to do is deliver it. There’s two ways you can go about this. The first one is to just print it up on your computer and give it to her. Whether you hand it to her, leave it for her to find or send it through the mail, it’s still giving it to her. The second way you can go about this is to read it to her. That’s the way I’d recommend.

If you decide to read it to her, find a time when you won’t be interrupted, sit down together and pull out your paper. Tell her something like “I want to tell you who you are” or “I haven’t told you how special you are in a while, so let me tell you.” Then, once you’re sure you’ve got her attention, read her the list.

It might be a good idea to have a box of Kleenex casually and conveniently located on the table, within reach. Otherwise, there’s a good possibility that you might have to stop in the middle, so she can run to the bathroom.