Thursday, August 16, 2012

Give Her Your Best


I was recently in a situation where I had somewhat of a marriage counseling marathon, with a number of appointments back-to-back. Putting up with a number of couples who appeared to want to argue in front of me, justifying themselves to me, while stabbing their partner in the back wasn’t my idea of a good time.

One thing stood out in all that time, that was that it seemed that all those couples had forgotten one important thing… their wedding vows. Do you remember them? You know, all that stuff about loving and protecting in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, in wealth or poverty. Those were some pretty powerful words back then; whatever happened to them?

It seems to me that there’s something implicit in the wedding vows about always being there for the other person; always giving them your best. It clearly says something about always loving them, so that should imply giving them your best, all by itself.

Those people had forgotten how to give each other their best. They were giving their best to their jobs, their children, or their friends. What they were giving to their spouses was nothing more than the leftovers. I think I can safely say that they were all breaking their wedding vows; if in no other way, than their promise to love through whatever life might bring their way.

When we come home from work crabby, because we’ve had a bad day, then we definitely aren’t loving our wives. When we yell at them, because of something the kids have done, it’s the same. When we take out our frustration about having trouble paying the bills, we’re forgotten to love her as well.

It seems that we always end up giving out wives the worst of us, rather than the best of us. Everything that goes wrong in our lives somehow ends up being taken out on her, whether we intend to or not. Even when we keep quiet, we end up taking it out on her; because we’re not engaged with her, communicating love and being together.

Our wives deserve better than that; they deserve our best. So, how do we give them that, instead of giving them what’s left over, after dealing with everything else? I’ve got a few ideas.
  • As men, we have an innate ability to “put things on the shelf” in our minds, when we can’t solve them at the moment. Why not use that ability when we’re around our wives, shelving the problem until a better time.
  • As much as possible, deal with the problem before you get home from work. That way, you’re not bringing it home to her.
  • Remember who the problem is and that it isn’t her. Don’t let her become the recipient of anger and frustration which belong to another.
  • Keep reminding yourself that you love her; that will help you prevent giving her the worst instead of remembering to give her the best.

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