Traveler’s Advisory

Everyone knows the classic idea of bringing home gifts for the family, when you have to go out of town on a business trip. Tourist traps and especially airport shops depend on this; knowing that business travelers who are going away can be expected to be a little freer with their gift buying money than they would be otherwise. So, they jack their prices up to take advantage of that feeling of moment’s desperation when we say “oh no, I’m heading home and I don’t have anything for my family.”

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be willing to buy nice gifts for the kiddies and especially that you shouldn’t be willing to buy a nice gift for your wife. After all, she’s had to put up with the kids and the problems all by herself while you were gone. She’s definitely worth whatever you’re going to spend.

I just came home from a 10 day trip out of the country. In the airport I bought my wife a piece of jewelry (always a good gift idea). It was a rather unique necklace, in a Victorian filigree flower design, which definitely spoke of her personality. Not only was it a nice gift, but it was something that was definitely made for her. Had it not been so special, I probably wouldn’t have been willing to pay airport prices for it.

On the other hand, remember the scoring rules for this game; if you buy your wife an expensive gift, you get one point and if you buy her an inexpensive gift you get one point. Of course, if your gift is too cheap or not a romantic gift, you’re not going to get any points at all.

Let’s apply a little strategy to this gift-giving issue and see if we can maybe come up with a way of getting a little more bang for our buck.

First of all, I’d suggest avoiding all those cute little trinkets that they sell in the tourist traps which say “Miami” or “San Francisco.” Not only are they really cheesy gifts, but they’ll serve as a constant reminder that you went someplace interesting without her. Not a good plan. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t buy her something with a regional flavor, especially if it’s something that you can’t get at home.

It helps to make sure you put shopping time in your schedule. Now, that’s really easy for women to do, but rather hard for us guys. We’re missing that shopping gene, which automatically attracts us to stores. However, you’re going to spend much less money in a regular store, than you are in the airport.

It always helps to keep a list of romantic gift ideas in your personal organizer. That way, when you’ve got to find a gift in a hurry, you don’t have to worry about your brain lock. Little things that your wife has mentioned she’d like, things that you’d spotted before and know she likes, and classes of gifts which have received really good “reviews” from her in the past are all good candidates for this list.

Another way that you can save yourself time and money on this gift buying spree is to pre-buy your gifts. Now, I realize that some women might consider this cheating, but who says she ever has to know? I’m a big fan of shopping on the Internet. Not only does it save me time in the stores, it saves me money as well. So, all I have to do is pre-select the gift I want to buy for my wife (and even for the kiddies), and have it shipped to the hotel where I will be staying. That way, when I get there, it’s waiting for me.

I suppose an alternative to having the gift shipped to your hotel would be to have it shipped to the office and pack it in your bags. That would save the same amount of time and still insure that you have a gift ready when you come back. Just make sure that she isn’t packing your bag for you.

Remember, this is supposed to be about thinking about her. So, it’s important that you choose a gift that shows that you’re thinking about her; otherwise, you’re not going to get any points in the romance department. 

Those Long Winter Evenings

There are a number of things in our modern culture, which can trace their roots back to the pioneering days, when the country was expanding and most people were farmers. Take our school schedule, for example. Families would have to work together to plow the land, plant the seed and bring in the harvest. So, summer vacations were about working with the family, not lazing around the swimming pool. Even though we’ve long since left being an agricultural society, we still have that same school schedule.

Another thing that went along with that society was that wintertime was a time for staying indoors, mending harnesses, sewing a quilt and reading stories around the fire. Many families read the Bible from cover to cover on those cold nights. Oh sure, they had to go out to the barn to care for the livestock; but the outdoor work was left to only true necessities in those months.

Well, as we all know, life has changed and changed a lot. Even so, other than those who go skiing and ice skating, most of us spend our winters indoors, trying to escape the cold and the snow. The only time we go outside is when we need to; either to go somewhere, to work or to shovel the snow.

There’s something to be said about those long evenings around the fire. Whether spent as family time or as couple time, there’s something about sitting in front of the fire, with a nice warm drink, just enjoying each other’s company. I’d say that’s even more important for us today, when life has us running around in circles so much that we normally only see each other in passing.

Why not take advantage of those long winter evenings? Go back to the old tradition, put a fire in the fireplace (or just pretend, if you don’t have one) and spend some time together on the sofa. Make some hot cocoa, read a book to each other, talk about some off the wall topic (not problems) and whatever you do, don’t turn on the television. Just enjoy each other.

The gift your wife wants more than anything is you. It’s not your money she’s after or someone to change the oil in her car. She wants some quality time, where you’re paying attention to each other… you know… like you did when you were dating.

Take Advantage of the Sales

You know guys, we tend to complain about our wives and their shopping, but there are times, actually many times, when they are a lot wiser in the shopping department than we are. Take sales for example. We guys don’t pay a whole lot of attention to sales that are going on. When we need something, we go out and buy it; either we can afford it, or we just don’t buy it.

Well, I have to tell you a secret; I’m a cheapskate. I like getting a deal whenever I can. I guess it comes from the years when I didn’t have much. I learned the true value of sales during that time. It saved me and is still saving me a lot of dough.

So, how is this romantic? It’s really rather easy. All you need to do is keep your eyes open for the sales where you can buy gifts for your wife. That way, when you need a gift, you’ll already have something ready.

Now look, we all like buying nice stuff for our wives; but let’s be real, sometimes that nice stuff has some not so nice price tags on it. Let’s say you want to buy your wife some nice gold earrings. Well, you know as well as I do, that real gold has skyrocketed in price. So, what do you do; buy her something cheap, or skip lunch for a month?

Now that’s where the sales come in handy. If you keep your eyes open, you can occasionally catch a really good sale on gold jewelry. I’ve seen jewelry sales with as much as a 70% discount. So, when I catch a sale like that, or even at 50% off, I can buy something really nice for my wife, much nicer than I can afford otherwise. She doesn’t care, because she doesn’t know what I paid for it. She just sees it as a nice gift.

The other side of this, besides buying really nice gifts for her is to be able to buy more gifts that you can give her at miscellaneous times. Let’s say that one of the gifts you buy for her from time to time is lace panties. Well, those can get kind of expensive too; not like the gold earrings, but considering how little fabric is in them, they can get a bit high. So, you manage to catch a sale and pick up for pair for the price of two. Great! Now you can give her twice as many gifts.

Don’t get this wrong now. I’m not advocating being a cheapskate. What I’m advocating is being able to buy more and nicer gifts for your wife than you could otherwise. After all, little trinkets like that are the kinds of gifts that are romantic; much better than buying her something practical.

Hey, we need every advantage we can get. This isn’t doing anything to cheat our wives, it’s using a little wisdom to be able to be a blessing to our wives. So, quit drooling over the computer and big-screen TV ads in the Sunday paper long enough to see if there is something else on sale. Be ready to buy gifts for your wife, so that you can keep romance going all year long.

Resolutions, Resolutions

With the New Year celebration now behind us, and New Year football games all over, it’s time to get serious about what 2012 is going to mean to us. Many have spent at least part of the day yesterday thinking about what New Year’s Resolutions they’re going to make; while others are still thinking.

Have you ever noticed how little effect a New Year resolution really has? I mean, how many people have you known who’ve made some spectacular resolutions, that didn’t even last out the week. Maybe you’ve done so as well. For some reason, resolutions don’t seem to work for us. Maybe because there’s no real commitment, just a declaration.

You see, the decision and the commitment are what make us change; not the declaration. Oh, the declaration helps, because then we let others know about it. But, if that declaration doesn’t have force of decision behind it, it’s just empty words. How many empty words have you said through the years? Even more importantly, how much have you hurt your wife through those empty words? Hmmm? You realize that when you make a resolution to do something for her benefit, then don’t do it, you hurt your wife, don’t you?

Okay, so maybe making New Year’s resolutions isn’t a good idea. But, making change for the better is always a good idea. In fact, to make things better always requires some sort of change. I like what Edwin Louis Cole said about change, “Change isn’t change, until it’s change.”

Isn’t that great? You see, talking about change isn’t change. Making a declaration to change isn’t change. Doing it once or twice isn’t change. It’s not change until you actually do it on regular basis. That’s the hard part, making it regular. That doesn’t mean you’ll never slip up and make a mistake. We all do. But when the times you do the change outnumber the times you slip up, you’re finally on the right track.

Now, we can all come up with things we should change; that’s generally pretty easy. But, what does your wife want you to change? What irritating thing do you do, which bothers her? After all, if you want to get the most bang for your buck, it makes a whole lot more sense to change something that she complains about, rather than something that you think would be a good idea.

Does your weight annoy her? Then go on a diet. Does she complain about the stuff you leave laying all over the house? Okay, then learn how to put things away? Is she bothered by the fact that you never help out in the kitchen. Well, then it sounds like it’s time to learn how to wash the dishes (don’t worry, you won’t stop being a man). Do your complaints drag her down? Then shut your mouth and learn how to b more positive.

Now remember, it doesn’t do any good to just make a resolution, you need to make a commitment. Make that firm decision and commit to it. Let her know, and even give her permission to point out to you when you blow it (yeah, I know that’s hard; but don’t blow at her when she does it).

What do you do when you blow it? Simple, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try it again. You’ll never learn to walk if you give up the first time you fall down.

Exercise Together

I’ll have to admit, when this idea hit me, I almost dismissed it out of hand. If there’s anything that doesn’t seem romantic to me, it’s the idea of exercising. That belongs on the same list as going to the dentist; the list of things I’d rather not do. But, that was before I gave it a second thought.

Most women sufferer from a very negative opinion of themselves, especially when it comes to their beauty. Unless they’re convinced that they are God’s gift to men, they all think of themselves as fat, ugly and with hair that’s incapable of having a good hair day. In fact, even the ones who think of themselves as God’s gift to men think of themselves that way.

I think I’ve discovered why all women (even the size zero toothpicks) think of themselves as fat. Medical science tells us that women have an extra layer of fat to insulate themselves. But, they don’t tell us where that layer of fat is. My theory is that the extra layer of fat is around their brains, where it presses in on the brain, constantly saying “fat, fat, fat, fat, fat.”

There are three basic ways that women deal with these thoughts of fat. The first is to ignore it. While that’s a noble sentiment, few are successful in accomplishing it. The second is to get upset by it and eat more. While this may make them feel better for the moment, it clearly doesn’t help for the long-term. Finally, the third is that they try and lose it. For some women, the quest to lose weight is a lifelong quest, taking them from diet to diet, exercise program to gym, and a few even into problems like anorexia and bulimia.

Since exercise is the healthiest choice on that list, maybe we should gently, very gently, encourage our wives to start an exercise program. I say gently, because the last thing that any of us want to do is to express any opinion that might be misconstrued as if we were saying that we thought our wives were fat.

So, how do you very gently suggest that your wife exercise? Wait until she brings it up first. Then, offer to exercise with her, in order to encourage her. She will definitely need the encouragement, and you can give it to her by exercising with her. It’s always easier to exercise with somebody else.

Let me give a word of warning to the jocks amongst us. Whatever you do, don’t compete with your wife. She has enough problem with her self-esteem, without you pounding her into the ground with your ability to overdo it. You’re there to encourage her, not to beat her. Dial it back to her level. Let her think that she’s winning once in a while.  Always notice and compliment her for her progress.

Besides all that, exercise can be one more thing you do to take time to be together. That’s always worthwhile.

Lighten Her Load

When I was a kid, you could pretty much count on most families operating under the “traditional” roles for men and women; the man went to work and the woman stayed home. Today, due to a combination of the women’s lib movement and the financial pressures on families, most women work outside the home. While I’ll reserve judgment on the wisdom of that, for the moment, I will say that it has put a lot more pressure on women.

Women today are expected to have a career, keep their home looking like a magazine cover, be a supermom and still manage to be spectacular lovers. That’s a bit of a stretch, even for a woman with superpowers. Unfortunately, last I checked, the average American woman doesn’t come equipped with those.

I have to agree with the women’s libbers on at least this one point: If the woman is working outside the home, then her husband (that’s you) should help take up the load at home. Yeah, I know, you need to relax when you get home from work. Guess what? So does she. Yet, while a lot of guys are kicking off their shoes and sitting down on the sofa when they get home from work, their wives are heading for the kitchen to get dinner put together. C’mon guys, that’s unfair and you know it.

If your wife has to work outside the home, then it’s only fair that you do some of the work inside the home. Okay, maybe you’re not the world’s greatest cook, but what can you do to take some of the load off of her? Don’t tell me you don’t know how to wash dishes or run the vacuum cleaner, those tasks don’t take a college degree.

Cleaning the bathroom isn’t all that hard either. In fact, I’d recommend the bathroom as a good place to start, since it seems that guys are much better at messing up a bathroom than girls are. Maybe it doesn’t bother you to walk into a bathroom in a mechanic’s shop, which obviously hasn’t been cleaned anytime in the last couple of years; but, I can guarantee you, it bothers your wife. If it bothers her, you should be concerned; even more so if she thinks your bathroom habits at home make your bathroom look like the one in the mechanic’s shop.

Taking a little time every day to help your wife with the work around the house will show her that you value her as a person, instead of thinking of her as a slave. Better yet, totally take over cleaning one or two areas of the home; but do it to her level of satisfaction, not your own. She needs to know that you value her; and you’re the only one that can show it to her. 

Don’t Forget to Bring a Gift Back

First of all, an apology to all my regular readers. I’ve been out of the country for a bit and it’s kind of hard to keep things rolling when I have trouble with Internet access. Now that I’m back, we’ll see if we can get things back on track.

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Speaking of being out of the country, do you ever have to travel on business? Some of us do, and our wives always feel left out when we do. There’s something about business traveling that seems to have leave an image in people’s minds of free company paid vacations to exotic locations; along with partying to all hours of the morning and staying in five-star hotels.

Personally, I’ve never had business trips like that. Mine have always been long waits in airports, boring times waiting for meetings, hard work, and boring meetings. I’m not sure where all the romance of business traveling has come from. Probably from the imaginations of people who never had to do it.

Nevertheless, there is one thing that is very clear about business traveling; that is, you’re separated for the duration of the trip. I’ve often thought how much better it would be if I could take my wife with me, and make a mini-honeymoon out of it. Of course, that means I’d have to pay for her airline ticket (at the higher business rate), her meals and the increase in my room’s cost. Those extra costs have a lot to do with why I don’t take her with me.

Always remember to bring a nice little romantic gift back with you. What you get her isn’t as important as the fact that you got her something. Buying her that gift proves to her that you were thinking about her while on your trip. That’s important. Watch out for airport stores, however as they are ridiculously expensive.

Now, there’s a hidden trap in this situation. That is, what do you do when your trip doesn’t leave you any time for shopping? That’s happened to me several times and it can be a problem. Best intentions don’t really matter, without completion of those intentions. Okay, here are a couple of ideas:

• Write her a love letter. Don’t worry about coming up with something poetic, just tell her how much you miss her. Be sure to include “I love you” several times in your letter.
• Does your hotel have a gift shop? Many nicer hotels do. While they are still more expensive than just going to a normal store, they are cheaper than airport stores.
• Send her a telegram from your destination. She’ll know you thought of her.
• When all else fails, bring a gift, hidden in your luggage, to give her when you return.