Give Her the Day

Every couple struggles with having enough time to be together. Oh, they might both be in the same house or even in the same room, but that’s not the same as being together. To truly be together means that you are paying attention to each other, not that you are paying attention to everything else around you. It means that you are either talking to each other or doing something together which requires communication with each other. Watching television doesn’t count.

I’m sure you’ve heard about “quality time.” Well, what makes one time more “quality” than another? It has to be the focus of the time; in other words, it’s only quality time when your focus is each other. Anything else is just time passing.

So, surprise your wife today and give her time, quality time that is. Drop whatever it is you’re doing, grab your wife, get in the car, start driving and ask her, “Okay, now that we’re going, where do you want to go so that we can spend some quality time together?” Wait till you’re going, before you ask though, as you don’t want to give her the opportunity to come up with excuses about what she has to do, etc. etc. etc.

Just in case she can’t come up with something off the top of her head, here’s a few ideas:

• Go to your favorite coffee shop and sit there staring soulfully into each other’s eyes while talking.
• Go get ice cream… along with the staring soulfully, etc.
• Take her to the mall and just look at stuff.
• Go to some cute little boutique that the two of you had seen, but never managed to stop in at.
• Take a walk in the park.

The thing isn’t so much where you go as it is that you go there together and do something together. It doesn’t even matter if you spend a lot of money, it isn’t about the money, it’s about the two of you. You both need that time, although she is probably much more aware of her need than you are. Just take some time to enjoy each other’s presence, without having to be someplace or get something done.

Okay, so maybe there’s a few practical details that need to be worked out, like someone to watch the kids; well, work them out. Do it without her knowing. That just helps add to the surprise. You’re trying to make her feel like she’s the most important person in your world. That isn’t going to happen if you make her call the babysitter and work out all the other details.

Enjoy the time. That’s what it’s about. If there’s something that absolutely has to get done, then that’s okay. You can arrange to get back in time for that. But don’t let it get in the way of the time you are together. Forget about it for that time, don’t sit there thinking about it. Focus on her.