Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Would You do it all Again?

Have you ever had your wife ask you this question? You know, “If you had to marry me again, would you do it?” That’s one of those moments when time stands still, your whole life flashes before your eyes, and you suddenly feel the cold hand of death brush over you. “If I don’t answer this right,” you think, “I’m goners.”

Have you ever wondered why do women ask those sorts of question? Or have you just asked yourself “Why does she have to ask it?” Believe it or not, there’s a good reason why women ask questions like this and more than a threat to us, they are expressing a need that they have.

What need? The need for affirmation. When your wife asks you a question like that, or any of the other “dangerous” questions that women tend to ask, they are crying out for assurance that they are loved. You and I do that too, but not in the same way. For us as men, we feel that our wives love and value us through the sexual relationship more than anything. But, for them, it’s not the same. In fact, if your love like is lacking, it’s probably because she doesn’t feel secure enough to be able to give herself to you.

Women need to be constantly assured that they are loved. That’s why those three little words are so important. But, even if you say that all the time, it may not be enough. Saying “I love you” can become routine; in fact, it can become so routine that it starts sounding routine. You and I need to develop some variety in our expression.

All too often, the root of this insecurity is from our own words. Think about how you talk to you wife. Are you more likely to compliment her or complain about something she’s done? If you said “compliment her” you’d better check again; because unless you have taught yourself to compliment her frequently, you probably aren’t doing it as often as you think you are. We live in a negative world, and all too often, what comes out of our mouths is negative as well.

So, understand what your wife is begging you for when she asks you one of those dangerous questions. She needs to know that she is prized, valued, precious in your sight. That’s not just some whim on her part, it’s a true emotional need. There is no way she is going to be able to feel secure in your relationship, unless she receives enough affirmation from you.

Why not take it a step further? Don’t wait for her to beg you for affirmation, give it to her. Go to her tonight, get down on one knee, and ask her to marry you. Yeah, I know that you’re already married, that’s not the point. The point is to send her the message that “Yes, I’d gladly do it all again.”


  1. Wow :-) you've hit the nail on the head! Very well explained!

  2. P.s. Sorry - i know this is a "men only" site, kinda stumbled on by accident :-) forwarding the link to my husband!

  3. Lady Coetzee - That's okay, there are a lot of women lurking here. :-)