Friday, May 18, 2012

Just Take Care of It

In case you haven’t noticed, life is full of problems. Yes, it’s true, no matter how hard we try and avoid them, those problems seem to find us, seed us out and try to ruin our lives. At times, it might even seem like that’s all life is, just one problem after another.

How do you deal with problems? Are you good at it, or do you moan and complain? Are you able to make a big problem into a small one; or are you known for making every mole hill into a mountain? You know, dealing with problems is a lot of what being a man is all about.

Think about it for a moment. When you come home from work, and your wife starts complaining about her day (yeah, I know, that’s never any fun), how do you react? If you’re like most guys, you suffer through it, making little comments to tell your wife how to fix the problem. You do it without even thinking about it. That’s just part of our makeup as men; we are problem solvers.

Okay, so if you are created to be a problem solver, why do you have to make a big deal about it? Sometimes, we act like the chicken who laid an egg; having to let the whole world know that we’re facing a problem or that we’ve just solved one. Why?

Granted, we all want recognition and appreciation, that’s part of being human. But, that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m talking about is that by our talking about it, we can often make that problem bigger in our wife’s eyes than it really is. That doesn’t help anything. In fact, it hurts things. It gives her more stress. It gives her more to worry about; and it distracts her from things that need her attention (like you).

Why not just fix the problem, without making a big deal out of it? Why not keep the problem under the radar, while you’re fixing it, so that she doesn’t have to worry? Why not do what you do best and fix the problem, without letting her know that there’s anything to worry about?

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not advocating keeping things from her that you should tell her about. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t tell her that you lost your job or that there’s no money to pay the mortgage. That’s not what I mean. Those are important issues that she has every right to know about. No, what I’m talking about is the little stuff. The nuisance stuff that just saps our time and energy. The little stuff that people worry about, even though it’s really not all that important. That stuff.

Nor am I saying that you should treat her like a child, not letting her know about what is happening. Don’t do the macho, “I’m in control here, I’ll take care of it, you go back to the kitchen” routine. All that does is offend her, making her feel like she’s being treated like a child or a slave. That doesn’t help anything either. If she already knows about it, let her in on the solutions too. 

You see, most of that is stuff you can deal with, without bothering your wife about it. That way, she can be stress and worry free, knowing that you’ve got it under control. When you make a big deal out of it, you give her reason to worry; you give her reason for insecurity; you plant fear in her heart. But, when you take care of it, you make her feel protected; that’s a whole lot better.

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