Saturday, May 5, 2012

We’ve talked more than once about how our busy schedules can hinder our ability to have enough time together as a couple. But today, I want to talk about those busy schedules in another way. You see, it’s not just the lack of time together that can cause us problems in our marriages, but how we treat each other, because of our schedules.

We all have the ability to be self-centered. In fact, if you want to see a perfect example of self-centeredness, just look at a baby. As far as they are concerned, the world revolves around them. All they have to do is cry, and everyone jumps to meet their needs.

Unfortunately, some never seem to grow out of that mode. Even though they grow, they still think that the world revolves around them. They look at those around them as existing to meet their needs and desires, not that they might exist to be a blessing to those others. In marriage, this can be one of the most destructive attitudes that exist.

Everybody tends to see their own schedule as the one that matters, but that really isn’t the whole picture. Yes, your schedule matters, but so does your wife’s. When she has things that she needs to do, those are just as important to her as your things are to you.

Notice that I’m not saying her schedule is more important, nor am I saying that your schedule is more important. What I am saying is that they are both important, albeit in different ways.

It’s very easy to forget your wife’s schedule, especially if she doesn’t have a simple 9 to 5 work day. My wife and I both work out of our home, doing different types of work, but sharing the same office. Trying to find time together, when we’re actually looking at each other, instead of looking at our computers is a challenge. Even more so, trying to organize our work and ministry so that we can each be there for the other, when they need us, is a real challenge.

My schedule is a little more fluid than my wife’s; so, I’ve taken it upon myself to be willing to adjust my schedule to hers, so that we can have time together. But, that’s really not the point of what I want to say. You see, I not only need to be available, but I also need to schedule my work in such a way that it doesn’t interfere with her work.

She has classes in the home during various times of the week. So, I need to make sure that I don’t schedule any meetings during her classes. She has times when she needs my help to complete her preparation for class, so I need to make sure that I am available. She has times when she needs to use the car, so I need to be sure that I’m not out somewhere with it. To do all this, I need to be aware of her schedule, so that I can mesh mine with it.

Our children are grown, so we don’t have the problem of babysitters. However, I can still clearly remember those days when we did have that need. If we were doing what we’re doing now, when our children were small, that would add another layer of complexity to the scheduling. When she had classes to teach, I wouldn’t just need to keep my business from interrupting hers, but to take care of the kids as well.

You see, this thing we call marriage is a partnership. I’m not sure where we lost that idea, but in the pioneer days, everyone understood that. Men and women each took care of their areas of responsibility, cognizant of the other’s needs and schedule, so that together they might accomplish everything that needed to be done.

That’s the idea; working together to get everything done. That doesn’t just mean that she works to fit her schedule with yours, but that you fit yours with hers as well. That way, you can both be a support to one another.

Okay, so this may not seem very romantic to you; but let me ask you a question. When your wife does things to make something easier for you, don’t you appreciate it? So, what makes you think that doing things for her won’t be appreciated? You see, while buying flowers and writing poems is romantic, so is showing that you care about her and that you value her as a person. In fact, I’d have to say that in today’s society, she wants to be valued as a person, more than she wants the flowers.

Romance is about showing her that she’s important to you. There are many ways of doing that; including being considerate of her needs, her schedule and her life. Don’t stop buying the flowers, just make sure that you value her as a person as well.

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