Me, Write a Love Letter?

Women love words. In case you hadn’t noticed, they tend to use more of them than we do. Whereas we get turned on by looking at their bodies, they get turned on by the words that we speak. So, it would seem to me that it would be in our benefit to learn how to use words well.

Most guys freak out at the idea of writing a love letter, or expressing their love in any verbal manner whatsoever. But, you know, it’s really not all that hard. You don’t have to be a Shakespeare to write a love letter, all you have to do is put words on paper. The words you choose have to be words that express  your love in a positive way, so that your wife will receive a message of love from them.

I remember back in school, when I had to write papers. I used to hate it. I’d write what I thought was an interesting paper, with lots of facts presented in a logical manner. Then the teachers would ignore my content, downgrading me for misplaced commas, spelling errors and wrong verb forms. It didn’t matter what I had written; all they cared about was whether I remembered to dot my I’s and cross my t’s. Definitely have me a bad taste for writing (and now I’m a writer, how ironic).

Then, my wife and I were working on some projects together, and the same thing happened all over again. I’d write something, and instead of saying something like “Wow, that’s a really great explanation,” my wife would point out the same sorts of errors that the teacher’s did. Not cool.

Nevertheless, you and I can relax, because that doesn’t happen with love letters. Love letters are about content, not about grammar and spelling. Your wife isn’t going to give you a D- in the love letter department, just because your grammar isn’t up to snuff. However, she might give you that D- if you never writer her one.

Love letters are about expressing feelings; specifically the feeling of love. So, that’s what you need to do. How? Actually it’s rather simple. Pick something that you love about your wife and tell her. Say, “I love you because…” or “I love the way you…” anything like that will work. You can embellish it with a few strategically placed “I love you” statements and maybe a few other phrases like “you’re so special” and “I’m so glad I married you.” Actually, the more embellishments like that you can come up with, the better.

Don’t worry if it’s not about to make it to the top ten on the New York Times Best Seller’s List. It will make it to her top ten list and that’s all that matters. The fact that you wrote her a love letter is the key. So, grab a pen or your computer keyboard and get writing. 

Be Her Secret Admirer

Women love to be loved; actually it goes much deeper than that. A large part of their self-esteem comes from being wanted by somebody. It’s really not all that different than the way we guys are, we want our wives to want us too, and if they don’t it’s a real blow to the ego.

The expression of that need to be needed is different for men and women, but we all have that need. For men, it’s expressed sexually, while for women it’s expressed through words, looks and the desire to be with them that we express. In their minds, it doesn’t matter whether they want to make love or not, they need to know that they are wanted.

Of course, how we express that to them is important as well. It comes across very negative when we express our desire crudely; that’s a real turn-off. It’s also a turn-off when our desire is expressed in a way that is purely physical. If they think we want sex just for sex, then they feel as if we want to use them. It makes them think that we just want sex with anyone, not that we want to connect with them. That’s the key word, “connect,” to a women, that’s what they want. Whether in bed or out, women want a heart connection. The physical connection is secondary.

Let me get back on track here. If a woman, your wife for example, wants to be wanted, then it would help for us to be able to express that, but not in a physical way. Instead of focusing on the physical, we should express that in a way that sounds more like a heart connection than a physical one.

Here’s an idea to get your wife going a bit. Start sending her e-mails from a “secret admirer.” Now, to do this, you’re obviously going to need to use a different e-mail account, since I’m sure she knows your regular one. No problem, just open up a free account to use just for this. Something like “secretadmirer@hotmail.com” should work just fine.

Then, send her a series of short e-mail messages, talking about how much you want to connect with her. You’ll have to do a little “acting” for this one; pretending you are someone else. You could pretend to be someone who sees her at work, or at a local store, something like that. This pretending is to give you a context for your e-mails; you want to be able to write them as if you were seeing her from afar, in those locations. That way you can say something like, “Every day, when I pass by your office and see you, it brightens my day.”

There are two reasons for this “acting.” The first is that you want to see if you can pull this off for several days, or even a couple of week. The other is that it is easier to do something or say something which might make you uncomfortable if you are invisible. That’s why people say the craziest personal things on Facebook, which they’d never say in person.

Keep your messages short, but make sure they are Now, don’t get offended if your wife starts talking about her secret admirer. The real secret is that you know who it is, even if she doesn’t. That will just show you that you’re getting through to her. Be careful that you don’t let your face or your reactions give you away. You can have a private laugh, knowing that you are the secret admirer. Of course, you need to tell her eventually, but let the game go on for a bit before you do.

Once she knows that you have been her secret admirer, you’ll get all the points that she’s been saving for him. Actually, she probably won’t have stored up any points for him, but you’ll get them anyway.