Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Don’t Make Her Ask You

Every family has a certain division of duties. It can vary from family to family, but within each family there are things that he does and things that she does. In some cases, the division is brought about by abilities, in others by what you had learned as children and in still others because that thing is more important to one than the other. Regardless, it’s a reality that exists.

Let’s take something simple, like taking out the trash. That seems to be a typical “male” chore in most home. It could be that it’s worked out that way because the trash tends to get heavy, or it could just be that women don’t like to handle dirty stuff.

Okay, so let’s say that you’re the one who takes out the trash. Let me ask you a question, do you take out the trash when you see it’s getting full, or when your wife asks you to? It’s funny, but in most cases, guys don’t take out the trash till their wives ask them to. Now, I’m going to give us all the benefit of the doubt and assume that we’re mature adults; so if that’s the case, why does she need to ask?

Mature adults take responsibility for doing what needs to be done. They don’t have to be told, because they’re adults. That’s part of what being an adult is. So, it would stand to reason that we are all capable of taking out the trash, without our wives asking us to.

Yet, most of us wait until she asks. Even worse than that, we then complain that she’s nagging us and telling us what to do. You see? We’re creating our own problem. Instead of doing what we know we need to do, we put ourselves in the position where our wife has to treat us as if we can’t do things on our own; then, we complain when she does.

You know, by and large, women don’t like asking their husbands to do things. That’s because they don’t want to receive any sort of negative reaction from us. They’d rather keep that need bottled up inside them, then risk having a confrontation or an angry reaction.

When that’s happening, it’s not building up anyone’s marriage. If anything, it’s tearing down the marriage. Maybe it’s not intentionally down the marriage; but it’s not intentionally avoiding tearing it down either.

Okay, so what should you do? Simple, make an effort to take care of things, before your wife notices that they need to be taken care of. She may not notice that you’ve done it, but she won’t be noticing that you haven’t either. That will remove one more concern, one more worry and helping her to be more relaxed and enjoy life.

I’m sure you realize that I’m not just talking about the trash here, I’m talking about anything and everything that falls into your area of the home. Don’t assume that just because it’s your responsibility, that she won’t worry about it; she probably will. The only way to keep her from worrying is to be sure that you take care of it, before she notices it.

I’d say that more than anything, that requires an awareness of what needs to be done. Our wives tend to notice that stuff a whole lot better than we do, so we’ve got to develop an awareness. Learn to look at things and see what kind of shape they’re in. Learn to see that the lawn needs mowing, the car needs washing and the garbage needs to be taken out. That way, she won’t be having to look at it so much.

Is this romantic? In a sense it is. It’s helping to keep peace in the home by taking care of things that are important to her. That’s an act of service, one of the five love languages. It shows your wife that you care about what she cares about and are committed to the family. That’s important to her. So, while taking the trash out may not invoke any feelings of passion in her, it does set the stage for those feelings to be awakened.

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