Friday, July 6, 2012
The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch – Part 2
Yesterday, I was talking about non-sexual touch and how important it is that we have it, so that our wives don’t think that every time we touch them, we expect it to end in sex. I also mentioned that it is one of the five love languages which Gary Chapman talked about in his book. I’d like to back that up today, with a little bit of science.
Our bodies are incredibly complex machines. As part of their normal function, they produce a wide variety of chemicals which are necessary for proper function, both physically and emotionally. Yes, our emotions are affected by our bodies, most specifically by the chemicals that our bodies produce.
In addition to our body’s chemicals affecting our emotions, our emotions affect our body’s chemistry. Actually, it’s the thoughts associated with those feelings that affect our body’s chemistry, but who’s being picky? The hypothalamus in the back of the brain is directly wired into our thoughts, and controls our body’s production of many hormones and other chemicals. These in turn affect our body and our thoughts.
Anyone who has ever been around a woman during her PMS time realizes that hormones definitely have an emotional impact on us. That isn’t just true for women, it’s also true for men as well (although not as obvious).
One of the hormones which the hypothalamus produces is oxytocin. In recent medical studies, oxytocin has been found to be an important part of the process of marital bonding. For this reason, some people call it the monogamy hormone. The emotional effect of oxytocin, which plays such an essential part of this bonding is that it causes us to feel in love with the other person. That in turn causes bonding.
Oxytocin is released in our systems in various degrees through thinking positively about someone, sexual activity and physical touch. So, in a literal sense, physical touch is a language of love, because it causes us to feel in love with the other person. However, if the person is thinking negatively, during the touch, no oxytocin is released. That means for women who have a negative attitude about sex and that think that every time their husband touches them, he expects sex, there is no benefit.
A couple which has lots of non-sexual touch will feel more love towards one another. That makes it very important. The whole idea of being romantic is to stimulate feelings of love. That’s what oxytocin does. As long as your wife is enjoying the touch, her feelings of love are increasing towards you. Of course, the converse is true as well. As long as you are enjoying touching her, your feelings of love are increasing as well.
Look at dating teens for example. They touch each other so much, its’ as if they can’t survive five minutes without touching. All that touch makes them fall in love with each other. They see that other person as the most perfect example of their gender on the face of the planet. It doesn’t matter that their friends think they’re nuts, they know that they’ve found the love of their life.
Okay guys, all this means that we need to learn how to enjoy that non-sexual touch too. I don’t know about you, but I love the feeling of my wife’s soft, smooth skin. I enjoy touching her, even when there’s nothing sexual about it. She enjoys it as well, because she doesn’t feel threatened by it.
So, how often should you touch your wife, non-sexually? How about every chance you get? That should be almost enough. As you do, both of you will feel closer together, more romantic and more in love.