Yesterday, I talked about giving grace to your wife and
overlooking the things that she does which irritate you. I’m sure that in the
ensuing 24 hours you have become an expert on that and don’t need for me to
elaborate further. But, what about the flip side of the coin? Are you doing
things which irritate her?
Yeah, I know, she should overlook those, just like you
should overlook hers. Actually, you’ve probably been saying that to yourself
for years. After all, you’re the man of the house, why should you have to
submit to her desires?
Hold on a minute, this isn’t about submission, nor is it
about bowing to her desires; it’s about maintaining peace and tranquility in the
home, so that there is an atmosphere in which romance can blossom. If you’ve
got the wrong attitude, it doesn’t matter what romantic acts you do, they’re
not going to be perceived as romantic.
As I said yesterday, all of us do things which are irritating
to our mates. Our wives do it to us and we do it to them as well. Actually, if
we were to do a poll, I’d say that men do more things to irritate their wives
than wives do to irritate their husbands. Maybe that’s because women are more
relationally oriented. So, they have a more accurate image of the man they want
us to be.
Anyway, what are those things which you do, that irritate
your wife? Whatever they are, they’re probably pretty small. Nevertheless, they
are causing friction in your relationship, so they are a problem.
Let me ask you this, how important are those things to you? Would
it be a real problem to change them? How about this one, how important are
they, when you compare them to your marriage? If they don’t stack up as being
all that important, then why are you continuing to do them?
Okay, I know, that one hurt. But, let’s be real. The reality
is that many of the things we hold onto aren’t all that important, once we see
them in the light of an honest comparison to something that’s really important
to us. We inflate those things, making them bigger in our eyes than they really
are; then we wonder why they end up being a bone of contention between us and
our wives. That’s not real smart.
When I got married, I had to make a number of changes in my
life. I changed everything from what time of day I took a shower, to getting
rid of my motorcycle. Now, I really liked that motorcycle; it was a Honda Gold
Wing. But, you know something? I loved my wife even more; and since she was
afraid to get on it, there wasn’t a whole lot of reason for me to keep it. So,
I decided to let it go. It was more important to me to have my wife riding with
me, than what ride I was riding.
Most of the things which we do, which irritate our wives,
aren’t anywhere near as big as that. They’re little things, more on the order
of throwing our dirty clothes on the floor, instead of putting them in the hamper.
Now, I know you and I are both old enough to pick up your own dirty clothes, so
what do we have trouble doing it?
Remember, your wife isn’t your servant, or your slave. You want
her to be your lover more than anything else. Well, how can she feel like a
lover, when you treat her like a servant?
You see, the changes I’ve made were to make our life
together better. That was enough reason, in and of itself, to motivate me to
make those changes. I didn’t need my wife to cajole me or nag me. All I needed
was to see that it was something that bothered her. That was enough. I want to
make my wife happy, not miserable.
So, what are you doing that irritates your wife? Is there a
bad habit that you need to break? Are you doing something that treats her like
a servant, rather than a lover? Is there something that you do, which puts her
and your relationship with her on the back burner? If your answer to any of
those is “yes” I think you know what you need to do.
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