Saturday, July 14, 2012
Those Little Irritations – Part 2
Yesterday, I talked about giving grace to your wife and overlooking the things that she does which irritate you. I’m sure that in the ensuing 24 hours you have become an expert on that and don’t need for me to elaborate further. But, what about the flip side of the coin? Are you doing things which irritate her?
Yeah, I know, she should overlook those, just like you should overlook hers. Actually, you’ve probably been saying that to yourself for years. After all, you’re the man of the house, why should you have to submit to her desires?
Hold on a minute, this isn’t about submission, nor is it about bowing to her desires; it’s about maintaining peace and tranquility in the home, so that there is an atmosphere in which romance can blossom. If you’ve got the wrong attitude, it doesn’t matter what romantic acts you do, they’re not going to be perceived as romantic.
As I said yesterday, all of us do things which are irritating to our mates. Our wives do it to us and we do it to them as well. Actually, if we were to do a poll, I’d say that men do more things to irritate their wives than wives do to irritate their husbands. Maybe that’s because women are more relationally oriented. So, they have a more accurate image of the man they want us to be.
Anyway, what are those things which you do, that irritate your wife? Whatever they are, they’re probably pretty small. Nevertheless, they are causing friction in your relationship, so they are a problem.
Let me ask you this, how important are those things to you? Would it be a real problem to change them? How about this one, how important are they, when you compare them to your marriage? If they don’t stack up as being all that important, then why are you continuing to do them?
Okay, I know, that one hurt. But, let’s be real. The reality is that many of the things we hold onto aren’t all that important, once we see them in the light of an honest comparison to something that’s really important to us. We inflate those things, making them bigger in our eyes than they really are; then we wonder why they end up being a bone of contention between us and our wives. That’s not real smart.
When I got married, I had to make a number of changes in my life. I changed everything from what time of day I took a shower, to getting rid of my motorcycle. Now, I really liked that motorcycle; it was a Honda Gold Wing. But, you know something? I loved my wife even more; and since she was afraid to get on it, there wasn’t a whole lot of reason for me to keep it. So, I decided to let it go. It was more important to me to have my wife riding with me, than what ride I was riding.
Most of the things which we do, which irritate our wives, aren’t anywhere near as big as that. They’re little things, more on the order of throwing our dirty clothes on the floor, instead of putting them in the hamper. Now, I know you and I are both old enough to pick up your own dirty clothes, so what do we have trouble doing it?
Remember, your wife isn’t your servant, or your slave. You want her to be your lover more than anything else. Well, how can she feel like a lover, when you treat her like a servant?
You see, the changes I’ve made were to make our life together better. That was enough reason, in and of itself, to motivate me to make those changes. I didn’t need my wife to cajole me or nag me. All I needed was to see that it was something that bothered her. That was enough. I want to make my wife happy, not miserable.
So, what are you doing that irritates your wife? Is there a bad habit that you need to break? Are you doing something that treats her like a servant, rather than a lover? Is there something that you do, which puts her and your relationship with her on the back burner? If your answer to any of those is “yes” I think you know what you need to do.