Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Every family has a certain division of duties. It can vary from family to family, but within each family there are things that he does and things that she does. In some cases, the division is brought about by abilities, in others by what you had learned as children and in still others because that thing is more important to one than the other. Regardless, it’s a reality that exists.
Let’s take something simple, like taking out the trash. That seems to be a typical “male” chore in most home. It could be that it’s worked out that way because the trash tends to get heavy, or it could just be that women don’t like to handle dirty stuff.
Okay, so let’s say that you’re the one who takes out the trash. Let me ask you a question, do you take out the trash when you see it’s getting full, or when your wife asks you to? It’s funny, but in most cases, guys don’t take out the trash till their wives ask them to. Now, I’m going to give us all the benefit of the doubt and assume that we’re mature adults; so if that’s the case, why does she need to ask?
Mature adults take responsibility for doing what needs to be done. They don’t have to be told, because they’re adults. That’s part of what being an adult is. So, it would stand to reason that we are all capable of taking out the trash, without our wives asking us to.
Yet, most of us wait until she asks. Even worse than that, we then complain that she’s nagging us and telling us what to do. You see? We’re creating our own problem. Instead of doing what we know we need to do, we put ourselves in the position where our wife has to treat us as if we can’t do things on our own; then, we complain when she does.
You know, by and large, women don’t like asking their husbands to do things. That’s because they don’t want to receive any sort of negative reaction from us. They’d rather keep that need bottled up inside them, then risk having a confrontation or an angry reaction.
When that’s happening, it’s not building up anyone’s marriage. If anything, it’s tearing down the marriage. Maybe it’s not intentionally down the marriage; but it’s not intentionally avoiding tearing it down either.
Okay, so what should you do? Simple, make an effort to take care of things, before your wife notices that they need to be taken care of. She may not notice that you’ve done it, but she won’t be noticing that you haven’t either. That will remove one more concern, one more worry and helping her to be more relaxed and enjoy life.
I’m sure you realize that I’m not just talking about the trash here, I’m talking about anything and everything that falls into your area of the home. Don’t assume that just because it’s your responsibility, that she won’t worry about it; she probably will. The only way to keep her from worrying is to be sure that you take care of it, before she notices it.
I’d say that more than anything, that requires an awareness of what needs to be done. Our wives tend to notice that stuff a whole lot better than we do, so we’ve got to develop an awareness. Learn to look at things and see what kind of shape they’re in. Learn to see that the lawn needs mowing, the car needs washing and the garbage needs to be taken out. That way, she won’t be having to look at it so much.
Is this romantic? In a sense it is. It’s helping to keep peace in the home by taking care of things that are important to her. That’s an act of service, one of the five love languages. It shows your wife that you care about what she cares about and are committed to the family. That’s important to her. So, while taking the trash out may not invoke any feelings of passion in her, it does set the stage for those feelings to be awakened.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Okay, so how do we stack the deck in our favor? Simple, start her a collection. That way, when you need to buy her a gift, you can always buy something that adds to that collection. Not only does the collection grow and become more special, but you’ve created an instant win for every time that you buy something to add to it.
Now, not all women are natural collectors. I’ve known some that seem like they’ve been collecting the same thing for 30 years or more; and then there are others who are grandmas and have never collected anything. That doesn’t mean that your wife won’t appreciate you starting her a collection; especially if you can find something to help her collect that she can really identify with.
That’s the real key; actually it’s the real key for just about anything with women. A woman needs to be able to make an emotional connection with things. She’ll buy a car, because she’s able to connect with it. Same thing with a sofa or lamp or even clothing. So, you’ve got to pick out something that she can identify with; some category of thing to collect, which touches her heart strings.
You can get a lot of hints about this from things that your wife likes to do and things that she already has. For example, when my wife and I got married, she had a piano. Now, I’ll have to say that although my wife plays the piano rather well, she never has done so very often in our 25 years of marriage. Nevertheless, that piano is part of her identity. She minored in music (piano) in college and has a fairly extensive collection of music for it. There are classical pieces (she loves classical music) that she learned over 30 years ago, and can still play from memory.
So, a number of years ago, I had needed a gift idea for her and happened into a Hallmark shop. Lo and behold, they had a number of piano music boxes there on a shelf. Bingo! That became the instant start of a collection. Through the years, I’ve bought my wife a number of piano music boxes, adding to the collection bit by bit. It’s still not very large, but she has several there on the shelf with her music.
My youngest daughter is a ballerina. For a few years, she danced in the local production of the Nutcracker performance at Christmastime. Instead of bringing her flowers to her first performance, we bought her a nutcracker (that was almost a no-brainer). She now has nine different nutcrackers sitting on a shelf above her desk.
We have a friend named Cathy, who happens to love cats. Lo and behold, another collection opportunity. There’s a company which makes fine glassware and also makes glass cat collectibles as part of their product line. She started a collection of glass cats, which has grown to over 300 thanks to her husband, her family and friends. She is actually known by the name “Cat” and when she went to visit that company’s factory a few years ago, was received there like visiting royalty.
Another lady we know has a teddy bear collection with a couple of hundred “members.” Her collection isn’t as fragile as the glass cats, so she has seated groups of teddy bears all over her house. My mother has a Hummel figuring collection that my dad built for her. Another lady we know collects precious moments figurines.
You see, once you find something that your wife can connect with, you’ve got it. From then on, it’s just a matter of building the collection, bit by bit. That doesn’t mean that you only by those collectibles for her (please don’t do that), but that you have something you can use as a surprise gift or an additional gift at Christmas time, birthdays and when you’re desperate for an idea.
So, build her a collection, it’ll help decorate the house and every time she sees it, she’ll be able to remember that you did it for her.
I feel it's appropriate to mention that the picture for today's blog post was painted by Janet Kruskamp. To see this painting and other artwork by her, please click on the image.
Monday, July 16, 2012
- You’re walking in the park and encounter someone selling roses; buy her one.
- You’re wife is bemoaning the bad things that people are saying about her at work; tell her a list of things that you think are great about her.
- You’re on your way home from somewhere; stop and eat, get an ice cream, or a latte along the way.
- You’re in a store and see some little doodad that you think she’d like; buy it for her.
- You’re in another store and pass by the greeting cards; buy an “I love you” card and mail it to her.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
- Lack of sexual frequency – The less frequent, the harder it is for her to have an orgasm
- Lack of sufficient stimulation – When it’s over quick, she doesn’t get enough stimulation to have an orgasm
- Emotional hurts – Whether we realize it or not, we’re pretty good at unintentionally hurting our wives
- No emotional connection – For a woman to have an orgasm, she needs to have a solid emotional connection with her husband outside of the bed
- Not feeling loved – Yes, for her, it’s not the sex that makes her feel loved, sex comes out of feeling loved
- Tiredness – By bedtime, most women are exhausted. They don’t have the emotional or physical energy to invest in lovemaking
- Lack of romance – This ties in with “not feeling loved.” When romance is lacking in the marriage, she feels like sex is a chore, not a joy
- Poor self-esteem – A woman’s self-esteem affects her ability to enjoy sex. If she’s self-conscious about being overweight, she won’t want to be seen, even though you want to see her. If she’s feeling bad about herself, she’ll feel as if she can’t be loved.
- Foot rubs
- Lightly touching her back or the back of her neck
- Cuddling in bed
- Cuddling on the sofa