Help Her Relax

I know I’ve talked about massage at one time or another in this blog, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it again. There’s something about receiving a massage that everyone likes; especially at the end of a long day.

While I’m sure there are hundreds of techniques for giving a massage, I tend to break it down into three basic ways:

• Using your hands
• Using a non-powered device
• Using a vibratory massager

While I’m sure that you could add something to that list, maybe something exotic or just plain weird, those are my top three list. Of the three, using your hands is the most personal, but using a vibratory massager really helps when one’s muscles are tight. If you don’t have one, you may want to consider the investment. That way you’ve got it available anytime your wife has had a rough day.

While it is possible to massage with clothes on, it works much better in the nude; or at least with her in the nude. It also helps a lot to use some massaging oil or hand lotion. That helps your hands or the massager to glide across her skin, without pulling or pinching. Some massage oils are “warming oils” functioning somewhat like those muscle creams that you use after a hard game of ball with the guys (even if you don’t want to admit it).

Take your time to give rub her back all over, down her legs as well. You’re trying to get her to relax, not trying to turn her on. Of course, once she’s relaxed, she might get turned on as well; you never know. If anything turns her on, it will be the attention you are paying her, not anything you do to her body.

Maybe you could start a new tradition between the two of you, where you give each other massages whenever you see that the other one has had a hard day. It could make coming home all that more precious. 

Say it With Flowers

Speaking of flowers (I was yesterday), there’s lots of ways to say “I love you” with flowers. If you use some variety, each time will be something fresh, which lets your wife know how much you love her. As with anything romantic, the first time is something special, but if you keep repeating yourself over and over again, it stops losing its sparkle and becomes routine. So, the trick is to find new ways to use flowers, new ways to say “I love you” and not return to the same old way for a while.

Of course, after a while, you can go right back to the same romantic act once again. With enough time in between occurrences, it becomes something special once again. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be romantic for two months, just that you need to mix it up a bit.

So, let’s do something a little different with flowers. Let’s say “I Love You” with them. I mean, really, lets write out the words with flower petals. Sometime when your wife is out, tear the pedals off of a bunch of flowers and spell out those words on the coffee table or dining room table. If you don’t want to tear off the petals, then use entire flowers, cutting off the stems.

Your timing on this one is going to be a bit critical, as you don’t want the petals or flowers to sit there long enough to start turning brown. You want it to look fresh when she shows up to find it. No matter which way you do it, those flowers aren’t going to live very long on the table like that.

Once your wife has seen it, the flower petals can be put together in a bowl, like potpourri, so she can enjoy the scent of them. Or, if you used whole flowers, you can float them in a big bowl of water. When they die, take the petals and put them in a bowl, making potpourri out of them.

Remember, it’s the message that counts, not how much you spent on the flowers. You don’t have to buy the most expensive thing in the store to make this work. On the other hand, it would be good to buy something that smells nice. So, put your sniffer to work as you’re picking out the flowers. 

Snow Flowers

Every once in a while, I like to do something with flowers; they are the classic romantic gift and it is rare to find a woman who doesn’t appreciate them. Unfortunately, for most of the country, the flowers are buried under the snow right about now; so that can be a bit difficult. I must say though, that we still have green grass (not white) and leaves on the trees. Anyway, without going to the supermarket, you’re going to have a bit of trouble finding flowers this time of year.

So, when all else fails, use the materials at hand. What materials? How about snow and ice? Let’s challenge our artistic creativity a bit here, and see if we can sculpt as well as a six year old. Grab yourself a bucket of snow, and start forming some snow flowers.

No, a snowball doesn’t count as a snow flower, sorry. You’ll have to do a little better than that. You might try a two-dimensional relief sculpture, instead of going for a full three-dimensional work of art.

Adding a little bit of water to your snow, making it a bit slushy (but not too slushy) can help make the snow stick together, especially if you have dry, powdery snow. It will also help the flowers harden up and become icy once you’re done. Speaking of that, it might help to freeze your creation after you finish it, that way it will last more than five minutes.

If you want to add a touch more artistic romance to it, print a paper rose and make it a part of your creation. If you have it, printing on cover stock instead of standard printer paper will help insure that it doesn’t soak up the water too fast. It will also provide some part of your creation that your wife can keep as a remembrance. Women like things like that.

Here’s another trick you can add to your creation. Grab a bottle of your wife’s perfume, and spray your snow flowers, so that they will smell more like flowers. This works best if she has a perfume with a floral scent.

So, how creative are you? Why not give it a try and see. By the way, if you fail, and your wife catches you in it, you’ll still get a point for trying; so what do you have to lose?

Traveler’s Advisory

Everyone knows the classic idea of bringing home gifts for the family, when you have to go out of town on a business trip. Tourist traps and especially airport shops depend on this; knowing that business travelers who are going away can be expected to be a little freer with their gift buying money than they would be otherwise. So, they jack their prices up to take advantage of that feeling of moment’s desperation when we say “oh no, I’m heading home and I don’t have anything for my family.”

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be willing to buy nice gifts for the kiddies and especially that you shouldn’t be willing to buy a nice gift for your wife. After all, she’s had to put up with the kids and the problems all by herself while you were gone. She’s definitely worth whatever you’re going to spend.

I just came home from a 10 day trip out of the country. In the airport I bought my wife a piece of jewelry (always a good gift idea). It was a rather unique necklace, in a Victorian filigree flower design, which definitely spoke of her personality. Not only was it a nice gift, but it was something that was definitely made for her. Had it not been so special, I probably wouldn’t have been willing to pay airport prices for it.

On the other hand, remember the scoring rules for this game; if you buy your wife an expensive gift, you get one point and if you buy her an inexpensive gift you get one point. Of course, if your gift is too cheap or not a romantic gift, you’re not going to get any points at all.

Let’s apply a little strategy to this gift-giving issue and see if we can maybe come up with a way of getting a little more bang for our buck.

First of all, I’d suggest avoiding all those cute little trinkets that they sell in the tourist traps which say “Miami” or “San Francisco.” Not only are they really cheesy gifts, but they’ll serve as a constant reminder that you went someplace interesting without her. Not a good plan. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t buy her something with a regional flavor, especially if it’s something that you can’t get at home.

It helps to make sure you put shopping time in your schedule. Now, that’s really easy for women to do, but rather hard for us guys. We’re missing that shopping gene, which automatically attracts us to stores. However, you’re going to spend much less money in a regular store, than you are in the airport.

It always helps to keep a list of romantic gift ideas in your personal organizer. That way, when you’ve got to find a gift in a hurry, you don’t have to worry about your brain lock. Little things that your wife has mentioned she’d like, things that you’d spotted before and know she likes, and classes of gifts which have received really good “reviews” from her in the past are all good candidates for this list.

Another way that you can save yourself time and money on this gift buying spree is to pre-buy your gifts. Now, I realize that some women might consider this cheating, but who says she ever has to know? I’m a big fan of shopping on the Internet. Not only does it save me time in the stores, it saves me money as well. So, all I have to do is pre-select the gift I want to buy for my wife (and even for the kiddies), and have it shipped to the hotel where I will be staying. That way, when I get there, it’s waiting for me.

I suppose an alternative to having the gift shipped to your hotel would be to have it shipped to the office and pack it in your bags. That would save the same amount of time and still insure that you have a gift ready when you come back. Just make sure that she isn’t packing your bag for you.

Remember, this is supposed to be about thinking about her. So, it’s important that you choose a gift that shows that you’re thinking about her; otherwise, you’re not going to get any points in the romance department. 

Those Long Winter Evenings

There are a number of things in our modern culture, which can trace their roots back to the pioneering days, when the country was expanding and most people were farmers. Take our school schedule, for example. Families would have to work together to plow the land, plant the seed and bring in the harvest. So, summer vacations were about working with the family, not lazing around the swimming pool. Even though we’ve long since left being an agricultural society, we still have that same school schedule.

Another thing that went along with that society was that wintertime was a time for staying indoors, mending harnesses, sewing a quilt and reading stories around the fire. Many families read the Bible from cover to cover on those cold nights. Oh sure, they had to go out to the barn to care for the livestock; but the outdoor work was left to only true necessities in those months.

Well, as we all know, life has changed and changed a lot. Even so, other than those who go skiing and ice skating, most of us spend our winters indoors, trying to escape the cold and the snow. The only time we go outside is when we need to; either to go somewhere, to work or to shovel the snow.

There’s something to be said about those long evenings around the fire. Whether spent as family time or as couple time, there’s something about sitting in front of the fire, with a nice warm drink, just enjoying each other’s company. I’d say that’s even more important for us today, when life has us running around in circles so much that we normally only see each other in passing.

Why not take advantage of those long winter evenings? Go back to the old tradition, put a fire in the fireplace (or just pretend, if you don’t have one) and spend some time together on the sofa. Make some hot cocoa, read a book to each other, talk about some off the wall topic (not problems) and whatever you do, don’t turn on the television. Just enjoy each other.

The gift your wife wants more than anything is you. It’s not your money she’s after or someone to change the oil in her car. She wants some quality time, where you’re paying attention to each other… you know… like you did when you were dating.

Take Advantage of the Sales

You know guys, we tend to complain about our wives and their shopping, but there are times, actually many times, when they are a lot wiser in the shopping department than we are. Take sales for example. We guys don’t pay a whole lot of attention to sales that are going on. When we need something, we go out and buy it; either we can afford it, or we just don’t buy it.

Well, I have to tell you a secret; I’m a cheapskate. I like getting a deal whenever I can. I guess it comes from the years when I didn’t have much. I learned the true value of sales during that time. It saved me and is still saving me a lot of dough.

So, how is this romantic? It’s really rather easy. All you need to do is keep your eyes open for the sales where you can buy gifts for your wife. That way, when you need a gift, you’ll already have something ready.

Now look, we all like buying nice stuff for our wives; but let’s be real, sometimes that nice stuff has some not so nice price tags on it. Let’s say you want to buy your wife some nice gold earrings. Well, you know as well as I do, that real gold has skyrocketed in price. So, what do you do; buy her something cheap, or skip lunch for a month?

Now that’s where the sales come in handy. If you keep your eyes open, you can occasionally catch a really good sale on gold jewelry. I’ve seen jewelry sales with as much as a 70% discount. So, when I catch a sale like that, or even at 50% off, I can buy something really nice for my wife, much nicer than I can afford otherwise. She doesn’t care, because she doesn’t know what I paid for it. She just sees it as a nice gift.

The other side of this, besides buying really nice gifts for her is to be able to buy more gifts that you can give her at miscellaneous times. Let’s say that one of the gifts you buy for her from time to time is lace panties. Well, those can get kind of expensive too; not like the gold earrings, but considering how little fabric is in them, they can get a bit high. So, you manage to catch a sale and pick up for pair for the price of two. Great! Now you can give her twice as many gifts.

Don’t get this wrong now. I’m not advocating being a cheapskate. What I’m advocating is being able to buy more and nicer gifts for your wife than you could otherwise. After all, little trinkets like that are the kinds of gifts that are romantic; much better than buying her something practical.

Hey, we need every advantage we can get. This isn’t doing anything to cheat our wives, it’s using a little wisdom to be able to be a blessing to our wives. So, quit drooling over the computer and big-screen TV ads in the Sunday paper long enough to see if there is something else on sale. Be ready to buy gifts for your wife, so that you can keep romance going all year long.

Resolutions, Resolutions

With the New Year celebration now behind us, and New Year football games all over, it’s time to get serious about what 2012 is going to mean to us. Many have spent at least part of the day yesterday thinking about what New Year’s Resolutions they’re going to make; while others are still thinking.

Have you ever noticed how little effect a New Year resolution really has? I mean, how many people have you known who’ve made some spectacular resolutions, that didn’t even last out the week. Maybe you’ve done so as well. For some reason, resolutions don’t seem to work for us. Maybe because there’s no real commitment, just a declaration.

You see, the decision and the commitment are what make us change; not the declaration. Oh, the declaration helps, because then we let others know about it. But, if that declaration doesn’t have force of decision behind it, it’s just empty words. How many empty words have you said through the years? Even more importantly, how much have you hurt your wife through those empty words? Hmmm? You realize that when you make a resolution to do something for her benefit, then don’t do it, you hurt your wife, don’t you?

Okay, so maybe making New Year’s resolutions isn’t a good idea. But, making change for the better is always a good idea. In fact, to make things better always requires some sort of change. I like what Edwin Louis Cole said about change, “Change isn’t change, until it’s change.”

Isn’t that great? You see, talking about change isn’t change. Making a declaration to change isn’t change. Doing it once or twice isn’t change. It’s not change until you actually do it on regular basis. That’s the hard part, making it regular. That doesn’t mean you’ll never slip up and make a mistake. We all do. But when the times you do the change outnumber the times you slip up, you’re finally on the right track.

Now, we can all come up with things we should change; that’s generally pretty easy. But, what does your wife want you to change? What irritating thing do you do, which bothers her? After all, if you want to get the most bang for your buck, it makes a whole lot more sense to change something that she complains about, rather than something that you think would be a good idea.

Does your weight annoy her? Then go on a diet. Does she complain about the stuff you leave laying all over the house? Okay, then learn how to put things away? Is she bothered by the fact that you never help out in the kitchen. Well, then it sounds like it’s time to learn how to wash the dishes (don’t worry, you won’t stop being a man). Do your complaints drag her down? Then shut your mouth and learn how to b more positive.

Now remember, it doesn’t do any good to just make a resolution, you need to make a commitment. Make that firm decision and commit to it. Let her know, and even give her permission to point out to you when you blow it (yeah, I know that’s hard; but don’t blow at her when she does it).

What do you do when you blow it? Simple, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try it again. You’ll never learn to walk if you give up the first time you fall down.