Monday, March 5, 2012
Recently, I read a blog post by a woman, written to women, entitled “Sex Flowers.” I can’t remember who wrote it, nor can I find the posting by searching for it; so whoever it was, I give them thanks.
One of the struggles we have, as men, is in understanding the thought process of our wives. A large percent of marital fighting is over misunderstandings. That’s because we don’t speak the same language. While both men and women use the same words to speak, we don’t necessarily apply the same meanings to those words.
The same thing happens with our actions. We might do something, with one intention, yet our wives have a totally different understanding of it. Take the guy who spends his whole Saturday doing the “honey-do” list, in order to show his wife that he loves her. At the end of the day, he collapses on the couch, tired but satisfied that he’d done those things for his wife. She sits down too and says, “You don’t love me.” Frustrated and amazed, he responds, “What are you talking about, I just spent the whole day doing things you wanted me to do, in order to show you that I love you?” To which she says, “But you didn’t say the words, ‘I love you’.”
Granted, situations like that can be very frustrating; and unfortunately, they show up way too often. We think we’re doing good; but our wives don’t see it the same way.
That’s the situation which that woman was writing about in her blog post. She had made love to her husband and he bought her flowers the next day. She called them “sex flowers,” because in her mind, he had bought the flowers for her as “payment” for sex. It took her a while, but she finally realized that his motivation wasn’t to pay her, but because he was feeling loving towards her.
It’s very easy for us as guys to feel loving towards our wives after sex; but the reality is that we should be just as loving to them before the sex. If the only time we do something loving for our wives or buy a gift for them is the day after sex, I can understand how they would take it wrong. In their eyes, the only time they were loved would be because of sex.
The easy solution for this misunderstanding is to make sure that you act loving towards her and buy her romantic gifts even when she isn't giving you the sex you want. While that may go against your natural inclination, it will really show her that you love her. It will shout the message that your love isn't just about sex.
Sure, all us guys like sex, love sex, and want more sex; but our wives aren’t wired the same way we are. Sex requires a much bigger emotional investment on her part, than it does on your part. If her love tank is running near empty, she may not feel as if she has enough in there to invest in giving you sex. On the other hand, if it’s running near full, she’s going to be ready whenever you want her to be. It’s up to you to make sure her love tank is full.
Now, don’t take this as I’m saying that the only reason you should be romantic is so that you can get sex. You should be romantic because your wife needs for you to be romantic, so that she will feel loved. At the same time, making her feel loved is the best way to ensure that she’ll make you feel loved as well.