Thursday, April 12, 2012

Careful About those Comments

Most women battle insecurity on a constant basis. Society in general is telling them that they’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, their breasts aren’t big enough, their hair isn’t full enough and they just aren’t sexy enough. Every woman is supposed to look like a supermodel. Of course, even real supermodels don’t look like supermodels you see, since they’re all photo shopped. Nevertheless, every woman is supposed to be that spectacular.

Think about it; with all that negativity being thrown at them, it’s really no wonder that they feel insecure. To add insult to injury, at times we add to this insidious process, without even realizing it. How? You might ask. By the comments we make about other women, without even thinking about it.

A perfectly innocent comment about another woman’s hair, dress or looks in general, can come across as a slam against the way your own wife looks. Suppose that you see a woman with long, wavy blond hair, something that you’d expect to see on one of those supermodels. Of course, she probably just came from the beauty shop, but you don’t know that. You happen to comment, “her hair is beautiful” a fairly simple comment, without any hidden meaning. You’re not saying that you want to jump in the sack with her or that there’s anything wrong with your wife’s hair. But, what your wife hears is “her hair is much more beautiful than yours is.”

Oops, the law of unintended consequences just jumped up to bite you. While you were just making small-talk, your wife wasn’t hearing it that way. To her, it was a whole different thing.

I’m not trying to say that you’re wrong for saying something like that; but she might say that you are. You see, in cases like these, it’s the results that matter, not the intention. While your intention may have been perfectly innocent, the results weren’t. Even worse, the results which you don’t see were probably a whole lot worse that the ones that you do see.

You’re really better off not saying anything about other women than saying something positive about them. Granted, you could say that the problem is your wife’s and not yours, and I’d have to agree with you to a point. But, where does our responsibility to our wife’s health and happiness start and end? If your wife was a recovering alcoholic, wouldn’t you have a responsibility to avoid drinking in front of her? You could say that the alcoholism was her problem, not yours. But, if your drinking was causing her to be tempted, wouldn’t you be guilty?

Actually, there’s more to this than just avoiding positive comments about other women, we also need to avoid making negative comments about our own wives. If you and I start comparing our wives to other women, we’ll quickly find that there are always others out there that appear to be better. Maybe they’ve got prettier hair, bigger breasts or a smaller waist. Regardless of what it is, when we start making those comparisons, we’re setting ourselves up for real trouble.

Comparisons generally tend to show us the bad in our own wives. Rarely do we compare them to women who are uglier or fatter; we generally compare them to those supermodels. Of course, everyone forgets that beauty is a 24/7 job for a supermodel. She doesn’t have to go to some other job, doesn’t have to take care of the kids and doesn’t have to clean the house. All she has to do is work at keeping herself beautiful. That’s more than a full-time job.

One final thing, we need to work at overcoming the negativity which the world is throwing at our wives. Complimenting your wife’s looks is an important part of this. She needs to know that you find her attractive. That’s not just a casual “like to have it” sort of need, but a serious need. With everything around her telling her that she’s not what she should be, she needs someone telling her that she’s more than she should be. If you don’t do it, who will? 

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