Monday, June 18, 2012
Is All this Romance Stuff Really Necessary?
If you’ve been reading this blog, then I’d have to say that you see at least some value in being romantic towards your wife. Whether that is just that you want to find new ways to express your love towards her, want to motivate her to jump into bed with you or whatever, you’ve come to the conclusion that being romantic is part of being a good husband.
Okay, that’s fine as far as it goes, but let’s take it a little bit farther. Do our wives actually “need” us to be romantic, or is that just a desire on their parts? You know, from our viewpoint as men, it can easily seem like all this romance is just a waste of time and effort. But, in reality it isn’t; it’s a very important part of maintaining our wives emotional health and maintaining our marriage.
First of all, romance is how a woman defines love. As guys, we tend to define romance by sex, but in reality, most sex isn’t about love, it’s just about lust. The biggest difference between love and lust is that love is about giving to the other, while lust is about receiving from the other.
Without romance, a woman can’t feel loved. I don’t care how much sex you have in your marriage, without other expressions of love, all it will be to her is that you’re using her body for your gratification. Her sexual response is a loving response to having her emotional need for love (romance) satisfied. So, if your wife isn’t responding sexually, it’s time to step up the romance another level.
There’s another part of this that’s real important though. That is that without romance, a woman can’t have a good self-image. She feels worthless and unwanted, and she becomes depressed.
Let me back up a moment. As men, our self-esteem comes from what we do. The position we hold or the profession we practice has a lot to do with our feeling of worth. Maybe we’re only a lineman for the electric company, but we’re the best lineman in the company. Maybe we’re only a mechanic, but we solve problems that other’s can’t. Somehow, we always find something about our work to make us feel good about ourselves. If we can’t, we’re in trouble.
Women, on the other hand, don’t identify themselves with their work, but with their relationships. Their worth as a person is based upon what the people who are close to her say about her and how they act towards her. Without receiving expressions of love from her family and friends, a woman feels that she isn’t worth anything.
No wonder so many women battle with depression; they feel that they aren’t worth anything. Nobody is taking the time to tell them that they are worth something. As men, we receive that at work, whether it’s from our bosses, co-workers or customers, somebody is telling us that we are worthwhile. Okay, so who are your wife’s co-workers and customers? If she’s not in the workplace, it has to be you and your kids.
Are you telling your wife that she’s worthwhile? Just saying those words isn’t enough; you have to show her as well. She needs your romantic acts and expression as a way of telling her that she is worth something as a person. Otherwise, all she is receiving is a constant bombardment of messages from the world, which tell her that she isn’t good enough.
Fortunately for you, your message is much stronger than that of the world. However, you’ve got to make sure that you’re sending the right message. If you aren’t romantic, then you’re sending the same message that the world is. However, if you are romantic, you’re telling her by your actions, “You are someone special. You are worthwhile. You are loved.” That’s a message that she needs to hear over and over again.
Yeah, when we’re romantic, we receive points from our wives. But, there’s a much more important reason for us to invest in being romantic, that of letting our wives know that they are important. That’s one of the best emotional protections that we can give to them.