Thursday, June 14, 2012
Play a Little
Yesterday, I was talking about how the pressures of time, workload and fatigue can cause depression in our wives. I told you that you need to keep an eye on your wife’s schedule and energy levels, making sure that she gets enough rest; even if that means that you have to take up some of the load. Well, today I’d like to deal with another aspect of rest, something that you can do for her, to help dispel a bit of the stress. It’s called play.
That’s right, play sin't just for kids, it's an important part of maintaining a healthy outlook on life. It is one of the better stress relievers out there; and better yet, it doesn’t have the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol. It just gives us a way to burn up the adrenalin in our systems and get our minds off of the problem.
Now, not just any type of play is going to work; you’re going to have to find the right sort. Playing a Risk or Monopoly really isn’t going to work; nor is going to a concert or fancy party. While some might think of those things as play, they have one fault in common; it’s possible to do them, while still thinking about all the problems around you and all the things you should be doing, if you weren’t wasting your time playing.
For play to be an effective means of stress elimination, it has to be so encompassing that there isn’t time to think about those problems and things that need to get done. Are there games like that? You bet!
I think one of the best adult games for capturing our minds and getting us focused is a pillow fight. Yep, that’s what I said, a pillow fight. Another really good one is a water fight. For that matter, laser tag and Nerf wars also accomplish the same thing. Why do these work? They work because we quickly become totally immersed in the game. We’re so focused on winning; that we don’t have time to think about other things.
A real help in capturing her thoughts with these games is to catch her by surprise. Now, you’ve got to be a bit careful about this. You’re not going to get the results you want if you catch her by surprise with your Super Soaker when she’s coming home from the beauty shop. You’ll get a reaction, but it won’t be the one you want. Nor does it work well to try and start a Nerf war at 11:00 at night, right when she collapses on the couch, devoid of energy.
Whatever you do, don’t go out of your way to let her win. It’s okay if she wins, but not if you just give her the victory. There’s a big difference between the two. Handing her the victory on a silver platter is just going to make her feel like you’re patronizing her, killing the fun.
I’m probably going to get myself in trouble with the ladies for this one, but it’s actually helpful to your wife to lose. Yes, that’s what I said. In fact, it’s even more helpful to her if she’s ever been sexually abused. Let me explain. Women who have been sexually abused feel like they have to keep everything under control. Losing control can make them panic. But, when they discover that they can’t be in control, because there is someone stronger, it helps them to relax and stop trying to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.
I know that sounds a bit backwards, but it’s true. Women in general struggle with their emotions. It’s not that they try and be emotional; it’s that their emotions tend to control them. That can be dangerous, especially when those emotions are negative ones.
By winning, you take control away from her. Take that moment to hug and kiss her; ravish her with your kisses. Help her to relax in knowing that although she lost, she’s found a safe place to be. That will help her immensely. Knowing she’s in a place of safety will go a long way towards eliminating the stress that was eating her up.
Don’t be surprised if she starts talking about what was bothering her. If she feels secure in that moment, she’ll probably open up quite a bit. Listen well; you may find out some very important things; things which will help you understand how to keep her from getting stressed out the next time.