Brush Her Hair

Have you ever wondered why women like going to the beauty salon? I mean, I don’t know any guys who really like hanging out at the barber shop; we just go when we need to. Yet, some women go to the beauty salon regularly. Granted, I understand that they all want to look beautiful; but I’m pretty sure that there’s more to it than that. I mean, what’s so special about having someone else paint your nails for you? Every woman I know, knows how to do that themselves.

Actually, I think the real women go to the beauty salon isn’t to beautify themselves, although I’m sure that is a good secondary reason. I think the reason they love going to the salon is to get pampered. Having somebody fuss over them, taking care of them, and making them feel good is really what it’s all about.

I can’t really blame them. Women take care of everyone else, but don’t usually receive that kind of treatment themselves. I guess we could say that this is a backwards application of the golden rule. Women treat everyone else the way that they want to be treated.

Okay, so if that’s what she wants, then why not give it to her? If she wants to be pampered, who is better suited to do so than you? I’ll guarantee you, she’ll definitely feel like you value her if you do.

So, how are you going to pamper your wife? There are a number of things that you could do, anything from giving her a shampoo, to a pedicure to a massage. Let’s start out with something simple though; brush her hair.

The first thing you’ve got to realize about brushing your wife’s hair is that it’s much more complicated than doing your own, especially if she has long hair. Long hair tends to tangle, making it hard to brush out. Pulling her hair in the process definitely isn’t romantic, nor is it going to make her feel pampered. So, you want to avoid pulling at all costs.

Start by brushing out the ends of her hair. If she has long hair, you can grab it higher up in one hand, making a temporary pony tail out of it, while brushing with the other hand. The hand that is holding the hair can act as a strain relief, helping you prevent any pulling.

If you run into a knot in her hair, as you most likely will, then work it out, don’t pull it. You can work it out by letting the brush slide off of it, and repeating several times. That will help work it down towards the end, where it will become untied. If the knot is too bad for that, put the brush down and separate the strands with your finger, being careful not to pull.

Once you finish the ends, you can work your way up towards her scalp, one section at a time. By taking it in smaller segments, you minimize the possibility of pulling and make it easier to work with any knots you find.

Another thing that can help with the knots is conditioner. Your wife probably already uses this on her hair, but it helps brush out her hair as well. Take a little bit of conditioner and mix it with a bottle of water. If you have a spray bottle, you can put this mixture in it, and spray it on her hair. If you don’t have a spray bottle, put it in a glass and dip the brush in it, shaking off excess. This will help the brush glide through her hair more easily, reducing pulling.

So, now you’re an expert. All you have to do is find some time to brush out your wife’s hair for her. If you can do it with her seated in front of a mirror, that’s even better, as she’ll be able to see what you are doing. Give yourself 15 to 20 minutes, as you want to take your time doing this. If you have extra time left over, add a scalp massage. 

How do You Talk About Her in Public?

Have you ever been with a group of guys, maybe on a break at work, and one of them starts complaining about their wife? What happens? More often than not, everyone else chimes in, starting to complain about their wives as well. What starts out as one guy venting his frustration over some problem he is currently experiencing, quickly turns into a wife-bashing session, where each one is trying to top the other.

Women do this too. In fact, I’d have to say that women do it much more than men. However, that doesn’t give us the right to do it. I’d have to say that nobody has the right to speak bad about their spouse in public.

Remember, she is a gift from God. When you start talking bad about her, you’re saying that God gave you junk. But God doesn’t give anyone junk. Every gift that God gives is wonderful, even when it may not seem like it is. Often, the beauty of a gift is temporarily marred in our sight, be a momentary flaw. That doesn’t mean that the gift is flawed, but rather that our image of that gift is.

You and I should only speak positively about our wives. In fact, when those other guys are wife-bashing, we should try and make them jealous; not in an overdone way, just a nice subtle one. While they are complaining and saying bad things about their wives, we should counter with good things about ours.

That may be a little tricky at times; especially when they ask a direct question about something that you may consider an issue in your marriage. That doesn’t mean you can’t turn it positive though. If the things that they are asking about is something that you think is a negative, then respond with something else; something that overshadows that negative thing in your mind. That way, not only will your words be positive, but your tone will be so too.

Okay, so why am I telling you to do this? There are two reasons. Number one, we should always be thankful about what God does for us. Since she is a gift from God, we should be thankful for that gift. Maybe at the moment you are struggling to be thankful, but the more you work at being thankful, the more thankful you will find yourself becoming.

The second reason is that what you say in public is going to affect what you think in private. As long as you are talking bad about your wife, you’re going to be thinking bad about your wife. That will end up making you speak even worse about her. It’s a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, when you talk positive about your wife, it will reinforce those positive thought, helping you to focus on them. That will ultimately help you to be happier with your wife and express that happiness towards her.

It’s really hard to be romantic when you’re feeling negative towards her; not impossible, but difficult. Our romance can’t just be something external; it must be something that wells up from inside our hearts. That means that we must constantly be striving to renew the source of that romance, our sense of love towards her. That makes our romance real; as opposed to something that’s just canned.

Positive thoughts create positive actions, which create positive results. Those positive results make our thoughts more positive, starting the cycle over again. If you truly want to help your marriage and truly want to express love towards your wife, then watch what you say about her. Help yourself keep your mind focused on the good, so that you can continue to act in love.

Work Out Together

It’s hard for most couples to find time to spend together or even something that they can do together as a couple. That doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, just that we have to work at it a little more than we might want to. Yet, it’s through the time that we spend together, in a variety of pursuits, that we are able to draw closer together or maintain our relationship.

Simply put, investing time in your relationship is investing time in your marriage. That makes it worthwhile, in and of itself. Your work isn’t more important than your marriage, yet all too often; it’s treated as if it is.

One of the tricks to spending time together is to find something that you are going to do on a regular basis and put it on your schedule. I’ve talked a number of times about making Friday night your date night. For my wife and I, our date time is Wednesday lunch. It’s the same idea, just a different time. We’ve also added another regular activity to that, that of working out together at the gym.

I’ve got to confess, I’m not real excited about this one. While I go to the gym with my wife, I’ll have to say that I do so reluctantly. Not reluctant to go there with her, just reluctant to go work out at all. However, we were forced into the place of making some decisions about our health, and part of those decisions was that we needed to exercise.

Maybe you haven’t hit that point in your life yet, but for many of us, reaching 50 is the great equalizer. Things start happening to the body at about 50, which we never through would happen to us. When they do, we’re stuck with the problem of what to do about it. We can go on like nothing has happened (which many people do) or we can start making some lifestyle changes; especially in the areas of diet and exercise.

While working out together isn’t the most fun thing that I can think of doing, it is something that we can do together. Having an exercise buddy makes working out a little bit easier, as you can encourage one another; and who better to be an exercise buddy, than your best friend, your wife?

Besides the time you get to spend together and the encouragement you can give to one another, there are some very tangible benefits to going to the gym together. More than anything, it will help keep both of you younger, longer. Which is better, gong to the gym, or becoming an invalid in your old age? You see, my wife and I don’t go to the gym to try and get our bodies buff; we go to try and maintain or even improve our health. That way, we can enjoy our life together all that much longer, instead of one of us having to be a nurse to the other.

There are some gifts in life which are even more important than flowers and chocolate, one of them is health. By getting a gym membership together, then using that membership together, you are giving each other the gift of health. That says that you care about her.

Now, if you’re the sports fanatic type or the bodybuilder type and your wife isn’t, she may not see a membership to the gym as a gift. In fact, she’ll probably see it as a complaint; you complaining that you’re not satisfied with her (especially her body) the way she is. Be careful about that. You want to approach it from a viewpoint of wanting her to stay healthy, so the two of you can enjoy your marriage that much longer, not “you need to work out.” By approaching it correctly and being patient, you can convince her.

If you do work out together, never forget to encourage her. Don’t expect her to be as strong as you, able to lift as much weight as you or to have as much endurance as you. Women aren’t built like men. Their bodies have a different type of strength. Compliment her on what she does and on the progress she makes. A switch from 5 lbs. to 10 lbs. on a particular machine is still a 100% increase, no matter how you look at it. That’s worth celebrating.

We’ve talked more than once about how our busy schedules can hinder our ability to have enough time together as a couple. But today, I want to talk about those busy schedules in another way. You see, it’s not just the lack of time together that can cause us problems in our marriages, but how we treat each other, because of our schedules.

We all have the ability to be self-centered. In fact, if you want to see a perfect example of self-centeredness, just look at a baby. As far as they are concerned, the world revolves around them. All they have to do is cry, and everyone jumps to meet their needs.

Unfortunately, some never seem to grow out of that mode. Even though they grow, they still think that the world revolves around them. They look at those around them as existing to meet their needs and desires, not that they might exist to be a blessing to those others. In marriage, this can be one of the most destructive attitudes that exist.

Everybody tends to see their own schedule as the one that matters, but that really isn’t the whole picture. Yes, your schedule matters, but so does your wife’s. When she has things that she needs to do, those are just as important to her as your things are to you.

Notice that I’m not saying her schedule is more important, nor am I saying that your schedule is more important. What I am saying is that they are both important, albeit in different ways.

It’s very easy to forget your wife’s schedule, especially if she doesn’t have a simple 9 to 5 work day. My wife and I both work out of our home, doing different types of work, but sharing the same office. Trying to find time together, when we’re actually looking at each other, instead of looking at our computers is a challenge. Even more so, trying to organize our work and ministry so that we can each be there for the other, when they need us, is a real challenge.

My schedule is a little more fluid than my wife’s; so, I’ve taken it upon myself to be willing to adjust my schedule to hers, so that we can have time together. But, that’s really not the point of what I want to say. You see, I not only need to be available, but I also need to schedule my work in such a way that it doesn’t interfere with her work.

She has classes in the home during various times of the week. So, I need to make sure that I don’t schedule any meetings during her classes. She has times when she needs my help to complete her preparation for class, so I need to make sure that I am available. She has times when she needs to use the car, so I need to be sure that I’m not out somewhere with it. To do all this, I need to be aware of her schedule, so that I can mesh mine with it.

Our children are grown, so we don’t have the problem of babysitters. However, I can still clearly remember those days when we did have that need. If we were doing what we’re doing now, when our children were small, that would add another layer of complexity to the scheduling. When she had classes to teach, I wouldn’t just need to keep my business from interrupting hers, but to take care of the kids as well.

You see, this thing we call marriage is a partnership. I’m not sure where we lost that idea, but in the pioneer days, everyone understood that. Men and women each took care of their areas of responsibility, cognizant of the other’s needs and schedule, so that together they might accomplish everything that needed to be done.

That’s the idea; working together to get everything done. That doesn’t just mean that she works to fit her schedule with yours, but that you fit yours with hers as well. That way, you can both be a support to one another.

Okay, so this may not seem very romantic to you; but let me ask you a question. When your wife does things to make something easier for you, don’t you appreciate it? So, what makes you think that doing things for her won’t be appreciated? You see, while buying flowers and writing poems is romantic, so is showing that you care about her and that you value her as a person. In fact, I’d have to say that in today’s society, she wants to be valued as a person, more than she wants the flowers.

Romance is about showing her that she’s important to you. There are many ways of doing that; including being considerate of her needs, her schedule and her life. Don’t stop buying the flowers, just make sure that you value her as a person as well.

The All-Important Kiss

Have you ever noticed how young dating couples spend lots of their time together kissing? Now, have you ever noticed how little time married couples spend kissing? Not only that, but what most married couples refer to as a kiss is more correctly defined as a peck, not a real kiss.

Something is definitely backwards here. It seems to me that the dating couples should limit themselves to nothing more than a peck, while the married couples should be the kissing experts. After all, they’ve had more opportunity to practice, so they should be much better at it.

It seems that somewhere along the way, kissing ends up being left aside like old baggage. Even in couples who make love frequently, there may not be a whole lot of kissing going on. Yet, in some ways, kisses are even more intimate than sex. Yes, that’s what I said, kissing can actually be more intimate than sexual intercourse.

From what I understand (not from personal experience) prostitutes will let a man do pretty much anything they want to their bodies, but won’t kiss them. These prostitutes understand that kissing is intimate, and they aren’t interested in being intimate with their clients, just providing a service. So, if they think that kissing is intimate, why don’t we get it?

Granted, there are a lot of things which go together to make intimacy exist in a marriage relationship. True communication is also an indispensible ingredient. But that doesn’t negate the importance of kissing one bit. Kissing isn’t just a part of foreplay; it’s a large part of what keeps us close together as a couple. When we kiss, we are drawing ourselves together as a couple, sharing ourselves one with another and telling each other that we want to be emotionally close.

Leaving in the morning, without stopping to kiss your wife could be considered a crime against your marriage. The same could be said for coming home at night, without kissing her. Those moments we take to share our love through a kiss are a very important part of our overall expression of love.

Don’t leave it at that, though. Last I checked, there’s no kiss limit stated on a marriage license. It doesn’t have a line that says, “Good for a maximum of ten kisses per day.” Make kissing a regular part of your day, stopping every once in a while, just to kiss your wife. Let that expression of love become a regular part of your routine; but don’t let it become just routine. Make sure that you both enjoy every kiss break.

She’s Not Your Enemy

When was your last fight with your wife? Was it last night? Last week? Perhaps, last month? Whenever it was, there’s a good chance you left it feeling like she was against you. Couples deal with this all the time, feeling like the one person who should really be in their corner is the one who is most against them.

The thing we all need to realize is that she’s not our enemy. You have an enemy, but it’s not your wife. That enemy will probably try and speak through you through the actions and words of your wife, but that still doesn’t make her your enemy. It just means that the enemy is pretty good at manipulating your interpretation of what your wife says and does.

The enemy I’m referring to is the devil. Ephesians, chapter six tells us that we don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers (okay, I shortened it a bit). She’s the flesh and blood, not the spiritual powers. So, why are you battling against her, instead of battling for her?

Whoa, that came out of left field, didn’t it? Actually no. You see, as men, we’ve been created with a violent aggressive nature, not to use against our families, but to use in order to protect them. So, when we’re fighting against our wives, we’re misusing a gift that has been given to us; the gift of violence. It doesn’t matter if that violence is verbal or physical, it’s still violence.

I’ve come to realize that 95% or more marital fighting is due to misunderstandings and miscommunications. If we could only learn to see, hear and understand things as they are intended to be, rather than as we misinterpret them, then we could get rid of a lot of fighting. But, we’ve got that enemy, who is working overtime to make sure that there is plenty of misunderstanding; just so he can keep a lot of fighting going on.

You see, when you are your wife are in agreement, you can begin to pray in agreement. There’s nothing more powerful on the face of this earth than a married couple, praying in agreement. Of course, when you’re not in agreement, that power is gone. The enemy knows this, and is trying to make sure that you aren’t in agreement.

He is speaking to your mind constantly, giving you and I a running commentary about everything that is going on around us. Of course, that running commentary isn’t true, but it sure sounds true. The other trick he uses is to say it all in the first person, so that it sounds to us like our own thoughts. That way, we think that we’re the ones saying those things, not someone else. Since we accept them as our own thoughts, they must be true; so, we run with them.

So, our wives say something like, “Can you take out the garbage?” and we hear, “She’s always telling me what to do, what does she think she is, my boss?” Or she’ll call us when we’re leaving work to say, “Don’t forget to pick up milk and bread on your way home” and we’ll hear, “What does she think I am, an imbecile that can’t remember anything without being reminded all the time?” When she doesn’t look as “hot” as she did when you got married, it’s easy to hear, “Well, she’s over the hill, time to trade her in for a newer model.”

Hmm, sounds to me like a good formula for offenses, misunderstandings, disagreements and fights. When we accept those thoughts as our own, we are helping fuel the fires of divorce, reacting to our wives as our enemies, rather than our closest friends.

So, what can we do? The first thing is to realize that she’s not your enemy. Since she isn’t begin to throw away all those thoughts when they come. As Paul said, “Casting down vain imaginations…” and “…bringing every thought captive” (2 Cor 10:5). When those thoughts come, you don’t have to accept them, just kick them out. Then, start thinking positive thoughts about your wife. That will help you to act in love towards her, rather than in offense.

Start Your Day with Prayer

One of the standard pieces of marriage advice that many Christian counselors give is to make sure that you take the time to pray together. While that is great advice, many couples struggle to find a time when they can actually take a few minutes to sit down and pray. Our hurry-up-and-wait schedule seems to make it extremely hard to find time to say “Hi” to each other, let alone sit down and pray together.

My wife and I work out of our home. In addition to the ministry, we both have businesses that we run out of our home. You’d think that would make it easy for us to find time together, especially time to pray. Unfortunately, it’s not all that easy. Even though we share an office, share a bedroom, and even occasionally eat together, it’s hard to find time to pray together. Not that we don’t pray, but we have trouble finding a time to pray together. Our schedules just don’t seem to mesh all that well.

We find some great wisdom for this in Genesis, where it says that God “walked with Adam in the cool of the day.” I had always thought of that as the evening; that is, I thought that way until I moved to South Texas. Evenings here aren’t cool, their hot. The cool of the day is the early morning, before the sun has a chance to heat things up.

So, in other words, Adam communed with God before doing anything else. If you think about it, that really makes sense. Why do anything else, before taking time out to talk to God about it? If we don’t take the time to get with God, then we’re setting ourselves up for problems.

Okay, so what does this have to do with marriage? Well, an important part of your prayer every day should be to pray God’s protection over your wife. So, make sure you do that. Before either of you leave the house in the morning, grab her hand and pray for God’s protection and blessing over her.

Even if you only take a minute to pray together, that’s probably better than what you’re doing now. Granted, it would be much better if you could spend some serious prayer time together. But, you know something? If you wait until you can find some serious prayer time that you can have together, you’re probably never going to find time that you can pray together. However, if you start out small, you’ve got the opportunity for growth.

Your wife needs your prayers. The world in which we live is a dangerous one, especially for women. That few minutes of prayer in the morning might be the only thing that keeps your wife safe that day. Would you deny her that? No, not willingly, but you might do so by forgetting to pray.