Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Do Something!

You know guys, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Instead of doing what we know we should, all too often we don’t do anything, for fear of doing the wrong thing. I’m not talking about the biggies here; I’m talking about in our relationships with our wives.

It’s amazing how guys who act like they aren’t afraid of anything can be afraid of their wives. At times, we are so afraid of doing something that will offend her, or just that she won’t like, that we don’t do a thing. Now that really puts us in a place of doing something that she doesn’t like.

When I went through Officer Candidate School in the Army, they taught us, as a principle of leadership, that it’s better to do something, anything, than to do nothing. When you do nothing, it shows you are indecisive. When you do something, even if it ends up being the wrong thing, at least you are moving. It’s much easier to change the direction of something that’s moving than it is to change the direction of something that’s just sitting still.

We used to say, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.” Well, many men have just gotten out of the way. Okay, now it’s time to kick yourself in the seat of the pants and start becoming the loving leader you’re supposed to be.

So what if you make a wrong decision and find yourself going in the wrong direction; at least you’re moving, so you can change direction. As a leader, you need to set a direction and go with it. At the same time, you need to be open to accepting that you can make a mistake, and be wise enough to recognize it when it happens.

You need to become a leader in keeping your marriage strong as well. Don’t expect your wife to do everything necessary to keep your marriage together; you’re the leader, lead. You need to put whatever effort is necessary into keeping your marriage strong. 

There’s another way that this lack of decisiveness and lack of action really affects our marriages. Would you believe that many guys don’t do something romantic for their wives, because they aren’t sure how she’ll react to it? They don’t buy a dress that they think their wife will look fantastic in, because they aren’t sure of her size. Buy it; she can always exchange it if she has to. Or, they don’t buy some love related decoration for the bedroom, because they aren’t sure she’ll like it. Go ahead and buy it, she’ll like the fact that you bought it for her, even if she doesn’t like the decoration. Or, they won’t write a love note to the one they love, because they’re afraid it won’t sound poetic enough. No problem, even if you are the world’s worst writer, to her it will sound wonderful. Or, they don’t put on an apron and cook a special mean for her, because they aren’t sure they can cook something she’ll like. Go ahead and cook it, even if it turns out a disaster, she’ll appreciate that you made the effort. If it’s not fit to give to the dog, you can always order a pizza.

The point is that in romance, any action is better than no action. Maybe you’re not Cassenova, but don’t worry, she didn’t marry him, she married you. Oh yeah, she might talk like she expects you to be more romantic than that famous movie figure, but what she really wants is for you to be romantic in your own way.

Every man has to develop their own style of romance. Maybe there’s something that really doesn’t work for you. No problem, do something else. For that matter, maybe there’s something romantic that you try and do for your wife, but it doesn’t work for her. Once again, no problem, next time try something different. Each person is a unique individual, trying to apply cookie cutter answers, or cookie cutter romantic acts to everyone just won’t work.

No matter what, at least do something. Even if she doesn’t express it in so many words, she’ll notice it and appreciate it.

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