Monday, May 2, 2011

Give Her a Hand

You know, it seems like there are never enough hours in the day to do all that we need to do. I don’t care who you are or what you do, there’s always that small percentage of stuff that never seems to get done. It might be that they don’t really want to do that stuff, or it might just be that it doesn’t seem all that important, but somehow or other, there’s always that little bit that just keeps getting put off.

Marriage is a partnership. As such, both parties should be working towards what is best for them as a couple, not just what is best for each one individually. True success only happens when both partners are successful; even more so when both feel that they are successful.

Sometimes, this means sacrificing something that we want to do or feel that we need to do, in order to help our wife be successful in what she is doing. Remember, the goal is that we are successful as a couple, not just that you are successful as an individual. If not doing what you were going to do doesn’t affect your success negatively, but can help your wife be successful, isn’t that helping you as a couple?

This would have to be especially true where you have abilities that your wife doesn’t, or maybe doesn’t have as well. Take computers for example. While many women use computers, they don’t tend to be as geeky as their husbands. So, there are probably things that you could easily do on the computer, which may be a real struggle for her to do. If you leave her to deal with it on her own, are you really acting in love towards her?

My wife is a teacher. She used to be a teacher in the public school system, but now has her own small school, teaching English as a second language to Hispanics that have come to the United States. When she was teaching in the public schools, she had a reputation for being the “techie” in her department. What’s funny is that she really doesn’t understand technology at all; although she likes to take advantage of it in the classroom.

Her secret was her ace in the hole, she had her own techie to help her out, me. She’d come up with things she wanted to do in the classroom, but not have any idea of how to do them. So, she’d hand it off to me to figure out. Or, she’d call me from school and ask me how to get the computer to do what she wanted to do.

Even though I’ve always been busy, I’ve always made time to help her with these technical problems. That way, she was able to be more successful in what she did. All it cost me was a little bit of time, for which she got to be more successful in what she was doing.

Success or the perception of success is an important part of one’s self-esteem. When we feel successful, we are able to do more, reach out to help others and give more of ourselves. So, both you and your wife’s success in your work is an important part of maintaining a healthy marriage. One who doesn’t feel successful will always have a need to be “picked up” emotionally; draining energy that otherwise would be able to be used for more positive building of the marriage.

So, how’s your wife’s success rate in what she’s doing? Is there something you can do for her, to make her more successful? Or, is there some way that you are preventing her from being success? Make sure that your words and actions are having a positive effect on her ability to succeed.

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