Sunday, November 28, 2010

What to do With an Upset Woman

There’s more to being romantic than just giving gifts and saying nice words; although those are both very important parts of romance. Another important part of being romantic is helping her through those tough days when she isn’t feeling all that good emotionally. You know what I mean, all women have them from time to time; and we as guys usually live in fear of them.

However, we don’t really need to live in fear of those times when our wives are upset, depressed or overly touchy. What we need to do is learn how to deal with those days.

The first thing we need to understand is that our wives don’t always know why they are upset. I know that sounds a little crazy to you as a guy, but it’s true. There are days when the only place we can lay the blame for her not feeling well is on her hormones. As my son said, when he was eight, “Her moans, and her groans.” When a woman is in certain parts of her monthly cycle, it negatively affects her moods, and she doesn’t understand why, or what to do about it.

Day 42 – Okay, so let me give you three steps for dealing with your wife when she is upset. I must confess that this isn’t my idea, it was given to me by someone who has much more wisdom than I do; that is, God. Yep, He gave me this idea, and if there is anyone who knows about women, I figure He’s it.

Don’t even bother to ask her what’s wrong; if she’s able to answer you at all, it might not be the root of the problem. In other words, she might say that one of the kids did something that made her upset, but in reality all that child did was provide the trigger; the explosive was already wired and ready to blow. So, if that hadn’t been it, something else might have.

Step 1 – Hug her. A nice tight bear hug, but without squeezing her so tight she can’t breathe. There’s probably a good chance that she’ll say, “Don’t hug me now” or “Don’t touch me.” This is one of those times that it’s best not to listen to her words, this is medicine, and she needs it.

You have to understand, at times, your wife’s emotions are out of control. She’s not upset because she wants to be, she’s just upset. If it was up to her, she’d probably rather be happy. In a sense, she feels like a boat on the ocean during a storm, totally out of control. Your hug makes you an anchor for her, imparting security.

Step 2 – Tell her, “It’s okay.” Yeah, I know, how can you tell her it’s okay, when you don’t know what’s wrong? Don’t worry about it. Like I said, whatever she says is the problem probably isn’t the root problem. So, you don’t need to know what’s wrong, nor do you need to fix it. What she needs is some help with her problem. So, tell her “it’s okay” and leave it at that. Whatever it is, it will eventually be okay.

Step 3 – Pray for her. Specifically pray that God help her through the struggle she is in at the moment. I’ll guarantee you, He can help her much more than you can. Oh, and make sure you pray for her in a way that she can hear you do it. Silent prayers aren’t as effective in these cases.

There you have it, what us guys are always looking for, a plan. One other detail I’d like to mention. Get yourself a calendar and mark on it the beginning of every menstrual period your wife has. After a few months, you’ll be able to look at it and determine that she’s probably very regular, every 28 to 30 days. This will give you the ability to project into the future and know about when her next period is. The three or four days before that period are the emotionally dangerous ones. Be aware of them, and give your wife extra grace on those days. Don’t take to heart the things that she says, especially the negative ones. Especially use these three steps during that time.

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