Friday, December 10, 2010

What Attracts You to Her?

One of the conditions that is rampant in humanity is the lack of self-esteem. It seems that there are a few people in the earth who are burdened with an overly large ego, and think that they are God’s gift to mankind. All of the other 99 plus percent of the population is struggling to not drown in insecurity.

I guess what I’m saying here is that all of us need affirmation. One of the things we need the most from those around us is to be reminded regularly that we are important to them. Not only that, but we need to be reminded of why we are important to them.

Well, fortunately for us, that’s what romance is all about; showing our wives that they are special to us, through a myriad of little things. But, you know, sometimes it helps to just tell her.

Day 51 – Let me go back to the question that I used for today’s title. What is it that attracts you to your wife? Don’t tell me there’s nothing about her that attracts you; you married her, didn’t you? And don’t tell me that the things which attracted you to her enough to marry her are gone; they’re still there, even if you forgot to look at them.

One of the ways that you can affirm your wife is to tell her about those positive things that attract you to her. Be careful now, you want to think this out before you say anything. It is essential that you say these things in a way that there is nothing negative, nothing sarcastic, and nothing bitter hiding in what you say. You also want to make sure you say it in such a way that she can’t misunderstand you, and think that there is something negative hidden in what you say.

I remember a marriage counseling I had with a couple once. Both of them were carrying a lot of bitterness towards the other. As part of the session, I told them to take a few minutes to forgive each other for anything that they needed to. When I came back into the room, they had turned that forgiveness session into a way of attacking each other. Each and every thing they were saying was a stab in the back for something the other was or wasn’t doing, worded in a way to make it sound like they were “forgiving” each other. Obviously, we had to start over.

The poor example of this couple is why I want you to think out what you are going to say, and how you are going to say it. It won’t do any good at all if you try and say something positive about your wife, but do it in a way that she receives as negative; if you can’t come up with a way to say something clearly positive, it’s better not to mention it. Remember, this is about building her up.

An added benefit of this is that there are probably things that attract you to your wife, which she doesn’t even know, because you’ve never told her. Hearing of those things, from your lips, might encourage her to continue, or even increase in doing them. Ultimately, that will attract you to her more and bring your marriage closer together.

One last little detail… don’t concentrate on the physical. Yes, I know, it was probably the physical that originally attracted you to her. Since her body has probably changed since then, you might have trouble saying something in a way that can’t be misconstrued; and even if you can, women like to feel like they are appreciated for something besides their bodies. If that’s the only thing that is attracting you to her, you need some serious help; it’s time to look deeper than that. 

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